Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Irony (and oh, its good to be back in BlogLand)

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh........I loved being home in Seattle. But now, I am back in the ATL. And we are ready to return to our regularly scheduled programming.

Le Blog.

And friends, I will be the first to admit I missed you. I am spending as much time this week as feasible catching up on your blogs. And of course, I am also back to my 6 posts per week schedule. Thank you all for reading while I was gallivanting around the Pacific Northwest.

And on that note, here are some thoughts on my visit home. Or, what I will call:

Irony: The Seattle Visit Edition

Irony is when you once had the opportunity to have your mouth washed out with soap by one of your parents...not just washed out but bar of soap jammed in and twisted for saying Shove it to your siblings when in reality, you didn't even know what it meant and may or may not have allegedly heard this phrase from one of your parents.

And then while visiting Seattle you have to reprimand first your Father for uttering sh*t, bullsh*t, and G. damn it in front of your son. And then you then must reprimand your normally sweet talking Mom for saying prick in front of your two year old after we were pulled over by a police officer. In her defense, he was being a prick. Where is the bar soap now, honey?Irony is when you got a speeding ticket the very first week you had your driver's license and car, had your Mom find out without you actually telling her, having her stomp into your little after school job and demand your keys, only to have her promptly return in a few minutes to return the keys since you have no other means of returning home.

And then, when you are older and oh so much wiser, you ask your Mom to drop you off at the big night of your 20 year reunion and since she has your son in the car, you then tell her to be careful driving him home approximately three times AND ask her to text you when she returns home safely. Mind you, this woman has multiple children and raised them all in a time when car seats were unheard of and seat belts were highly optional and rarely utilized.

Irony is when your entire high school existence, your Mom would always offer to do your make up for big events to which you gave a totally impolite UMMMM NO THANKS and made a ridiculous sneering face. Like your Mom could not possibly put on your heinous blue eye shadow any better than you. And then when you are older, and wiser, and realize that amongst the many reasons your Mom looks like a million bucks is because she does wear and apply her make up in a fabulous way. And then you ask her to not only do your make up for your wedding, but also for your big night of your 20 year reunion. And it looks terrific.

Irony is when you were a kid and obsessed with Mario Brothers and Ms. PacMan, and your Dad had to teach you how to play, and you think you still have all the mad skills now but no, he can still kick your arse to this day.

Irony is when you were in high school and had to show your Mom how to do something on the computer but now, it is your Mom actually teaching you secret tricks on your Blackberry.

Irony is when your a kid and since you have "indoor chores" like loading the dishwasher, so you do SUCH a bad job when required that you hope to be removed from this job, and then when you are visiting home, you completely volunteer to mow your Mom's giant yard and she has to show you how to use the mower since you were so spoiled you have NEVER mowed a lawn in your life.

And you actually want to do a really great job lest you provide your Mom cause to believe you can't even mow a lawn well. And you are secretly so grateful that your Mom has high-tech super mower that requires very little work on your part because you discover there is more than one reason you have never mowed the giant lawn...because mowing the lawn contains ZERO fun.

And irony runs both ways. Like when you are cooking soup on the stove, since you like your soup on the stove, your Mom says, "Oh, did you know you could put that in the microwave?"

Really? You think? And in your brain you say What is this microwave of which you speak?And since you are a serial smart arse, you actually verbalize this out loud to your Mom.

And she finds NO irony in her ongoing confirmation that at least ONE part of you will never change.

86 comments:

Amanda said...

Welcome back - have missed the serial smart arse! I was wondering if your story portrayed my visits home to my family, it feels so familiar, but you voice it so well.

Lisa and Laura said...

Welcome home!

Simone said...

Thank heavens you are back.....you are the guaranteed "laugh out loud" part of my day....I missed you!

Please tell me you will be writing about the 20 year reunion....I'm dying to hear about it :)

Welcome back :)

Dustjacket Attic said...

Fabulous post, never fails to put a smile on my face. Nice to have you back honey.

Hi JM's Mom!!
xoxox

My name is PJ. said...

This was wonderful! All I can add is, irony knows no boundaries. Just you wait until you are in your 50's and your parents are 80...and you experience complete role reversal...I feel like Scooby Doo much of the time, snapping my head rapidly (and repeatedly)back and forth, saying, "Ro-Ro!

J.J. in L.A. said...

Irony is when you hated certain habits/routines your mom had when you were a kid, then find yourself doing those same things and at the same exact age your mom was when she annoyed you with them.

Inge' said...

Very Witty!! I don't know how many times I have caught myself in some very similar situations.

Glad you are back!!

Jules said...

I LOVE that she took the keys from you but had to give them back! Hee hee!

All of these are great! It's amazing how much we always take for granted and "think" we know, isn't it??

the walking man said...

Thank You JennyM...I always thought irony was verb describing the action of using an iron. Now I see where my life has been ironic as my parents tried to get the wrinkles out of it.

Sunshinemeg said...

Haha, I like my soup on the stove too. Welcome back sister!

Vodka Logic said...

Great, and I even volunteer to do the dishes for mom now too.

Is that really your picture with the eyeshadow, say it aint so.

Glad you had fun and gladder you are back

xx

Dumbwit Tellher ♥ said...

Ahhh..so good to be home isn't it. Something really never do change! Welcome back to Seattle, my home too.

:D deb

Lee@iWant2MakeThis said...

Love the irony of your ironies. Welcome back!

Tammy Howard said...

I couldn't wait for my mom to stop treating me like a child and when I go back to her house I act just like I'm fifteen (and that ain't pretty...)

Kris said...

welcome back!

Living on the Spit said...

There should seriously be a warning that states, "Be drinking no liquid beverages while reading this blog."

I spit coffee at the screen.

You are one really funny chick.

stepfabulous said...

That is hilarious! I love visits home - Thankfully though, my "home town" is only 45 minutes away! So I can always come back to my home sweet home!

The Peach Tart said...

Bless your heart honey - welcome back to the ATL

Lana said...

what blows my mind when this happens to me is that i will eventually bring this same irony to my kid.

confused homemaker said...

Welcome back & hopefully your son hasn't learned a new vocabulary that would make sailors blush. But if he did, you can just blame his grandparents.

otherworldlyone said...

That was cute. ;) Glad you're back.

I will never mow a lawn. Ever.

vanilla said...

I love irony!

Thanks for these revelations.

Lisa said...

Ironic that you wrote about this today! Welcome home!

ellen abbott said...

Oh yeah, irony...guaranteed to come back and kick us in the ass.

Lauren and Emily said...

Welcome home! And mowing the grass isn't that bad...you get a tan and a work out all at the same time!

Too Many Hats said...

I like my soup in a bowl, but that's just me ;)

Heather said...

Welcome back! I love the irony here, amazing how it all comes full circle. I will have to work on my father and his not intended to be but are - racial slurs around my 12 month (and growing) daughter. He doesn't mean to, but he does, and I HATE IT.

Yankee Girl said...

Going home is always fun. It's always amazing how things are pretty much exactly the same as when you left and totally different at the same time.

Welcome back!

Jen said...

Great post. All apply. Love the last line. Some things never do change.

Samsmama said...

I cringed the other day when I told Sam he was going to "break his neck". I swore I'd never tell my kid that! I long ago resigned myself to being OK with "Because I said so".

Glad you enjoyed your trip! The PNW is my favorite place to be!

Summer said...

hehehe.....gotta love irony....

Have a great week!

-Summer

M-Cat said...

I love how you cleverly described your relationship with your parents.

Jealous.

Deboshree said...

You are the best lady!
It's such a joy to read your posts!
Always worth looking forward to.I'm sure you're an amazing person and no one can ever be bored with you!!

Welcome back.

Cheers
Deboshree

JennyMac said...

And no! That pic of the gal in the blue eye shadow is not me. Bless her heart though....

Kristina P. said...

You kick Alanis Morissette's arse.

Woah, Mama♥ said...

I love your writings! They Make me laugh, sometimes outloud even! This reminded me so much of my Mom! Haha! Im glad you had a nice visit back to Seattle! Hope your little trooper is all settled in from a long trip!
This was our trip home this past weekend!
http://geezclouise.blogspot.com/2009/09/down-by-riverwe-will-go.html

Xo,
Geez Louise

foxy said...

Oh, the dreaded bar soap that sucked all life out of me. Ugh.

Glad you had a great time... but even more glad that you're back!

Glamour Girl said...

I can totally relate to all of these. I remember get my mouth washed out with soap. I think we go to jail or something now if we do that to our kids, right? Also, I'm not so sure that pic of the "girl" in the blue eye shadow is actually a girl. Just saying...

Mira is triplet crown said...

Sounds like you have a nice appreciation for your parents right now. Great to have come that far isn't it? Enjoy catching up in the blog world. (Can't say Blogosphere, I just can't.)

Chief said...

1 week living in the memories of the past. this can be a good thing and a bad thing, all at the same time

Intense Guy said...

*laffs*

Life is so full of...irony.

Vivienne said...

Welcome home. It seems that your parents may need supervised vistation with your brilliant little man. Yesterday's airplane ride home could have gone horribly, horribly wrong had he been yelling bullshit and prick instead of "calling people on the carpet."
:)

a H.I.T. said...

My mouth was washed out with soap a few times. Once for staying up late with my sister and talking. Irony is that after that, we ended up fighting most of our childhood (probably because we were punished the one time we were getting along) and not becoming friends again until we're in our late 20s.

Young Mom/Wife said...

I love visits home! They are fun. Glad to have you back.

Leah Rubin said...

I bet your mom loves this post above all others! --and that's ironic, too!

Sounds like a terrific family; glad you shared!

Pricilla said...

Isn't it comforting to know that the more things change....

Glad you are back safely and with irony intact.

Deborah Godin said...

Luaghed a lot reading this, but it was "serial smart arse" that shook the cat right off my lap! Welcome back!!

New England Girl said...

Welcome back! We certainly missed you. :)

I LOVED this post. I spent most of it laughing out loud. I laughed especially hard over the bar of soap incident and all of the reprimanding you had to do. Hope your little man didn't catch on to them! :)

Baloney said...

Are you sure that photo is even a girl? Maybe bless HIS heart. It's Pat.
Welcome back!
Loved the irony. For the record, I still don't want my mom to do my makeup but my sister is allowed to any day.

Marcy said...

OK...i can't believe no one has asked yet about your little run in with the law. Details please...

And glad you're back!

Momma G.Love said...

Welcome back!

Steph @ Stick It in the Fridge

pleasestickitinthefridge.blogspot.com

One Sassy Girl said...

I saw this quote on another blog recently and it was too good for this post to not share it:

“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years.”
- Twain

Right?? Goes so well with your mom and the make up.

Simply Mel said...

Ahhhh....it's good to have your smart ass self back!

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

Heehee - very valuable insights! Should get my Teen to read this post ;)

Glad you're home!

La La La Leah said...

Bravo old chap, Bravo! That was a good post, I am glad I read it. =) Irony is a bitch and she can suck it.
Isn't that ironic ?

Constructive Attitude said...

Good to know that you are still a smart arse.

And thats a lot of irony for one trip.

Glad you're back!!

HalfAsstic.com said...

Heh! I just got back yesterday from my parent's house and there was a bit of irony there as well. Isn't there always?

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

That was great. Now we need to get you a magic mind-eraser so your children will forget all the bleep words they heard. I would loan you mine but we use it every day.

Eva Gallant said...

I have totally become my mother--and now I'm her as a grandmother!

just dropping by from SITSto say hi; hope you will do the same.

carma said...

Your parents seriously sound rather cool!

Meg said...

What's wrong with the blue eyeshadow? I never leave home without it.

Okay. I'm kidding.

yorksnbeans said...

I remember those days when I was getting ready to go from college for Spring or Summer Break and I would worry if I might end up dropping an occasional "f" or "h" bomb by accident without realizing it. Thank goodness it never happened!

yorksnbeans said...

that was supposed to be go "home". I need to learn to proof-read before I hit publish.

Kathy B! said...

Irony is a cruel yet oh, SO entertaining mistress :)

Quest said...

A great post, JennyMac! Left me mesmerized at my imagined future with my imaginary future in-laws, my imagined image of how my mom will be like in the future, and all them ironies I'll be smirking, happily, at ....

ciao for now,
Q

ps: and really, 6 entries a week, eh! Me likes.

darsden said...

Welcome Home good to see you. We have passed that bar of soap around too.. and that Picture made me crack up, that is great!

leigh said...

Hop on over to my Blog. There is something magical waiting there for you.
Be sure to say hi before you leave.

Xo
Leigh

Blog Buddy said...

Thanks for making me laugh! You've got a talent for writing-Jenny:)

Bloggin Betty said...

Irony is also having your parents never let you eat junk food, and now all they want to do when you bring the grandkids over is stuff em full of the stuff.

JenJen said...

JennyMac.
I've missed you! Well, because I was gone and then I found out that you were gone so we were both gone.
Exhale.
Glad we're back.

sandy said...

Loved the irony!

Welcome back :)

Cheryl said...

My mom hasn't even figured out the "print screen" function on her computer, and I don't even think she knows what a blackberry is..

Zeemaid said...

oh I love this post. Irony is a truly amazing thing. *L*

BTW your martini is totally making me crave one... now.

;)

Unknown Mami said...

Ah family. Ironic indeed.

Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

Wonderful post! Hope you enjoyed your visit back home.

Laoch of Chicago said...

It is good to know that Ms Pacman skills do not fade.

Mama Kat said...

You mean you were in Seattle and you didn't CALL!?! Sheesh...I would have totally met up with you Salty's or something and gotten drunk with you. Ah well...maybe next time.

PictureGirl said...

How funny and ironic! LOL
Nice post.
Hope you had a great time. Take any photos?

Hit 40 said...

Your mom know how to blackberry?? Too cool!! My mom only knows how to microwave popcorn.

AquarianJwl said...

Nice...
~ AquarianJwl

Cocaine Princess said...

The picture of the girl looks like she could be related to Dee Snider from Twisted Sister. But yes, bless her heart.

Queenie Jeannie said...

LOL, fabulous post!! Irony is just so dang ironic, isn't it????

Alexis AKA MOM said...

So sad how Irony can smack you in the face!

Sad to have you leave us here in Washington but I'm sure it's nice to be back home!

Love the photos you always find the best ones :)

Bert | Brochure Printing said...

What ever irony from your definition it is, irony for me is sarcasm. Thank you for your post.

Putz said...

wow, almost 13,000 comments since may...holy shit, i stand in awe

citymouse said...

Thought you'd be amused to know that while searching for a definition of irony this particular post shows up on the first Google page. How ironic that it's the only blog listed on the page and I already read you. Yay for you.