Thursday, September 24, 2009

There was a young woman who lived for a shoe....

Ahhhh...who doesn't love a great pair of shoes?

Now, some of you see a pair of shoes like this and say to yourself,
Oh, those are FMPs.
Not familiar with this acronym?

Well, for the sake of public decency, let's say "Fornicate Me Pumps" and just replace Fornicate with your favorite sailor word. I think you know what I mean. The F Bomb. Yes, some people have a special code names for shoes like these. Oh, I am sure you never use that word. And I, of course, say it often use it so sparingly I have trouble pronouncing it at times.

But the sister to the FMP is the DFMP. As in Don't F with me pump. You have seen them, I know you know what I mean. Heels you put on to feel invincible. The ultimate power shoes. And I can't be the only one with a pair or two.

I have several pairs of shoes that immediately empower me. Oh, that's a lot of stock to put in a shoe. I know. But they do. It's like putting on Superman's Cape. And I love it. One pair are 4 inch heels I bought in Italy. I love them because they make me 5'11 and because I love where they came from. Oh, just ask me.If you say, "Wow...I love those shoes." Then I will be sure to say "THANK YOU, I bought them in Italy. " It's never lost on me that you have not necessarily asked me where they are from.

And another pair, the first time I wore them, JohnnyMac said, with a very sultry look "Those shoes are hot." My reaction? Very close to Meg Ryan in Top Gun: Take me to bed or lose me forever.

And my favorite pair of all time. A black patent open toe slide with 3.5 inch Pucci covered stacked heel...mmmmm....yum.

Oh pretty shoe, why did I wear you to that filthy dirty bar in Spain? WHY WHY WHY. Why did I drink all night and dance you to your near-death? WHY WHY WHY? Those shoes suffered some scars. Nothing looks good with martini splashed all over it. Not you, not your liver, and certainly not your Pucci heels. Peter Dundas would have likely maced me had he known of my transgression.

And there is no need to have fabulous shoes that make your feet hurt. Boo. Lest you are so uncomfortable you must remove them before your evening ends. And what is the point of that? I am all for barefoot and fancy free. At the beach? Barefoot reigns. Your friend's wedding? Not exactly.

A friend wore bad shoes in NYC and ended up barefoot on the street at 2 am. Catch that? Barefoot. On the streets of NYC. You may save yourself a blister but enjoy walking around in who knows what AND contracting plantar warts. Even the bar of soap shuddered and thought "I don't want to go near that mess". Ergo, keep your footwear on in sketchy places. Streets of NYC at 2 am are the epitome of sketchy.

And with great websites like Endless and Zappos, and of course the fabulous shoe departments in Saks and Nordstrom, the possibilities are unlimited. And let's not forget DSW. I hope every woman has a DSW nearby.

If you know another great resource by which I can get a fix, by all means, share.

So here's to putting something fabulous on your feet.

If clothes make the man, shoes make the girl. Don't believe me? Ask Cinderella.

95 comments:

the walking man said...

Uhhhh while I believe that you have DFMP's and they somehow add to your superpowers but what i don't understand is when did men start looking at a woman's SHOES?

*sigh* Just more proof The Walking Man is a devolved creature.

ha ha ha ha nice er ahhh shoes.

Jules said...

Zappos and I spend way too much time together. Hubby is becoming a little suspicious, I think...

SUGAR said...

my feet are covered with old war wounds, why did i think it was appropriate to wear seven inch heels to walk to a party thirty minutes away?

shoes are the best mood booster ;)

sugar
xoxo

mbkatc230 said...

I will not let my daughter see this post! When we moved her into her college apartment, her main criteria was a closet big enough for her - you guessed it - shoes! Her saxophones were secondary lol. Her family nickname is "Baby Imelda" - getting the picture? She has her own pair of DFMP's - pink calf leopard print heels that look FABULOUS with a little black dress while playing the sax! Have a great day. Kathy

Julie@beingRUBY said...

Fabulous shoes and post! Back when I still thought drinking and dancing to the wee hours was a great thing to do, I would wear my FMH shoes [follow me home. Not that I am saying that was what happened! haha.. just what we called them. I'll never understand how you can dance all night in them.. but can't navigate them in the daytime..[suspect it is the booze!!]. Have fun with those! Julie

Kate said...

Do you ever go on the outnet? it has all the reduced designer shoes. I still can't afford them but it is a good Friday lusting session

Kate x

Inge' said...

Someone once said,"Cinderella is living proof that a pair of shoes can change your life."

I cannot turn a great pair of shoes. It is my one true weakness.

Hit 40 said...

I love shoes too!! We need a group therapy for this addiction??? It is probably more expensive than cigarettes.

leigh said...

Okay Atlanta girl, I am sure that you know about The Shoe Gallery on Amsterdam Avenue. I can spend days and days roaming that place. Great deals on some sh*t kicking heels (the cowgirl in me said that)

Anyway...I lived in ATL for 5 years, well Decatur really,and I worked in a Salon in Buckhead. I get a kick out of reading about your adventures in the city.

Now I am living just a hop away over in Athens. Hmmm...maybe I'll come into town and shoe shop soon.

XO
Leigh

I Love Brownies said...

Oh dear...I am in a foreign country. Would you be impressed if I told you that I picked up the CUTEST pair of flip-flops yesterday for only $2.00 at a swanky boutique called Fab-rik at the Forum in Duluth? But my toe nails were sportin' some S-E-X-Y hot pink polish. But barefoot on the streets? Gag - I guess I have SOME class!! :-)

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Love this post. I don't have any FMP. I have some FMFF (the FF is for Flip Flops). Do those count??

Lauren said...

I LIVE for cute shoes!! My current favorites are this pair of animal print pump that I got at Ann Taylor! They are definitely DFMPs! When I showed them to my husband for the first time, he said, "um honey, do your shoes have hair?" Me: "Why yes they do dear. And they bite too, so watch out!"

Mala said...

Fabulous post!!!!
Sadly, my lifestyle doesn't lend itself well to open toe anything... owning a horse farm means most of my footwear is...*gasp* rubber. But how I long to wear pretty little sexy numbers.

oh and we called them "Catch me, do me" shoes.

Dustjacket Attic said...

Yeah there is just something about heels...they feel so darn good to wear...most of the time!!
xoxo

Eyes Wide Open said...

Aahhhh, heels. You see, 4" heels make me 6'4" and then everyone thinks I'm a transvestite. And other trannies ask me where I bought my shoes.
*sigh*
It was nice to live vicariously through you by reading this post.

Eva Gallant said...

My shoes are more of the CMT variety: Comfort my toes!

AmyK said...

O'my sister of the stilettos - I had the slip on mules with the 4 inch heel that were FMS. but in public I called them my "Go Forward" shoes... for the obvious reason. I am barely 5'3".. I needed all the help I could get. Tell me you have owned the over the knee thigh high boots. On me they looked like fishing waders, not the sexy look I had hoped.

Drahdrah said...

Bad ankles and hips prevent me from being able to walk and therefore LOOK invincible in heels... but I remember when I could, ah the good old days ! I will live vicariously through you on this one !

otherworldlyone said...

FMPs. How I love them. ;)

♥ Braja said...

Mmmmmmm.....shoooooooes....

Wait....oh damn I live in a village...

cherie said...

i believe you, dear. I SO believe you.

Scrappy Girl said...

I am the complete opposite of you in shoeworld...I love shoes, but I am a comfort girl...I have no FMPs..I only have "I am so carefree and happy you should sweep me up in your arms and carry me off to bed" flip flops...LOL! I love flats...I love color!

Shop Girl* said...

Cinderella is PROOF that a pair of shoes can change you life. ;)

I definitely own some Don't Eff with me pumps. I love busting them out when I need a little boost!

Vodka Logic said...

I wish I could but i can't do heels. and thanks for the warning. I will not be taking my shoes off in NYC.. lol

The Savage said...

Ahhh the power of shoes!
I used to have quite few (for a guy).
But now I have work shows, a pair of flip flops, some around town shoes and a pair of kick-(insert other term for donkey here), flamed job oxfords....

The Curious Cat said...

Hey thanks for dropping by! Great article on shoes here! Very witty and I love how you end it! Tried on the orange skirt this lunch time - it is lush but I think I either need to be brunette or I need some killer high heels - and that is more money and also training as I cannot do high heels with two left feet! I trip over in my flats at the best of times! xxx

Kathy B! said...

Better to live *for* a shoe than *in* a shoe, right?

And I have several pair -- the higher the heel, the more invicible I become!

Gabriel said...

Lordy, that's quite a glimpse into the dark arts of womenfolk and their strange powers. I feel enlightened. Are men even allowed to be here? :o)

Cee said...

Sad to say I have taken my shoes off in NYC a couple of times. Baltimore too. I got in the habit in college (which was in a small country town) and havn't been able to break it!

f8hasit said...

I have some superwoman shoes myself! And if I love them, I buy two pairs, just in case.

I've passed the love of good shoes onto my daughter. A buding Immelda in her own right, and she's 10. But how can I refuse since she has such good choices?
:-)

Nonflammable said...

I don't have any shoes that I would consider DFMP but I have many pairs of DFMBs (boots}.

I just acquired a pair of cheetah pumps that I haven't worn yet. Mayhaps those are my DFMPs. They make me stand about 5'11" and inch shorter than my husb.

I've been pleased with my shoe purchases from Piperlime.com (Gap co.

McVal said...

Shoot - what does it say about me then?? I'm wearing scuzzy old suedelike slipon crock things....
I told my daughter to dig me out some shoes from the closet this morning and she pulled these out. ok...

S3XinthePantry said...

I love shoes, but I can't stand heels for too long (I'd rather carry them and be barefoot -even if it is on my way to get a cab in NY - I wouldn't be "on the street" for long)

La La La Leah said...

Um are you still going to be my friend if the only shoes I wear are crocs, UGGs, and flip flops?? I am sorry.

Suzanne said...

I am wearing a pair of black suede open toed shoes today that make me feel adorable, so what if I never dried my hair?

Mommy Lisa said...

Have you heard of the new service, ShoeDazzle.com that each month shows you a selection of shoes based on your taste and you can pick what you want - $39 a month?

It is from Kim Kardashian, I am a bit worried about the quality, but I am going to try it for a month or two and see if me likes.

Michael Rivers said...

Women's shoes and clothing is much more exciting then men's. We're stuck with such boring stuff. Sigh.

The Peach Tart said...

I'm a shoe whore. I have over 100 pairs of stilettos. I've been thinking about a 12 step program.

foxy said...

I need some new FMPs. Actually, I just need some new shoes... thanks for the reminder!

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Any "don't-eff-with-me" shoes I have are that way beause they make my feet look so big people think I'm a psychotic clown or something. My feet are size ten, and so most shoes - but ESPECIALLY pumps, especially with pointy toes, make them look eight feet long. It's pitiful. :(

Intense Guy said...

I used to wear those big heavy black framed eyeglasses... The BCDs... (Birth Control Devices...)

Those were before the Army came out with CMFM (catch me - fornicate me) glasses.

Durn.. always before the fashion curve...

Vivienne said...

You're preaching to the choir. Amen, sistah!

If the shoe fits.... buy it.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I just got some wonderful new heels. I don't care if I work from home and run after kids all damn day I'm wearing them! They look fabo with my jeans :)

I have this pair of black heels I bought from JCrew literally 11 years ago. They still look nearly new and I love them so much. Plain and simple they may be but they love my feet like no other.

I got them off this little site -
ideeli you have to be a memeber for thier sales you can use my private link if you like.

http://www.ideeli.com/invite/bloggingmama

Franko Sarto sale starts today :)

Barbaloot said...

I do have a paid of magic shoes---they're patent leather heels and I wear them whenever I have to teach or do something that would normally terrify me. They make me brave:)

Of course, I have a limit to how long I can wear heels and it's usually no more than four hours.

The girl with the flour in her hair said...

Oh, yes! Yes! YES! Shoes...ummm...oh yeah. Unfortunately, my job requires a bit more restraint in my clothing choices. The kids just aren't as impressed with my DFMP shoes as they should be. The beasts have no respect.

Although, my daughter is showing promise. For her third birthday she got a pair of Cinderella plastic pumps and she has yet to take them off...

Lisa Anne said...

Zappos is a great online place to buy shoes. lol I wish shoes turned me on like that. I'm more of a flippy flop kinda woman. lol

Aly said...

Every time I read one of your posts I crack up. You are too funny!

i am the diva said...

Yes!! there is something about a good shoe that makes you feel invincible...

sitting on the mood swing at the playground said...

I firmly believe in the power of shoes. I have/had:

I Quit My Job Shoes
Friendship Shoes
Beautiful Shoes
Italy Shoes
Taxi Shoes
Date Shoes
Picasso Shoes

I love, LOVE good shoes--they make me happy.

Pricilla said...

There were two things that made getting sick hard for me; the headache I have had since 1997 and not being able to wear heels.

I am not sure which is worse.

Kristina P. said...

I LOVE shoes. Probably have over 80 pairs. And I love heels. But I always carry a pair of flats in my car, in case I stop at the mall or need to walk around. My poor feet have been beaten!

Karyn Bernard (French Charming) said...

Love this post! Regrettably my FMP's days are few and far between, however I still have it going on with my DFMP!

I never really thought about the torture I put some of my favorite shoes through, back in the day I had a gold pair of high heels that I wore with lace socks, WTF was I thinking! Poor gold shoes...poor me!

Grand Pooba said...

SO true! My whole life up until I married my 6'5" husband I would hate shoe shopping. I'm 5'11", I'm already taller than most guys so finding flats that were cute and in style was a pain!

No I can where all the FMP and DFMP I want and I love it!

I never knew there is so much power in shoes but there is. Alright, you've convinced me, I'm off to Zappos!

The Boob Nazi said...

Even my DFMP are FMP. haha I love shoes. And I loved this post.

Lola Lakely said...

Let me count all the ways in which this post was delicious! I think there are about 100 ways. I have a pair of ice-pick helled black boots that go up just to my knee and they are absolutely without a doubt my Don't F with me shoes. I love them. I fee like I walk a little taller, a little stronger, and a little more kick ass whenever I wear them. Great friggen post!

Alicia said...

you can't see me, but i'm standing up clapping right now!! AMEN sister!! and not only do i love them...but the hubs looooves them on me too! ha!

Bruce said...

I will never forget the first time I heard FMP, from a woman. I never looked at heels quite the same again.

(Meg Ryan wasn't in Top Gun, you might be thinking of Kelly McGillis.)

JennyMac said...

She was Goose's wife!

Hearts are breaking all over the world tonight....

LadyFi said...

Great post - but I never wear heels. Not sure if I dare confess this.. but there it is!

VE said...

Holy crap... FMP, DFMP, WHY, NYC, DSW

Is this Venus-Speak? Cause I only know Mars-speak:

NFL, BMOC, WTF, MILF, STD, DOA, AWOL

Ju said...

I do agree about feeling empowered by some heels. I love having them in my wardrobe but gosh why can't Nike invent some that are comfortable and sexy at the same time?
Saying that, today for the first time in ages I came to work wearing heels, Ok, not so much heels as platform heels. Still... big effort.

jules said...

I hold this post close to my heart. I feel every part of it. I think I'll go home and take a good long hard look at all my shoes tonight!

Living on the Spit said...

Could not agree with you more!! Now, if I could just get Hard Working Man to understand this concept, I would be in business.

M-Cat said...

And for the love of all that's holy, what doesn't my husband GET THIS??? I realize I have SEVERAL pairs of black heels. Each and every one of them are essentials.
Stupid men.

JenJen said...

Piperlime has a good selection. And, you can now shop online at DSW.
I have a pair of peep toe cream and brown polka dots in a fifties look that I L-0-V-E.
I love a retro, vintage look. Specially with those stockings that have a seam up the back.

Where you been, by the way?

Southern Champagne Wishes said...

Ah, a post after my own heart. I love that a great pair of shoes can render a man almost speechless. I had a boyfriend once who called a pair of my shoes FMP's, but I think I much prefer your DFMP's - I have a few pair of those. They make me feel like I'm on top of the world and if anyone dares to get in my way, I will ground my little stiletto heel into their toe!

Emily said...

Shoes. Ahhh, shoes. By far my favorite piece of the outfit. I live near the Vinings area and there's this little shoe store near me where I've found some rockin' FMS.

MommaKiss said...

Fornicate Me Pumps. Fabulous.

Simply Mel said...

You know you have a great pair of shoes when the bitches have shoe envy! My husband's favorite line to say when I wear my leopard Jimmy Choos!

Alexis AKA MOM said...

Wow my dear those are some powerful shoes! I wish I had me a pair do they have any that slim and lift? Now then I would have to have them all .... LOL

My life has gone to the dark side of comfortable shoes, flats that would be called out on What Not to Wear. Well at least no square toys and clod hoppers that they hate but I do use the word they hate ... Comfort :)

You go girl with your inner Meg Ryan :)

Jen said...

I love shoes. I would love to have some FMP but I have not found the pair yet. It is more complicated by the fact that I am 5'11 and my feet are wide. *sigh*

Jane Kennedy Sutton said...

I am in awe of people who are able to wear high heels and walk (much less dance) at the same time. I’m too big of a klutz. Besides since moving to Florida, my feet rebel when I try to wear anything other than flip flops.

Heather said...

Ooooh girl. This is the way to my heart. I have FMP's, DFMP's, boots, strappy sandal's, closet full.

And I love them. They give me strength, they make me happy, shopping for them is a release. We had clients in the office today and yesterday - I'm the only woman with 7 men. You better believe I planned the shoes for this.

kyslp said...

When I was in college, my apartment was robbed. They took 30 pairs of my shoes (among many other things). I still had many pairs left, though. Does that tell you anything?

HalfAsstic.com said...

Oh, I am BAAAAAAAAAD! I do love me some sandals and cute is essential. But, honestly? An Espadrille is about as far off the floor as my feet get. I have tiny, sexy ankles that look smokin' hot at the ends of loooong legs, yet, buckle beneath me as soon as I put on anything over 2.5 inches tall.
Damned if I do, damned if I don't... ;-)

carma said...

I've gotta bite the bullet and order some shoes online. I've never *gasp* done that before!

Being Pramoda... said...

Yeah..shoes make the gal..:)

Thanks for the post jenny:)

Just Playing Pretend said...

Barefoot in the street on New York...

*shudder*

That is just to much for me to imagine.

Lani said...

sigh.. I don't wear FMPs anymore, I wear DETAIFFs, also known as, I have been chasing triplet toddlers around all day and I'm exhausted so Don't Even Think About It Flip Flops. hehee:)

I'm having a Blog For a Cure Blog Party on my blog next week, please stop by if you get a chance!
www.whoknereviews.blogspot.com

Pumpkin Delight said...

Oh, I am a total shoe whore! I love them. Have a DSW kind of nearby, but now they offer online shopping with free shipping. :)
Thanks for stopping by yesterday.

The Girl said...

Hurray for this ode to shoes. There's no item of clothing that can finish off an outfit like a pair of shoes and completely change the way you feel about yourself.

I have to hold my hands up. I have indeed been sinful and taken my shoes off and walked the streets in the wee hours of the morning. And I have the scar on the bottom of my foot where I stood on a broken bottle to prove it. Hey-ho!

Thanks for stopping by!

Eve said...

Shoe's ARE empowering. I have so very many shoes that my husband fears to open the closet.

This is fine by me though, he shouldn't be in there in the first place, I'll pick what he wears. (not really...but sometimes I think I'd have so much fun doing that)

I have a couple of FM shoes. Yes, I use that word. My husband is a weakling when it comes to me in a good pair of FM shoes and not much else!

Dumblond said...

Oh how I envy you. I love shoes. But my extremely large (size 12) and extremely flat (no arch at all) feet rebel when I but on a pair of heels. If I can even find a pair to fit me...
Not to say that I don't own a couple of pairs...but I wouldn't call them FMPs. More like UYAGTGMAFMLSAP (Unless You Are Going To Give Me A Foot Massage Later Stay Away Pumps).

Tammy Howard said...

Boots count, right? There is a little saying I keep near my desk (with a very sweet picture) that says: Your boots may be made for walking, but mine are in case I need to kick your ass.

EmFabulousFunshine said...

i have a friend that used to end up barefoot on Bourbon Street...yep

Lolly said...

I LOVE MY FMPs and DFMPs. I haven't worn heels in a long time since my feet swelled up during my third trimester. I miss it!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

What a great post! Must admit, though, I have been barefoot in NYC. Hey, I was only 19 and stupid enough to wear 3 inch heels to a Broadway show.

Dee said...

Oh I knew it as CFM shoes. The C of course rhyming with a word like Mum.

I've got a pair or two especially one that displays my sexy toes all prissy in white nail polish. Ooh.

SonyaAnn said...

If only I could walk in the damn things! I would be better off in stilts!

Debbie / Cranberry Fries said...

Shoes really do give a girl such a boost. Thats why, unlike my sister ane a few friends, I refuse to wear sneakers unless I'm working out. To me, they're not running errand shoes or going out to play shoes. They're working out shoes. End of story. A girls gotta have a great pair of shoes! Or 10.

Jen said...

I've finally reached a point in my life where I'm only going to wear comfortable shoes. Not fugly ones, but comfortable. As you said, barefoot is for the beach, not a dressy event out where you just can't take the pain anymore! Zappos rocks; sadly we have no DSW nearby :(

heather said...

I just (last year) discovered the true beauty/ power of the high heeled shoe. Love 'em. And love this post, too!

One Sassy Girl said...

Girl, you are speaking my language. Driving cross country, my fave charcoal patent wedges rode shotgun. And yes, they were did more than just sitting. I wore them to dinner with the ex I posted about. An essential to have in an arm's reach.

K a b l o o e y said...

Sad to say I wish I could Superwoman myself up by donning sexy, power-producing heels, but I can't even walk in them. My 4.5 year old does better in her hard plastic play heels than I. And to add insult to injury, I'm more than acquainted with walking around NYC barefoot. I once sunburned the tops of my feet so badly that I couldn't wear anything on my feet for a week. No lie. I stepped very carefully but walked all over the place and while they were filthy, I contracted nothing and drew no blood. Pity me now.

Gibby said...

Love this post! Oh a girl and her shoes. I have a pair of FMBs...B standing for boot. Hubs loves them.