Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Which wine goes with Jury Duty?

I got the Summons weeks ago. I didn't spend much time fussing over it because it had the X for Alternate and I have never EVER been actually called to report. Oh, Cockydoodle...hold up. This time I was not so lucky. Civic duty? Yes. Pain in arse? Yes.

Jury Duty...or "How I spent all day yesterday" or even better, and what it will now and forever be known as: Jury DOODIE.

Yesterday am, we have a mother of all storms. Thunder barreling beginning around 3 am which is when I awoke. No sleep makes for a pretty face. PERFECT for Jury Doodie.

Ooops...we have no power. Hmmm. The garage door I can manually open. Gates to our entire neighborhood? Took some more work. Luckily, someone else who had to be somewhere or face the threat of warrant had pried one open. Our neighborhood busybodies watchdogs will LOVE that. The power is out in a majority of the city. Awwww, that makes me feel safe. In a place where people are heinous and rabid drivers when the traffic signals fully function.

And I am a salty Mamalita because I have MANY things to do on Monday none of which included Jury Duty.

You can't park downtown so you drive to Turner Field and get on a bus that looks like it just drove straight from Shawshank Redemption. Oh, and get ready to pack it in. Apparently the bus only wants to make one trip despite hundreds of people standing in the parking lot. Oh yes, I did want to rub up on your business this am. Oh, I detect you had garlic in your breakfast burrito. I never knew what a pig farm smelled like. They must use this same bus to haul animals when not busy going to and fro the Federal Building.

Luckily, I was one of the last on. Which provides the benefit of being one of the first OFF. And I absolutely will jaywalk in the hellacious rain coming down despite police officers everywhere because I can't loiter outside hoping Noah comes to give me a lift.

First one in the door makes me one of the first to security. Why the strip search level of disrobing? Who is coming in here for jury duty packing a gat? I clear, finally, after my laptop gets the 10 minute look over, off I go upstairs. Why is it important to be amongst the first in? I didn't know until I got in the large holding cell juror assembly / waiting room. There are two outlets. Only TWO. Two outlets for hundreds of people. Thankfully, I know to bring my laptop/book/mags/water/snacks/patience biscuit because its going to be a long morning/afternoon/evening.

But then I decided to shake that sour face because guess what I can do? I can blog! For HOURS. And read the dozen newspapers I like. At least an hour or two of uninterrupted blogging? And reading? Are you serious? Ok...maybe I can be a bit more grateful for civic responsibilities.

Most people here are completely normal. Every day people who all would love to be given the opportunity to serve civic duty in other means. However, if you are even slightly surly, you better check your comments and your sassy ass at the door because the dames who runs this joint are not playing with you. I did see one kid with his pants down below his boxers. Straighten up clown. Oh, and have fun getting taken to task by a judge for your pants hanging off your arse.

There are forms, and forms, and forms. They called names all morning but here I found myself still sitting. And maybe my tummy gave a little growl because with no power, I could not make my protein shake for breakfast. SmartyMac brought an apple. Shazam! Vending machines make me ill. Not that I have anything against the 8 month old Honey Bun.. but...well, I guess I do.

But then they announced that the remaining red badges would be dismissed. I got quite pleased since this room went from hundreds to about 25 and there wasn't enough of us left to matter, right? Another announcement coming...I packed my gear.

Black and white badges may take a short lunch break and return promptly at one. I KNEW I wanted a red badge when I got here. UGH.

Jury selection (voir dire) is not painful but most attorneys do not want other attorneys on the jury. But should I need to wait for 7 hours to find out something we could have agreed upon at 8:01 am? Apparently.

I finally take a restroom break and shudder upon entering a bathroom in which I have never seen so much water. All over the counters and the floors. Did you wash a jackal in here? What the @&*!^(*&^!. Why is every single surface wet? And not in a pine-sol fresh kind of way either?

After many more hours pass (like3) do I receive word that I am no longer needed and am free to go. Excellent.

Free to walk back to my car 2 miles away? In the torrential rain? Oh no. Prison bus is on its way to fetch me. All that to uphold civic responsibility. And of course...the $25 dollars I earned for 7 hours of civic work will by me a bottle of wine. Which leads me back to my original question, which wine goes best with Jury Duty? I mean, besides ALL of it.

103 comments:

the walking man said...

I never got picked for jury duty and now I answer the initial questionnaire with a list of needs specific to my medical conditions, special chair with lumbar support and head rest, refrigerator for my insulin, a near by rest room for my weak bladder, and no stairs to climb. But I always answer I would love to serve.

The city, state, county and federal courts have all quit wasting stamps on me.

Passion Fruit said...

A little Michele Chiarlo La Court perhaps? I think 2003 is available right now.

Dustjacket Attic said...

That sounds horrendous, I'd need a case of wine to dull that memory.
xoxo

My name is PJ. said...

That's award winning quick wit and word wending, with a big glug of snarkiness added to the mix! You kill me with every single post!

I can hardly wait until little Mac is in school and you get roped into Parent Teacher Organization Doodie and stuff like that.

today's word verification:
udisiden

With a long 'u', tell me they aren't screwing with us!

EXCELLENT!!

Amanda said...

Oh JennyMac - only you could almost make me want a little civic jury duty, but only if you could keep me entertained. Are you allowed to laugh out loud in the jury holding pen?

Jules said...

Knocking on wood here....but every time I've been called for jury duty, the case has been settled before my day has arrived. SERIOUSLY knocking on wood here!! They LOVE teachers on juries! (I'd be snarky though...not sure they'd love me!!)

mammydiaries said...

Dear lord in heaven. Maybe the stuff that comes in boxes in keeping with the "prison bus/wet batroom (blech!)" theme of your day. Enjoy!

Dr.John said...

Thanks for your comment on my Sunday blog.
Glad I didn't live in the city after reading your blog. In Upper Michigan where I was called to do my civic duty life is much more relaxed.
I never served since lawyers didn't seem to like having pastors on the jury.

The Savage said...

I'd say a nice and relaxing Australian Merlot. '92 if you can find it.
Actually something white and European from 2003 would be even better.... Best year Europe has had for wine since 1959 and '59 was the best year in the 20th century. Severe drought makes for great wine. Higher sugar content in smaller grapes.
I've been lucky enough not to ever be needed for jury duty. Luckier still, for you, I know a little about wine....

The Peach Tart said...

Oh JennyMac, I feel for you. I got caught in the torrential rains here in Atlanta too.

I despise jury duty, not because I don't want to perform my civic duty, but like you, I never get picked. I've been there at least a dozen times and have never gotten picked. I just sit there bored all day. It does make for some good blogging material though.

mo.stoneskin said...

Unless I'm greatly mistaken, what you are really saying, in a subtle but deliberate fashion, is that local busybodies should be put in stocks and pelted with rotten tomatoes?

Sleepless nights aren't helping my complexion, are you sure about that one?

Tammy Howard said...

See, this is always how I've imagined jury duty. The hubs had it two years ago and LOVED it. I mean, he was sad when it was over. He said it was interesting and beat heck out of working in a cubicle all day. But I totally believe you...

Matthew said...

I have been ordered to jury duty twice now - and they have failed to pick me twice.

One more time and I'll think about taking it personally.

susan said...

I know someone has to do it and I know I should consider it a privelage, and I know we need our best and brightest on juries...I know, I know...they just make it so hard. Maybe they could hold court in a nice suburb with a lovely luncheon instead of a check?!

Emily said...

Ugh...I have something against the within-the-sell-by-date honey bun. Those things are just gross!
I've always wanted jury duty! (despite the fact that my husband told me I would never be picked since I'm biased against criminals. What can I say, I just don't like them!!) I finally got picked last year...you know, when I was the primary caregiver for 3 small children one who was nursing and refused any other nipple in any other form.

AmyK said...

I have been wondering about you with all the flooding around you.

I have been summoned twice. Sat for hours, was sent into the court room, number pullled to sit in the jury box, questioned and dismissed twice. It was a very long, boring 2 days, but you look like you packed enough to keep you entertained.

Eva Gallant said...

Great post! I've never been called for jury duty. Hubs did once, but wasn't picked.

kyslp said...

$25!? You're living large in Georgia. I think I got $14.50/day when I was on Grand Jury last year. (KY) I didn't mind it too much but I don't have much of a life, either.

Lisa and Laura said...

Which wine goes with jury duty? Vodka.

Shop Girl* said...

Oh sweet mother... I have never been called to jury duty and I hope I never, ever am. Even though your day sounds like it was hilariously fun, I think I'll pass. haha

Kris said...

I would go with Prosseco. It'll wake you up with all the bubbles and the chances of a hangover are less likely than if you were drinking red or champagne. No one wants to sit for hours listening to law talk with a hangover! haha

Ju said...

What a waste of a good day. At least you had your lap top. Jury service here in the UK seems a bit more civilised; well we're serving the queen I guess.
Wine? I guess it's more like a can of beer sort of day. Urgh.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

I think whine goes best with jury duty. At least for me.

Little Ms Blogger said...

I've been called several times, but never chosen. You'd think they learn and just stop sending me the notices.....but, wait, I just realized something...why aren't they picking me?

Okay, that thought has left..Who cares why, just that I'm not...Seriously, the girl next to me was chosen and started crying.

Cee said...

Despite your horrible waste of a day I still have a small obsession with getting jury duty. I have never had it and I really want to. Don't ask me to explain why. I just do.

ellen abbott said...

Always summoned, never served. Got close once, actually made it to the room where they question you. They let me go though when I told them that even the maximum sentence for rape was not enough IMO.

MG said...

Oh goodness! Luckily with the military I move around so much that I have never been called for jury duty! I'm going to hope it stays that way!

And it seems like a big bottle of wine is the best to go with jury duty.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Wow. You get paid a lot in Atlanta. In Texas we barely get enough to cover the cost of parking. Buses?? Things are nice up there!! Outlets?? The Ritz of jury hold em places. The bright side...years before you get called again!

LadyFi said...

Oh my goodness - such a witty and wonderful post! You deserve a glass - hell, the whole bottle - after this experience!

sitting on the mood swing at the playground said...

I was Juror #10 a few years ago. On that jury I was one of three who wasn't an attorney or worked in the legal profession. I guess in DC there are so many lawyers they allow them on the jury.

When the judge asked if I had any lawyers or police in my family, I answered: my husband is a lawyer, my father was a lawyer, my brother is a lawyer and my brother-in-law is a policeman. The judge said, "that's fine...you can continue."

Highlight of jury duty...having everyone stand when I walked in a room. I tried getting that to carry over at work and home but no luck.

Also, my word verification today is: horni.

phd in yogurtry said...

I can't help with wine selection but I can recommend an excellent vodka cocktail: club soda and cranberry with a twist of orange. Makes the jury doodie go down in the most delightful way.

Though I must admit, a few hours of uninterrupted, guilt free blogging might be worth the trip.

Too Many Hats said...

I have been lucky enough to be able to not serve jury duty for years. I was even summoned for a 6 month trial and handily got out of it. I homeschool my kids, so that comes before sitting all day in a holding pen in my mind. However, once my sentence as homeschool mom is up, I would be more than happy to serve.

McVal said...

Oh my! You must have hit the bathrooms just after someone had been in to hose it down... YUCK!
I have a friend that just says, "If the police thought he was guilt, that's good enough for me!" He lowers his cowboy hat to presumable fall asleep and then they usually let him go home.

Jan said...

Hmmmm. I am partial to merlots and red zinfandels and shirazes.

Is "shirazes" a word?

Matt-Man said...

Ha. Funny stuff. My suggestion would be to go with Wild Irish Rose. The red, not the white. The white is sooooo pretentious. One thinks more clearly when imbibing the beauty of WIR. Cheers Jenny!!

Dianne said...

I got called for jury duty twice in NYC and the conditions were well - interesting
I sat in the giant assemby hall with a man who was wearing a cape made of tin foil and proclaiming that he was "king of the world"

now I'm in the burbs and they haven't called me once, I wonder if they know that I bring with me a cynical view ;)
and a Brooklyn attitude

thanks for stopping by

Michael Rivers said...

I've never been called either. I'm not sure I'd want to be!

Intense Guy said...

Is there any wonder why many intelligent and busy, productive people do what they can to avoid this particular form of "civic duty" aka torture?

First, you the law-abiding citizen, are threatened with a warrent, told to report with little to nothing to while away the lost hours, and then treated like a concentration camp inmate with the transport to the Courthouse where you are degraded and humiliated with a search and herded into a confining room with amenities (electric outlets and food) offered in a quantity that can only be called "they are they so the ACLU doesn't hassle us, but we know there woefully insufficent".

After waiting in confusion fostered by the completely inefficient scheduling arrangement, you find your entire day wasted, irreplaceable hours of your life flushed down the toilet by a system that just doesn't give a rat's ass. One has to wonder at the frame of mind some of the jurors are in when they get past this fiasco into the next one - hearing an actual case. I suspect grumpy for starters - does one really expect fair and impartial by the confused and/or angry?

It's a legalized form of abuse of power - call it what you want - a particularly nasty random tax on the public or "jail for a day (or more)", this "civic duty" amounts to the same thing. Our Justice "System" is an absolute mess.

Yankee Girl said...

I'd go with a Chianti.

I don't do jury duty. I've been called in 9 times and I am never picked. This makes me all kinds of happy. I love being the disagreable one that no one wants on a jury.

Eve said...

I kind of was a little jealous... So many hours of free blogging and reading and not being in demand of husband/baby/family/rabbit/neighbor...

I want jury duty! And then cash to buy wine...

JennyMac... This is my perfect day!! :)

Julie@Momspective said...

he he....you said Doodie. I love that.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I love this post. I'm (finally) getting around to having 3.4 minutes to pop over and say hello!

This is hilarious. It almost makes me wish I could get called for jury duty.

I could do with a $25 bottle of wine...

Susan Berlien (warmchocmilk) said...

I've never had Jury Duty! Maybe I'll get lucky! I love that you are into dance. You should read my post on the tango. Look under my hits tab... "Love like the Tango" ;) A Dancer will appreciate it.

Suzanne said...

Wine? Does it have to be wine? Seems to me that deserves a gin martini with extra olives.

I was summoned last month. I couldn't wait! A whole day to read and write... no kids, no job, no spouse, no guilt. No go. I called the night before and was told I didn't need to attend. what does that say when a person is disappointed by being let free from hell?

Hmmmmmm

Mrs. Fish aka Two Fish said...

Ha ha..I avoid those jury doodie summons. They are not certified mail...so they are quite welcome to rest in my recycle bin.

Kristina P. said...

After reading this, I totally want to be called for jury durty.

Whimsical Creations said...

YUCK! I agree with the case of wine needed.

Dumblond said...

Screw the wine! We're talking a good stiff drink here! Jack Daniels is a personal favorite...
I've been summoned twice but there was never the whole "holding cell" experience. We get a group number and we have to call an 800 number everyday for a week to see if our group needs to come to the court house. Sounds like a system every court should adopt...

Chessa! said...

I was going to answer "all of it" since I started reading your hilarious post but then I saw that you're not looking for that answer:) I would say david bruce...the pinot noir or the shiraz...or anything pretty much:)
and in the meantime, enjoy the time off...it's annoying but whatevs...I ended up getting out of it bc I'm a lawyer myself:) use the excuse baby! but while I was there I enjoyed some uninteruppted newspaper, magazine and book reading:)

Midtown Girl said...

LOL - same thing happened to me - but I wasn't a blogger at the time (a few yrs ago!) so you got lucky!!

I always go with a South African or New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc - never fails and there are some for $10 so you can get 2 bottles from your doodiness paycheck!!

XOXO
Amy

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Lord have mercy! What a day from hell.

a H.I.T. said...

I got lucky last time I had jury duty was during a religious holiday and all the attorneys were off. I was basically given a free pass. Unfortunately, this was last year and this year, Husby and I are moving to a new state. Back in the jury pool...

Theta Mom said...

Jury Doodie! LOL
Well, I hear it can be a long day, so brng someting SUPER good to read. I say bring the laptop and blog, blog, blog!

Kathy B! said...

Having previously been stuck on a jury I can tell you that the wine that best complements it is any kind that comes in a magnum bottle.

Vodka Logic said...

I have been twice and never picked. Was called as a witness once and had to go for days until it was my turn to testify..scary

Slamdunk said...

My sympathies for your jury assigment--yuck. They have not caught up with me yet and it would be a waste of time anyway with my previous police work history.

I think that jackal was washed yesterday at our park's public restroom. Must be one clean critter.

kyooty said...

oh but you got to blog!!! I've seen bathrooms with that much water but sadly they were occupied by 3 of my children

Sassy Chica said...

Red wine...red wine goes best with jury duty. Do I dare say that I have never been called for jury duty...becaue if I do as soon as I hit publish this comment, I am sure my call to civic duty will be mailed. Enjoy your non jury duty day!!

Smooches,
Sassy Chica

foxy said...

Ha - the one that makes you forget about your entire day. So, yeah, any variety really.

The Things We Carried said...

I have always hoped to be called, but this changes everything. Still, $25 dollars will buy a nice bottle!

Geez Louise♥ said...

Oh and BTW I gave you an award!!

http://geezclouise.blogspot.com/2009/09/drum-roll-please.html

Dan. said...

I am exempt from jury service as I was called up a few years ago, attended a quite high profile case, and ended up with someone following me home and offering me £10,000 to give a not guilty verdict.

I obviously said no, and sadly the case got dropped.

Was quite scary.

La La La Leah said...

Huh, I am glad you are ok! I was worried about you after I watched the news... But It did sound like you did not have the best day ever.

You would think that if all the lawyers in the world would not pick other lawyers to be on juries... they would put that in the "random jury picking" system and not bother you by sending you crap to come down and waste a day. Isn't that the same system that won't let convicted felons serve on Jury's too ??

Tarable said...

Yeah, "all of it" was going to be my smart ass answer but I see we're on the same page there.

Angie S said...

I have never had jury duty...ugghhhh. If I had or do in the future I would pick the smoothest wine known to man so chugging wouldn't burn! HA!! Sounds like a crappy day.

Jen said...

yes all wine does go with jury dooodie! Love it.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Yikes! I'm so sorry! That sounded like a really tough day for $25.00. I'm pretty sure I'll never serve on a jury! I just have a feeling they won't like me or my answers to their questions.

Hugs!!

B.o.B. said...

Awesome post. Hope you are surviving all the rain. It looked bad on the news.

Jury doodie. Hee!

HalfAsstic.com said...

Oh, it SO sucks to be you for those 7 hours. Bless your heart. Buy the best bottle of red you can with the $25.00 and don't share with JohnnyMac.

JenJen said...

I've managed to escape the doodie. Until now, that is, since I just jinxed myself.
Drat!
Wood? Knocking?

Wine of the juror is probably vodka.

Leah Rubin said...

Mmmm... Pinot Judg-i-o? Jur-donnay? Chab-plea? If not wine, maybe a Bail Ale?

And my experience with jury duty is that it is like shingles. Some people never get it, and others seem to get it over and over... May you never get called again!

The last time I was called, they still allowed smoking in the ginormous waiting room... Ech...

Living on the Spit said...

Screw the wine, baby girl...I'd have gone straight for the Jack!!

Pricilla said...

Hmmm, here they have a form to fill out first before they call you and the hubby just put on there that he was a retired attorney and they didn't even call him.

He was happy.

WhisperingWriter said...

I don't drink wine. I'd have gotten a large milkshake from McDonalds or something. Yum. And fries. I can never go to McDonalds and not get fries.

Bruce said...

This is such a joke, jury duty. They fill the room for worst case scenerio, but the fact is, that most lawyers fear going up against another lawyer in front of a judge, means they have to actually 'practice' law....which none of them want to do. I think there is about a 5% chance of ever getting picked for jury.....damn attorneys.

Cathi said...

I will pass right on by the wine and hit the vodka - martini that is.....!

carma said...

you did your doodie really well :D

Kelly H-Y said...

Oh my goodness ... sorry about all you went through, but that made for a HILARIOUS story! Loved they way your wrote it up!

4 Lettre Words said...

I've gotten alternate twice...once in Gwinnett and once in Cobb. Didn't have to appear either time. I would actually like to do it, tho. :o)

(Probably my super-conservative-yet-ever-curious side.)

Bloggin Betty said...

I am so JEALOUS! Except, I would have actually wanted to be picked. I have fantasies about jury duty.

M-Cat said...

I'm surprised you weren't dismissed right off the bat! I got called once before. Made it into the courtroom. As we were introducing ourselves to the attorney's, I recognized the defense attorney as the one working on a case I brought against our Little League baseball pres (stealing the funds). I made sure to state that I volunteered for the league. The attorney whipped his head around,double checked my name against some files in his briefcase and asked to speak to the judge. Some whispers, and I was dismissed.

I figured if that didn't get me off, I would just say I want the death penalty. For everyone. All the time.

That would work right??

Amy said...

I had the not-so-hellacious-as-your-Jury-Doodie-Experience experience waiting for my laundry at a laundromat. My machine at home is too small for gnarly, muddy sleeping bags that were out in the rain and mud for three days. Ah, camp!

I brought my laptop and that stuff was done before I knew it. Which was sort of unfortunate bc I was hoping to get a good blog out of all the delicious people watching.

secret agent woman said...

Oh boy, I had to do jury duty once - two cases. HATED it.

Elle Squared said...

OH NO! What a day!

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Have a great rest of the week!

Kathy B! said...

You pushed publish instead of save on your JA of the Day post didn't you?! I hate it when that happens :)

Alexis AKA MOM said...

Wow $25, you lucky girl that is amazing ... LOL our is $5 I guess I have to go to the bargain bin for my wine, maybe a box?

LOL, sorry to hear about your day hope you got a good bottle and had more then one glass :)

blueviolet said...

Definitely ALL of it is your answer!

Southern Aspirations said...

With the $25 and your day, perhaps you need 2 bottles of great-buy South American wines?

Love your blog!

Keith said...

What a post. Not sure what wine should go with jury duty. Luckily I've never been selected for jury duty. *knock on wood*

Baloney said...

Ditch the wine - go for some shots.

♥ Braja said...

Any bloody bottle you can get your hands on, I'd wager...

Mrs. Montoya said...

I addressed all of my Christmas cards the last time I was called for jury doodie. Good enough!

For $25 I'd head to Bristol Farms and buy a bottle of Twenty Bench cab. That would almost make it worth the swamp of a bathroom. Almost

The Gman said...

wine? stick with the single malt bushmills, 16 year old.

and, btw my Andy Dufresne, thank for stopping by my site the other day. it was a dark day for me and a comment from an 'i give good blog' receipiant shined some much needed light. cheers baby!

Orange Juice said...

Forget the wine go for the hard stuff.

I think attorneys should get a get out of JD Free pass

ladytruth said...

We don't have jury duty here and I find it such a pity. I would love to be on a jury! What better excuse to judge people full on? ;)

Hit 40 said...

You silly girl!! You should have offered a red badge a $20 to switch colors with you!! Just do it in the bathroom where no one sees you. I would have been freaking outta there.

Casey said...

Never been to jury duty but I thought it would be more exciting for some reason. Like on tv.

Just Playing Pretend said...

I've always wondered where the best place to wash my pet jackal would be. Thank you for solving that mystery for me.

Yay for Jury Duty!

Vivienne said...

Ugh. People watching is fun.
People watching in any sort of bureacratic/government situation? Horrific.
Hubs is an attorney too and doesn't understand why he can't just lead with that info and be dismissed right away.

Cocaine Princess said...

I myself was actually summoned once for Jury Duty but thankfully I wasn't selected.

Lee said...

I swear, is there something in the water?
Everyone I know, EVERYONE, has been summoned within the last few weeks.
It's ridiculous.

Amy said...

After a day like that you need as much wine as possible for your $25! Two Buck Chuck wine from Whole Foods should get you a good bang for your buck!