Thursday, July 30, 2009

Don't you be my neighbor

We have some fine civilians down here. You can't have them. They are all ours.

First up, a tidbit of local news from this week: A 40 year old babysitter in a community 45 minutes from downtown Atlanta is being sought for allegedly giving wine to an infant that ended up hospitalized with a blood-alcohol content of .33.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

No. I am not. Every one reading feel free to writhe with fury.

This was not the regular babysitter but the parents had another medical emergency so they used this recommendation. The Grandmother came to pick up the children and discovered the infant in a lifeless state. The infant was immediately taken to the emergency room. Police said the baby recovered and was released from the hospital Wednesday. Thankfully. Permanent damage is unknown at this time.

Considering most adults can't function at .33 BAC, I can not fathom what in the _____ this woman was thinking to subject a baby to such atrocious risk. No, she didn't think it was grape juice.

And now, she is on the run. And I certainly hope they find her soon. We shouldn't judge others? Wrong. We shouldn't judge normal others. D-bags are not protected. You give my child wine because you are in reality the worst babysitter on earth who doesnt actually like to babysit, you will have more to fear than being behind bars. In fact, you will beg for the jail. Double that in the event either of our son's Grandmothers EVER found that someone had mishandled our child. In that case, you will race to the electric chair willingly.

And because tragedy loves comedy, let's end on a more humorous if no less ill note.

A 53 year old man from Jonesboro, Georgia was arrested a few days ago for performing a sexual act on his dog. His picture was published on AJC.com so no need to dirty up my blog with it.

Ummm, Sir?

Doggy style is merely a euphemism. Too big a word for you? Ok, well, its a position. Not a literal translation.

Enjoy jail. You will now know what doggy-prison-style is like.

Enjoy the felony bestiality charge on your record. That will look awesome during job application time.

Did you know you can pay people to do that? Since you clearly didn't set a high bar, it won't cost much. I will mail you the quarter.

Did you also know people will pay you to have you do that to them? Uh huh. Since you didn't set a high bar, you could probably make your quarter back.

Oh, and how in the world the police found out about you, I am not sure. Perhaps you were trolling the Internet for willing pals. Heads up, dogs don't read the #^@%!)! Internet. Also, don't share this story down at the local saloon. No amount of drunk makes this a fascinating tale. You must have done something even more bizarre to tip people off. You are a moron. I hope that dog goes into Witness Protection.

Georgia has 'em...not you. Don't be jealous.

94 comments:

Mr London Street said...

In England we like to start our kids on binge drinking early but I think we'd draw the line before that. We're also a nation of animal lovers, but not that kind of animal lovers.

Interestingly we have a Royal Society for the prevention of cruelty to animals but only a National Society for the prevention of cruelty to kids. To me this sounds like a nation with admirable priorities.

sas said...

But seriously if we could make a hybrid of match.com and cutestuffonmydog.com this might open up a whole untapped dating market.

Tammy Howard said...

Yeah - that would've been my first question - how in the WORLD did the police bust the second guy? The mind wobbles.

As for the first - wow. I've heard of people decades ago using whiskey to numb the gums during teething, but even that ill-advised act was just a little finger full of whiskey rubbed on - you didn't pour the kid a shot! In a wee small baby, I don't imagine it takes much alcohol to get them to a dangerous limit. Um - that's why we don't give it to them. Sheesh.

ladytruth said...

Some people just take it too far sometimes, especially with children. We once had a terrible incident in one of our townships where a man raped a three month old baby. After he had been released on bail, the women of that township went to his house and stoned him to death in the street while the men looked on, arms folded. When you touch a child, you touch a community and if you still want to go ahead with it, you better have your best running shoes on.

J.J. in L.A. said...

You do NOT put a baby to sleep with alcohol! I hope they find the woman and prosecute.

As for the man, I have no words...

Sunshinemeg said...

Why are people so wierd? Honestly? Who would slam back some Carlo Rossi with a baby? Scary world we live.

Eve said...

Hell hath no fury like a Mother scorned.

least I think it goes like that.

I will stay tame for the sake of your blog but, my god. It's that fear every mother has, though I've never particularly worried about someone giving my son alcohol...

I'd like to know her what she has to say when they catch her. If she did it purposely or was just being really really really...REALLY stupid.


I'd like to know her what she has to say when they catch her. If she did it purposely or was just being really really really...REALLY stupid.

Badass Geek said...

As the first round of punishment for the both of them, I say force the babysitter into doggy-style sex with the bestiality guy.

Eve said...

Also forgot to mention I tagged you in a recent post. :)

Emily said...

Whew...we have some world class citizens here. Makes me proud to call Georgia my home state.

Matthew said...

The babysitter incident's an atrocious story. I know there's a big debate on when it's okay to give children wine with meals but this is ridiculous.

The story about the guy with the dog reminds me of a show I saw once, where some guy claimed he made his horse whinny with pleasure, for want of a better phrase. Makes you wonder when neigh becomes nay.

Jules said...

He probably told that story AT the local saloon and that's HOW they found out. Moron. And don't worry. My state has those too.

Well, maybe not the dog f*ckers. I don't know about that....

Lauren said...

There are no words...

Eyes Wide Open said...

These are the makings of urban legends, my friend. Yikes.

blueviolet said...

He's going to get as much doggy style as he wants to if he goes to prison.

These people are such sickos.

the walking man said...

Rodell Vereen, 50, who was arrested Monday July 27, 2009, and charged with buggery. Police said Vereen was captured on surveillance video having sex with a horse at a stable near his home in Longs, S.C.

I know what doggy style is but horsey?

Babes and wine...yes that is a definitely a "better the cops catch you than I do" moment.

Hyla said...

Hi Jenny,

I am visiting from Blog Hop! Love your blog, I will be subscribing!

Hyla
number 83
http://greenearthjourney.com

Not The Rockefellers said...

Whoever recommended that sitter gets my "Thanks A Crap Load" award..

and the dude with the dog? I would have loved to have heard the inner dialog beforehand...I am sure the brain never gave the green light for such an activity.

People are strange....

Peace - Rene

Mommy Mac said...

Um, this is why I like the 4 walls I live in even more.

4 walls to keep nutsos out.

This world, oftentimes, operates on this same doggies style mentality, no?

Make someone else take it up the ying-yang to get yourself a little happiness.

Yeah, these 4 walls with MY wine for ME suite me just fine.

YUCK.

.mac :)

mrsb said...

I live in NJ, where we have this: "Police Pepper Spray Groundhog".

No, seriously.

http://www.sanluisobispo.com/217/story/793875.html

Inna said...

One of the women I know once got home from work to find a big huge bruise on her baby's head. The babysitter claimed she had no idea what happened (for an infant who can't walk, or sit up, how in the world would he hit his head so hard without the sitter noticing???). When they went to the hospital, the baby had a hairline head fracture. It was scary, the babysitter was under criminal investigation and all. The baby is fine now.

Inna said...

oh, and I'm speechless about the doggy style dude.

Francie of The Scented Cottage said...

Puhleeeze, can't we ship them to New Jersey??????

leggy said...

why would the second guy go to jail?ts hs preference..lol.
u guys here love animals so much,,me?i couldnt care less.

now...thhat babysitter is someone who should b thrown into jail and the keys thrown away.

confused homemaker said...

I'm wondering what would make someone think giving a baby a bottle of wine was a good idea. Hopefully the baby doesn't have long term complications.

The other story, maybe he thought it was like a donkey show?

Mandy said...

Oooh, oooh! Please let me the lucky person who gets to interview those two people on their future job interview! I have sooooo many questions for them. :-)

I think I'll take Mister Robinson as my neighbor over those folks. ;-)

http://www.hulu.com/watch/4189/saturday-night-live-mr-robinsons-neighborhood

Jenni Jiggety said...

Some people suck.

Samsmama said...

That poor baby. Imagine having to tend to a little one with a hangover. That's terrible!

That poor dog. It's ok to love your pets. Just don't LOVE your pets.

Lee said...

I hope that dog was fixed. I hope that man gets fixed. Maybe he and the babysitter should get set up? The would be quite the pair.

ModernMom said...

Oh my. There are sick people everywhere eh? I do hope they catch that babysitter....

Mr London Street said...

I really hope "Some people suck" is an indictment of the perverts of today rather than a reference to other things that dog lovers might enjoy.

McVal said...

Oh my! You DO have some strange neighbors! No really - you keep them...
The worse that mine do is drive up and down the street on their 3 wheelers all night long or let their dog go overboard on the twilight bark... No drunk kids or bestiality around here... that we know of anyway...

Laila Of Course! said...

OH MY GOD. I am simply infuriated by these IDIOTS!!! AGH. Makes me SICK.

Be sure and enter my giveaway!

-Laila
www.randomweavings.blogspot.com

The Vegetable Assassin said...

It's kind of making sense why people in Georgia become lawyers, now! :) That is some messed up sheeyat. How much wine does a person have to consume to blow a .33? And babies are TINY people (in case anyone hadn't noticed). I'm not sure where I'm going with this but I think it was basically, "that is effed up". Poor baby. Poor doggie.

ellen abbott said...

The human capacity to sink to the bottom never fails to astound me. And so my favorite refrain...What is the matter with people?

i am the diva said...

i'm completely flabbergasted by both stories... ohmygod. seriously?

The Peach Tart said...

Those two incidents make us seem like a bunch of redneck idiots.

Tumbleweed said...

Wow!! you have GOT to be kidding me!! the babysitter...well, why do't we find her, get her to consume enough alcohol to get to .33 and then...let her walk home...from 20 miles AWAY...on the interstate. We'll just see how well she fairs that little stroll.

The doggie-doer-dude...REALLY?!?!? Now how about we let the dog and all his dog buddies return the jesture/favour?? That might be a bad idea considering this guy started in on the dog to begin with - he may really enjoy the dogpack antics being performed on him...that is just, well, NUTS!!

Do judge the idiots - hence not becoming one of them!! We all do foolish things - but sipping cocktails with an infant and gettin all "scented candles, massage oil, Barry White music" with your local K-9...hmmmmmmm

B.o.B. said...

Babysitters giving babies alcohol and people screwing dogs. What has the world come to? People are just completely disgusting.

the ungourmet said...

This is all the more reason for me to lock myself in the house like Jodi Foster on Nim's Island.

People are just NUTS!

Intense Guy said...

Amen Badass Geek.

Or maybe Mike Vick can get involved somehow...

bluecottonmemory said...

Yeah for grandmas with guts!

Lisa and Laura said...

I sort of wish someone had a web cam on me while I was reading your post so I could truly convey my level of disgust (written all over my face) while I read your post.

So wrong on so many levels.

Amy said...

yikes! I can't believe there are people like that. It makes me sick. Got some time to return some comment love. Thanks for stopping in and visiting often. I love your comments - today's made my day!

Little Ms Blogger said...

No words to describe the babysitter - ASS (okay, maybe I found one). I hope they catch her soon and throw the book at her.

The guy with the dog, well, if he ever goes to prison I doubt he'll ever be man loved. I'm thinking other inmates will leave the man who dipped his wick in a dog alone.

Ronnica said...

Guess we need to watch who our dogs are talking to on the Internet, huh?

Alicia said...

ugh...that babysitter makes me sick. and that perv with the dog fetish... enjoy prison! because karma is a you know what!

debilyn said...

there are no.words.

especially since I'm thinking that both of those people probably have relatives that live in MY neighborhood..

A French Cloud said...

I hope my face doesn't freeze with the look that it has after reading this post...it's not pretty. Where do these people come from?

JenJen said...

JennyMac-
"idiots in the news" is an awesome tag for this business.

We had a dude hold up a bank, by handing the teller a note (gimmie all your money). He dropped the paper upon his exit, and lo and behold, his name and address were on the flip side.

Take all kinds, doesn't it??

Alexis AKA MOM said...

Wow I'm just blown away with both of these stories. As a mom I know how hard it is to trust someone plus the need to sometimes having to find someone help out is just needed. Thankfully I have an amazing helper but wow that just kills you.

As for that man I agree enjoy jail dude you'll be finding out how much your poor animal enjoyed your invasion of him.

Chic Mama said...

Really enjoying your blog so I've tagged you in a meme.
:0)

Donn said...

Singalong..
"I like Big Barks and I cannot lie!"

Bow Wow OW! That is Ruff. What in tarnation is this world comin' to?Thanks to YouTube the entire world now knows that feller got caught red hounded poochin' the dawg in his own backyard :)

That asshat has my vote for adopting the most optimistic interpretation of Man's Best Friend...ever!

Sounds like he was drinkin' Tequila..it makes you do weird sh*t and you're almost always nekkid when you're doin' it.

Laoch of Chicago said...

Ugh!

Deborah Godin said...

If you ask me, the babysitter and the dog, um, lover should share a cell.

Kris said...

.33? WOOOWWWWW! Unbelievable! People are crazy...

Simply Mel said...

Somehow the letter I just received from my grandmother in Georgia, didn't mention these news bits..."just the same ol' shootings, killings, and stealings" she writes! Oh, how I love the IQ level of the redneck and trailer trash breeds.

Chief said...

Wow...I think the only just thing to do at this point, with these to mental cases is to force them to live together in the same cell. She can bring the beer and he can bring the "toys"

Crazy...yes they are in Georgia but I am sure they are everywhere my friends so lock your doors.

Tiny Teacher said...

Like whoa.

Where did the parents get this "recommendation" from? Hopefully they find this woman - STAT.

As for the man with the dog problem? You summed it up so nicely. I have no witty comment to counter what you wrote on your blog. I am unworthy.

Tiny Teacher said...

Unbelievable.

The Caped Tirader said...

Man...people who do shit like that babysitter really make me want to go vigilanty style!

As for the dog lover, thats just insane! BTW- I was stationed at Ft. Stewart for 3 1/2 years. As you probably know, that's right outside Hinesville. Talk about characters...

MoxieMamaKC said...

Sometimes all you can do is shake your head and wonder about some people. Do this instead of throttling the idiots of the world. It's scary people like that are out there...

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

what?!?! that is effing horrible.

le chiquest said...

I guess it's disturbing news day b/c I just read an article on the NY Daily News about a SC man who got caught having sex with a horse. Yes people a horse. And the more disturbing thing is that it wasn't the first time he did it and now they have video of him performing his act! Ugh! Who does that?!

Gabriel said...

I hear you on the alcohol thing. What used to be anger at cruel/neglectful people looking after kids is more like blind, spitting fury now that I have my own. I say make the punishment fit the crime - lock her in a cupboard with a 2 cases of the cheapest, nastiest wine in the world and don't let her out till its gone

Michelle said...

I swear people amaze me EVERY DAY of my life. UGH!! Okay and the man with the dog....disgusting!!! Lol!

Heavenly Housewife said...

I dont know what to say except EEEEWWW, YUCKY!

Phillip said...

At first glance of the URL, I thought your blog name was "let's shave cock balls."

One Sassy Girl said...

You also have The Real Housewives of Atlanta. I was sure the NJ ladies would out trash your precious peaches, but nope - Atlanta was too trashy for Jersey!! Quite the accomplishment.
The dog... disturbing. A friend told me about a man who died from a similar encounter with a horse. Wowser.

Nora Johnson said...

The two stories are too incredible for words...

Great post! Will check back again soon for more...

xxxLOL Lola & Nora:)
PS Glad you liked Paul's pic! (Thought Brad looked pretty good too!)

hiking in stilettos said...

Oh, you've got to love the deep south...

Lily G. said...

ugh, how frustrating. Some people!

Chessa! said...

holy shit. that's all I can day. those poor parents...and btw, we have some real winners up here in NYC too...rest assured..and the problem here is that we all live on top of each other!

sheila said...

OMG and uh? EEEEEEEEEEWWWE!

That's terrible about the baby! Hope it's alright.

Now the perv? Icky. Poor dog.
We had a police CAPTAIN caught doing the nasty in a local park with another man. Just right there out in the open. On dash cam. (btw, I could care less about anyone's sexuality...but at noon in a public KIDS park? Nope. Or with a dog? Nah.)

What the hell are people thinking? Society is very f-ed up.

Magic City College Girl said...

wow wtf is up with people in this world. there are alot of sick people out there. i cant believe that people wopuld do these things and not even the thought of jail or worse would be enough to stop them. i hope they both go to hell. although when they go to jail i'm sure they will feel like they are in hell.

Krystyn said...

Ummm....that's gross...really, really gross.

Having said that, I worked at a pet store in high school. One of the groomers got caught with the parts of a dog in her hand. Let's just say she wasn't grooming him!

MIra is triplet crown said...

Where do you do your research for blog topics? Honestly. I knew bestiality was out there due to an internet company I used to work at and had to remove images for and lord I saw a lot. But it never ceases to make me feel bad for the animal. They have no say! Although you KNOW a cat wouldn't put up with that crap.

Celebration of Life said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. Please come back anytime.
Jo

vanilla said...

They're yours? Well, fine, then.
Not that we haven't any loons of our own.

Thanks to the visit to my blog, too. Come again anytime!

Becca @ The Texas Darlings said...

Holy Moly!!! You can keep your neighbors!!!!


Don't send them to Texas!

Thanks for the kind words on my blog yesterday!

~Becca

Lani said...

wrong, wrong, wrong on so many levels..
what.is.wrong.with.people!!

The Constant Complainer said...

A guy and his dog. WTF. A guy here in Cleveland was arrested not too long ago for performing a s*x act on his picnic table. The story even made Perez Hilton. LOL.

Muthering Heights and Other Senseless Sensibility said...

That is just horrible about that poor baby!! UGH!!

Cocaine Princess said...

I hope the authorities catch the babysitter. What a stupid person.

Your doggy-prison-style comment made me laugh. Wow! There are some crazy, sick people in this world. Gross. Gross. Gross.

valentine said...

can you imagine being the person to walk in on that dude and his dog?

" hi doug, just came by to return the movie i borrowed....*awkward silence* k, i will come back later when you are NOT doing your dog."

Southern Champagne Wishes said...

First of all, thank you for your sweet comments and for visiting my blog again! I love reading yours - it is always so funny!

Second, both of these people are terrible! I hate hearing about people doing anything bad to animals so I found that atrocious (well, I don't want them to do anything bad to babies, either)!

Yes, y'all have some fine citizens there in Atlanta, but I think our wonderful Memphis criminals could give them a run for their money. We are the proud city that had the Walmart shopper who threw an infant in a carrier (not hers, by the way) at a security guard who stopped her for shoplifting! Nice!

Little Ms J said...

Is it morbid that I almost think prison time with undersexed inmates is perfect for pedophiles and men who fancy a puppy?

Vodka Logic said...

I guess that proves being a scumbag shows no gender discrimination.. unbelievable.

And don't feel you need to put blanks in for the "bad words" go for it...sometimes they are the only word that fits.

L xx

Marcy said...

Here's a snippet from Joplin, Mo. Apparently they are everyone's neighbors...

"A Joplin man and his girlfriend have been charged after the death of the man’s 11-year-old nephew, who died after allegedly drinking too much."

http://www.kansascity.com/115/story/1354064.html

hotpants™ said...

I live in Tennessee so I'm never surprised by the things dumb criminals do.

stepfabulous said...

I hope they find the babysitter from hell - that is horrible, now about the dog thing - I don't know what to say about that........... and me having nothing to say, that's odd in itself!

Jenglamgirl said...

the first part of your post just makes my blood boil. It makes me more and more gratful to be home with my precious 3 kids. I've considered going back into the legal field more then once.

However, I quickly remind myself of the day care's and babysitters. Not that there are not great day cares or babysitters, I just don't want to go through several to find the right one. Babysitters today are not what they were 14 plus years ago when I babysat. I cleaned, read, cooked, and kept a good eye on the children. Now, its facebook, cell phones, and texting. Anyhoo, your second part of your post FUNNY BUT OH' SO FAUL!

Country Girl said...

Oh. My. God.

You can't make this stuff up. Wow.

my favorite and my best said...

as someone who lives in atlanta i can attest to both crimes being actual. and you're right JM, that babysitter has a smackdown coming her way and i would be all too glad to deliver it. this is THE main reason we don't let anyone babysit our child other than grandparents and close friends.