Friday, August 21, 2009

You're so busted, you don't even know.

Driving with a little person in the car requires certain adjustments from our perspective. He is only two but any of you who have been in proximity of a two year old are aware that you better read yourself your Miranda rights every time you are around them. Anything you say, can and will be repeated. And possibly used against you.

Example 1: Just before Little Man turned 2, he and I were driving home from school. I honked my horn to let another car back out of a blind driveway. As Pavlovian as can be, as soon as my son heard the horn, he said "MOVE ID-I-OT. "

Hmmmm. Idiot is not typically on my vocab list but it didn't take Indiana Jones to solve this mystery. I know which adult in our home may have honked a horn and said "Move idiot" a time or two on his commutes with our child.

I told our son that actually, when we honk the horn, we say HI FRIENDS. And this is what we practiced. The entire way home.

When I talked to JohnnyMac about it later, he confirmed the statement as being one that is none too nice from the mouth of a 20 month old but also asserted it could have been much, much worse. Oh goody, a social experiment in cross-canceling. Excellent work, DADDY.

When I told my BFF, MarciaGarcia, her response was identical to JohnnyMac's. It could have been worse. Philosophy from another person not afraid to say the F word.

And even now, honk that horn, our little man will be the first to say HI FRIENDS. My theory has worked beautifully. Until I forget. Employ a more salty word. And get reminded by my toddler of the proper word choice. Its coming. I know it is.

Example 2: A week ago, a police car and a fire truck passed us, sirens fully engaged. Our son told me he doesn't like that sound. I have explained before the purpose (in a general sense) of fire trucks and aid cars so he will not be afraid of them. When a second police car passed, the following occurred:

Him: I saw that policeman yesterday.
Me: You saw the police man or the police car?
Him: No, I saw that police man in that car. I talked to him.
Me: You saw him or you actually talked to him.
Him: I said hi to him but he talked to Daddy.
Me: Oh, I am ALL ears Little Man.
Him: He said hi to me and I told him I watch Jimmy Buffett. (on DVD, in Daddy's SUV)
Me: Oh, did you?
Him: Yes, while he talked to Daddy some more.

Later, I ask JohnnyMac if he got pulled over the day before. He looks at me with the slightest mixture of awe and WTF. He says, "Hmmm, yes."

Oh babe, your son narc'ed on you.

Excellent.

Let that serve as a lesson to both of us.

91 comments:

My name is PJ. said...

Oh, the neverending delight of "the wincemeat era"! Yes, yes - from 18 months til (it varies with every child) I'll say 25 years, you never know when or what they're going to blurt.

Thanks for the email and the heads up about the blogger comments function yesterday! I appreciate it. :)

the walking man said...

and this is why they are called daddy's girls and mommies boys.

Hey JohnnyM learn this word GADZOOKS!

Nora Johnson said...

Anything anyone says from now on in your household WILL be taken down in evidence & used against them! You have been warned!! Hope everyone's been fully mirandaized!

xxLola:)
PS thanks for stopping by & spending the day with us in Marbella - really love yr divine Hermes purchase!!

J.J. in L.A. said...

My (teen, at the time) sister was in the car with my dad when he got pulled over. The officer said he was speeding, he insisted he wasn't. My sister said, "Yeah, you were, dad." He got the ticket.

Jules said...

Really? Honk and say, "Hi Friends."? Wow. Cute....but reality?? I usually honk and say, "Are you a f*cking moron?" No, I don't honk that often. But when I do, it does sound like that.

AND I LOVE the tattling! I also love that your two year old is watching Jimmy Buffett in the car!!!

What a great daddy he has!! (and mommy - you're obviously balancing out the bad daddy stuff....)

Shop Girl* said...

Hahahah that's amazing!!! Now he can be your undercover spy...

Tammy Howard said...

Well, HI Friends! Is that accompanied by a special one finger wave?

Lee said...

What a great story! I always used the "Do NOT say what Mommy says" when my kids would repeat after me. (I cuss like a sailor!)

Momma Such said...

Gotta love kids and their innocence! My children even tell on themselves. I just love it! :)

Ju said...

Great. I love how kids can't hide the truth. Funny little man you got.

;D

Simone said...

"Hi Friends"?! I don't swear in the car but might have used the Idiot word once or twice....must count to 5 and remember that one.

Hilarious....love your blog!

Dustjacket Attic said...

Oh that is great ... so busted for sure! Out of the mouths of babes.
xox

The Savage said...

Ahhhhh.... from the mouths of babes. Lovely little wire taps aren't they?

La Belle Mere UK said...

I remember repeating all sorts of things that my mum said to me when I was little. Like telling my friends mum that her daughter was a "bad influence" on me (even though I didn't know what it meant) and telling my neighbours that my mum didn't know why they had to play that awful greek music EVERY time they had a bbq. My poor mother!

vanilla said...

I love that you have your own little "policeman" to keep tabs on you and DaddyMac.

Lauren said...

My daughter rats me out all the time! Once while out with daddy, she gave my husband a list of all the words she is not supposed to say...basically everything I have accidentally said in front of her that she then repeated! Hubs then lectured me on my potty mouth!

jen said...

Brilliant!

Gin said...

Oh I LOVE when my kids visit my relatives without me. I LEARN oh so much about their lives! It's the best!

confused homemaker said...

Kids always turn you in, they are such turncoats that way with their innocence & childlike honesty.

I am also surprised that idiot is all he picked up, we've had talks about much stronger language in the car than that at our house.

Mr. Charleston said...

You guys are so busted.
I find that suddenly I am surrounded by two-year-olds... three grandkids. I had forgotten how exponential kids are. You confine them to their car seat but their radius of influence spreads to wherever they can spit, throw, hurl or kick. Sort of like a moving miniature land fill.

The Peach Tart said...

Hi Friends - you are such a polite Southern Mom

Scrappy Girl said...

Oh it only gets worse...at the age of 6 Manga Dork told my SIL exactly how I felt about something stupid she had done...it was BAD!

Young Mom/Wife said...

That was to funny! I love how your son ratted out your husband. I have a feeling I am going to be the one who gets in trouble for things like this.

Chic Mama said...

Once again I am giggling away to myself and wondering why my life is so boring in comparison to yours....I mean I have five children and not one ever comes out with exciting quips. Maybe I'm just not listening properly.
My two year old did attempt to paint his toe nails today,pink, when I wasn't looking. I couldn't help but laugh at that. :0)

mikeg said...

Love it! The G woman got a speeding ticket the other day and my 10yr old gave me the play by play via blackberry instant message live at the scene of the crime...

Brandi said...

Brilliant! Yes, we have what we call the don't repeat "family business" conversation OFTEN. Just wait till he gets older ~ it gets better (and by better I mean worse). :P

Stacie said...

Okay, that was awesome about your son narc'ing (sp?) on your husband like that. How perfect.

I am currently trying to clean up my mouth for we have a parrot in our house, er, I mean a daughter.

New England Girl said...

What a funny story! Your son is hilarious. :) I love the fact that he totally tattled on JohnnyMac without even knowing it! :)

McVal said...

When I was in college, I took my 2 year old nephew with me to an event. As we're driving, he said, "Uh oh! Better slow down, there's a cop!"
I picked on my brother, but it must have been the mom. It sounded like her.

a H.I.T. said...

That is hysterical! I guess nothing is sacred when you have kids...especially if you are pulled over by the cops.

Baloney said...

He will keep you two honest! Too funny.

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

We're yet to have a road-related incident, but my oldest narcs on Daddy with predictable regularity.

Me: "What's taking your dad so long?"

Colin: "He's not really pooping, Mommy, he's playing BrickBreaker on his phone."

Taylor said...

HA! That's hilarious. Your son sounds pretty awesome :)

Marie Antionette said...

LOL...That was to cute and so true.Never ever say anything in front of a small child,Its never kept secret.XXOO Marie Antionette

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

The horn beeping in my car meant
"F**king lady"

Wasn't me that taught him that one.

ellen abbott said...

Oh yeah. When I'm out with the grandkids usually whatever it is I am saying is followed by...and don't you dare tell your father I said that!

sheila said...

OMG, that's frickin hysterical, lol!

And I so love the HI FRIEND. My husband is thee worst driver...he could lower his rage level if he used that line. :)

Samsmama said...

Hah! My son picked up the colorful phrase, "what a f***in a**hole" from his dad. I was beaming with pride.

Badass Geek said...

Busted!

Smart kid.

Ela said...

I laughed when I read "Hi Friends" so great, because I know I must make a ton of friends. Driving behind a 'friend' going 40 in a 60 zone makes me wish he/she was my bestie.

Then I read Example 2 - LOL, busted!!! I love it. Children say the bestest, yes I said bestest, things :)

Happy weekend!

La La La Leah said...

Oh good times, My son will be 2 next month.... we are having some of the same challenges in our house too.

Lisa said...

Too, too funny!

Vodka Logic said...

Love how kids keep you honest. My kids being much older have now learned some more colorful language. I do correct and scold if used improperly. lol...

Jeney said...

That is PRICELESS! a narc'ing two-year-old... :-)

Ever since all my friends have decided to get hitched and have children I've had to get creative with my language as well - "Poppycock!" and "God Bless It!" are my two favorites. :-)

Lola Lakely said...

Oh Jenny! This is awesome and so, so true. I have a 6 year old sister and I thought I was having a private conversation with my dad about a friend who found drugs in his car. And then all of a sudden she pipes up from the other room "What's a dimebag?"

Ugh, that was a fun explanation process! Nice post, funny and interesting as always!

Metropolitan Mum said...

When is the exact age kids start to understand the spoken word and let it slip out in inappropriate situations? I really have to start and control myself. And my husband!

Woah, Mama♥ said...

This was tooo Cute! OOOps for Daddy!!! Its just too funny to me when they start doing this! Nick (my son) tells on his Daddy all the time, Especially when Daddy gets road rage, then he will say, DADDY!!! You CAN'T say that!!! Thats a BAD word! If you say it again, You will get a SPANKIN'. Oh how I love my little grown up!!!

Intense Guy said...

LMAO.

So the little tyke is now NarcMac. Thanks for the laffs!

Hollyrocks said...

Hahaha! I have to agree with the Mr. and the BFF, I've heard of kids repeating much worse than "idiot". But yeah, it's still not something I'd want my 2 year old incorporating into their vocab.

And how funny that your man got narced on!

Pollyanna (formerly the Laughing Idiot) said...

Ha, ha! I've got a five and a three year old and NOTHING is sacred. Stinkles (3) told everyone at the daycare about her daddy and the police man recently. Fortunately, Hubby knows better and fessed up before Stinkles could bust him.

i am the diva said...

brilliant! your little dude is awesome!!

Kristina P. said...

That is hilarious! So busted!

4 Lettre Words said...

Wow...that is an awesome little boy! Love it.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

LOL out of the mouths of babes!

otherworldlyone said...

Hahahaha! I nearly died laughing at HI FRIENDS.

Yeah, it could be a lot worse. I have a horrible mouth and I'm always trying to control it around the kid. BUT...I get really bad road rage and one day we were weaving through traffic and she said, "MOVE ASSHOLE!" Which...obviously, is my road rage phrase of choice.

Sigh. Parenting.

Too funny about that ticket. Toddlers are the biggest narcs.

Hyla said...

LMAO!

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

Simply cracking up. I can just see you practicing honking and saying, "Hi friends!" all the way home.

and the policeman bit. too funny!!!!

lisleman said...

stopping by - thanks for sharing a comment over at mine.

Old story - My ex-wife shouts A-hole at some driver and our toddler says, "daddy's not in that car". Well she is my EX-wife now.

thanks

Pricilla said...

Wait 'til the lawyer gene kicks in and he learns to negotiate with his info.

heh heh

One Sassy Girl said...

No surprise that kid is as sharp as his mother. Poor JohnnyMac... doesn't stand a chance.

Lisa and Laura said...

Love it. My son stubbed his toe yesterday and yelled, "Ouch! That freakin hurt."

He's 4.

But I comfort myself with the fact that it could have been worse. Much, much worse.

Emily said...

Last year we were late to preschool and as I walked my son into the class he announced to not only his teachers but also our pastor and the preschool director (who happened to be in the room) that we were late because mommy had to stop and talk to a policeman.
Sometimes I wonder why I'm allow to have kids...I've said wayyy too many choice words around them! Yikes.

GD said...

Love, LOVE the blog! And thanks for you recent comment on PGALC-- I'll be following you now!


I mean that in a non-stalking kind of way.

Erin said...

Ahhh, the joys of having kids. Great stories.

JenJen said...

Damn My son rats out my husband all the time. And, my boy has a healthy case of the "mommy guilts" so he caves the second I circle around him. Mom? Dad let me watch (scooby doo, tom and jerry, spongebob...whatevs...). Sorry.
Love my boy.

Jen said...

I am constantly reminded to watch my mouth. I have very bad at it and it always comes back to bite me.

Mom in High Heels said...

Oh man, Indy is the worst for narcing. We were in a traffic jam when he was about 3 and he was irritated and told me to just go. I told him I couldn't because of all the cars in front of me. He heaved a huge sigh and said "well sh!t" I was so stunned. I actually laughed because he was so sincere. We had to really watch what we said for a long time because he repeated EVERYTHING. He used them in the proper context though, which M thought was important. Kids. They're awesome.

Dustjacket Attic said...

Oh of course JM, anytime.

Have a great weekend,
xoxo

icandy... said...

Oh, this is great!!! "Out of the mouths of babes"... those of us who have children can TOTALLY relate! Thanks very much for popping by my place today!
Hugs,
Christina!

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

I LOVE YOUR SON!!!!!

Too, too funny!

leigh said...

Children really are little mirrors, huh?
Whenever I clean the house my 4 year old asks me "Whose coming over?"

Thanks for stopping by earlier. Do stop by again, I'll be posting poems all week.

XO
Leigh

PS Isn't SITS the best?

Cocaine Princess said...

Oh my goodness your little lamb sounds too cute!!

HalfAsstic.com said...

Oh there ARE NO SECRETS any more. All I can say is "split level bedrooms". You do not want that kid close to you during the nights with the hubby.

jules said...

Ha ha ha. Hilarious! What a funny fellow to bust your husband that way!

Green-Eyed Momster said...

I really don't know why I ever taught our kids how to talk. Seriously!

As soon as I did, I had to teach them that they can't say some words that Mama says. Especially not:
F#ck or Sh!t

Having kids is tough!
Just wait until he starts driving!

Hugs!!

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

My 17 year old son still rats out his dad. The latest is on the advice dad is giving for "dating."

Jill Pilgrim said...

Hahahah:gasp:hahahaha

Awesome.

Amanda said...

Classic! Out of the mouths of babes indeed. I love it when my girls 'out' their Dad!

BoufMom9 said...

OMGosh! that is too darn funny! I just recently posted about my 2 year old who said the word "sh*t" to me and when i told her thatonly "big girls" can say those words, she promptyly told me she is a big girl now that she goes peepee on the potty. LOL
Gotta watch my mouth from now on :)

ps Thank you for stopping by today. Nice to meet you!

The Socialite said...

hehe this is such a cute little story! Your son is such smart little guy! :)

Alicia said...

hahaa! love it!! my kids do the same thing!! they're the first to rat me out!! even after i try bribing them with sweets and toys!!

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

Too funny! Kids will always tell on you!

Missy said...

They tell more as they get older!

Fishsticks and Fireflies said...

The moment I figured out that my kids were old enough (and verbally inclined enough) to narc-out their father actually beat-out the moment the epidural kicked-in during labor with my son. AWESOME!

zoo keeper said...

MOVE ID-I-OT. Love it!
ours is "stupid idiot"
you know, gotta stick with what works.
and tattle telling is one of the main reasons i reproduced with my husband.
Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest

Vivienne said...

I hate to be just another echo, but yes, it could have been much, much worse. I know this from my own mortifying experience.
(And a report from Grandma.)

Eve said...

our son (17 months old) is starting to copy things now too, though more sounds and vowels than actual words. Husband and I both have potty mouths and have been working on watching what we say.

But get in the car with Husband and it ALL goes down the drain. most of the ride goes with him saying something nasty to some other driver me saying "Watch what you say", and repeat. and repeat. and repeat.

I'm hoping that the first time Son does repeat his Daddy it might make Daddy realize he really should be watching his language more. :P

sarah m said...

This is classic...love it!

Orange Juice said...

ROTFLMAO SERIOUSLY!

You're so funny! And such a great writer.

PinkBow said...

aahhh, very cute!!

Amanda @ Bits and Pieces said...

Now THAT is hilarious!