Your pants are on fire.

Many years ago, pre JohnnyMac, I was driving in town when my cell phone rang. I picked it up, viewed the identity of the caller, and opted not to answer the phone. That night, that caller, a gentleman I was fraternizing with, let me know he had tried to call me earlier that day. I said I was sorry I missed his call but I was in a meeting at the time.

"Or, " he replied, "I was driving in Buckhead, directly behind you and saw you pick up the phone and put it down."

WOW. There is not a readily available list of retorts to that. Oh, except, that is what you get liar, liar, pants on fire.

This story recently came to mind when I saw this hilarious post on Facebook:

I have seen dozens of autocorrect postings but this one made me laugh out loud. That is what you get liar, liar, pants on fire. Sometimes it feels good to laugh at clear and obvious fails. Thankfully, my beforementioned situation can never be captured via video or phone and later posted on Facebook.

Its 80 degrees in Atlanta and we have a fun weekend planned. I hope you do too. Happy St. Pats and don't tell lies to anyone.

BFF

After my post last Monday where I sassed all over the place, I forgot to add one thing: Also on that list should be the brain trust who decided to make Hangover III. Now, I love a solid reflection on how the world would not be as fun or interesting if it weren't for some of the people who do things you would never do. But my friend and fellow blogger Vanilla commented how easy it is to live 'annoyed' and I get his message. We must laugh in the face of absurdity, try to fight injustice, but also be aware that if we are clacking away on our laptops, drinking fresh water, have a friend to talk to, have someone to love or can freely spend an evening watching cable television, we have it better than a majority of the world. So in my perusal of newspapers, I also saw this:

Cute family, yes? This is Julie Jones. And five beautiful kids. Kids who look not only beautiful but happy. And these kids are not Julie's. The Atkins kids lost their father two years ago and then lost their mother to cancer six months later. So Julie Jones, already a mother of three grown boys, opted to raise her best friends children. So first and foremost, no child should lose their parent. I am 40 and can't fathom what that day will be like when my parents are no longer alive. These kids ranged in age from 4 - 10 when their parents died. But the bigger picture is to see a picture of a happy family and the realization that all families are not made the same way. And this group found a way to move it forward. As a Mom, it hits me in all the right places the power and benevolence of people.

And our general happiness is very contingent upon who is central in our lives. So you already know your 2012 mantra should be "No Toxic People" and we all seem to know one or two. And another mantra should be to be as great of a friend as you can be. Maybe you wouldnt need your best friend to raise your child should there be a tragedy but it made me think not only as a Mom but because I am the best friend to a fabulous woman.

MarciaGarcia and I met in law school. We were a tight knit group of eight and operated inseparably during that very academic, very challenging and very fun investment of time and focus. And our friendship has changed and grown from nights were were drinking dollar pitchers of Keystone (don't mock) and dancing to 80s music (you know you love to do this) to raising children. Our philosophies on life compliment one another but doesn't always work in perfect synchronicity. We agree on certain things, we support one anothe regardless and we operate under a very open and honest way of communicating. And I am so lucky to not only have that type of friendship but recognize it. And when we were sipping Keystone Light out of pitchers (way to go, classy time) and bellowing out the lyrics to Electric Avenue, we could not have predicted the adventures ahead. Adventures that include amazing elements of fun (NYC Fashion Week) and life challenges that force you to grow. I admire her so much as a leader, a friend and a Mom at the same time that wise, witty, sarcastic friend I have had for 17 years. And if my son had to go and be raised by my best friend, I know he would be cherished and loved the same way we cherish and love him now. I know he would learn so much and have every opportunity to grow up to be an amazing man.

As we get older, it is very easy to make surface level friends. These are the equivalent to the "friend" in class you never talked to after the semester was over, or your post-college cocktail pals from work. Developing real friendships takes work but we all know some friendships are just much easier, more fun and more worthwhile than others. And I love to have a friend who can see me at best and worst, stood in my wedding, was there the day my son was born, is his Godmother and loves our child, cheers me on to run a half marathon, applauds me when I sing karaoke, reads my blog daily, shares ideas, shares recipes, shares fears, tears it up in New York, tears it up in Vegas (my word that trip was crazy fun), stay home and make a family dinner for our kids, shares advice, shares critique when needed, disagrees when needed, guides and responds. The deepest friendships are truly rare. I have learned so much from you MG and know that statement will ring true for decades to come. 

I hope you have amazing friendships in your life and that the people you love know exactly how you feel about them. 

From Chicago, enjoy your week.

JennyMac

Suck it up

Yesterday at the airport, I was sitting in the Sky Club reading email and applying one of my new favorite products:

Quick sidebar: Do you know this new tinted lip balm from Burt's Bees?  I love the long lasting lipsticks. However, I do think we are getting carried away with 24 hour lipstick, because really? Some of that is harder to remove than superglue. However, this lip balm is awesome, smooth AND has color. Perfection. I was not as familiar with their products until MiniMac was born and we received some of their amazing baby products. But recently,  a friend gave me a care package FULL of all sorts of Burt's Bees goodness. I am loving their Radiance body lotion with a little hint of sparkling reflection (think pretty sunlight when I say that, not Britney Spears covered in glitter.) If you thought Burt's Bees only covered babies, revisit.  No, I am not being endorsed. Just like I raved about the Cuisinart Immersion Blender which is a must have, I like sharing great product info.

NOW, back to my story. I love, love, love conversations I hear at the airport. I am sure they would be entertaining in many other venues but since I spend a lot of time in the airport these days, this is the source. A handsome elderly couple was seated next to me. I guess their ages to be late 70s to early 80s but oh how they are spry! She is concerned about the length of the flight. He explains the flight to NYC is only 2 hours. She responds she is concerned for their flight to Australia, not New York.

He picks up her hand, kisses it and says, Babe (yes, he called her babe in such a sweet, young Robert Redford kind of way.) But he says, in a kind but stern voice, "Babe, I am taking you to Australia for one month because that was your dream. (slight pause) As for the long flight, suck it up."

And she laughed and smiled at him.

Me: You two are awesome!

Him (to us both): Sometimes you just have to suck it up.

I asked him how long they have been married: 62 years. WOW. I loved this charming elderly couple, still  in love, still kissing hands, still traveling, still making jokes, and still being real. Yes, sometimes you just have to suck it up. Thanks for the perspective, Mr.

Stop: Hammer Time

I read an article yesterday that a woman in South Wales received a fine for littering when a thread from her glove fell onto the sidewalk. Oh no, you read that correctly. A thread from her glove fell on the sidewalk unbeknownst to her and in turn she received a fine of 75 pounds. She asked if the surly officer meant to take that much money off a pensioner, and he told her to take it to court. Well, this is almost too crazy to be true...except it is true. So you take your littering quite serious, don't you sir? And while I certainly don't think you should pick on a sweet elderly bird, I think your demanding nature, high standards and strict level of detail could prove beneficial. Therefore I am quite certain I need to invite you, and all your surly bastard persona, to the United States to do some serious OVERHAUL on the sea of idiots committing the following (and I must say far more serious) violations:

For example: 

People who are still yapping away on their cellphone while driving. Hands-free, ding-dongs, hands-free. I am sure you can buy a headset for about $1 on eBay.

People who respond to email in a terse or sarcastic fashion demanding answers that are written in the VERY email they obviously didn't read.

People on who confuse "dance floor" with "an area to dry hump one another like feral animals with musical accompaniment".

People who get a charge out of being rude to the waitstaff.

People who say they are vegetarian while eating scrambled eggs.

Women who refer to themselves as "cougars."

People at the gym who pour sweat on the machines but are clearly TOO exhausted to wipe it down when they are done.

Girls who still insist on displaying their thong underwear outside of their pants.

Men over the age of 21 who refer to other men as "Bra".

People who like to debate facts of which they have not a clue what they are talking about. If you find yourself up against this person, and we all do, I have three words for you: University of Google. Look it up on your smartphone mid-argument and show it them. Try not to laugh when you do it.

People who leave hideous "anonymous" comments all over YouTube video posts. Even video posts of like sweet little church choirs. Really?

People who start sentences with "Don't tell anyone I told you this" not because they are gossiping but because they really don't think you KNOW they have multiple other conversations with other people that started the same way.

People who disregard the "No Cell Phone Use" signs in the Doctor office or Court.

People who air very personal (and never positive) information on Facebook. Let's all look at it this way: Facebook is a bulletin board NOT a personal diary. 

People who claim they "never eat processed food" as they are eating non-organic, non hand-crafted store bought crackers. Is there a Keebler Elf in your kitchen making that for you? Another great scenario for University of Google. My suggestion of a search: Is it processed food when it contains 30 ingredients and I didn't make it in my kitchen with a trusty Keebler Elf by my side.

Our neighbor who bought a muscle car with some kind of exhaust system on it so you can hear it from 5 miles away like Huggy Bear or Starsky and Hutch. I empathize with your mid-life crisis but where in the ______ are you going every day at 3 or 4 in the morning??? And don't you have a job? You come and go about 20 times per day.

People who don't tip the bartender.

People who use the word "retard" to mean any thing other than to hinder or impede.

People who use the word "gay" to mean any thing other than merry or lively.

Whew, that was unfortunately all too easy. I know none of you do this so hopefully you have an entire week that is idiot-free.

Take A Bite Of: Momcatt's Banana Bread

Since I fattened you up last week with the trifecta o' goodness in the form of chocolate + cake + alcohol, I am counterbalancing that today. This is my Mom's recipe and it is incredible. Ironically, I love bananas and do not like anything flavored with bananas. Banana Pudding? No. Banana Bread Pudding? No thank you. Bananas Foster? I'll pass. Banana Cream Pie? The only thing worse than pie crust is pie crust full of creamed bananas.

BUT, I am changing my tune today. MiniMac helped me make this fantastic recipe I got from my Mom. And now I want to share it with you. Its 50 degrees here, which is rather on the chilly side to us Georgia Peaches, so why not stay in the house baking? There is no better option for this afternoon. Now, I modified this ever so slightly. And I have just eaten two pieces so clearly, I have come around on the bananas + other foods equation.

And it can't be all recipes my friends, the regularly scheduled blog posts return this week.

From my kitchen (and my Mom's) to yours, enjoy every bite.

Momcatt's Banana Bread
Ingredients:
1 cup sugar
1/3 cup butter, softened
2 eggs
1-1/2 cup mashed ripe bananas (3-4 medium)
1/3 cup sour cream
1-2/3 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/2  cup chopped nuts (optional)
*I added 1 tsp of cinnamon, 1 tsp of ginger and 1 tsp of cardamom.)


Directions:
Heat oven 350
Grease bottom only of loaf pan (she uses parchment paper and I use silicone loaf pans.)
Cream sugar and butter
Stir in eggs until blended.  (I use room temp eggs also.)
Add bananas and sour cream; beat 30 seconds
Stir in remaining ingredients except nuts just until moistened.  Stir in nuts. (This is optional and I shall never place a nut in a baked good so I skipped this.)
Pour into pan
Bake until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean.  (9" loaf pan 55-60 minutes. 8 " pan about 1-1/4 hour)
Cool 5 minutes, loosen sides of loaf from pan
Remove from pan. and cool completely before slicing.

Take A Bite Of: Chocolate Guinness Cupcakes

Oh, its been a week since I posted. Lets not talk about work but instead, lets talk about some chocolate sensation for your mouth. 

Since St. Pats is just around the corner, I know you need a little Irish Magic. And if you are going to make delicious chocolate cupcakes, you might as well make the BEST delicious chocolate cupcakes.   And if you need a little treat to take to the St. Patty's Day party, let these be your honored guest.

A friend recently asked how I learned to cook & bake. Practice. I have come a long way since I burned french toast so badly there remained a charred outline of bread  in the pan. Or when I served a boy dinner comprised of kool aid and popcorn ( I was young and I think in retrospect he was there for teenage make out party and NOT coq au vin). My very first "real" dinner was for a guy in grad school. I remember clearly ruminating over the recipe with my gal pals ShaNaNa and MarciaGarcia as we sipped cocktails one afternoon. Making dinner for someone seemed like such a big step. I made a cracked pepper linguine. And it was, in a word, inedible. I didnt know you do NOT substitute one tablespoon of cracked pepper for ground pepper. He was a good sport and tried not to gag when he worked over that first bite. At least I had bread to serve, until I caught it on fire putting it too close to the broiler. Lesson learned, and how. I didnt get serious about cooking until years later. And now, I love it, am much better, and more creative. All you need is a little time, great recipes or creativity, and the willingness to be able to dump something in the garbage if it just doesn't work out. 

Now, lets get back to the chocolatey goodness. From my kitchen to yours, enjoy every bite.

Chocolate Guinness Cupcakes 

Ingredients: 
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa, plus more for dusting finished cupcakes
2 cups sugar
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
Pinch fine salt
1 12 oz bottle Guinness
1 stick butter, melted
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
3 large eggs
3/4 cup sour cream 

Frosting:
1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened at room temperature
3/4 to 1 cup heavy cream
1 (1-pound) box confectioners' sugar 

Directions: 
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
In a large mixing bowl, whisk together the cocoa, sugar, flour, baking soda, and salt.
In another medium mixing bowl, combine the stout, melted butter, and vanilla. Beat in eggs, 1 at time. Mix in sour cream until thoroughly combined and smooth. Gradually mix the dry ingredients into the wet mixture.

Lightly grease or use paper liners in 24 muffin tins. Divide the batter equally between muffin tins, filling each 3/4 full. Bake for about 12 minutes and then rotate the pans. Bake another 12 to 13 minutes until risen, nicely domed, and set in the middle but still soft and tender. Cool before turning out. 

To make the icing: 
In a medium bowl with a hand mixer, beat the cream cheese on medium speed until light and fluffy. Gradually beat in the heavy cream. On low speed, slowly mix in the confectioners' sugar until incorporated and smooth. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate until ready to use. Icing can be made several hours ahead and kept covered and chilled.

Top each cupcake with a heap of frosting and dust with cocoa. You can also use non-flavored green food coloring to make the icing green. Now, go pinch someone.

Take A Bite Of: The easiest and best salad you will ever eat

While I earnestly ply you with all kinds of delicious and decadent baked goods, I am an avid healthy eater the majority of the time. My go to salad is one of the easiest (and best) salads you can make. I eat this or some variation at least 3x a week. I also make all my own vinaigrettes which are also super easy and super healthy.  From my kitchen to yours, enjoy every bite.

Spinach and Butter Lettuce Salad with Champagne Vinaigrette:

2 - 3 cups baby spinach leaves
1 cup butter lettuce torn
1/4 cup dried cranberries
sprinkle of goat cheese
pistachios or crushed almonds

Lately I have been using the Blue Diamond spicy almonds, placed first in a sandwich bag and crushed with a back of a spoon. This salad combines a little creamy from the goat cheese, with a sweet from the cranberries and a popping crunch from the nuts. Add an easy vinaigrette and you have a great lunch.

Champagne Vinaigrette (with no olive oil)
2 - 3 T honey mustard
1-2 T champagne vinegar*
1/4 tsp black pepper
1 shake of dried oregano

Place all ingredients in bowl and whisk. Added bonus: It takes less than 2 minutes to make this dressing.

You can easily use different types of mustard, flavored vinegars like red wine, white wine, balsamic, and I have also used lemon juice, lime juice, orange juice, mango juice (in small quantities) to flavor. When I want a little olive oil, I use an amazing blood orange or raspberry olive oil for another layer of flavor. And when I want to add a kick, I use the adobo sauce in the can of chipotle peppers. Enjoy and Happy Saturday.

Also, because I just love to pimp Costco, you can buy organic baby spinach and butter lettuce in a completely manageable size for about $5 per carton.