Thursday, August 13, 2009

Oh Princess

I set up a friend of mine with a woman I know. Not a woman I know well but know enough to think it would be a wise idea. Oh. poor. fool. am. I.

He is a rugged All-American dream, and she, straight out of a fashion magazine. Both are successful, intelligent and engaging. Why not? Some of my other pairings have ended in matrimony (which was intriguing to her I will add.)

Over a group outing, he asked her if she would be interested in meeting him at the park on Saturday. A typical outing for him and his frisbee-loving Lab. She, holding her martini, flashed her laquered red nails at him and said in a voice like Cruella,

"You can't be serious. Do these nails look like they like to go to the park and play frisbee?"

I believe I may have heard the proverbial cricket chirp in the deafening silence that followed.

He excused himself, being a proper gentleman. Later after he paid his tab, said to me in a quiet voice, "I think I'll pass."

Win some, lose some as the addage goes. So she doesn't like the park, I thought. So what? At least she isn't pretending the park is the most incredible way to spend a Saturday until a year into their relationship and she comes clean, right?

Could she have modified that tone though, and sounded a touch less bitchtastic? But of course. Perhaps she was employing an odd sense of humor. I doubted it but thought no harm, no foul.

Until I got an email from her stating she can't believe my friend didn't call her, and he must be just another arsehole.

Areyouserious?

And I thought, hmm.....someone is definitively an ass, yes, but I am fairly confident it is not him.

Lesson learned: Screen a bit better next time. And maybe just maybe check the talons before playing matchmaker.

115 comments:

Media Junkie said...

lol - that was a rather interesting hook-up.

so did you ever tell her the real reason why he never called?

Simone said...

Very entertaining, your blog is great :)

lov said...

i can't believe that she actually was looking for a call! that cracks me up!!!

Laoch of Chicago said...

Matchmaking is much too fraught with peril. If the couple does get together they will never forget that you are the one who set them up. Even decades later when they are divorcing!

ladytruth said...

Sounds like she has a bit of a rhinoceros-skin going there with the whole tough interior which means you can only take her seriously after you've had a few stiff ones that evening. Not for the faint-hearted and definitely not for a gentleman like your friend. NEXT!

Tania @ Larger Family Life said...

I'm sure she'll meet her match one day!

Matthew said...

$10 says he meets someone before she does?

mbkatc230 said...

I believe that you said she was intelligent? As my dear grandma used to say, common sense is not so common anymore! I bet the look on your face was priceless. Funny story, matchmaking is definitely not for the faint of heart. Kathy

GreedyGirl said...

Hi www.greedygirlsguide.com checking in from SITS

Hooking folks up is always hard to do, but at least you tried. Like you said you win some you lose some

My name is PJ. said...

I was envisioning an early Bette Davis movie there for a moment! I'm thinking he's not going to trust you to fix him up again. :) Matchmaking is fun, isn't it?

Sunshinemeg said...

Oh boy, screening is right.

La Belle Mere UK said...

Perhaps she thought she was coming across all aloof and sophisticated n that.

She's probably read "Why Men Love Bitches" and thought it'd make him head over heels for her!

Duh.

LBM xxx

the walking man said...

I'll meet your high maintenance woman friend...but do I have to put my denture in when I do?

J.J. in L.A. said...

I tried setting up a college friend's brother with my cousin. She was such a bitch to him that we became friends. 23 years later, we're still best buds and she's living with a controling freakshow.

What goes around, comes around...

Dustjacket Attic said...

Oh gosh, she doesn't see that she froze him at twenty paces!!
xxx

Shop Girl* said...

Ohhh I did this once to my triathlon loving lawyer brother. I knew a girl whom I thought would fit because she was also educated and loved to run...

...but she was just a bridezilla waiting to happen. I pity her future groom.

The Peach Tart said...

She is certainly too high maintenance and doesn't even realize it. A very unappealing quality.

Summer @ B is for Brown said...

oy. well, he did have the right idea. yes, maybe she thought she was being funny but no matter how you phrase that, it still comes off being snooty.

MadMad said...

Oooooh, did you tell her, though? Then again... it's probably for the best. As someone already pointed out, better he find out sooner rather than later that she doesn't play frisbee in the park, right?

darsden said...

LOL oh my...!

pssst sssh Imma single too ;-)

June Freaking Cleaver said...

I'm sure Frisbee isn't the only thing she doesn't do...

Add your friend to that list.

Jenny @ Words on Wendhurst said...

I feel bad for your rugged all-American friend. But it sounds like he was too good for her anyways! And I totally hear you on the matchmaking... it's a hobby of mine... :-)

vanilla said...

Always check the nails.

Rebel Mother said...

Oh dear God! A woman who thinks more of her nails than a stroll in the park!

They sounded well-matched in theory though...

They say a mans best friend is his dog - you gotta love the dog!

RMxx

sheila said...

OUCH to him! Either he doesn't get her sense of humor or she needs to work on hers, lol.

I'd pass to if I were him

Jules said...

Gee, wonder why she hasn't found someone yet....

(and my word verification is fedeho - yeah, sound that out...)

Heavenly Housewife said...

Some people are just so up themselves. We all know a few of those, im sure.

Nora Johnson said...

Hi JennyMac!
Just stopped by to say have left a little something for you on my site.

Great post as always!

Have a wonderful day & see you again soon!

xxxLOL LOLA:

Shorty said...

Thanks for making me laugh out loud this morning and smile at someone else's expense... matchmaking is such a hard thing, especially when you're only trying to help! I feel bad for those single ones out there.... I don't envy their status. Dating has got to be one of the single hardest things I've ever done in life, and I've promised myself if I'm ever single again I won't "play the field." I haven't mapped out what exactly I would do b/c I'm just banking on my marriage being an eternal one!

The imPerfect Houswife said...

Yep, that was bitchtastic! Are you beyond hilarious or what!!??? Tell it like it is, sister - I love it here!

...Mrs. Southern Bride... said...

Wow, talk about rude, lol!

Yankee Girl said...

Wow! I cannot believe some people! Maybe you should tell her the reason he never called...

I used to have no problem setting people up. I was actually pretty good at it, until I noticed that most of the relationships would last for about 6 months and then end. And now I have a ton of friends who refuse to be in the same room with each other. Now all of my friends know that I am not a brothel mom and they need to find it elsewhere.

Inna said...

This is why I'm always terrified to be matchmaker. I have no bitch radar. :)

Slamdunk said...

Perhaps next time, employing a battery of tests that would measure compatibility in terms of 29 different factors would be feasible?

confused homemaker said...

Obviously he was in the wrong, I mean come on she has nails;)

ellen abbott said...

Your first clue should have been rugged vs fashion magazine.

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Ever since I tried to set my best friend up with a man who, a couple of years afterward, would go to prison on a MURDER charge ... I don't really get into the whole matchmaking thing.

Y'know.

Badass Geek said...

Yeah, I would have passed, too.

Southern Champagne Wishes said...

Oh no! How terrible! This guy sounds great and she just didn't see it. Wish I lived near you (I love men who love their dogs! So sweet!).

Just noticed the photo on your header. You look gorgeous - love the red dress!

a H.I.T. said...

Poor guy!

B.o.B. said...

How far are you from Florida? Send him my way. Beggars can't be choosers as they say.

She should work on her manners.

MommaKiss said...

Bitchtastic.
Talons.
Just what I needed today. seriously. Thank you. And yes, the guy is better off by passing.

Metropolitan Mum said...

This is hilarius. She can't have been serious. She must have attempted a joke.

Vodka Logic said...

Yikes, she sounds horrible and high maintance good thing he got out early.

xx

Sassy Chica said...

awe, poor guy! Kuddos to him though...he did not sink to her level and give her a piece of his mind.

So refreshing to know there are still gentleman out there!

Smooches,
Sassy Chica

(stopping by from sits)

Stereos and Souffles said...

I have a feeling she's gonna be single for a long, long time.

La La La Leah said...

I agree with you, better to find out now that she does not like the park now instead of a year into it. However she could have been A LOT nicer in saying that she does not like the park. He does sound like a great guy I am sure he does not need help in the dating department.

xoxoxo,
Leah

The Toll House Cookie said...

Sounds to me as if she didn't realize that this was a fix-up and she was being "checked out" by Mr. All American. He sounds down to earth...she seems superficial. I'm just surprised she didn't just say she'll come and watch. She obviously wasn't into him.

Katie said...

thanks for stopping by my blog :) I realized the bird thing made me look kind of crazy...and I'm.Not.I.Swear.

ha.


cute blog! thanks for finding me.

xo
k

New England Girl said...

Wow! A little too harsh for me... A day in the park sounds perfect, but I can understand it isn't her cup of tea! :)

Better luck next time for him. ;)

Maisy said...

I wish there were guys like that around here!

anna said...

haha definitely bitchtastic. too funny!!

Deboshree said...

Hahaha..that was hilarious!
Do be more careful the next time...the woman is definitely bitchtastic!

Cheers
Deboshree

Taylor said...

Well, at least you tried. Did you point out to her that she was the one that turned him down? Ha.

Lisa said...

too too funny

Elise said...

Hello, absolutely loving your blog and wanted to leave a comment to say so.

Your pics are brilliant and I love your writing - I'm learning so much already !

I will be back, thanks so much for sharing - very generous !!!

Little Ms Blogger said...

I really loved the fact that she hadn't a clue her 'nail' comment was a bit over-the-top.

I'm thinking she may be a woman with a lot of first dates, but not many relationships.

Bev said...

Ha! Not surprising that this pairing didn't work out, but what's surprising is that she didn't realize that they weren't compatible. We women are so weird, sometimes.

Mira is triplet crown said...

Makes me wonder how many of my jokes went over like a ton of bricks. Sarcasm isn't everyone's bag. But you overheard her right? You would have known if she was joking.

We all wonder why we're rejected even if we want to reject the person in kind. It's just human to want to know why we're still alone. Denial is not too helpful in this case. You just never learn.

otherworldlyone said...

So uh, this successful, rugged all-american, intelligent guy with the lab and the frisbee...still available? Have a twin? Can you clone him and overnight him?

Lisa Anne said...

And that is why I don't ever fix my friends up on blind dates. lol I don't want to be caught in the middle. I just watch the movie he just not into, or whateer it is called and it was pretty good. Have you seen it?

Eclipsed said...

Matchmaking is definitely not for the faint of heart. At least they found out from the get go that it wasn't going to work. Makes it easier for you down the road.

Shimmy Shimmy said...

Your profile picture with the white sofa grabbed my attention. This is my first time on your blog and I'm sure I will be back to read more of your post's. Your a great writer and very funny! Stopping by from sits!

Kristen said...

Wow. I think I would repulse her. With my unpainted nails and all. But Mr. Rugged sounds delish. He is damn sexy hot in my mind. Sigh.

Miss M said...

Sounds like she is missing out! Frisbee with a pooch is super fun, and coming from a princess, it won't mess up a manicure... hair? maybe :)

rebecca said...

Hm? Interesting. I'm still wondering why she was concerned/hurt he didn't call. Was she kidding around maybe?

Legallyblondemel said...

Whoa. I prefer to keep my high-maintenance ways more low-profile until at least the second date.

I kid, I kid . . . if that lady is truly as bitchtastic as she sounds, thank goodness she got it out there before your friend wasted time on her. Good on you for trying, at least!

sarah m said...

That is too funny!! You are the best story-teller.

EmFabulousFunshine said...

playing matchmaker is hard stuff. i've tried setting up a coworker 3 times now...and she wonders why it doesn't work. i don't think it's my friends....

i am the diva said...

she sounds fairly self involved.... too bad, i hope your rugged man finds someone.

Nina said...

LOL.... I am to afraid to ever try the setting up thing because I would end with drama just like that.

foxy said...

Talk about being in a world of her own. And completely oblivious! Wow.

From the way you described him, "a rugged All-American dream," it is obviously her loss.

Ela said...

LOL @ her email...it's amazing when people think they're not the problem...or even part of it.
Glad she let it out on the first date...better than wasting more than a few hours!

drollgirl said...

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! ack!!!!!!! ohmylord!!! how horrifying!!! bah!!! i am sort of glad i don't have that many friends looking for love. EKE!

sorry if i am making it worse!!! i love a good story, and any horrifying episode is almost worth it if it turns into a good story. :)

Katherine Aucoin said...

if sher were interested should could have declined in a lot nicer fashion. She is definitely the arsehole here.

I loved your last line about the talons!

Heidi said...

This is funny! I'm with you. At least she didn't pretend to love the park. I hate when women do that.

You'll have to try your hand at matchmaking again since you seem to have a knack for it...well, with the other couples you mentioned. :)

Simply Mel said...

And may she grow old ALONE with her pretty red nails! I'm sure they will keep her company.

Domestic Diva said...

At least your heart was in the right place. I love a good manicure - however I find I am stuffing a chicken in two hours. Life is just too short not to be willing to be for a day in the park. Who knows she might like it! Love your blog..new follower! Thanks for the sweet comment on mine!
Have a fabulous day!
xxx me

Fishsticks and Fireflies said...

Oh my . . . please tell me she at least thanked you for the effort?!

And your friend is probably better off; if those nails weren't going-to-the-park-and-throwing-a-frisbee nails, they probably weren't let's-get-all-hot-and-sweaty-and-let-me-run-them-down-your-back nails.

Alexis AKA MOM said...

Wowser! A act of good never goes unpunished?

Well at least you tried but holy smokes! Love those nails .. LOL :)

Char said...

I would have been a real friend and let her know why he never called. Humor, if that is what it was, can often be mistaken. The truth is she sounded high maintenance to a what appears to be a low maintenance guy.

PinkBow said...

ha! nothing funnier than folk! good try :)

Life of a Stepmama said...

Poor guy!! Wow she was pretty honest and open I guess, better than being fake, but seriously? You do not have to be rude to someone you don't even know.......

playing matchmaker is never easy!! Good idea on checking the nails first!! :)

Stephanie Faris said...

I've blogged in the past about the cost associated with dating a beautiful woman. Granted, not all beautiful women are like this but I've known too many who are. They just don't seem to be as much fun. The vanity and self-absorption get REALLY old, really fast. I've found the same with extremely handsome men. I think if you're too attractive on the outside, you just don't work enough on developing the inside...

Becky the Sign Lady said...

Sounds like Ms. Claws likes to play games.
He invites her to the park, she shows him her disabled hands, he compliments her lovely and delicate digits, she smiles and bats her eyelashes and tells him that she would be happy to go to lunch or dinner or to any number of expensive indoor activity where her nails wouldn't be in danger and her hair and makeup wouldn't get mussed.
Then... he asks for her phone number, calls her, spends a massive amount of his hard earned paycheck on her high maintenance ass over a period of several months and then she dumps him for someone who will buy her nicer things.

Lucky for your friend, he's not an idiot.

Lulu LaBonne said...

Some people have no self-awareness at all - that's very funny

The Blonde Duck said...

See, I wish I could find a gentleman like him for my sister...

Heather said...

She keeps up that act she'll be alone with her red nails forever!

E @ Scottsville said...

Oh man!!! I could hear her say it.... ha ha ha

Your poor GUY friend. That GAL friend needs a good frisbee thrown AT her. =0)

Grand Pooba said...

oh my god, well at least you tried right? Someone needs to smack that girl! I do a pretty good smack job, just let me know...

HalfAsstic.com said...

Oh, my yes. She is not going to find it easy to like much of anyone. And it sounds like that's a good thing, since she is not that likable herself.

Samsmama said...

She sounds delightful.

Hollyrocks said...

That chick sounds like the anti-me. I would have looked down at my unremarkable, non-painted fingernails and asked if waiting until Saturday was really necessary. I'm not a tomboy by any means, but I just try to keep my girliness in check. If I didn't already have a man, I'd tell you to send him my way!

It sounds like you've got some pretty impressive match-making skills, so don't let this little incident cause you to put away your arrows just yet. :-)

Karlota said...

i tried to be a matchmaker once and it didn't work out for them and i got my share of the blame too.

The Savage said...

I would have replied to her comment that I have a black frisbee and it'd match her nails perfectly.... but then I'm funny like that.

Patty said...

Oh wow, you get a lot of comments. Thanks for visiting my blog. I'm totally going to use that word...bitchtastic! Love it!

As for your friend, he's definitely better off. Is he still single? Ha I kid.

Alicia said...

wow! way to shoot a guy down! i wonder why she's single?

Unknown Mami said...

Bitchtastic is my new favorite word!

Jane Moneypenny said...

I'll take him if she doesn't want him! :P

A home far away said...

People are sooo strange sometimes:)



Have a great weekend
Hugs Gunilla in Singapore

i am playing outside said...

i just want to hug your man friend after this, and slap your bitch friend. the poor boy! LOL

ShoeBox Gal said...

excellent blog, you have such interesting posts :)

shoeboxgal.blogspot.com

Judearoo said...

Yikes, was she serious??

She's going to be waiting for the phone to ring for a long long time...

Mr. Charleston said...

Bravo! At last, an honest woman. Up front, what you see is what you get. No harm. No foul. No stupid games until you're both miserable trying to make each other something you are not.

However, it probably isn't that complicated... she's a cat person.

Ms. Wanda said...

Wow, was your girlfriends name Audrey? You described my sister to a T!!! Love this site it's Fabulous!
Thanks for stopping by mine:)
Have a great Weekend!

xoxoxox
Ms. Wanda

Sally-Sal said...

If he was that great, I would've met him for a date at the gates of hell.

Dutch donut girl said...

Can you hook me up with someone?
My nails mean nothing to me ;)

Cocaine Princess said...

Sometimes opposites do attract but not so much in this case.

Better luck next time in your match making skills.

Eric said...

Haha! I know many high maintenance girls, but most all of them sound more easy going than your friend.

Hit 40 said...

She is going to be single a long long time!! You have to have some give and take in a relationship. She was obviously showing that she just likes to take. It would be all about her. He was wise to run!!

Little Miss Baker said...

ha! I love it. Talons. You make me laugh sista!! xo

Dee said...

He should have grabbed her acrylic and poked her eye out.

Oops sorry, but he sounded so good. Why the heck is he single?

Visiting from SITS

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Oh, match-making is such a tricky business. Why do we ever get into it in the first place? It must be like childbirth . . . . how soon the pain is forgotten.

I just "set up" a friend of mine with another friend of mine and she proudly reports "we haven't spent a night apart since the day we met." ruh-roh! I'nm going underground, right NOW.

Just Playing Pretend said...

Rugged all american dream, the park, pet lab... Where do I sign up?

At least you tried for a friend. Right?

Life with Kaishon said...

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I just hate girls that act like that. ICK! Who does that? Seriously. Her loss.