Apparently, becoming a parent has also honed my skills of hypocrisy. It developed primarily when our son began to repeat everything said in his presence. Example from one afternoon driving home from school.
MiniMac: Jack is a poo poo head. (Why is this the first "curse" word all children learn at school???)
Me: Hmmmm. What was that, love?
MiniMac: I said Jack is a poo poo head.
I am good at this...I know better than to overreact hence fueling fire and eliciting a response involving only further repetition of the phrase in question.
So as giddy and light as can be, I proceed.
Me: That is an interesting little expression. Where did you learn that ? (sing song sing song)
MiniMac: Ashley Ann said it at school.
Me: Oh DID she? Awwww. Precious Ashley Ann. Well, we don't say those words.
MiniMac: Why?
Me: Because smart people don't talk like that.
MiniMac: Why?
Me: Again, smart people don't talk like that. And it is not nice.
MiniMac: Ok. Smart people don't talk like that.
When later relaying story to JohnnyMac, MiniMac was so proud to tell him smart people don't talk like that!
Moment of pride.
A week or so later while in the car alone, a car pulls in front of me and almost hits another car turning into our lane.
Me: That is ALL KINDS of bold, you ________ _________ d-bag.
Oooops.
Oh, I meant smart toddlers don't talk like that...smart grown-ups can say just about whatever they like when not in the presence of children.
Wait...is this where the expression do as I say, not as I do came from? Eureka.
Team Hypocrite: Game over.
Showing posts with label toddler talk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label toddler talk. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
You're so busted, you don't even know.
Driving with a little person in the car requires certain adjustments from our perspective. He is only two but any of you who have been in proximity of a two year old are aware that you better read yourself your Miranda rights every time you are around them. Anything you say, can and will be repeated. And possibly used against you.
Example 1: Just before Little Man turned 2, he and I were driving home from school. I honked my horn to let another car back out of a blind driveway. As Pavlovian as can be, as soon as my son heard the horn, he said "MOVE ID-I-OT. "
Hmmmm. Idiot is not typically on my vocab list but it didn't take Indiana Jones to solve this mystery. I know which adult in our home may have honked a horn and said "Move idiot" a time or two on his commutes with our child.
I told our son that actually, when we honk the horn, we say HI FRIENDS. And this is what we practiced. The entire way home.
When I talked to JohnnyMac about it later, he confirmed the statement as being one that is none too nice from the mouth of a 20 month old but also asserted it could have been much, much worse. Oh goody, a social experiment in cross-canceling. Excellent work, DADDY.
When I told my BFF, MarciaGarcia, her response was identical to JohnnyMac's. It could have been worse. Philosophy from another person not afraid to say the F word.
And even now, honk that horn, our little man will be the first to say HI FRIENDS. My theory has worked beautifully. Until I forget. Employ a more salty word. And get reminded by my toddler of the proper word choice. Its coming. I know it is.
Example 2: A week ago, a police car and a fire truck passed us, sirens fully engaged. Our son told me he doesn't like that sound. I have explained before the purpose (in a general sense) of fire trucks and aid cars so he will not be afraid of them. When a second police car passed, the following occurred:
Him: I saw that policeman yesterday.
Me: You saw the police man or the police car?
Him: No, I saw that police man in that car. I talked to him.
Me: You saw him or you actually talked to him.
Him: I said hi to him but he talked to Daddy.
Me: Oh, I am ALL ears Little Man.
Him: He said hi to me and I told him I watch Jimmy Buffett. (on DVD, in Daddy's SUV)
Me: Oh, did you?
Him: Yes, while he talked to Daddy some more.
Later, I ask JohnnyMac if he got pulled over the day before. He looks at me with the slightest mixture of awe and WTF. He says, "Hmmm, yes."
Oh babe, your son narc'ed on you.
Excellent.
Let that serve as a lesson to both of us.
Example 1: Just before Little Man turned 2, he and I were driving home from school. I honked my horn to let another car back out of a blind driveway. As Pavlovian as can be, as soon as my son heard the horn, he said "MOVE ID-I-OT. "
Hmmmm. Idiot is not typically on my vocab list but it didn't take Indiana Jones to solve this mystery. I know which adult in our home may have honked a horn and said "Move idiot" a time or two on his commutes with our child.
I told our son that actually, when we honk the horn, we say HI FRIENDS. And this is what we practiced. The entire way home.
When I talked to JohnnyMac about it later, he confirmed the statement as being one that is none too nice from the mouth of a 20 month old but also asserted it could have been much, much worse. Oh goody, a social experiment in cross-canceling. Excellent work, DADDY.
When I told my BFF, MarciaGarcia, her response was identical to JohnnyMac's. It could have been worse. Philosophy from another person not afraid to say the F word.
And even now, honk that horn, our little man will be the first to say HI FRIENDS. My theory has worked beautifully. Until I forget. Employ a more salty word. And get reminded by my toddler of the proper word choice. Its coming. I know it is.
Example 2: A week ago, a police car and a fire truck passed us, sirens fully engaged. Our son told me he doesn't like that sound. I have explained before the purpose (in a general sense) of fire trucks and aid cars so he will not be afraid of them. When a second police car passed, the following occurred:
Him: I saw that policeman yesterday.
Me: You saw the police man or the police car?
Him: No, I saw that police man in that car. I talked to him.
Me: You saw him or you actually talked to him.
Him: I said hi to him but he talked to Daddy.
Me: Oh, I am ALL ears Little Man.
Him: He said hi to me and I told him I watch Jimmy Buffett. (on DVD, in Daddy's SUV)
Me: Oh, did you?
Him: Yes, while he talked to Daddy some more.
Later, I ask JohnnyMac if he got pulled over the day before. He looks at me with the slightest mixture of awe and WTF. He says, "Hmmm, yes."
Oh babe, your son narc'ed on you.
Excellent.
Let that serve as a lesson to both of us.
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