This must be your first worst date

JohnnyMac and I took the little man to dinner the other night at one of our fave Atlanta locations, Taqueria del Sol. I went to get our table while JohnnyMac waited for our refreshing libations. I take a table outdoors next to a cute couple who appear in their mid 20s. After a moment or two of eavesdropping casual listening to inordinate amounts of giggling and awkward conversation, I quickly determine they are on a first date.

And the worst first date conversation ensues. But I loved it because it is going worldwide now, isn't it? At one point, when JohnnyMac and Mr. MiniMac came to join me, JohnnyMac said, "that must be some highly interesting dialogue going on since you are not listening to a word I am saying."

Me, not listening to a word JohnnyMac is saying? WOW...I feel like a husband.

Just kidding. JohnnyMac listens to everything one of out four
six ten things I say.

Boys and girls who are preparing to go on dates, here are several things you might want to avoid discussing:

Boy: blah blah blah my boss is a betch. Woman don't make good bosses.
Girl: tee hee heee...what?
Boy: Oh, was the offensive what I just said?
Girl: Well, not entirely offensive.

My thoughts: Ummm...straighten up Boy. This is no way to entice this woman or show your modernity. Your boss may be a betch. But the fact she is a poor boss simply because she is female is inaccurate. Go ahead and stick around, Girl. Hope you like having turkey pot pie on the table promptly at five.

Then Girl begins talking about her lunch time "drinking fest" she takes with other girls from the firm she is interning with. They call them "Margarita Lunches". Boy laughs. Girl talks about going to a Happy Hour with many people from her firm. She said someone ordered shots and says, "How stupid is that to order shots at 5 pm?"
Boy asks, "What did you do"

Girl responds, "Well, they were Redheaded Sluts. I mean, who is going to turn that down. I LOVE Redheaded Sluts."

Boy makes a sound like Slingblade and says, "Mmmmmmme too."

Girl: tee heee heeee tee heee, that is one night I did some things I regret.

Boy: (awkward hahaha) Regret like bad pictures taken of you or you woke up with needle marks in your arm? haha....followed by more awkward laughter.

Girl: Worse.

Silence ensues. While he may find this coquettish, he might also go home and google your name into YouPorn.com. Or you may become his favorite girl friend of all time.

Later, JohnnyMac takes MiniMac to potty. I catch this:

Boy : Tell me something interesting about you.
Girl: My college boyfriend had a 13" penis.
Boy: silence
Boy can say nothing immediately. Did Girl HONESTLY think about WHAT SHE JUST SAID?
Boy: huh huh uh uh....did you measure it?
Girl: tee heee heee hee hee. No.

LONG PAUSE

Boy: You measured it, didn't you?
Girl: Yes.

Thankfully I just put down my Pacifico or JohnnyMac AND little man would have worn it via pleasant snorting laughter spray-fest.

Here is just a potential tip: NEVER, and I do mean NEVER discuss your ex-boyfriend's 13 inch Johnson on a date. But that is why it was the first date and not the rehearsal dinner.