Monday, August 24, 2009

Shot Drinker


Are you familiar with the expression "stating the obvious?"

I have never employed the phrase primarily because it is so cliche, and, well, you don't need to state the obvious.

However, yesterday while running at the river, an opportunity arose to employ this expression in the most suitable of ways.

Let me set the stage. A man whom I guess to be around 23 or 24 was running in front of me. Normally, I pay little attention to anything outside of my rockin' beats on the iPod. However, this young man had a shirt on emblazoned with Shot Drinker across the back. No verbiage on the front, just simply, a statement of clarification across the back for all the world to see.

To me, seeing a man in his young 20's wearing a shirt with the words shot drinker seemed as similar as me wearing a shirt indicating "I have brown hair". I wouldn't wear such a shirt, because I do not need to do I? Anyone who sees me would probably gloss over such a clear and evident detail. Let's not don attire that communicates glaringly obvious facts.

So Shot Drinker...I love your shirt. You drink shots, do you? I love that you wanted to share a fact that would have otherwise been a secret. Unless of course, I saw you at any one of the hundreds of bars in Atlanta, especially on a game day. Do you also have a shirt earmarked as "Tail Chaser?" I am sure you do. Folded up nicely in your drawer underneath your other shirts. You know the ones.

"Ball Scratcher"

"Direction Refuser"

and "I heart porn"

Good for you to help us understand just a speck more about you.
Oh, I am painting with the stereotype brush, I know. You are right.
Not every man scratches their balls
refuses directions

loves porn

likes shots.

But something tells me if you would wear such a pronouncement, its all hands on deck from the peanut gallery.

95 comments:

The Savage said...

Eh, amateurs....

My name is PJ. said...

Today I appreciate your humor even more than usual because, I am no longer easily amused by this sort of crap. He may as well have had "Asshole" emblazoned across his chest or maybe tattooed across his forehead in reverse, so we could see him approaching in the rearview mirror. Sheesh!

Your word verifications have been fascinating to me lately. Today's: undreti

The Peach Tart said...

I bet his Mama is so proud.

Tammy Howard said...

Trying to decide what statement of obviousity I could pronounce on the back of my shirt. Coming up blank - it's all too darn obvious to even be amusing.

Hit 40 said...

I have been calling the boys at school on the ball scratching. They will stand right in front of me and scratch them like nothing is wrong. I got sick of it!!!

My classroom is a no ball scratching zone. Enough!!! I don't scratch my boobs.

Shop Girl* said...

Ahhh yes. I love the self-promoting t-shirts... I like a man who just lays it out for the world to see.

I also like the female counterparts--I've seen girls in itty-bitty shirts with slogans like "I'm hot" or "I'm easy" (just in case we couldn't form such an opinion ourselves. It's quite thoughtful, really).

Lee said...

Love your dry humor. You are really my kind of gal.

Amanda said...

Beautifully observed as always JennyMac!

Nora Johnson said...

Here on the Costa del Sol, you see it all! Graphically embossed T-shirts, tattoos everywhere (and then some!)

Wouldn't be at all surprised sometime soon to come across some drunken lout with his forehead barcoded with his contact details in anticipation of his next comatose slump...

Have a great Monday!

xxLola:)

btw many thanks for inclusion in your Hall of Fame award list for book meme & tag! Apologies absolutely not needed!! xx

blueviolet said...

LOL, all hands on deck. Tell me what man doesn't fit that stereotype.

leigh said...

LOl..."Ballscratcher". You are too funny!
BTW, I've been honored with an award over at my little Blog. Part of the rules of this award is to invite 3 Bloggers that you respect over to admire it. So please, if you have a moment do stop by and check it out!

XO
Leigh

confused homemaker said...

I detest the shirts with those stating-the-obvious statements almost as much as I detest the ones that declare they are a bikini inspector.

otherworldlyone said...

Hahaha! I heart porn.

I have one that says Carolina Streaker.

Just sayin'.

I'm a 20 something. We wear retarded shirts. I'm getting it all out of my system now since I realize it will be even more unacceptable when I'm older.

Heavenly Housewife said...

Yeah, "bikini inspector", thats a classic. Still, I think a simple "dumb ass" would suffice, no?

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

Total "why bother" tee shirt.

Dustjacket Attic said...

Mmmm he's trying way to hard to prove ... what exactly!

Leann said...

Well...I agree with Heavenly Housewife:)

Thanks for stopping by The Old Parsonage!

I hope that you enjoyed your visit and will come back!

Leann

SabrinaT said...

I love the I heart porn!
Very funny!!

Joanne said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog! This is a really funny post. And quite accurate. The ball scratcher, direction refuser, and porn lover shirts would also be kind of spot on. No offense to all the guys out there, of course.

the walking man said...

When I drank, I never bragged about it. Yet I did so love watching the "shot drinker" try to keep up and enjoyed their (sound of a creaking door hinge) tip, tip ...tip ...tip...SLAM! face hitting the floor. Idiots.

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

When my husband and I were dating (he was 20 at the time, mind you) he had a T-shirt that said "Recreational Gynecologist."

Now, I'm not generally one to dictate what somebody wears ... but I SOOOO made him get rid of that one.

Mandy said...

Oh, I think I've seen that guy before too. I must have caught him on different days of the week though. Because here is what I saw him wearing:

"Me like beer."

"My fridge is empty. Just like my brain."

"Baby, there is no need to ask me if I like Supersize. I am Supersize" (yeah, in his big toe).

"I was the runner up to the dude who got that football scholarship."

"The last book I read was..... wait, I've never read a book...."

AND MY PERSONAL FAVE:

"Who's Your Daddy? My mom won't say."

B.o.B. said...

Intersting shirt. I think one that says "Ball licker" would work for the attack terrier.

Judy said...

I love visiting!! You always make me laugh. What a wonderful way to start my day. I was sitting at a stop sign over the weekend and happened to look over where a guy was cleaning out a flower bed, he stood up and guess what he did!! He didn't seem to care there were lots of cars around and people in those cars that could see him, then he bent over and started pulling weeds again. I had my laugh for the day.

Melissa B. said...

Or, perhaps, Bling Winner? I'm rawkin' your award this morning...Thanks!

Emily said...

so freakin' funny. My hubs needs the ball scratcher shirt. Seriously, wtf is up with not being about to keep their hands out of people's pants (theirs and others!)

Yankee Girl said...

It's funny becuase he thinks he is being funny, but most people would just roll their eyes when they see the dumb shirt.

Though in his defense, he is in his twenties, so really he's just keeping up with his crowd. Most twenty-something men (are they men yet?) are just as lame.

Glamour Girl said...

I can't stand guys like this! They might as well just replace whatever statement of the obvious they have on their shirt with - Douchebag!

La La La Leah said...

I think he left his hat with the fake mullet wig at home. =/ shame.

Lisa and Laura said...

This is the equivalent of me wearing a shirt with "Mommy" on the back while I'm wrangling my two kids wearing yoga pants with black circles underneath my eyes. Sexy.

Inge' said...

The problem is these men don't outgrow those type of t-shirts. I see 50-60 year old men wearing stupid stuff like that all the time at work. They are usually alone. Gee, wonder why they haven't figured out the only shirt they should own is the one with "Loser" on it?

Too Many Hats said...

Everyman could wear that ball scratcher shirt from birth to death - it never goes out of style :)

EmFabulousFunshine said...

THANK YOU for the blog award!!!!! I will repost accordingly and share with the world :) ps...shirt saying "tail chaser"...classic

Chic Mama said...

Too right...leaves nothing to the imagination. What a shame

Chief said...

So this is what I think...He doesn't own a car or a house so he has nothing to put all the vinyl lettering sh!t onto. the only thing he has is the shirt on his back.

Here's what I said a few months ago about labels in case you missed it.

http://ina9linebind.blogspot.com/2009/05/writing-on-wall.html

a H.I.T. said...

I'm laughing so hard you gave me hiccups.

Angie S said...

Ha! Ball scratcher. So funny & nasty! I'm so glad I don't have those to scratch.

Laughing as usual...you rock ;)

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Maybe it was laundry day and it was the only clean shirt in his drawer?
I have a shirt that says "Everybody loves a drunk girl." Oh wait, I think I donated it last week. It'll make some girl out there happy! Maybe, just maybe, this guy's girl!

Hugs!!

One Sassy Girl said...

He should carry the D-bag

Intense Guy said...

Hey now...

If the guy was umm.. only one ball... he might want a t-shirt that says, "Left Ball Scratcher" or "Right Ball Scratcher" depending on which... only if the remaining one doesn't sort of "migrate" to the center that is..

Little Ms J said...

Back in my single days I met a guy that had a Tshirt that said, "Mr. Right." It didn't hurt that he was hot. I walked right up to him and asked him what his qualifications were. We made out all night. Come to find out there was a Mrs. Right. Two months later I met the future Mr. J who sported a shirt that said, "Mr. Right Now." I was annoyed that he wore it in front of my dad when they first met, but came to realize it is not the shirt that makes the boy.

Now I wear it to bed.

Vivienne said...

Direction Refuser.
hahahahahahhaha!!!!!!

Jeney said...

Hehe... "Ball Scratcher" :-)

Love this post!

Pricilla said...

Perhaps he was trying to advertise for a job. Perhaps it is his ONLY skill.

You don't know what his mamma taught him now do you?

janis said...

Hilarious!
That is stating the obvious!

ladytruth said...

What's next? A fellow printing his name and address on his t-shirt with the phrase: "Please get me home in case I get lost." Heaven have mercy!

Lisa Anne said...

That's hilarious. I don't understand college kids these days!

Kristina P. said...

My husband doesn't drink at all. Maybe he should wear this shirt for irony.

Alicia said...

sweet goodness that's hilarious!i'd love to know what went through his head when he bought that top...like he really thought he hit the jackpot when he found that, didn't he??

Karyn Bernard (French Charming) said...

He should get a T-Shirt that reads
"Captain Obvious".

It is always such a pleasure to visit with you and thank you for always giving me such great giggles!

prashant said...

I love the self-promoting t-shirts... I like a man who just lays it out for the world to see.
Web hosting indi

New England Girl said...

What an absolutely ridiculous shirt. I'm surprised it didn't read "Shot Drinker: girlie variety" as I am sure this clown doesn't take anything beyond pink lemonade or other fruity concoctions.

Lauren said...

I just wonder what made him think that tshirt was worth the money he spent on it. Think of all the shots he could have consumed for the price of that obvious statement!

Stephanie Faris said...

"Ball scratcher"...don't give anyone any ideas!

There are just some things people don't need to know about you...and shot drinker is one of them. What gets me is these people wear it across their chests/backs as though they're PROUD of it. That's not something to boast about. We can ALL do it!

What about the official-looking T-shirts that proclaim men Bikini Inspectors? Real mature.

Youngblood4ever said...

What about "BJ's accepted here." Ya, totally stating the obvious! Love your ideas. You should copywrite them. You would make serious bucks because we all know there are dumbasses out there that would by them. Your running buddy- case in point.

Jenglamgirl said...

you forgot one and I APOLOGIZE but I am I AM GOING TO DO IT...........
I like Beaver!
ha ha ha!
like I said sorry!
But truthfully, you can pick those partying self absorbed womanizer's out in a crowd no prob. They certainly don't need a shirt stating the already obvious!

Intense Guy said...

I was sitting at lunch when this blog entry popped into my head and I recalled my Mom's car which had a bumper sticker that said, "Fight Prime Time - Read A Book"...

You can do the same with the t-shirts... (Click here for a t-shirt for the witty ones...)

Lisa said...

OK, you have to post a disclaimer on these posts. HOOT!

Lady Di said...

Did you run up and say, "Thanks Mr. Obvious if you didn't have that shirt on I would have NEVER pegged you as a "shot drinker"." I mean really he looks more like a straight up "water only" kind of guy to me.

Madame DeFarge said...

Maybe he is in fact a drinker who has been shot, rather than a consumer of shots. It may be a plea for gun control. Then again, maybe not. It was worth a try.

J.J. in L.A. said...

I have a baseball cap with "100% B!tch!" on it. I wore it to a family reunion picnic once and everyone was saying, "No, you're not!" My sibs burst out laughing. ; )

Beth Dunn said...

That's hysterical! xoxo

Shorty said...

You missed one shirt that was also in his drawer...

"Pup-tent maker"

Oh, I crack me up sometimes! Hopefully I got you to smile, too. Loved the post!

Kathy B! said...

You are good :)

I'm too tired to be any more profound than that today.

The Blonde Duck said...

You forgot Butt Scratcher shorts to accompany the Ball Scratcher T-shirt!

jennykate77 said...

I think most boys whether they would like to admit it or not, do most of those things you listed and could quite honestly done any of those shirts you mentioned.

I love your blog. You're funny. I'll be back. :)

Baloney said...

lol @ ball scratcher. should you decide to market these tees, my boys will need a children's medium, adult small, and for my main man an xxl.

AmyK said...

I'm not sure that these shirts with declarations serve any purpose other than to make the licensing holder more $$. They're happy I'm sure. I cringe at the maternity shirts that have the big arrow pointing down that says BABY. Really? I couldn't tell.

Jules said...

Can we please just smack that guy?

the southern hostess said...

Brilliant as usual.

HalfAsstic.com said...

Why can't they boast about true accomplishments? Something along the lines of "I do my very own laundry." or "I took out the trash without being asked, BEFORE it overflowed onto the floor.".
I guess I just ask too much from people.

BeautifulWreck said...

I just don't see the point of that shirt. At all. Maybe its a fashion statement! ( a bad one)

Ela said...

Silly boy, he should've stated what *kind* of shots...then maybe, stating the less obvious. Silly me, he's not prejudiced, he drinks all shots.
He might as well have said, "this shirt has no sleeves"....or "I have hair under my arms".

Riff Dog said...

Maybe he's involved with Mothers Against Drunk Driving and his shirt is a warning. You know, that he already shot one drinker. Was there a white stenciled dead guy at the bottom?

Leah Rubin said...

I guess his "Thumb Sucker" shirt was in the laundry. Assuming he does laundry.

Erin The Great said...

I wonder if he has 'said phrase' on an actual shot glass. I don't think i would put it past him. I bet he keeps it right to next to his 'Bottoms up' beer mug :)

jules said...

Yeah, thats totally the equivalent of us wearing an "I love shoes" shirt. Like, really?

Heather said...

Wow. Awesome. I wonder if he literally paid for that, or if his dumbass frat brother bought it for him.

Nyx said...

...at least it wasn't a mesh shirt? i find his 'good boy' haircut at odds with the 'bad boy' (snorting laughter here) shirt. and it's even got cutoff sleeves...so he can show his 'guns.'

...i, for one, am highly amused.

CCW said...

Am I the only one wondering what type of shot to which this just-a-wee-bit-too-tight-tee-shirt-with-no-sleeves-wearing fellow was referring? Was the rest of his body as hairless as those arms appear to be?

Hmmmmm.......Really? Just me, then?

Liam said...

I must keep this post in mind next time I buy a T-Shirt

Samantha said...

Haha, I just fell in love with your wit!

One of my husband's friends has a shirt that says, "I'm on a boat" and he wears it when he goes on his boat. I don't know what it is with men and their love for "stating the obvious" t-shirts.

stepfabulous said...

I bet you could so sell those shirts to Gadzooks or one of those places.......... I happen to remember the "Big Johnson" t-shirts that were the "big deal" back when I was a kid. Thank GOD I am a chick!

Unknown Mami said...

I prefer "Nut Scratcher" or "Beaver Lover". You know I love those beaver stories.

f8hasit said...

I sawa a fat guy the other day with a T-shirt that said, "I beat Anorexia".
I almost peed my pants.

Thanks for the blog award! I love it! It's my favorite in my trophy room!
:-)

sheila said...

lol, you're right! That's like a hooker wearing a shirt that say's 'I suck'.

Just Playing Pretend said...

I'm glad he announced it to the world on a tshirt. This is an important fact that the world must know.

Mama Kat said...

I'm just glad you took a picture of it. This post would be nothing without the picture.

How wonderful would it have been if you had just HAPPENED to have a bottle of tequila on you? Sorry. That was completely unrelated to this post.

Grand Pooba said...

Or like you wearing a shirt that says "I like cocktails"

Whimsical Creations said...

LMAO! Too funny!

Keri said...

mine says "toidy user"...
and i'm proud of it ;)

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

I bet he has a subwoofer in his car and plays his music really loud, too.

Brandy said...

hahahahaha

that is a twenty-something male for you.

Eva Gallant said...

Loved this post and the comments!

Uncle Colo said...

Easy with that stereotype brush. We don't all love shots.