Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Team Hypocrite: Game On

Apparently, becoming a parent has also honed my skills of hypocrisy. It developed primarily when our son began to repeat everything said in his presence. Example from one afternoon driving home from school.

MiniMac: Jack is a poo poo head. (Why is this the first "curse" word all children learn at school???)

Me: Hmmmm. What was that, love?

MiniMac: I said Jack is a poo poo head.

I am good at this...I know better than to overreact hence fueling fire and eliciting a response involving only further repetition of the phrase in question.

So as giddy and light as can be, I proceed.

Me: That is an interesting little expression. Where did you learn that ? (sing song sing song)

MiniMac: Ashley Ann said it at school.

Me: Oh DID she? Awwww. Precious Ashley Ann. Well, we don't say those words.

MiniMac: Why?

Me: Because smart people don't talk like that.

MiniMac: Why?

Me: Again, smart people don't talk like that. And it is not nice.

MiniMac: Ok. Smart people don't talk like that.

When later relaying story to JohnnyMac, MiniMac was so proud to tell him smart people don't talk like that!

Moment of pride.

A week or so later while in the car alone, a car pulls in front of me and almost hits another car turning into our lane.

Me: That is ALL KINDS of bold, you ________ _________ d-bag.

Oooops.

Oh, I meant smart toddlers don't talk like that...smart grown-ups can say just about whatever they like when not in the presence of children.

Wait...is this where the expression do as I say, not as I do came from? Eureka.

Team Hypocrite: Game over.

73 comments:

My name is PJ. said...

This is one of those stories with which all moms identify! REALLY cute!

You have your work cut out for you. With each successive generation, the foul language issue becomes more and more prevalent because it's everywhere. Somehow society is making it a quietly acceptable norm. $%#^ it! How the *&^#%@$ hell did we allow that @&^* to happen?!

The Savage said...

Even saints have their flaws....

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Since MiniMac wasn't in the car, it doesn't count...you didn't know that??

chic Mama said...

" Do as I say....not as I do.." ;0)

I think only a saint could not be a hypocrite when it comes to parenting. :0))

Christina Lee said...

Haha EXACTLY where that expression came from!

The Peach Tart said...

OK now I have a new vocabulary word to use poo poo head. Thanks MiniMac.

Matthew said...

I have given up trying to set a marvellous example and instead, merely try to ensure that my stepson swears with panache.

Every third word a profanity = borderline subhuman. The odd one strategically placed with venom and emphasis = stylish and effective.

Tammy Howard said...

Well, I think you're a poo poo head for cussing like that, with or without a kid in the back seat. (I kid! I kid!)

I thought this was heading towards him telling Ashley Ann that his mom said she was not smart and not nice...

Lisa and Laura said...

Do you have any idea how many times a day I get reprimanded for saying "Shut UP" Elaine Benice style?

Son: Mommy it's not nice to say shut up.

Me: I know. But it's like a different tone.

Son: What's a tone?

Me: It's how you use your voice.

Son: Shut up.

Me: $hit.

Secretia said...

The kiddies file away in their minds every curse word they hear. You'll see, ha ha.

af1blog said...

Yes, you have to look forward to longer words - like "inappropriate"

With luck you can then work on adding it to whole sentences - like in front of all my friends, or Grandma, or teacher, or the nice policeman (who was just letting me off with a warning) :)

♥Aubrey said...

Haha...the joy of car rides that is :)- These simple little phrases that catch our attention and make us wonder "where did they learn that from." Been here and YEP...they learned it from the best...THAT IS ME!!! Oopsie-daisy.

ShellSpann said...

I am 100% guilty of doing that!! My mom is on my ass all the time about not saying certain words in front of my kids. But I will say this, my kids KNOW that there are certain things that I am allowed to say as an adult that they better not even THINK of saying. So I give myself a pass when I slip up and drop an F bomb. :)

Tiffany said...

the daughter repeats nearly everything! the husband and i pretty much spell entire convos

Suburban Princess said...

Oh the downward spiral! I know it well! It ends with 'Because *I* said so!!!'

JenJen said...

As the Team Captain for 8 years and two kids later I can tell you that our team is strong, and building in numbers. And vowels.
My son told my daughter that She Had Gas In Her Ass.
uh huh.

This reminds me of a post I never got around to finishing. Thanks for jogging my memory!

Suzyhayze said...

Favorite story of the week! Hands down!

Vodka Logic said...

It is always the "precious" girls. Gotta beware them mimimac.

Joshua said...

Love it. I have this problem, except that my daughter's usually in the car with me. One night at dinner she just outright said "Damn." My wife glares at me. I shrug and say, "At least that's all she said. It could have been much, much worse."

I try to make a conscious effort not to swear in front of the kiddos, but it slips. Oh well. I don't react; the wife does. And when I don't react, the child moves on. Easy peasy.

-Joshua

Brutally Honest said...

LOL. Totally been there. I love your "smart people don't talk like that" I'm totally using that one w/ my kids!

stepfabulous said...

Hummmmmmmmmmmmm i wonder if "because smart people don't talk like that" will work on a teenager?!?

Too Many Hats said...

Kids have a way of putting a magnifying glass on our shortcomings or our bad habits. This exchange was quite humorous - when it was happening to you of course.

Badass Geek said...

When my wife and I have kids, I'm going to have to wear a shock collar to keep me from swearing in front of them.

McVal said...

I do like your "smart people" line! It's too late to use that on my kids tho... They'd make some crack comment about, then you must not be too smart mom... you say things like that a bunch!

Raoulysgirl said...

Ouch.

Score one for the kiddo team!

Michael Rivers said...

Don't you just love when stuff like this happens? I do the same with my niece.

The Daily Connoisseur said...

LOL! So funny! My nephews are going through a phase where they call everyone 'idiots'. My sister brought her three year old to Home Depot and an older woman came up to him and said. "You are so cute! What is your name?"

My nephew looked at her sweetly and said, "Aidan, IDIOT!"

Haha! I think it's soooo funny- my sister- not so much.

otin said...

No matter how well you teach a child, when they reach driving age, "MotherF***** **** *****R will just end up a part of their vocabulary! LMAO!

M-Cat said...

I wish I had known the "smart people don't talk like that" when the boys were growing up.

We all swear like sailors. i guess I am a little lax. As long as there are F-bombs or Diety (using the Lord's name in vain) I'm kinda okay with it.

Obviously, I am not smart.

I think I will start this with the granddaughter and attempt to redeem myself.

Barbaloot said...

I'm alwasy told by little children not to say "shut up." Don't they know it also means "oh gee, golly wolly..."

Luna said...

nice story.

Kristina P. said...

It's pretty much karma.

Menopausal New Mom said...

That is so true! I try so hard to hold back but traffic is the one place where I have the most trouble doing it!

Eva Gallant said...

Ha ha, you silly poo poo head!m

Nonflammable said...

Guilty! I told my son that I really said (meant) "bob the trucker." My other son learned how to beep when he wanted to say a bad word.

When the Grandparents came to babysit for our date night they said he beeped all evening while playing with his building blocks. My dad asks us what do you make of that? Busted.

foxy said...

It was BOUND to happen, right? You do the best you can... and apologize through the rest.

AmyMusings said...

Parents get to have different rules. My son beeps when I say a bad word. Then he uses every beep in the book: You son of a beeping beep, beep beep of a beeeeep. Next time you beeep your beeping beeep at me I'l beeeep your beeeep!" By the time he's done with his schtick we've forgotten what I said. It works.

Erin M. said...

Yes, but you were in the car alone!! SCORE!

My go-to phrase when someone cuts me off is "Goddamn it!"

Little Izzy hopped right on that bandwagon. But I've worked really hard to curb my instinct to utter it. I also tell myself I could be resorting to worse phrases...right?

As parents we can definitely all relate to this!

Charisse and Holly said...

That rule applies to a lot of things...like..."No you can't have desert every night!" Then as soon as the kids are in bed...the secret stash comes out and we gorge! Holly at lifelaughlatte

Ms. Wanda said...

I love that "do as I say, not as I do" rule now, because I'm the parent now;)

Slamdunk said...

Ouch, I know how you feel. I really need a soundproof window installed between the driver and backseat in our kid transport vehicle. I think it would be beneficial for everyone--the little ones would not have to hear a driving word and I could block out there fighting.

Dumblond said...

Oh yes. Preach on, Sister Friend!
I feel like a complete ass when I get on my kids for saying certain things and then the next minute, I'm using one of the seven words you can't say on television...

Scrappy Girl said...

I feel your pain.

Together We Save said...

Oops... I guess mommies get a free pass sometimes.

Intense Guy said...

I read about something that struck me when dealing with kids (of course I don't have any, so my opinion is worthless) but perhaps you'd like to read it -

It's here --- Behavior: Children and Their Future ---

Pricilla said...

...and this is how adults learn to censor yes?

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

Viva the Diva's first word = shoe. Nice, maybe she'll have fashion sense or walk the runways someday.

Viva the Diva's second word = shit. FAIL! I suck as a parent. Or wait.... could I somehow turn this into a potty training lesson in the near future? Yeah, I'm grasping for straws here.

Oh well! Good blog material at least..... ;-)

HalfAsstic.com said...

I am almost certain there has never been a parent that wasn't caught in that exact same trap!
Well played.

Corrie Howe said...

I learn a lot about myself by listening to my kids. They are a perfect mirror...reflecting both the good and the bad about me.

Geez Louise♥ said...

Girlfriend, we seriously need to get our little men together. They seem so much on the same tune. And I seriously think Im a total hypocrite most of the time when it comes to Nick! Glad to be reading your post again!! Missed them!!!

Chrystal

mbkatc230 said...

Boy, is this ever the truth. I was afraid that you were going to tell us that MiniMac told precious Ashley Ann that his mom said she wasn't smart because she used that word! Thanks for stopping by, glad you liked the shots of Rockport. The mansion at sunset is one of my favorites too. You should see the photos DH took, they are GORGEOUS. I may share them in the future if I can swipe his memory card lol. Kathy

Amanda said...

I get caught out like this all the time!!

jules said...

Hee hee! I think you handled that well sans the "douche bag" slip up! I'm still laughing.

paperhill said...

that is funny! can't say i haven't done the same thing!

kys said...

I'll try that "smart people" line on my two. It will be fun to hear them say that to their dad.

Dustjacket Attic said...

Oh yeah, I do that for too!
xxx

When Pigs Fly said...

It is almost impossible to have the filter on all the time. When someone cuts you off in traffic game over.

Conquer The Monkey said...

i think every parent on the face of the planet has run into this :) :) though i think recently i heard my mom say the "f" word for the first time, and I acted all shocked, so now when I let the f word slip and she scolds me, I remind her of her slip up : ) and i'm 36. real mature!

PS I linked to your blog from yesterday in my post today.

Cheers,
Cameron

Vivienne said...

pfft. You're a mom. You are automatically certified by the Sisterhood of the Do As I Say, Not As I Do.

Keith said...

I've got a little nephew now so I'm trying to be careful what I say around him.

Kelsey Claire said...

Love it! Those of us who work with said children always think "I wonder where they learned that from"! It makes for some amazing stories though!

Grand Pooba said...

Hahaha! Good thing MiniMac wasn't in the car. So you totally talked like "that" wait, does this mean your stupid? lol

Lauren said...

My hypocrisy cup runneth over!! I finally just told my 4 year old that some things are okay for adults to say but not children. Now she tells me she can't wait to be a grown up like me! Yup, my girl is aspiring towards a potty mouth!

Leah Rubin said...

Right. Like all parents I remember the first time I had to do that little side-stepping/backtracking routine. I was driving home when I had to slam on my brakes. My sweet little pink-cheeked, blond, 2-year old innocent daughter in the back seat piped up, "Asshole!" Oh yeah. I cleaned up my act, and FAST.

Alexis AKA MOM said...

Oh Man we're so bad huh? LOL Monkey See Monkey Doo but wait not what mommy does or really don't say what Daddy says because he has to be worst than mom (oh that was so intelligent I know ... LOL)

Pop and Ice said...

Ah, yes. Watch out for the radio as well. I didn't realize how much my pre-schooler had picked up on Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know" still she began singing it in a department store. *shame on me*

Kristin said...

Oh crap, D-bag might have escaped my links in front of the old toddler. Bad parenting?

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

Bingo! and I'm definitely guilty of the same thing, alone or not.

My mother is fond of saying "Little pictures have big ears" and they certainly do, don't they ;)

I waved on our way back to Canada a few days ago, did you see me?

Chrissy MacCEO said...

Hilarious!!! I have ha many moments like this!!

blueviolet said...

Whooopsie! You weren't the first and you won't be the last! There has to be some comfort in that, right?

Tsquared417 said...

oh man....dang....

LadyFi said...

LOL! Guess it's time to practice what you say - although I wonder if this counts when you're all alone in a car?

One Sassy Girl said...

Oh, I'm just doomed at parenting. Maybe if I start scrubbing my potty mouth now, it'll be squeaky clean by the time I have speaking spawn by my side... maybe ;)