Wednesday, August 19, 2009

A Beaver Tale

Last week, I posted a bit of a treasure from my family's comic arsenal about my Mom and her little brown beaver. This memory was prompted by another situation that occurred last weekend. For the fun of talking about it again, here we go.

Last Sunday, on another swampy GA day, I put little man in the Bugaboo and went off to the park for a run. First, its hhhhhhot. Second, its hhhhhhhot. And third, he is only two but it is not like I am pushing a Teddy Graham on a paper clip. It's a work out.

So, we get to this bridge he likes and a mandatory stop is par for the course so he can look at the river. I am pouring sweat and pleased for even a mere two minute hiatus from the run. He asks, in his two year old jubilee, if I too can see it. I say, yes I can see the river. I look up to see another runner very close to us so I shimmy over to the side of the sidewalk lest I be an obstacle in her path. She said hello and asks "Did you say you saw my beaver?"


Me, engulfed in a cloud of bafflement. Because I only tilted my head to the side and probably narrowed my gaze at her, she asked again, "Did you say you saw my beaver?"

No. Because of the many things I would never say, right up there with "I should have married Vanilla Ice" would be me, turning to a full-scale stranger and saying, "Ma'am, I think I saw your beaver."

Oh, I get it, she heard yes I see the river and misunderstood. Care not. If you pause for a tiny moment of reflection, you wouldn't ask me if I said I saw your beaver even if you thought you heard it. And yes, I know not everyone hears this word and gets the slang correlation. My Mom is case in point. Even then, it is still an odd question.

She proceeds to point out a house across the field below, which is her abode. And apparently beavers do reside in or around the river. She has taken a liking to one. Hence the pet phrase.

I have literally crossed that bridge no less than 500 times and I have never once seen a beaver.
So all I can say in response to her question, is ummmmmmmmmmmm no.

And then she tells me, "I hope you see one. Beavers are wonderful."

Are they? Wonderful? Oh, you're right. That's what every boy in junior high (and beyond) told me.

Tiny albeit signficant suggestion:

While it may be big laughs in my family to tell and re-tell a joke about a beaver, its not a word I use frequently. And outside of my mom and her misbegotten humor, when I hear it from other people, I don't laugh and snort like a 5th grader all over again.

If you are a grown woman, you should know that it is an odd phrase to say to a stranger, at almost any time unless we are the Aquarium or the Zoo. Even if I was standing in the river, I doubt I would make the correlation. From a complete stranger. Jogging by with her iPod. Chatting away about her beaver. And how wonderful it is.

And finally, and I promise this is the best advice, while its super duper you have made a little friend down at the tributary, stop calling it your beaver. Stat.

And what did I do when I got home? Immediately telephoned my Mom and told her. How hard did we laugh? Very.

Oh, beaver humor strikes again.

110 comments:

the walking man said...

My wife's beaver keeps her warm beyond belief on the harshest winter days in Michigan. While it doesn't come out often I still like looking at it. They told me when I bought it it took 12 pelts to make that coat.

Hit 40 said...

I want your mommy!! How cool that you could call her up to laugh at a beaver joke together. Nice!!

I hope my boys call me up with jokes too after they move out...

they are moving some day aren't they??

Simone said...

I am crying with laughter.

Like you, I was thinking that even if I thought you had said the "b" word, I would not be stopping and actually asking you if you had said it.

"I should have married Vanilla Ice...." love it.

Am going to laughing about this all day :)

Thank you!

My name is PJ. said...

I'd say, now that you have two beaver tails (mwahahaha, you're going to have to come up with a chapter for your book which includes both - and a title. I'm waiting for the chapter's title. Oh yeah.

Jules said...

YES, but of course NOW every time I see a beaver, I will ask, "Did you see my beaver?" to the people around me!

Because that's just AWESOME.

I may also on occasion say, "I should have married Vanilla Ice." ;)

J.J. in L.A. said...

I have to say, I don't think the word 'beaver' has ever come out of my mouth. My brothers, on the other hand...?

Jeanette said...

They should have a show called Strangers say the Weirdest things. And that comic is priceless haha.

Amanda said...

Oh my gosh - the perfect hilarious ending to your Mum's tale. I'm still laughing.

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

Perfect morning laugh. Thanks!

Gin said...

Ha, ha! I have to introduce you to my co-worker. Her step-father's last name is Beaver. She threw a you know what fit when he wanted to adopt her because she did not want to have his last name. I can only imagine the laughs you would get from that.

The Savage said...

Last time I saw a beaver it was skinned and ready for a bar-be-que.... Minnesota has red neck too, with funny accents of course....

Tammy Howard said...

I dated a boy once a million years ago who went to Beaver High School. Home of the Fighting Beavers.

I didn't marry him.

That boys name? Was Vanilla Ice.

(I only lied about the last part...)

Chic Mama said...

I will never be able to think/talk/look at beavers in the same way ever again thanks to your hilarious stories. Thank you. :0)

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

OH, I laughed so hard.

In defense of the woman...in some places this term is not common. It was not used when I was growing up. I didn't learn the phrase until I was 25 when I joined an online forum and "saw the world" (I was married by this point).

Heavenly Housewife said...

This is why i dont make eye contact with strangers ... :D

The Peach Tart said...

Well we could give the lady the benefit of the doubt and assume she doesn't know the slang meaning of the word beaver. That's the only explanation I can come up for her question.

vanilla said...

another wonderful piece --er, tale.
Great cartoon, too.
--

Buckeroomama said...

That was too funny!!! I couldn't believe she said that. :)

jen said...

I love random crazy strangers!!! Once I was stopped by a guys who asl=ked my if it was obvious that he was wearing tights (nylons to you guys , I think)!!!
in Irelnad, a beaver is a foreign dam making creature but we use the word fanny for that part of a womans anatomony. I wonder how they get over this in the UN?

confused homemaker said...

well aren't beavers wonderful?

oh the joys of lo-brow humor like the double entendre of the word beaver.

Vodka Logic said...

Funny stuff... and to relate it to your mother is funnier.
xx

Yankee Girl said...

That's hilarious.

As much as I like my beaver I would never, in a million years, ask someone if they had see it. I have no idea how you kept a straight face. I wouldn't have laughed if someone had said that to me, but I would definitely have on my WTF face.

Jenny @ Words on Wendhurst said...

You totally should have been like "Yep, I did! It's a great little beaver." :-) LOL

Mandy said...

I thought you were going to say that it was one of your blog readers who read last week's tale. But this is better. (Real life is always the best material to write about!)

So a total stranger, eh? Was she disorderly? Did she look like someone spiked her coffee? If not, then just play along next time. Try out a Fargo accent and say, "Is that your beaver there in the woodchipper?" ;-)

JenJen said...

Damn. Can we just have a whole post of the nonsensical things that people call their girly parts and boyly parts? (wink)
Sometimes, as like this one, it makes zero sense. Unless, I am like your mom and I just don't get it? :)

La La La Leah said...

Beavers have orange teeth. I learned that watching TV with my son.

Speaking of children... my son LOVES horses And will shout with JOY and point when he sees one .... However he can only say the first part of the word. Yes the joys of motherhood. "MOOOOOM HOR MOOOOM HOR!!!!" that is my life.

La La La Leah said...

ALSO... one of your ads on the blog is for All-Natural Beaver Repellent..... Eliminate Beavers from your Property in 60 seconds flat..... Just a thought.

Reader Wil said...

I am afraid I never saw a beaver outside the zoo! But I certainly should like to see yours! Witty post! Thanks!

Lisa and Laura said...

Ok, seriously it's hilarious that there are that many people in the world who have no idea that there's a second meaning for the word beaver.

My only hope is that I run into one of them at some point because these stories are hilarious. I want one of my own.

Eyes Wide Open said...

Even if I were at an aquarium or a zoo, I don't think I would talk about beavers. I just couldn't bring myself to do it!!!

McVal said...

LOL! I'm am SO in 5th grade and a giggler!

cherie said...

hahahaha! oh boy....

Ela said...

Oh my gosh, what a strange thing to say to a stranger...with a 2yr old baby. You have the best things happen to you! I love it :)

D2the4thPower said...

I so would have snorted like a 5th grader...after I looked at her like she had three heads, of course!

Sounds like you and your mom have a great relationship. There are things I can only laugh about with my mom, and things that only she would understand.

Thanks for stopping by my blog! Following you now :)

DiPaola Momma said...

Wholly Farggin' Schnit Bat Girl I'm SOOO glad I was wearing my "I've had four kids now I can't control my blatter" pads when I read this, LMFAO... TMI?

Jenn @ youknow... that blog? said...

Oh my god, that was too funny. And a little disturbing?

Jen said...

Thanks for the much needed laughs JennyMac!

Watch out for the beavers!

Mira is triplet crown said...

Good god, people who call wild animals who don't even know they exist 'mine' are nuts to start with. You do not corner the market on loving beavers lady just because they live near your house. So do spiders and snakes. I'm just sayin'.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

They have beavers at the aquarium?

Simply Colette said...

Just found your blog! Love your wit. Loved the matchmaker story, and the letter from the bathroom. Known a few of those men myself... :)

Jeney said...

That picture totally made the post!

Unfortunately, I do laugh and snort like a 5 year old when I hear genitalia slang or other innapropriate words. I blame it on the fact that I have yet to turn 25.

(My word verification is "bedsin" btw... tehehe :-P)

Geez Louise. said...

Oh Lord, this is the funniest story I believe Ive heard in a while, something I would totally call my mom about!!! Thats halarious! Here's to Mom's with GREAT humor!

Chrystal

Badass Geek said...

Beaver... river... I guess I can see how that'd happen.

Chief said...

The other day, I asked my husband if I could have his nuts. He got all excited until I reached for his almonds and grabbed a handful.

The Bug said...

Um, I'm 45 & just found out about the alternate use of beaver maybe last year. Obviously I never hung out with the cool kids LOL.

Monroes said...

Jennymac
this is what I emailed to your mother today
" Your life on the open pages of the internet… 'did you see my beaver'…funnnnny …again! "
ha ha ha loved the story...

Intense Guy said...

LMAO...

:) I gosh... yes... plase say, "the busy beaver" or something, and not "my beaver"...

LMAO...

i am the diva said...

that little picture of the beaver at the end of your post was the last straw... and i snorted my coffee... the end.

Staci Ann said...

this story reminds me of an incident that happened in the ladie's bathroom where I work. I work at the Department of Social Services. Both stalls were full. A woman who was completely unaware of who she was about to say this to (me) said..wow, they are busy as beavers in here huh.........might you imagine the smirk..and then how I went to relay it to several co-workers who I knew would be just as self aware as I.

Lauren said...

I wonder if that woman will ever realize her faux pas! Too funny! I am a little bit of a fifth grader so I am probably going to be giggling about "seeing the beaver" all day!

Lee said...

That is so funny! My mom would not have a CLUE as to what that was, and my 14 year old nephew would crack up over this!! BTW, I saw you comment about the piggy paint. It is great! And, it lasts! ps. I sell it in my store, and my daughter kept some, and she loves it!

Stereos and Souffles said...

I've read the word beaver more in the past couple of days then in the past 10 years.

Little Ms Blogger said...

All you needed is a man to follow up with the question "Have you seen my little Willie?"

People are a bit strange, but that would have made my day...

Emily said...

you seem to attract beavers...hmmm. Too funny...I was laughing out loud at this one!

Jen said...

laughing.... can't ..... type.....

Kristina P. said...

Beaver funniness never gets old!

Jenglamgirl said...

Oh' my' Just be glad there were no men that behave and laugh like little boys around you when a statment like "have or did you see my beaver?" comes out! I could only imagine the horror if my big brother was standing there... HA, thanks for the laugh!

I WILL never say beaver out loud not even in public at the aquarium!

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog - I love visitors and I always try to visit their blog and I am so glad I did!!! Your post is hilarious! Love it! Ha! What a funny question for the runner! You made my day!

Southern Champagne Wishes said...

Oh, I miss Vanilla Ice...

Okay, that lady is either (a) a pervert trying to get a little double-entendre in for her own sick kicks or (b) in my highly clinical diagnosis: psycho-crazy. It very well could be (b) because even if you saw an "animal" (I can't even type it, now) in the river, why on earth would she think you were referring to it as "hers" when you'd never seen her before?!

Maybe you should steer clear of that park from now on...

Amy said...

Hilarious. Thanks for the laugh.

blueviolet said...

While I couldn't call up my own mom to talk about beaver, I could certainly call up my daughter and do that! Love it!

Elizabeth said...

Thank you so much for the laugh, I totally needed it!!! :)

Lady Di said...

Just imagine how many other people have been asked if they have spotted "the beaver". Too funny.

Simply Mel said...

Okay, things like this always happen in 3's, so there must be another Beaver story in your very near future!

I'm still baffled why she called it HER beaver? Hilarious story, and if only there would have been a camera to capture your facial expression at this very moment of questioning.

One Sassy Girl said...

Classic!! Proof that people are just plain weird.

Stacie said...

LOL - that was great.

Kathy B! said...

Love it.

And you would love my house. We have a rabbit who chews everything. Like a beaver. So we re-named it Beaver McBeav. I swear we manage to wrangle a beaver joke out of the stupid rabbit on at least a weekly basis.

Jen said...

Two classic beaver stories in one lifetime, you hit the jackpot. That is a good one and worthy of another post.

drollgirl said...

some words are just not safe to say anymore. beaver is one of them. and clam. and tea bag. jesus, i could go on and on!!!

Anti-Supermom said...

Are you sure I'm too old to have a beaver conversation with other women? :)

The Constant Complainer said...

I've been enjoying the "Beaver Chronicles." Haha!

Liam said...

I guess when Eddie Haskel asked Mrs Cleaver, "How's the Beaver?" She must of had to think twice.

Matthew said...

I was in a public convenience on the south coast of the UK once, when this seedy looking man asked me if I was interested in stroking his python.

Maybe some people see imaginary animals?

Stephanie Faris said...

HER beaver? How on earth can she tell the difference anyway? Don't they all look alike?

Oh never mind. You can't even discuss this topic without going in the wrong direction and making everyone snicker!

Constructive Attitude said...

You need to write a book. Pronto

Legallyblondemel said...

WHAT? That is tremendous and hilarious and, well, other superlatives ending in "s".

red.neck chic said...

I am laughing so hard...thank you!!!!

And thank you for coming to visit my blog - I love yours! LOLOLOL

:-) Robelyn

Grand Pooba said...

Wow, you and beavers. Now if I happen to see one I know I'm going to think of you and bust up laughing!

cherie said...

This is HYSTERICAL!! Thanks for making me smile today!

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Total weirdness. And if she wasn't trying to be bizarre, why say "my" beaver? Did she adopt it or something?

Rebecca Knight said...

AHAHAHA! That is awesome :P.

My grandma is really sweet and likes to use made up curse words like "Oh Fuzzy Bears!" instead of actual ones. It's cool--she's a grandma--she's entitled.

However, one night we were all gathered around the table playing cards and grandma whips out "OH FUZZ BALLS!" She has no idea to this day why that was so funny.

Classic :D.

Janet said...

Oh my goodness, this is hilarious! I love the comment about Vanilla Ice and things you'd never say. I agree, what makes it the most odd is that she called it "my" beaver. I mean, even if you had seen A beaver, why on earth would she think you'd assume it was HER beaver? People are strange.

Unknown Mami said...

I love a good beaver story!

Margaret said...

LOL. Too funny.

AmyK said...

Don't ya love the innocent things.

Because you are an excellent scribbler, I would like to pass on the award I received. Stop by anytime. I'm home.

Rikkij said...

What a hoot! made me think of smoky and the bandit, which might be the last time I heard that slang. Parks can be so fun. Thanks for visiting me. ~rick

Pink Links said...

Laughing... And laughing. Thanks again!

carma said...

she was sooooo movin' in on you ;-)

Oh, and how cool is your mom!!!

Baloney said...

My mom would never get that joke. Even after I explained it. I'm impressed that your mom did!

Life with Kaishon said...

This is just too crazy funny for words. I can't even believe it happened. Wow! Wow! Wow. Unbelievable. And way to go running in the insane heat. It's crazy out there. CRAZY!

Eddie said...

Great laugh, thanks - thanks also for visiting my blog and seeing the Giant. I see you are an attorney eh! 'Beavering' away in matters of law! I love your blog and find it most 'arresting'. Do you wear white wigs in American courts or is that just for the judges. Here in UK they all look like Shakespearean characters with their wigs and gowns.

You must be very brainy then! May I return and visit you again but please be lenient with me if you find me guilty because I have a flawless record, honest - hope the sentence is not too severe.

As you can see I have a good sense of humour. I think you might like some of my silly posts, including Mr Darcy found alive and well, and my Grand National Horse Race.
Best wishes - Eddie

Judy said...

I love visiting your blog. I always leave smiling, laughing and happy.

The Blonde Duck said...

Ha! I doubt my mom knows what a beaver is!

Jenni Jiggety said...

Yes! Yes, I DID see your brown hairy beaver! It was spectacular!

rhubarbwhine said...

Ha, that's funny, funny, funny.

Since we don't have any beavers (of the animal kind!) down under, the beaver jokes down here tend to be awfully crude!

Little Ms J said...

I can't even say what I want to because it is dirty, but if we lived in the same place you would snort your wine through your nose.

I gave you a Bloggie on my page. This is my new term for Blog Awards. I think it is smart and witty. Pass it on.

Meg said...

lol...

Thanks for coming by my SITS Featured blog today!

Jason, as himself said...

OMG, I love beaver jokes!!! This has made my day.

AquarianJwl said...

I love a good beaver joke... lol

I can't believe she said that to you! :)

valentine said...

i am gonna start asking random strangers if they saw my beaver. if nothing else, it will give them a story to tell LOL

The Wife O Riley said...

We saw a beaver when we were on vacation last week and all 10 adults started the beaver jokes. We laughed like it was the funniest thing ever, which it was. Unless of couse we then saw a rooster.

HalfAsstic.com said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Pricilla said...

It's funny how things come round and round and round. You are do one more beaver sighting as things come in threes.

Thanks for visiting my blog...no beavers, just goats. Although we do live on a river. Hmmmmmm.

zoo keeper said...

thanks for showing me the love!!
you're hillarious!
It's the 3B's rule isn't it?
bugers
butts
and beavers
thier always funny!!

MadMad said...

Oh, my God, that is too funny! It reminds me a little of something that happened to me the other day, at an art gallery opening, where, in one of the rooms, they were serving a very stinky cheese. An acquaintance passed me in the hall in front of the doorway to the room, and I waved my hand in front of my nose and said something like, "ooh, the cheese," referring, of course, to the cheese in the room. She goes, "Did you just say you cut the cheese?"

Uh... noooooo. Cuz I'm 42.

otherworldlyone said...

What a nutter.

Deborah Godin said...

Living in Canada, I thought I'd heard them all...thanks for another good laugh.

Cocaine Princess said...

Because of your beaver posts, seeing a beaver or reading about a beaver or seeing one on my Canadian nickel will never be the same again for me. I shall always think of your posts from now on!!

P.S. I love your blog.

A Most Handsome Disaster said...

Absolutely hysterical!!
Glad you stumbled across mine, and I'm thrilled to have stumbled across yours...blog, that is. Not beaver. And, technically I don't have a beaver. ;) This made me cackle in my apartment, JennyMac - thanks for the laugh! :)

Stephanette said...

I had to keep myself from laughing - I didn't want to wake my sleeping son. I grew up in the land of beavers...our high school mascots, the state lake nearby has beaver dams all over, one of the most prominent members of our small town society has the last name of Beaver. To be quite honest, I had no idea that it was slang. I had a good laugh as I realized how many conversations could have gone oh so wrong.