Thursday, July 23, 2009

What Would Shady Do

Look who's back. Back again. Shady's back. Tell a friend.

Well, perhaps he isn't the real slim shady, but he is close. Trust me.

Atlanta and other cities the world over were fortunate to have another blitz of media coverage about Michael Vick this week. Michael Vick, former QB for the Atlanta Falcons, was released from federal custody after serving 21 months in a largely publicized scandal involving dog-fighting and cruelty to animals.

He now must face the NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, as well as the litany of NFL team owners and demonstrate he is fully remiss, reformed, and ready to return to the field.

Michael Vick was suspended indefinitely by Goodell two years ago. Vick finally admitted he provided the scratch for "Bad Newz Kennels" (here we go again with illiterate misspellings!!!)
And he admitted he was involved in termination of animals performing poorly in test fights. He initially denied it. Guess what? When your DAD narcs you out, good luck. His Dad said Michael started dog-fighting in their family garage. His quote "This is Mike's thing. And he knows it." You have got to be some kind of pitiful fool that your Dad turns State's witness.

NOW: Before I get all worked up to unleash a diatribe about the barbaric tendencies of ANYONE who would dog fight, or how lying leads you nowhere Mike, or how claims of ignorance to what was taking place on his property is ridiculous, or how it is amoral and unconscionable and socially abject to participate in anything like that, let's take a hard left shall we?

Michael Vick is without doubt one of the best QBs in the game. He was on the Heisman ballot as a college freshman. He has multiple NFL records. He also became the first quarterback in NFL history to tally more than four career 100-yard rushing games. His tally now of such contests is eight.

Should he be allowed to return to the NFL? Not my decision. I promise you someone will pick him up. Many a coach are vocally wary at this point but with so many struggling teams, someone will pick him up. People do often deserve second chances. And this is the NFL, not a group of gals getting together making tea cozies plotting philanthropic pursuits. In other words, the NFL has seen more arrest warrants than Hell's Kitchen. So we will likely see him suit up again.

And whether he returns to the NFL or doesn't is not my issue.

My number one issue with Michael Vick's post arrest behavior is actually becoming a behavior I now see with the same frequency in which I see sunshine in Georgia in the summertime. Constant.

After arrested, Michael Vick at a press conference said these words, "Jesus has forgiven me. Why can't you?"

Really. Jesus has forgiven you? Did he send you a text message?
I understand your ploy, I do. Who is going to argue with that seal of approval? Will this work for me:

Husband: You sold my golf clubs and bought several new pairs of Manolos?
Me (if an idiot): Jesus has forgiven me. Why can't you?

If Jesus did forgive Mike Vick, maybe He and I should chat.

Now, I am all for faith that guides people to do right. And I do believe that sometimes people find that path in desperate and dark hours. What ails me is convicts, violent criminals, and d-bags ranging from Michael Vick to Mike Tyson to Elliott Spitzer grow a deep, deep love of all things holy ironically in perfect synchronicity with being arrested, indicted, or jailed.

And I certainly assert that when Michael Vick was drowning animals in Virginia he was not asking What Would Jesus Do.

Stop doing this, amoral arseholes.

Now, we don't need to dissect the Third Commandment. Especially not here. (I would need a cocktail for that and well, that just doesn't feel right.) Whatever your interpretation is of the Third Commandment, I believe it does include restraint from using God's name in a frivolous manner.

And I vote that it be amended to disallow every little pig caught with pants down, Call Girl riding you like a Kawasaki ATV, dirty blue dress, coke addled mirror on the floorboard, addiction to oxycontin, offshore bank account, and hand on the dog collar from Twittering Baby Jesus for a little aid only after placed in shackles and just then realizing, once in prison your biscuit is going to have more weekly visits than Facebook. And suddenly you want to be forgiven.

And what better way to demonstrate you are off the hook and all is well than to claim that you and Baby Jesus are BFF now and since he forgave you, the world should too. Really?

63 comments:

My name is PJ. said...

People who hurt animals are just like those who hurt other people - THE BLACK SOULS. To me, he is the lowest of the low.

When I was a kid, to be in the major leagues of any sport you had to be scrupulously clean - looking and acting. Those days are shamefully gone. Sometimes I think they're a bunch of street thugs wearing uniforms. And, of course, the money they get paid helps them to think they're above it all.

He's got the worst karma. He'll get what's coming to him - and jail time wasn't it.

Laoch of Chicago said...

I am about the least religious person on the planet and while I have no regard for Michael Vick I do think it is probably rational for him to pretend to be religious. Some people will believe him and give him breaks he wold otherwise not get and frankly the way we have structured our society Felons generally can not get jobs so their choices and very limited and anything that expands them is probably a plus from their perspective.

Dustjacket attic said...

Mmm won't say what I'd really like to about this gutter rat whose using every trick in the book to weasel out of owning his actions. He makes me sick.

But hey Jennymac, have a cocktail for me girl.
xxx DJ

Simon said...

It’s hard to imagine anyone coming out with a line like that anywhere outside the US. But he is quite correct. Any Christians should forgive him, if they adhere to their beliefs. It’s only depraved British atheistic scum like me who should judge others according to their own sense of morality.

I can’t resist asking you how you feel about men who indulge in cock-fighting. This is a sport which has always intrigued me. Well, the name has always intrigued me. So long as poultry aren’t involved, it seems harmless enough.

La Belle Mere UK said...

As a fellow depraved British atheistic scum, I to, feel compelled to judge him on his own sense of morality.

Although my recent fascination with all things Buddhist has left me somewhat bewildered. Their way is also to forgive and have compassion for everyone. But it is also very much their way not to harm any living thing. So I think in this case, Buddha wouldn't mind if I said this guy was a skanky, low life, lying scumbag and, PJ is right, he's got the WORST karma coming to him. He will be made to suffer as much as the dogs did at some point.

leggy said...

i really dont have an opinion on this...it really doesnt affect me,one way or the other.

The Peach Tart said...

What he did was unconscionable.

It really urks me when people who do something wrong and GET CAUGHT suddenly turn to God and flaunt that they've been forgiven for their sins. Hypocritical.

the walking man said...

http://www.freep.com/article/20090723/COL08/907230401/Michael-Vick-should-join-UFL--not-NFL


Here's a Detroit sports writers take on Vic's come to Jesus movement.

Personally all of them who come to Jesus after the fact can go here

http://www.tdcj.state.tx.us/stat/deathrow.htm


Which by the by can be a pretty disturbing site for many reasons.

ladytruth said...

Seriously? People still use that line? What a monkey! Did anyone drown him after he had a bad game? If he makes it back into the NFL, they should. Damn jackass.

Jules said...

When he was going through his trial, even my 5th graders were upset by what he had done. If 10 year olds know it is wrong to hurt dogs, shouldn't a grown man? And he didn't just hurt the dogs, he tortured them.
He's scum. Jesus isn't going to save him from that.

Lisa and Laura said...

I don't have any pets and I'm not a huge animal lover, not that I don't like animals, but I'm just not like crazy about them. Damn dog hair gets me every time. I remember when the scandal first broke a few years ago and I sort of half listened to the incessant coverage. I was annoyed, it sounded bad, but couldn't figure out why it was such a huge deal.

And then I saw part of a special on ESPN about dog fighting with my husband. I literally had to force him to change the channel because I felt like I would be sick. This coming from the girl who won't sit down on your couch if you have a dog.

Whatever Michael Vick was up to was bad news bears. It's not like he made one bad decision, he repeatedly abused animals in ways most people would never even conceive of.

And you know what, it's super that Jesus forgave him so quickly, but I'm not nearly as nice as that guy. Sorry.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Haha! I wrote a post at my other rantier blog recently about people who seem to think God or Jesus intervened personally in their lives and in particular those who think any event, good or bad, occurring in their life was due to God's hand. But it's good to know Jesus takes time out to personally not only forgive a person but let them know he's done it.

Plus it just proves what a bad person I am because screw that guy, Jesus is way more forgiving than I. :)

Sunshinemeg said...

The man should pay for the rest of his life. He has had chance after chance. People keep bring up "2nd chances" and it makes me bewildered- have they not seen his record before this horrid mess? He has been in trouble with the law more times than people seem to be paying attention to. I love you post. I love your point. Great writing!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

He should be allowed to play. He's done his time. He's (apparently) repented. He's wearing a scarlet letter for the rest of his life (because, if the death of Michael Jackson has showed us anything, you are forgiven the moment you shuffle off this mortal coil).

Dante Stallworth, a receiver for the Cleveland Browns, was convicted of manslaughter, and got 30 days.

Really?

So, here we are, crucifying Vick over his actions.

Oh, but wait, Emperor Goodell and his brand of "justice" will take care of it all. Hip hip hooray!

Okay, I've rambled off post for a bit. Not that I've been there, but I'm guessing that a prison stay will make you suddenly turn to Jesus.

B.o.B. said...

As always you are so on point. I am just absolutely loving your blog. Sheesh. Am I butt kisser or what? No really. Great post.

As a side note it made me think of that scene in Talladega Nights where they are praying to baby Jesus. Always makes me laugh. If you haven't seen it you should.

BTW, I am sure baby Jesus is not BFF's with Mike Vick.

confused homemaker said...

Yes, you can be forgiven but forgiveness does not mean you get a pass on consequences there are still consequences to your actions here on Earth today. Then again I'm old school that way.

ellen abbott said...

It's all about winning, doncha know. It doesn't matter what kind of immoral scumbag a guy is. All that can be overlooked if he makes us win.

Jesus may forgive him but I think there's a requirement of being actually penitent about WHAT YOU DID and not just about getting caught at it.

I don't understand cruelty.

Mandy said...

It's a good thing Jesus stepped in when He did, right? LOL!

I think you should get that pair of Manolo's and throw it in Vick's face at his first game back in the NFL. Tell him Jesus wanted you to knock some sense into him.

(completely off topic: my word verification today is aness, so of course I thought "anus"? LOL! How appropriate after this post! Divine intervention, perhaps? Hahahah, I'm dying over here! :-)

La Belle Mere UK said...

JennyMac I love you!!!! Thanks for your comment earlier on my blog. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Marie Antionette said...

Hello Jenny Mac,
First I want to thank you for stoping by my blog.Yes the Butte Paste was a funny thing ,but it does work on dog heat.My babie hair is growing back in.Now I want to say i think your blog wonderful,and funny.I love the Daughter in law one.You see I was a barmaid in a redneck bar in Miss. for 20 yrs.I've seen it all...LOL.
Speaking of someone who also has been subjected to ones dog getting stolen, Yes thats right , I had my beautiful Rottwieller who was a gentle soul get stolen my a man to steals dogs and uses them to train those vicious dog.These types of men stael not only big dogs like mine ,they also steal little tiny dogs.They toss them to pitts and such for spot and training.I do know this for a fact.So The Vick man can go rot in a cell for all I care.But having the luck I have,The stupid New orleans Aints(Saints) will pick him up,And I was born and raised in New Orleans so I can say this with my NO Saints paper bag over my head...LOL...Marie Antionette

Laila Of Course! said...

Yes, most definitely an interesting thing for Vicks to say. This guy is incredible, just incredible. Oh well. Just goes to show you what some people let by.

Be sure and stop by my blog! I'm having a photo caption contest and am still accepting entries.

-Laila
www.randomweavings.blogspot.com

otherworldlyone said...

Oh, who cares about Vic. THIS was hilarious:

"...once in prison your biscuit is going to have more weekly visits than Facebook."

Two thumbs way, way up. But I'll refrain from launching into a comment on my thoughts about Jesus.

Erin said...

If you were a preacher, I would attend your church.

Here's what I think: If these d-bags were TRULY reformed and TRULY had a good relationship with J.C. himself, they WOULDN'T be hankering after our forgiveness—because what they want is not forgiveness, it's acquittal and/or public absolution.

In my opinion, the truly penitent and contrite accept the consequences of their bad behavior, because they know they deserve it.

mrsb said...

A-freaking-men.

I also get sick of people saying "it's not our place to judge if he's guilty, that's up to God!" when they really mean "He didn't do it!" or "I know he did it, but I don't want to believe it because I like him!"

If you believe someone is innocent, you DID judge them. You judged them and found them innocent. And, hello? Jury of your peers? Apparently the law says that we can judge each other. So neener -neener.

Samsmama said...

Vick can think that Jesus has forgiven him all he wants. But when he dies and attempts to get into heaven and Jesus meets him at the pearly gates with 18 of his favorite dogs, well then we'll just see.

Lee said...

Personally, I don't think he will ever play again. I also think he should have had more jail time, but being a "star", well, we know how that goes. As far as Jesus....not so sure about that one! Ploys to get sympathy, most likely! Love your comparison to the Manolos. I DO think Jesus would forgive you if you bought Manolos!!

The Socialite said...

Great post! Honestly, I am completely AGAINST him returning to football - I'm just hardcore like that. ;)

I think he needs to actually take time out and show people he's reformed. Is he volunteering at animal shelters? Making REAL appearances in neighborhoods where dog fighting is prevalent and preaching against it? Has he turned in any of the other people involved(You know there has to be a long list of people doing the same disgusting thing)? I just don't think he deserves a second chance, those dogs didn't.

Yankee Girl said...

I'm not a religious person but stop using Jesus as a crutch! Stand on your own two feet and deal with the repercussions like a man. Oh, I'm sorry, Michael Vick isn't a man, and probably never will be.

Chessa! said...

This is my favorite part of this post:


After arrested, Michael Vick at a press conference said these words, "Jesus has forgiven me. Why can't you?"

Really. Jesus has forgiven you? Did he send you a text message?

this guy is an animal himself and he does not deserve to play football again. I don't care if he's a freaking genius sportsman. it's disgusting and he has no morals or compassion.

Erin said...

He's not sorry, he just got caught, and in my opinion he will do it again without hesitation, he's just learn how to hide his tracks better.

But I do agree, SOMEONE will pick him up IF they reinstate him to play in the NFL again.

Boxer said...

They either find God or find a rehab center to hide out in.

If Jesus has truly forgiven Vick, then I hope he's giving him a one way ticket to a very special Hell for Douches.

Mom in High Heels said...

I. LOVE. YOU. SO. MUCH. I'm giving you a virtual standing ovation. What a tool he is. He's not sorry. He's sorry he got caught. And while I believe you're right about him getting picked up, I will continue to hope that he won't.

Grant said...

Between the loss of Gidget, the Taco Bell chihuahua, and Billy Mays, I haven't had time to notice any news generated by anyone named Michael.

Intense Guy said...

There are at least a couple sad threads here:

1) The NFL cares for nothing but the all mighty dollar. Vick will be back because he will attract some misguided fans.

2) The misguided fans that "worship" performers and make them role models without concern for their worthiness (or even basic decentness). Why is ANY football player something to get "excited" about? - he's NO big deal - he was on a Heisman ballot and set some records. Sit for a minute and ponder just what these things mean and are worth - did they help our society in any real way? Any less starving kids? less disease? more food? readily available energy supplies? No. Not a nadda. 30 years from now it will be "who the hell was Mike Vick?" and the right answer will be "oh, yeah, the dog killer."

..and we've not touch the whole religious aspect...

Lisa said...

"Amen, Amen I say to you..."

Love your blog! Love this post! Can't wait to come back and have a look around.

Deborah Godin said...

Thank you SO much for stopping by my blog and leaving a link back here, so I could discover your wonderful blog - I will definitely be back!!

i am the diva said...

Did he text message you? oh lordy. that's gold.

Mama Nut said...

I love your blog! Seriously. You are an intelligent writer and that is so refreshing! I've read a few of your posts and all of them are so funny! It seems a little more humility were to be in order for this guy who professes to have been forgiven. I believe in forgiveness, yes, but I also believe in consequences for your actions and sometimes they are far-reaching. You're right, the NFL will probably reinstate him but what a(nother) sad example for Americans!

Laura said...

If we really had a separation of church and state/and everything else in this country, then people wouldn't need the forgiveness card all of the time. If we would stop moralizing and telling everyone what is right and what is not, then people might not need to join the choir.

(For the record, I am sure that Eliot Spitzer did not say that Jesus forgave him.)

Kris said...

I found you from Samsmama, and I have to say the text message line was great!

I want to say thank god he is off house arrest and will (hopeful) leave here. I live in Hampton VA (where Vick was on house arrest) let me tell you; it was a mad house here with all the media.
If I have to see his face on the news one more time...
He is a great football player but I won't be watching any team that signs him.

Jamie said...

AMEN SISTA!

Alexis AKA MOM said...

I just don't understand people, I keep hoping Karma does come around. Sometimes it feels like the bad Karma doesn't hit stars or what people think is a "star".

I truly enjoy your blog and writting I found it refreshing to read something else for a change.

I'm now following :). Thanks for stopping by mine and the anniversary wishes.

Tara said...

Thanks for coming by my blog and leaving 2 comments!

On MV: As a Christian, I do believe he has been forgiven. HOWEVER, like a few others said, that doesn't mean you get a free pass for what you have done. I get so mad when people use God/Jesus/Christianity at their convenience. He might fool some people with that quote but he's not fooling the one that matters!

I have a feeling he'll be back because the NFL is all about money and having a big name star brings it in. Sad but true!

GypsyFox said...

I agree with others, when they say it's like hurting a small human..you just don't do this! animals are innocent. I think he's cruel! great post! thanks for stopping by my blog I am now following you!

E @ Scottsville said...

Hey, just dropped by to visit your blog, thank you for stopping by mine, and say hi!

So "HI!!!"

=0)

Erica

mommytoalot said...

Good post.
I really don't think he'd know if Jesus forgave him or not..Not with his life style

Mira is triplet crown said...

As someone already said, there's forgiveness but it doesn't mean you don't get punished. He'll go to the bad stuff if there is such a thing after death. It does seem annoying though that while on this planet we can't do more to punish animal abusers. Aw heck, women abusers get off the hook too a lot. We just don't have the justice system we would like to have. He should probably get to play but I wish he wouldn't earn millions from it. Maybe if he had to give a percent to an animal charity from now on? I'd like that one. Garnish them millions baby!

J.J. in L.A. said...

Bringing religion into it is a joke. If he hadn't killed dogs and gone to prison, do you think he would have 'found Jesus'?

Doubt it.

Did he ever say he was sorry? I wouldn't buy that either. People who say they're sorry for what they've done are only sorry that they got caught.

Simply Mel said...

Maybe someone should baptize him and just hold him under water a little bit longer than normal - just like he did the dogs?!?!? Then I bet he would wish he had a direct line to sweet baby Jesus!

Texas Gator Girl said...

I agree with you 100%! I love how all of a sudden he's not only "found" Jesus, but, also been forgiven too! Wow! I wish I had Vick's powers!! btw - thanks for stopping by my blog & commenting! :)

otin said...

I hate that"God will forgive me attitude"! I guess if people had to create a God, they might as well use him for their own purposes!

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Awww, don't be too hard on the Vicks. He just read Chuck Colson's Born Again and is just following suit. And probably John Dean's Blind Ambition, too.

Inna said...

When I heard about his arrest quite some time ago, I was amazed at how these super rich/famous people think they are above the law and simple respect. I think that's why they lie when they get put in a corner, they have no decency!
You said my thoughts exactly (but with better grammar :))

Unknown Mami said...

It's a good thing I'm not Jesus because there are lots of things I will not forgive.

Kristin said...

He seriously makes me want to puke. And you are absolutely right. He'll play again.

The Muser (aka Beautiful Mama) said...

Hey! Thanks for visiting my blog. I'm now enjoying yours!

stepfabulous said...

It truly saddens me when I think of what he did to those poor animals. As someone with 6 (yes 6) dogs myself (many rescued from people like him) it amazes me how much it takes from people like me, to repair what people like this scum bag have done. All the money in the world he could make up playing NFL, will never make up for what he's lost in his soul when he hurt those animals.

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

oh, I love this post.

One Sassy Girl said...

Good call, Jenny Mac!! I'll get your back when it comes to Vick any day. My dislike began when I saw him in the chair next to me at the dentist we both went to while at VT. His mouth was stuffed with gauze rolls and a spit hose that was sucking his Herpes-riddled drool away from the gold cap he was having applied. No actual interaction occurred, but I hated him then for his ghetto vanity and because he could afford gold on his teeth.

Then the dog fighting was revealed.

Jesus is good at a lot of things I'll never be good at - walking on water, turning water into wine (if only!!) and forgiving Michael Vick. I can live with not being able to mirror Jesus in these capacities.

Perhaps I'd feel more forgiving if Vick agreed to be locked in a cage with a fighting pit bull. Maybe not.

Vivienne said...

Oh, Ms JennyMac. I bow to you and will follow wherever you shall lead me.

Young Mom/Wife said...

My husband and I were discussing this last night! I really wish the NFL would clean up it's players and not allow scum bags like Vick back...but you and my husband are right. Some Quarter Back is going to suck come mid season, or get injured and some team will come running to him. How sad. And I agree with you on the stupid I found God ploy...who knows maybe he did really finally discover HIM but I am a bit of a skeptic.

the girl with the pink teacup said...

Not really being familiar with anything NFL-related (I claim 'ignorant foreigner' status here), I can't really comment on whether or not Vick should be permitted to continue playing. In Australia, he'd probably be banned for life if convicted of somthing like that, but as you say, standards do drop when the game is in trouble.

It goes without saying that any form of animal exploitation or cruelty is utterly deplorable. Won't even worry about going there...

But what I do find interesting is the fact that your analogy of the sportsperson sleeping with a coke-addled chick... Was this a specific reference to Vick that I just didn't get because of my abovementioned 'ignorant foreigner' status? Because I'd argue that sex and drugs are nowhere near as terrible as animal cruelty. But I'm pretty sure you were referring to Vick. You're an open-minded lady, and I totally love you for it.

AWESOME post!

Andi said...

You go girl, I am 100% in agreement with you! Well put could not have said it any better!