Thursday, November 19, 2009

Football doesn't make me want to have another baby

When I was 9 months pregnant, we could obviously not travel via aircraft, so it was the first holiday season I had not spent at home in Seattle with my family. Ever. I decided to do some volunteering on Christmas Eve to help me refrain from being a pissy pants I mean baby keep things in perspective.

Later, JohnnyMac and his Dad, season ticket holders to the Atlanta Falcons, invited me to join them at that evening's home game. As I nestled that tummy of mine, the baby hotel, I had warm thoughts about not only attending previous football games with my Father, but sparkly thoughts about our little child going to football games with Daddy and GMac (Grandpa) in the future.

Club level seats: love it. As we situated ourselves in for a highly anticipated game, each time the crowd roared that little person hibernating in me (we didn't know MiniMac was a boy) would literally go wild. Ahhh...a budding sports fan: LOVE IT!

As the game proceeded, my Hub and his Dad were apparently OH SO VERY parched. I am certain yet another 32 ounce draft will quench that thirst gentlemen. At one point, GMac was doing shots with his friend on the other side of us, who conveniently packed his flask just for the occasion. And for some reason, JohnnyMac wasn't pleased with the Falcons level of play. And decided to talk about it. Which is a side of him I had never seen before. So about every 18 seconds when the Falcons had possession, he would yell out "RUN THE BALL".

After the 10th time, this begin to sound like a fire alarm in my ear. I patted my tummy and said, "Baby, trust me...you NEVER have to come to the games with Daddy and GMac."
My sense of humor only buoyed further as we left the game. I told JohnnyMac I would drive. He told me he was fine to drive. To which I said, "If you want to kill your wife and unborn baby, sure." He wanted to momentarily argue. Why I don't know. But then he tripped. Over a twig. Or maybe off a the 4 inch high curb. Again, seeing many layers to JohnnyMac I had not seen before. Who's navigating us home? End of discussion. After we got home and his Father left, JohnnyMac had in his mind that a fun post-game endeavor would be a "no-pants party".

"No pants-party" is the same party JohnnyMac and I hosted one weekend in NYC. The same party, we as the sole invitees, not only attended but also from which we brought home the ultimate souvenir: MiniMac.

You know what's hot? When your Hub still wants your body even 9 months pregnant.

You know what is NOT hot? Watching same Hub yell RUN THE BALL on a continuous loop for basically three hours. Oh, I mean on a continuous loop stopping only to take additional sips of his barley and hops. And then offer to drive you home. And then trip on a curb. Oh, I love him, I do. But for that day, and potentially some others in the future with several parallels, football doesn't make me want to have another baby. Or even practice.

65 comments:

Jules said...

THAT'S funny! Men can be so irritating!

the walking man said...

So JohnnyM was stuck on defense for the rest of the night eh? He must know that if he doesn't get possession of the ball there is no chance to run it.

LadyFi said...

Perhaps another sport, like ice skating or golf frisbee, would want you to like to have another baby? ;-)

Little Ms Blogger said...

He gives new meaning to the word "foreplay".

So hot and you passed it up.

Simone said...

You are brilliant JennyMac....a" no pants party".....love it!

Great post :)

Joshua said...

I guess the reason we have two kids is because I don't watch sports.

-Joshua

Badass Geek said...

The constant yelling to "RUN THE BALL" is the reason they sell alcohol at football games: So the people who get annoyed with the constant yelling can attempt to drown it out.

Unless that person is pregnant.

The Peach Tart said...

Hopefully JohnnyMac has learned his lesson if he wants a no pants party.

KatieSPerk said...

Great post! When I attend sporting events like that I am usually parched too!

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

That's why I always let hubby go to the games without me and when he is screaming at the TV, I tune him out.

Theta Mom said...

That picture CRACKS ME UP! My hubs is in the zone when football is on, so I leave him alone...and blog.

stepfabulous said...

LOL, Sounds like Mr. Fix It at a Sooner's game - sans alcohol (sadly). If they aren't playing up to his par, he'll tell them how! I just don't get men - get football, love football - sometimes men, eh, not so much!

Georgina said...

Up here it's all about hockey. There is no point trying to draw a straight line, put on lip-stick, thread a needle or do anything that requires a steady hand while the game is on in the house. I jump out of my skin every time my husband yells "Yah-ha!" when someone scores a goal. I was really happy the year the NHL went on strike. It meant that there was more time to have no-pants parties! - G

otin said...

You had me at no pants! That is all that you had to even write! If I saw "Jenny Mac, no Pants" in my google reader, I would instantly hit the save button! hahaha!

Deanne said...

"No-pants party" - I am totally cracking up!

Poindexter said...

Oh my goodness! Very funny. My significant other is all about tennis. I feel safe in venturing to say that I will never hear her utter the phrase "run the ball" as we watch the US Open. And now I know that I am thankful. Happy Thursday! -Diane

JenJen said...

Ha
This is so true. Men, you just sorta have to feel bad for them, because sometimes they don't know any better.

Postman said...

Hilarious stuff.

[Note to self: Beer + football + yelling something over and over again = not hot. Egad, this changes everything!]

Eva Gallant said...

Great post! I'd comment more, but I'm off to invite hubby to a "no pants" party!

Brutally Honest said...

I'm guessing the Falcons won that game though. I can always tell the outcome of the game by whether or not hubs wants to celebrate with a no-pants party.

Busy Bee Suz said...

I love that you bring new phrases to light: "No pants party"...so awesome.
I love that you volunteered on Christmas eve, this speaks volumes of the kind of person you are. Even if you would rather have whined about it. :)

Lauren said...

Hilarious!! We didn't find out the sex of our last baby either. Also a boy. I think it is so much more fun that way!

"no pants party" <---LMAO!

Michael Rivers said...

Football does nothing for me either. So I'm on your side! :-)

Intense Guy said...

I want to be invited to a no-pants party... but with my luck it will be with a bunch of sheep or dogs.

Maybe JohnnyMac will be a head couch someday - would he want the Eagles? They will probably be looking soon.

Donn said...

We're so misunderstood.
It just means that Hub really really really loves you.

Pregger "lurve" is awesome, especially during the 4th month when the Grrr hornymones set in.

'Fess up! You Ladies know what I'm talkin' about don'tcha?

Geez Louise♥ said...

Baha. This is so funny. I totally understand where your coming from. When I was pg with Nick, Hubbs brother's and sisters, including their inlaws all decided it would be nice to taunt the fat girl. They said "thats crazy" like a million bajillion times. I cried, why?Im really not sure, because I look back on it and wonder what the heck was I so upset about. So of course I had to taunt his loving sister and our sister n law when they became fat girls too. Karma can be so rude sometimes...haha.

thatgalkiki said...

Now, if I can get him to watch Project Runway with me.... maybe... lol

Kristina P. said...

I have to say, I'm glad my husband doesn't drink.

Erin said...

no pants party. LOVE!
no pants party = MiniMac
PRICELESS!

I heart this post! So funny and I felt like I was right there with you at the game.

obladi oblada said...

Ha! I love that illustration....so true..unless of course the other invitee to the pants pary has embibed too...doesn't really work if only one party goer was previously parched...of course being pregnant is a great reason to be parched!

Laura said...

Take that same scenario only insert drag racing instead of football & that would be my first husband. *Note that we are no longer married* lol

Kr√ęg said...

If football doesn't make you hot, you're probably doing it wrong.

My name is PJ. said...

And THAT, students, is the new math!

Mrs Mom said...

LOL! This was fantastic! I agree-- it is amazing when our husbands find us hot enough to wish to create another bundle of joy when we are not yet done incubating the first one ;)

Thanks for stopping by Oh HorseFeathers! Looking forward to reading much more here!

Deborah Godin said...

Oh, I definitely think there's another big hit for Loretta Lynn ("Don't Come Home A-drinkin") somewhere in this post.

CRY said...

IM SURE A COCTAIL WOULD HAVE CAME IN HANDY AT THAT GAME FOR YOU BUT SINCE BABY WAS ALSO WITH AND YOU NEEDED TO DRIVE ALL WORKED OUT IT SOUNDS LIKE
YOUR STORY IS A GOOD ONE
I LIKED IT
THANKS FOR SHARING

undomestic chica said...

Ahahahah! Thanks for giving me a story to giggle about at work.

♥Aubrey said...

Not sure what it is...but mine was also HIGHLY attracted to me when i was preggers too :)- Lol
It's the glow!!!

Mrs Montoya said...

Good giggle! I love the sports induced high and the subsequent "no pants party". Our second offspring came about a little the same way. Lucky, lucky us :)

Rebecca Knight said...

Heheheheheeheh. The sad part? I totally yell at sports events, too :(.

My poor husband.

HalfAsstic.com said...

Is anything more annoying than a drunk football fanatic? I think not.

foxy said...

Hahahaha... he was feeling it! Nice that he found you hot at 9 months... but uh, no thanks.

"the baby hotel" - totally made me smile :)

Not The Rockefellers said...

I didn't read through all of the comments..so this may not be new

but it would have been funny to yell "Run The Ball" during the no pants party

Peace ~ Rene

Kelly H-Y said...

Hilarious!

Ms Bibi said...

Yes, that's a man for you...I swear watching sports bring the worst out of them and the worst part is that they do think they are attractive while being "themselves"

Grand Pooba said...

I always wondered how babies were made!

staceyjwarner said...

too funny! I'm also from Seattle...now in LA.

much love

Big Pissy said...

"No-pants-party"=hilarious

as is that photo.

Love it! :)

kys said...

I will be adding "no pants party" to my repertoire immediately.

Michelle said...

OH MY GOODNESS. You are a fantastic writer. and this was priceless!

Laurie said...

hee hee!!!! Literally LOL'd ....

Usually when I write LOL I didn't. LOL.

Just featured you amnongst my fave bloggers today!! (Even before I read this post--now you're super-fave!)

http://youmusttakeyourchance.blogspot.com/

Slamdunk said...

Confession: While reading your blog, I have the Dolphins and Panthers game on tv. I have been saying to the Panthers "run the ball" for the last 10 minutes.

At least, I have to speak quietly since the little ones are asleep.

Holly said...

Man I hate football. I'm not a huge sports fan to begin with, but I can appreciate basketball and baseball. Football, however, is excruciating for me to watch. It physically hurts.

heather said...

I like your equation. I agree, too. I've been there.

Joshua said...

Come on over on Friday. I have something for you, if you want it.

-Joshua

Millie said...

Male Aussie football fans are just the same - it's a genetic marker sent from the God of Footy. Does JohnnyMac still want to 'partee' even if his team's lost? Mine plunges into a sea of darkness if Melbourne doesn't get up on the day. A No-Pants Party would be last thing on his mind.
Millie ^_^

Kristin said...

Ah ha ha ha. Dying! Make it baseball and I've been there. Ah ha

blueviolet said...

That's good birth control!

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

No Pants Party - Thanks for giving me a Superbowl theme idea!

Kato said...

Hahah!! That one made me laugh long and hard!!

Oh goodness :)

Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

Good Times. :-)

I only watch football when I've got money on the game. And then I love it.

DeNae said...

You know what's really sad? It's when your husband is that irritating stone cold sober. We spent three hours at a Mariners game (we were living in Seattle at the time that Junior was such a mega-star) and every time someone hit a home run or even just a really good double or triple, my husband would holler, "Nice poke!"

Which he then thought would be a funny euphemism for the post-game celebration you describe here.

Fifteen years later, he still thinks it's freaking hysterical. And I think it's just stupid.

Unknown Mami said...

Gee, I can't understand why you weren't all hot and bothered after that game experience.

Coco said...

Love it! I have a similar story, ONE WEEK before giving birth to my son, my Hubby got "tipsy" at his best friends wedding shower.

Wanted to drive us home.

Then as I was driving us home, tried to make out with me. Nice.

I was FUMING!!!

The girl with the flour in her hair said...

Football has a way of bringing out something normally unseen in men...my husband is the same way. Sometimes I just stand there and stare at him while he watches the game and think "Really? REALLY??" Then I have to stop watching, otherwise I'd have to get a divorce.