Monday, August 3, 2009

Crotchety

Last Friday I went to the main floor of our building to drop off dozens of hand addressed invitations. I spied the Postman (because he was fully suited up including the postman cap) at the front desk. With no one else around except the receptionists, I smile at the Postman and say "Great timing. I have something for you."

To which he gruffly inquires, "Is it mail?"

Well. I am holding it in my hands. I am pretty certain he can see it. He is wearing full regalia as I mentioned so I have clearly not mistaken him for the dry cleaner, the barista at Starbucks, or my son's teacher. I realize he is sweating profusely so perhaps the heat index has melted the left portion of his parietal lobe and he is not fully capable of understanding spoken word. I simply smile even bigger in an attempt to be genuine and say, "Yes, it is."

Because, I am nice. AND because the postman that delivers to my house is the nicest man ever and gets showered with baked treats from my kitchen during holidays.

This man? Different story. He, apparently still dissatisfied. Ummm, Ashton Kutcher, no one is trying to Punk you. Unconvinced he says, "It better have stamps on it!"

Grumplestiltskin? It's not Halloween so I am positive you are the Postman because of your outfit. Therefore, it makes perfect sense to me that upon laying eyes on you that I would wish to give you my mail. Not my grocery list, not my Kindle, but my MAIL.

Further, it is not my first day interfacing with the United States Postal Service. I became aware of you in about, oh, third grade when I was formally educated in The Art of Writing Letters to Santa. Part of our training included the bit about all pieces of mail required proper postage. So yes, in fact, the mail I want you to take from me has postage.

Who gives the mailman something to carry in his pack with no affixed postage? I'm sure it happens but do people do this intentionally? Does anyone think the Postal System will pay your way? Of course not.

Now, in his defense, since the USPS has upped the ante on cost of postage more times in the past decade then previous decades combined, perhaps he meant "I would love to take that for you Miss, but let's make sure you applied the proper .44 stamp OK?"

But no. They have a place for people like you Mr. Crotchety Postman. It is a silver can and has a little green puppet living inside it. Run along. He misses you.

107 comments:

Metropolitan Mum said...

The Royal Mail (what a name, what an irony...) postman in m neighbourhood rings the bell when he has a package for you, only to run as fast as he can, i.e. faster than I am with baby on my arm 3 flights down. Or he doesn't even ring the bell but just slips the 'sorry you haven't been home' note through the door. I think it's a game they play.

PS: Word verification ARING. How funny is that?

Vodka Logic said...

Love it...and they wonder where the term "going postal" comes from.
xx

ladytruth said...

And that is why dogs are such great judges of character, always wanting to rip apart rude postmen with their mean attitudes and grumpy faces ;)

La Belle Mere UK said...

Oooooh That Girl Blogs was talking about her Kindle the other day. How do you get on it? Do I need one?

Oh and booo to grouchy mail man by the way!

J.J. in L.A. said...

This makes me appreciate our mailman even more! He knocks when he has a package for us instead of leaving it on the doorstep. He even brings in packages for me that UPS drops off (they toss it and take off).

mbkatc230 said...

Thanks alot, I just spit coffee out of my nose at 5 am! Thanks for the giggle to start my morning, I have a feeling I'm going to need it today. Kathy

blueviolet said...

Yeah, what IS up with his crankiness? And what does he care if there's no stamp on it? It would be the fault of the person that mailed it and not his problem.

Dustjacket Attic said...

Oh great picture of postie! Love the "interfacing" what a hoot. Hope he calmed down enough to take your mail.

xxx

Sunshinemeg said...

What a jerk! Someone doesn't like their job?

Tania @ Larger Family Life said...

You would let poor Oscar deal with the miserable postie? You're mean!

Tania (via SITS)

GreedyGirl said...

I hate when people are nasty in their job capacity, I mean i have to fake nice at my job all day why shouldn't other. Customer service just isn't what it used to or should be. *sigh*

www.greedygirlsguide.com just checking in from SITS

Givinya De Elba said...

Thanks for your comment at my place!

What was UP with the postie?

When I was at university, my Mum and I went to a Post Office together for something. The guy there had a similar attitude.

As we walked away, I wondered aloud what his problem was. Mum said, "Maybe he had a bad night last night. Maybe his wife told him he COULDN'T!"

That totally shocked the socks off me.

Heavenly Housewife said...

Grumplestilskin LOL, I'm going to use that one ;)

Gin said...

We have the best postman ever. He sits and talks and jokes with us when he delivers our mail. I love him. Our UPS man however, completely different story. He lived in the little trash can with the green man as well.

Matthew said...

Next time, maybe hand him a whole load of stamps to go with the letters and ask him sweetly if he wouldn't mind sticking them on because you didn't have time....?

I can see that going down a treat but his reaction should be worth it.

The Savage said...

Coincidentally .44 is also a caliber of bullet that is commonly used when one goes postal.... just saying

mo.stoneskin said...

What that chump needs is a slap. You should have slapped him. The majority of my life is spent dealing with such twerps. Fortunately I never have to deal with postmen.

Mommy Mac said...

Loved what The Savage just wrote. Love it.

He sounds "akin" to the secretaries at every elementary school that I have ever been employed.

Why is it that that small little
"44"er brings that much resentment to ones heart?

Perhaps we should pay more respect to the small square as it seems those in charge of the guy are quite protective of him.

.mac :)

otherworldlyone said...

I haven't had any problem out of the UPS delivery guy since he saw me naked that one time.

Just sayin'.

The Peach Tart said...

My postman has a grumpy attitude and never brings the mail before 5:30. That's just a hater.

Emily said...

Sorry, my postman has already taken up residency in there! ;)

SsstSonia said...

I forgot the last time when I've send a letter, but this mean "shame on me"...(maybe I'll send one these week to my grandmother)thank you!
kisses

Jules said...

I believe Mr. Postman was having a bad day. It would have been funny if you'd been like, "No. It's a great big STRAWBERRY SMOOTHIE! Enjoy!" And walked away after handing him one!

Wow. I think I might try that. Although my mailwoman is always on her phone when she drops off my mail....

lynn said...

Funny stuff! You have a great blog. Thanks for stopping by mine!

My husband was a mail carrier for about 8 years, actually Friday was his last day, they kind of eliminated his position. He was a rural carrier though so he didn't have to wear that ugly outfit!
And yes....there are people who try to get away without postage! I've heard stories of many tricks.

MsDarkstar said...

The Postal Carrier in my neighborhood will just leave packages that don't fit in the box sitting on the ground in front of the mailbox. Because, ya know, just because everyone can SEE this big, tempting box with goodies in it doesn't mean they'll STEAL IT. And it's somehow my fault if it rains and my box gets ruined ("thats why you get things insured", they say) I say "That's why you walk your happy ass up to my front porch, Oscar T. Grouch!"

Lisa said...

HOOT!!! Love this!

S Club Mama said...

And if you have improper postage, they either leave a little envelope for you or refuse delivery or have whoever you sent the mail to pay up.

I feel awful because I didn't realize stamps went up and, with the new baby, I had thank you notes to send out. I sent them with 42 cent stamps...all my addressees probably had to ante up 2 cents for a thank you note. oops. lol

McVal said...

Someday I'll tell you about my run-in with my former garbage man... Wow, talk about a crotchety mail man! He was probably have a really bad day.

Inna said...

The postman that comes to my building is a pirate. No, really, he looks like a pirate. He's a very nice pirate though, not somali-like, and he's always happy to take stamped mail away. I'd switch with you, but I think I'd miss the pirate.

Lauren said...

It was probably his get up making him grumpy! My postman, who is actually a woman, just gets to wear regular clothes.

The Laughing Idiot said...

I never see the mailman. There is just this mysterious person who puts mail in my box and occassionally on my front porch.

Reading your story made me think of Bill Engval's "Here's Your Sign" schtick. When the mailman said, "Is it mail?" You should have said, "Nope. I've perfected the art of making origami envelopes and thought I'd share. Here's your sign."

Little Ms J said...

Maybe he just got fired from TSA. They're all angry. And, not to make you jealous or anything, but my Fed Ex guy is not only happy, he's peppy. Like "I just had a Red Bull" peppy and "I cannot wait to deliver your package."

Although, the grumpy old assistant that is in charge of mail in our office typically rips through my packages and grills me about them.

What a grouch.

Badass Geek said...

I despise my local mail carrier. He is a jackhole.

Scrappy Girl said...

He must also work part time in the McD's drive thru...LOL...I think I have met him.

Kathy B! said...

He's probably in a snit because my four grumpy kids made it too crowded in the trashcan and forced him out.

Julie, Little One-of-a-Kind Design said...

so funny! i think his cousin delivers my mail.

confused homemaker said...

What a grouchy person working for the US gov't? You've got to be kidding me.

Our regular mailman is a party guy (hangs out on porches whatnot) then our usual fill-in is Boston Jay. Both are actually nice.

The Bug said...

We just moved to Smalltown, Ohio & so far we've had great experiences with our postal carriers. One of them even knocked on our door one day because he knew we had stopped the mail (we were leaving later that day), but he had some new checks we'd ordered & wondered if we'd like to go ahead & get them. Nice.

Our former experience wasn't so good - we would restart the mail after a trip & get stuff for a few days, then it would stop again. We had to go back to the P.O. THREE different times to get it fixed. What was up with that?

One Sassy Girl said...

This same crotchety spirit is appearing in my mother, but oddly only when the phone rings. At the first ring she says "well who the eff is that?", full grimace and exaggerated sigh. Checking the caller ID gets a grunt of exasperation, then there's a rough punching of the talk button and finally a "yeah." I've reassured her that this grouchy song and dance will probably result in no one calling... at all, ever.
Maybe I should just buy her a trash can ;)

MIra is triplet crown said...

Did I get one of the hand addressed invitations? Hmm? No one seems to have noticed that part of the story. Who's invited?

Grumpy people suck, except when it's me. Then it's excusable because I have triplets. Right?

Jay said...

What an a-hole! No wonder people go bonkers and shoot up post offices from time to time. Their co-workers drive them to it.

B.o.B. said...

Whoa. Be careful. He could go postal. Hahaha. I kill me.

Christina said...

Ummmmm.

So this is frikin' hilarious.

I deffinitly need more of this fabulous blog.

I may read every post today.

Whoa.

I may of been hooked by the Sesame Street reference.

I do love a good Sesame Street reference.

Christina

Lady Di said...

What I want to know is, how did you resist the urge to say all this to his face? OR when he said "it better have stamps" (or whatever the hell he said). You should have said, "Darn it, I don't have any. Could I have the ones that are shoved up your *@#...please?"

Tessa said...

hehhehe - well, I reckon you won the contest by not getting shirty with him but politely answering his inane questions. Yay for you!

This post reminds me of my younger daughter who will phone me up and tell me EXACTLY - word for word - what she said to her boss/friend/waitperson/shop assistant when he/she got unfairly grouchy with her about something or other. Her response to said person is invariably witty, reasonable and as sharp as a siletto and leaves the culprit at a loss for words and suitably chastened. But over time I've learned to ask her after she's finished telling me the tale whether she THOUGHT it or SAID it. Mostly she's thought it.

La La La Leah said...

I once got a letter in the mail from the USPS saying that my mail had been confiscated due to an internal investigation... YIKES. I got it back but it freaked me out... Instead of forwarding my letter on they sent it back to me and I re stamp it and sent it on... THANKS.

Then last year I sent a picture of my son to my Aunt who is old and does not have the internet or a computer and the mail ripped my card in half and sent it back to me... I would rather them send it on to my Aunt so she would not think I was a loser when I called and told her this story..... I think the USPS hates me...

Busy Bee Suz said...

WOW. What a piece of work he was. I just wish you could have said to his face all the silly stuff you just wrote here. I would pay to witness that conversation. ;)

Whimsical Creations said...

LOL, perfectly written!

What is up with the lack of courtesy and customer service? If they do not like their job find another one.

JMW said...

You feel like saying "Well, I'm new to planet Earth, so thanks for your insightful questions to help me learn this mail-the-letter process." Geez. Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting. You have a great blog!

Nina said...

Don't you love being graced with the kindness that some people can put out their. LOL....

My work goes through postal people like water. Some are nice, most not so much. Makes you wonder why they choose this job over another if they are so miserable.

Vivienne said...

What an asshat. (Him, not you...)

Constructive Attitude said...

i wonder if he was having a bad day or if hes always like that...

San Diego Momma said...

Maybe you should have told him you were mailing some stool samples to your doctor and to be careful because the envelope wasn't sealed all the way.

Nora Johnson said...

Grumplestiltskin! Wonderful... a word that's going to recur quite often from now on in blogs! Loved the postie pic too!

Hoping you had a wonderful weekend,

xxxLOL LOLA:)
btw you're most welcome to join the fun at our Awards party still going strong over at my place - copious champagne + gorgeous (male) company too... ! lol xx

Chief said...

I think this is why we use the term....going postal. However, it should refer to the way we react to a grumpy mail carrier

Southern Champagne Wishes said...

I'm actually surprised that you got that far into the conversation with him...it seems like every time I have to go to the Post Office I am lucky enough to be paired with the most unhelpful postal employees ever (they have bestowed an enormous favor upon me by allowing me to walk through those sliding glass doors, now why am I bothering them?).

Sandy said...

I hate it when I encounter people who are bitter about having to do their job, especially when that job is helping ME. Some people need to go back to bed for a really long time. That said, I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt and imagine that they must be going through something terrible in order to act that way.

That picture of Oscar the grouch reminds me that some people want to call my son Oscar that, which really bugs me, because he is NOT a grouch (as those of you who have seen picture of him can attest to). Sorry for the off-topic aside! Great post!

Lisa and Laura said...

Are you sure it wasn't Newman from Seinfeld? I still crack up when I think about the time where claimed that zip codes are nothing more than a random set of numbers created by the postal service to confuse customers. Awesome.

leigh anna said...

seriously....of all government agencies....the post office makes the most, and pays their employees quite well, so why on earth are these people so flipping hard to get along with?!?!

Laoch of Chicago said...

I guess this is a good example of why the postal service revenues have been plummeting.

Simply Mel said...

Would this be considered a small attempt at 'going postal'? What's up with all the grumpy government workers? They have it made!

Angie Ledbetter said...

el.oh.el. Please let me know when your Best Of book will be out!

4 Lettre Words said...

Ahhh...pooh. His loss.

We love our home-postman, too. And, he also gets freshly-baked yummies!

Jessica said...

Wow, I guess he was having a bad day. LOL!
Poor you.

Thanks for stopping by my blog today. :-)

The Townhouselady said...

Thanks so much for stopping by my blog today and leaving such a thoughtful comment.

I jumped on as a follower cause yoiu are hilarious!

Sunny said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog! :)

Isn't it just lovely when people are put out when you expect them to do their jobs?! How dare you, right?

Hyla said...

LMAO!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I used to work for a place that processed bulk mailings for businesses and folks.

Yes, people do expect for the post office to pay their way sometimes. And perhaps he was checking to see if it was stamped and not metered. Do you all have a service that takes care of your metered postage? That could have been the source of his questions.

i am playing outside said...

Americans have to put a stamp on their letter to Santa? LAME!

*5 points to Canada Post*

Brutalism said...

See? I used to have dreams about being a postal carrier (stay with me, here). Fresh air and exercise while you work your route, no hard-core brain power required and when you have put in your eight hours, you're done -- no work to go home with you.

However, after reading your story (and after dealing with our company carrier who can barely grunt in response to a "good afternoon" greeting from our receptionist), I'm guessing it is not all it is cracked up to be.

Alas...

The Boob Nazi said...

You should've said, "Oh no, sir, I don't have just mail for you. I have a great, big ol' package for you." You'd have to say it in a sultry voice. And it'd sound better if you were a man. Oh well.

Yankee Girl said...

The Boob Nazi totally has it right. I would have tried to make him feel as uncomfortable as possible! I have a hard time being nice when people are being rude or stupid.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Sounds like Mr. Mailman forgot his meds. Oh well, they can't all be winners.

Fishsticks and Fireflies said...

I wonder how long it would have taken him to recover had you said, "No, it's a request for a paternity test. Do you happen to recall a night last fall behind the sorting bins?"

It might not be such a bad thing if the USPS drops Saturday delivery . . . clearly their employees are a bit overwhelmed by their jobs.

Bee and Rose said...

Grumpelstiltskin...cackle giggle snort!

What a Jerkity McJerk Jerk! I'm with you...run along back to your brother, Oscar's, place...you sad, angry postal worker!

JenJen said...

Ha! Love it!

Lori said...

This was very funny, I loved it. Thank you for stopping by and leaving me a comment, I appreciate that greatly. How did you find me may I ask?

Have a great day!

Lori @whenwelisten

annechovie said...

Hilarious!

Lopez said...

He was probably upset about people in the building/apartments before who were waiting for their welfare checks (as i hear they literally sit out on the porches)...and gave him lip about it when it was not there, as if it is Mr. Postman's fault.

He shouldn't have taken it out on you...but i am guilty of snapping at others when I'm having a shitty day.

Nora Johnson said...

Hi Jennymac!
So glad you enjoyed the bash & hope you got to meet with George, Daniel and Clive before they got whisked off by some of our fellow blogpals (together with the champagne!!)

xxxLOL LOLA:)

my favorite and my best said...

ha! i thought i was the only one with the unfortunate luck of running into ramdom assholes.
clearly i am not. did you ask him to take the tampon out of his vagina and do his job?
thanks for stopping by my blog and posting comments. you are a funny lass and i will def be adding you to my short list.
j

Queenie Jeannie said...

I think it's a requirement to be grouchy if you want to work for ANY government agency! I'm pretty sure it's on the application...

Hugs!

f8hasit said...

Why is it that postmen shoot people? It SHOULD be US shooting the postmen!

Bah. I['ve got one just like yours, and no matter how nice I am, he seems to get worse.

No more holiday treats! Give him a book on customer relations instead!
Too funny!
Thanks for your post, as always...
:-)

Chrissy said...

Hello from Canada....thanks so much for coming by and leaving a nice comment...going to go have a poke around your blog!!All the best,Chrissy

Tanna said...

Maybe we'll see you on Punk'd next week!

Postal workers are hit or miss. The Davis Square office in Somerville is quite nice, and our postal carrier is super nice, if a bit clueless at times. Gives me some good ideas for blogging...

One cool thing to think about is that the USPS is one of the few places a woman can make MORE than men. That's right, there are only ~4 jobs the government tracks where, on average, women rake in more than their male counterparts. Not postal carriers, but postal workers at the counters.

♥Aubrey said...

I GAVE YOU AN AWARD. Check it out ♥

Sabrina said...

I have a revolving door of post people... They all seem pretty nice, but the one i like best of the Fabio look alike.

Aubrey said...

Ok, I don't know what I enjoyed more. Your post or all the great comments from your readers!

Good stuff! LOL

Irritable Mother said...

Seems like Crotchety may be an understatement.
Or maybe he's just going for a part in the next Grumpy Old Men flick?!
Either way, I'm sure a nice cookie (from Cookie Monster, you know, when Mr. Postman is back visiting Oscar) will brighten his attitude. *grin*
Thanks for stopping by my blog. It's nice to meet you!

Shop Girl* said...

Thanks for popping by my little blog--I've just spent the last while catching up on yours!

That's rather unfortunate that the Postman had such a sour disposition... I can only wonder what HE thought you might be handing him when he asked you if it was mail... haha

Suze said...

One time our old mailman dropped a letter on our lawn. I ran down to him (two houses down) and gave it to him. He told me he didn't drop it. WTF?

Slamdunk said...

Funny. When we lived in the city, we had regular experiences with less than friendly mail delivery folks. Since moving to a non-urban area a few years ago, the mail folks have been consistently the nicest people that we deal with--even up here in the North.

Kristin said...

This crappy economy has turned everyone into a bunch of Oscars I fear.

Cocaine Princess said...

Wonderfully written!

Green-Eyed Momster said...

"Grumplestiltskin? It's not Halloween so I am positive you are the Postman because of your outfit." Um yeah, some people just don't want to work and some people get out of bed grumpy!
I see it everyday. You should have said "Don't worry, it won't kill you to do your job!" You did the right thing. I hope your letter gets to where it's going on time!!

Hugs!!

Hilary said...

Too funny. Now I get the name of your blog. ;)

Jennifer Stumpf said...

maybe they'll close his post office. i saw on the news thousands of branches are getting the big K.O. soon. next time you can hand him the classifieds...

Judearoo said...

Perhaps his pointless grumpiness was a misguided attempt at wit..?

Yaya said...

When I'm faced with the crotcheties of life I try to take a step back and wonder if perhaps they are just having a bad day because of some issues going on in their life.

MommaKiss said...

While the story totally made me laugh, I have to tell you the nostalgia I'm experiencing...My dad's name was Oscar. Real name. His parents? What were they thinking? Anyway - we always called him Oscar the Grouch. Yep. Love the pic.

Live.Love.Eat said...

Yikes, people like that slay me!

So, thanks for coming by. I read your 1st post and then ending up perusing your entire blog. Love it! I couldn't help but notice - how did you go from no comments to over 80 in a NY second? Good for you!!!

imac said...

Hi Jenny Mac,
They say wake up with a smile and go to bed with a smile,
Well - Im going to bed with a smile - thanks.lol

Thanks for visiting my blog and your kind comments.

Stewart Mac. (imac)

Dee said...

Oh but didn't you know?

They are planning to close lots of post offices because people hardly send mail anymore. I mean seriously"hand addressed invitations"? Whatever were you thinking? The poor man probably last saw those 15 years ago.

And you know it's your fault too, you with your highfalutin internet. I bet you keep in touch with your friends via email, blogs:) and social networking sites identified by acronyms like SITS ;D.

Lisa said...

Your posts are so hilarious! Some postmen can be so strange and miserable!

stepfabulous said...

Like you, I tend to go overboard for the post lady who tends to my house. Until two weeks ago, when we had a sub, who delivered my NEW Armani sunglasses to the wrong house and now they can't be found ANYWHERE! I kinda lost it and it may be me who is the grouch for a while.

supah ~d said...

I don't know how but I can hear you reading that post.. lol


freaking hilarious.
d

sheila said...

hate going to our post office for this reason. There's a dude there who is ALWAYS the only one working the counter...he's so overwieght that it takes him literally 10 minutes to go get someones package from the back.

Never a smile, never a word other than a dep sigh that he has to be there.