Safety first

I am certain there is vital information to be gleaned from taking lessons of every sort. Or they wouldn't be so readily offered or filled to capacity, would they? Riding lessons, tennis lessons, fly-fishing lessons....if there is someone wanting to learn, there is a class you can sign up for to teach you basics of whatever new hobby you are trying to pursue. I have taken lessons o' plenty. From skiing to spanish class, so I already how beneficial some general tutoring and guidance can be.

So it might not surprise you that I wanted to undertake windsurfing in the Bahamas. What might seem askew is that I would disregard common sense and instead, I would pioneer my own sense of vanguard learning. Let me explain.

We went to the Bahamas and stayed at an all-inclusive resort. What they lacked in "good food" they made up for in cocktails and an endless supply of boats, kayaks, surfboards and differing other water paraphernalia.

In chatting with some other guests, one of them was a wind-surfing champion from California. I expressed my interest and he and his wife said they would show me how easy it was. With about 20 minutes on the sand, it truly seemed easy enough. I am an athletic girl so as long as I could pull that sail up, I was ready to go. Sleek black life jacket over my fabulous red bikini and I was ready to pilot my craft into the Atlantic.

I only had to tell a partial and tiny lie to the man at the equipment dock. He asked if I had lessons. I said yes. While I could infer that he meant "are you trained and ready" I simply took his words at face value. Had I had lessons? Yes. One twenty minute lesson OR if you broke it down, two ten-minute lessons which qualify as plural. He didn't ask where I had them, from whom, or how long but I guess he assumed if I would employ some lawyer-ly trickery to undermine my own safety, then I was beyond his reach.

And we know, safety first.

There is a reason people like him, who work on the beach, ask these questions.

I took the board out with the help of my two "instructors". The wind was perfect and I pulled that sail up in about 2 seconds and felt the speed pick up as I traversed the waves. Boats and jet skis bounded by me, and with a friendly wave I celebrated my coup. I was actually zigzagging across the watery terrain, and I felt like Annick Graveline. Or at the minimum, Baywatch material (sans permanently implanted "life preservers"). All was going well and clearly, they got some great pics from the shore.

I was impressed by how quickly you can move across the water. What did not impress me was the moment the wind ceased. For it was only at that moment did I realize how far from shore I had come. And then I realized that I had failed to inquire what you do when the wind halts. Uh oh. I had to drop the sail because gravity was working against me. So there I sat in the Atlantic....all surfboarded up and no where to go.

After about ten minutes, I seemed to be drifting in the wrong direction. I had no windpower. Oh, and I was on a bit of a schedule. I had a flight to catch.

Finally, I see another windsurfer heading my way. I flag him down (he, adept enough at the sport to cruise right over to me). Only to discover he spoke zero English. He kept pointing at the sun, smiling, and saying "Mucho calor!" Yes, I know its hot. I have become quite aware of the burning sun as I float aimlessly around the Ocean.

I decide to try to pull the sail out, discard it, and paddle back on the surfboard. How to remove the sail? Oh, that was apparently going to be covered in another future lesson.

Finally I say F. it, and I am going to simply have to swim back sans board. I see off in the distance that there is a touch of a crowd gathered on the shore where I left which may be comprised of my friends who certainly know I have had no windsurfing lessons.

As I am pulling the sail towards the board, I cut my hand. And not a paper cut because of course, I am not handling paper here. I jump in the water but there is actually quite a bit of blood. You know who likes blood? Sharks.

Now, the Atlantic Ocean is home to over 16 types of sharks with Great White shark, Reef Shark, and Tiger Shark amongst some of the most popular around The Bahamas.

Now for a lesson in zoology. Do you know what the Tiger Sharks nickname is? Garbage Can of the Ocean because it will eat anything. Due to its aggressive nature of eating, the Tiger Shark doesn't slow down to study its food. License plates, suits of armor, baseballs, and even a petroleum can have been found inside the digestive track of a Tiger Shark so I know my gams would be but a mere appetizer.

Oh, and Tiger Sharks eat all of you. Not just a bite or two. And because of their incredibly keen sense of smell and their ability to detect low frequency pressure waves, the can detect the faintest trace of blood and follow it precisely to its source.

In this case, me. Me, the crafty clever one who swore I had windsurfing lessons before I cut my hand open in the middle of the Ocean.

Now, I was starting to realize I had no plan to fix my situation. A tiny bit of angst washed over me. Finally, after about 20 more minutes, I see a boat coming. I stand on my board and wave and wave and wave until they had no other choice but to change direction. As the boat pulled over, with dozens of people aboard, I plead my plight. The Captain laughed and other people merely gave me a pitiful look.

The captain radioed back to the beach. Sure enough, in about five minutes two cabanas boys on the 60 horsepower Kawasaki wave runners came to fetch me. With them is my instructor who had the decency to wait until we were out of earshot to give me a tiny reprimand. Once on the beach I can see that I did inflict quite a bit of worry. The lifeguards told me I was over one mile off shore and had been gone for over an hour. Lesson learned friends, lesson learned. Don't bite off more than your local neighborhood Tiger Shark can chew.

I had 15 minutes to change and get in the waiting cab to the airport. As I was departing, one of the lifeguards said, "So I guess you won't do that again?"

Well, certainly not here.