Wednesday, September 23, 2009

We have a winner. JA of the Day : volume iv


We had a wee bit of an issue last night. I hit publish instead of save on this post. Sorry for the fake out. But here is the real deal.

One of the first followers of my blog emailed me and requested that I renew JA of the Day. By all means. JA is my shorthand for Jackass.

So many contenders that it was hard to narrow down a winner. Should I give it to myself for myill-timed profanity last week? No. That would only add insult to injury.

Should it go to Bird Brain? No. Too easy.

Should I pick the bank teller who refused to cash a check for a man without his thumbprint even though he had NO ARMS? Ummm, no, because Bank of America and their PR people have spent weeks attempting to minimize the bad press on this already. And I am certain the personnel involved have been called worse than jackass during that time.

Should I select the snarky commenter who hid behind anonymity to vehemently attack a fellow blogger's post on her religion? Opinions are like ass pieholes, and everybody's got one. However, his issue was tied to her choice not to drink alcohol because of her religion. This merits a diatribe? An anonymous diatribe at that? Suggestion: If you don't like someone's blog, why not: stop reading it. The opposite of love is not hate. It is indifference. This commenter was a contender for JA of the Day, but after a minute more of consideration I determined he is less jackass than he is a blogstard which is my new name for a blogger acting like a b*stard. Thankfully, they are few and far between.

Should it be the man who smacked a crying child in the Georgia Walmart? A man who smacked a child that was NOT his own? This man clearly is a jackass and so much more but this story has already received its fair share of narrative. But should I ever find myself in such a situation, my feelings can best be expressed through a photograph.


For something fresh and new, how about this. In Columbus, Ohio, a 20 year old robbery suspect wants not just "criminal" but "Romeo" on his dossier.

Allegedly, Stephfon Bennett and two other men robbed a couple last Sunday. The victim was able to positively ID him when he came back to her house two hours later to ask her out on a DATE.

Hmmm. The idea of robbing someone first and then pursuing them romantically. You know who this works for? JAMES BOND. Or on the opposite end, maybe girls who like Eminem videos. Who does this not work for? You, Stephfon Bennett.

The Police arrived at the home promptly to arrest him. Could not have had an easier time finding him. Simply drove to address of the victim. He was arraigned Tuesday on a charge of aggravated robbery and is being held in the Franklin County jail on $100,000 bail.

$100,000....pretty expensive misstep I would say. And while he is likely the mockery of his entire little criminal network, this kid does have a set of nuggets on him.

Heads up: Criminal activity might be a turn on for girls like Adele Corners and Mallory Knox, but that is the exception not the rule.

A public defender had not yet been assigned to the case, officials said. Why? Because the Office of the Public Defender has not yet determined who gets to represent Stephfon Bennett. I believe they are currently playing rock/paper/scissor to see who gets stuck the opportunity.

And this is our JA of the Day.


JA of the Day Archives:

volume i
volume ii
volume iii

88 comments:

Metropolitan Mum said...

Now, seriously! Stephfon??? What were his parents thinking? Was he conceived via phone sex? Or did they really think that would give him a sophisticated, European touch? Stephfon, haha. And Romeo? HAHAHA.
(I am allowed to laugh. My surname was invented to make fun of. So for a change I am laughing about someone else.)

My name is PJ. said...

Encore! Encore! Belly Laughs All Around!

And the tours through your brain start when? :)

today's word verification: jorkinge

PS - Met Mum's phone sex comment on Stephfon was EXCELLENT!

Jules said...

I mean, how can you blame him. He's in there robbing her, sees her picture, thinks, "Dang, I think she might be my soul mate..."

Nothing he can do when true love comes knocking....

And seriously... it WAS Walmart. That kid probably deserved it. Let's be honest.

J.J. in L.A. said...

I'd like to meet that child slapper. I still have my metal crutches and...let's just say that the guy I did hit dead center is shocked that he was able to father 2 kids.

mbkatc230 said...

Oh yes, we have a winner! Wonder if he's related to the genius who attempted to steal an ATM by chaining it to his truck and left his bumper (with license plate) at the scene of the crime when the inevitable happened. And I love the term "blogstard"! Luckily I haven't run into many, but I know they are out there lurking. Have a great day, and don't let the JA's get you down! Kathy

S3XinthePantry said...

Glad to read JA of the day. I hope there are many more!

Eve said...

Ah I love it! JA of the day is my new favourite thing ever.

I love this story. :)

Busy Bee Suz said...

This is too crazy. I am never bored reading about idiots roaming around....we have so many of them that they are constant entertainment!!!

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Now that is hysterical. He truly is a JA!

Simone said...

Absolutely hilarious, he definitely gets my vote. James Bond he clearly is not :)

The Peach Tart said...

Well all of those could be designated as a jackass but the robber guy, he does take the cake.

Tammy Howard said...

(wiping a tear from my eye) I am so proud to be from Columbus...

the walking man said...

A jackass for love. what a romantic.

Dustjacket Attic said...

I cannot for the life of me work out why people read blogs they don't like and then leave comments .... as you say, here's a thought ... read the ones you like, that's kinda the whole point with blog world! Love your new name .. blogstard, genius JM. he he
xoxo

Eva Gallant said...

Jenny, you are hilarious. That was the first blog I read this morning, and I'll now have a grin on my face all day! Thanks!

The Savage said...

Sounds like a Seinfeld stand up line..... I'm robbing you but I love you at the same time.

Finally scrolled down the other day. You look exactly as I picture you. You're pretty!

Baloney said...

I can make him a poop hat if you like. ;o)

otherworldlyone said...

If some random person ever slapped my kid, I'd tear their heart out and eat it.

As for the criminal...was he hot?
Kidding! Kidding!

Tsquared417 said...

How fun! Glad it's back!! He definitely deserves it...although the others were great contenders! How about the fertility doctor who implanted the WRONG EMBRYO into a couple from my town??? Maybe save him for next week...

Jan said...

Yeah, well, if criminals were smart they most likely wouldn't be criminals, would they? My sister's house was burglarized once, and they even stole her two purebred Huskies. They were caught the next day...after they called her house to ask if there was a reward for the dogs.

AmyK said...

I love the JA of the day idea. This is one that unfortunately, will have many contenders. I had not heard of this rocket scientist who thought this was way to a woman's heart. He so deserves this honor and a smack on the back of the head just to get his attention.

I am passing on a meme to you that GEM gave to me, if you care to join in. I love the lists you'be shared in the past.

Yankee Girl said...

Wow. Not only is he a JA, but also flat out dumb.

Too Many Hats said...

I'd have to go with the child slapper on this one. Poor Stephan is obviously just plain stupid.

JenJen said...

This is why one should not shop at Walmart. Crying kids and men with short fuses...pass!

CatLadyLarew said...

And here I'd been wasting my time with Match.com, when all I really needed to do was to get mugged.

Geez Louise♥ said...

I think that the child slapper should get it and perfect demonstration. On the other hand Stephfon is a d-bag and could very well tie up with old grumpy d-bag. Thanks for giving me my morning laugh!!!!

Happy Wednesday,
Chrystal
aka Geez Louise

Geez Louise♥ said...

PS I left you an award yesterday!
Chrystal

Michael Rivers said...

Perfect first choice! Is this what has to happen for me to be asked on a date? LOL

La La La Leah said...

That must have been hard to chose JUST ONE!! They are all winners in my book...

Now if someone would have hit my child at Wal-Mart... I would have opened some serious whoop ass.... Do you remember that post about me yelling at that kid at the park?? I guess its a good thing I shop at Target, because things like that never happen there.

Georgina said...

High-five to the guy who asked you to bring this back! Awesome! - G

Kathy B! said...

JA and stupidity seem to have a strong correlationh, I'd say!

Intense Guy said...

I apologize for my rant yesterday. Your post hit a sore spot.

It seems nothing is ever done to make things better though.

As for Stephfon, well rather than try and convict him in the media based on unknown and dubious facts, I'd wait to hear what comes out in his trial... which will probably take place months and months from now (so much for the right to a speedy trial.)

B.o.B. said...

His name is spelled so awesomely, there is no way he could have turned out a J A.

Le sigh.

So many idiots. So many J A posts to come.

Mira is triplet crown said...

That poor little bird is no grumpy old child slappin' man. i have to defend it. I think the child slapper is the snake and he gonna lose his head when it's all over...

A Cuban In London said...

Beautifully crafted post. I loved those lashes of sarcasm :-).

On anonymous users, I have a very strict policy, not let them in. They spoil the party for everyone else sometimes.

Greetings from London.

sheila said...

Seriously disturbing how many stories of morons have come out lately. But great for blogging.

I feel sorry for the bird in that pic. poor birdy. BAD SNAKE! lol

SUGAR said...

ahah okay, this cheered me up. who knew that people, in fact, were so incredibly stupid?

sugar
xoxo

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I actually avoided reading the Walmart thing...where have I been?

Rock paper scissors. I can actually see that going on though.

I'm going to have to check out your previous JA posts, this one was great.

Kristina P. said...

I think that stupid criminals make the world a better place.

Pat @ Mille Fiori Favoriti said...

Thanks for visiting me and leaving a comment, so that I could come over and find you! I like your style. These are all perfect JA's in a world filled with them.

Pricilla said...

erm, why does stupid keep procreating? WHY?

Angie S said...

Good grief. I think I have heard it all! What an idiot.

Bruce said...

I used to do a similar series on my blog called the "Dipshit" blog. While blogs such as these are like a train wreck (you just can't turn away from them and have to see what they say), I decieded to shelve mine.

Negativity and stupidity are so rampant in this world, all we have to do is roll down a window to see and hear it. I deceided to try and concentrate on the more positive aspects of life on my blog....but SHIT.....it has been difficult. So many Jack Asses in the world!

Barbaloot said...

Wow-I am definitely happy that JA of the day is something I get to read about now. That snake picture...freaked me out. But yeah, it definitely fits the situation!!

Southern Sage said...

Hmmm
I have often wanted to smack other peoples kids in public! Then smack the parent 2 or 3 times!

Well now that is surely a new way to pick up chicks.... I might add that to my repertoire!

Life with Kaishon said...

Wow. The check thing is just ridiculous. I can't even believe that would happen to someone. It makes me feel MAD! This post totally made me smile today though : ) I am glad all those terrible things are not happening to me!

VE said...

Note-to-self...rethink dating approach...

Jamie said...

Ooooo... I like this segment!
Do you take nominations? ;)

Buckeroomama said...

Thanks for the laugh! Now off to check out other JA posts. :)

confused homemaker said...

I saw that story about the Romeo and thought about how bizarre some people are. What a pick up line.

Lauren said...

Metropolitan Mum's comment is totally cracking me up because I was thinking the same thing. What were his parents thinking?? It is either Stephen or Stefan. You can't have both. What a tool!

Grand Pooba said...

Seriously a dumb ass! What was he thinking?

Slamdunk said...

I think with the rob and date story--that is a good example for of kids in illustrating why "drugs are really really bad for you."

Nyx said...

Huh. I do enjoy this segment. I look forward to seeing more of it :)

I dunno about you, but I find purse-snatching coupled with a romantic evening for two a turn on. And with a name like that?

Oh baby.

HalfAsstic.com said...

Wow! I don't know how you pick just one! That was an impressive line up. The temptation to throw about multiple JA crownings would be more than I could take.
You, indeed, show great restraint.

Andrea said...

I love your humour. :)
thanks for stopping by my blog...

Cee said...

I would love to know how that conversation went when he came back to her house to ask her out. What was his pick-up line? haha...what a JA!

Sami said...

OMG - I just have to say that I LOVE Jackass Bird. Love love love. He needs his own line of t-shirts and witty bumper stickers. I want to squeeze him!!!!!

Alexis AKA MOM said...

OMGosh!!! I'm almost speechless and anybody around me may have their mouths hung wide open about that statement!

And here I thought no would could top the bird poop dude!

I love that picture it's a perfect pic to show :). Old man would have had a chance, reflex sorry did I just beat you with my purse. Sorry it's the mom purse you know the one that could fit your dead body in it! Yup and that is what I will be doing with you after I kick the crud out of you ;)

Oppps I was speechless, sure got over that one fast :)

ParisPink said...

Left a surprise for you on my blog!

Lisa and Laura said...

That's hot. Can you even imagine? Poor girl had to be totally speechless. Do you think he used, "Don't call the police, but I noticed these really hot pictures of you when I was robbing your house..."

Chickie said...

I have certainly been enlightened today! The BofA thing? What the hell were those people thinking?

What were ANY of these people thinking? Yes, jackassery abounds.

Mark said...

Too funny! I missed that story, however I can see it happening.

Kr√ęg said...

So, she DIDN'T say yes? That seems like a risky move, because now he won't be motivated to give her stuff back.

Maybe he can have her name tattooed on his neck while he's incarcerated. If that won't win her heart, I can't imagine what will.

Alice in Wonderland said...

I stumbled across this blog by accident...and I love it! I love making up words too! Blogstard is a good one, but Frabjous is my favourite!(It's a mixture of fabulous and joyous!)
Please don't let that little bird get eaten!

a H.I.T. said...

That is hysterical. He seriously went back to ask her on a date?!?!

Karyn Bernard (French Charming) said...

Always such a pleasure to visit with you, love your wit and writing style!

The world is full of JA's and I'm sure you have a never ending supply of idiots for JA of the Day.

Hard to believe these morons are allowed to drive many of who I encounter daily)not to mention the right to vote and worse of all, procreate...God help us!

ladytruth said...

That is indeed the most expensive attempt at dating I have ever heard of. Some men should just learn when to quit ;)

The Boob Nazi said...

I like Eminem videos but wouldn't want to be romantically pursued by the guy who robbed me!!

laterg8r said...

love this dude - totally ballsy! cracked me up :D

ps - it is not my handwriting but it is the handwriting i have adopted as my own for most of my scrap pages. it is called CK Ali's Font and i downloaded it from Creating Keepsakes magazine website a long time ago. don't know if they still have it but you could try some of the free font sites or 2 Peas. thanks for visiting my blog

Dan. said...

This is a fantastic idea, and one that is executed brilliantly (even more so judging from the past awards I have just read)

I might set up my own "Attach electrodes to genitals" award, and see if it catches on.

Coffee with Cathy said...

Love, love, love "blogstard." May I steal/borrow/use???!!!

One Sassy Girl said...

Wowser, those are jackasses. To criticize a blog anonymously is cowardly and reeks of ignorance. I debated turning off anonymous comments but don't want to discourage people who aren't familiar with blogging or don't have a gmail act from commenting. Can't live in fear of ignorant blogstards, right?

Lauren and Emily said...

I blame his parents for naming him Stephfon in the first place! ;-P

Print Postcards | Marq said...

Haha. "Romeo". But that man who smacked a crying kid was pretty bad. actually, not pretty bad. REALLY bad. Smacking a child, and it's not even his own. If I was the parent of that child, I'd be really furious.

Caroline said...

OMG...thanks for the laugh! Where the heck do you live that you witness this stuff...sheesh. Love JA...please do it again!

Hit 40 said...

My heavens!! We raise some smart ones here in corn country!! The public defender's office never has any comment. I wonder what this ass gets paid???

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Oh, too incredible these people are.

Say, can I add another to your list? The couple who appeared on NATIONAL television to brag about their shoplifting exploits . . . only to find themselves . . . surprise, surprise, INDICTED?

http://74.125.47.132/search?q=cache:PtqCUq46sKUJ:www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/wire/sns-ap-us-serial-shoplifters,0,5892993.story+couple+shoplifting+Dr.+Phil+show&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us

blueviolet said...

I could not believe it when I heard about that. Unreal!

Dad.. said...

Wow.. How many people in the country would love to have three minutes alone with the child slapper! I know I would!

Being Pramoda... said...

Interesting...:) ..By the by, is it all truee..? hehhh

Jack said...

I would have beaten the Walmart slapper with the prosthetic arms that the B of A teller magically saw.

Drahdrah said...

You are sooo funny ! I can't believe the runners up are true stories, and I agree 100% :
If you don't like someone's blog, why not: stop reading it.
Why do people feel they have to "take you down" if they don't agree with you or they feel you are too successful?
As for the Romeo Robber - I think he should change BOTH his professions !

Vivienne said...

I think Stephfon's parents should be contenders for this too. A "ph" and an "f"....? Puh-leeze. No wonder he's a jackass criminal.

Whimsical Creations said...

lmao! these are great!

Andrea said...

Poor Stephfon never learned the concept of sarcasm.

Stephfon: Dat gurl waz phat! Ya think she'd go out wid me?

Buddy: Ya bro, you should totally ask her.

littlepurpleroom said...

"yo,remember me from before?....
well,like, I was thinkin' now I gots the money to take you out,so you wanna go out wit me"?

How thoughtful of him to want to include her in his plans to spend her money.

His name is perfect.

Thanks for the laugh.

Amanda said...

How did I miss this? I love it! One things for sure you'll never run out of prospective JA's of the day. I do blame his parents for that name. What were they thinking?