Wednesday, July 8, 2009

You can leave your hat on

US Airways, not just serving up free beverages on a flight last week. Instead, all passengers and crew were subjected to a free strip show by one of their passengers. No one is paying for this...trust me.

On a flight from Charlotte to LA, a 50 year old Bronx man decided to disrobe. Completely. On the flight.

Oh, that's not what you meant by peanuts anyone?

He not only stripped, he refused to use the little blanket to cover up his business. First: Yuck. I know the air conditioning isn't high tech on those planes, but really? You are so hot you simply can stand another thread of material on you for one more moment? Second: YUCK. Those seats are dirty enough. No they don't come in with bleach rags and Febreze. Now someone has to sit in the seat your bare ass was in. Hope they don't drop their Biscoff on that seat and pick it up to eat it. Third: You have people sitting right next to you don't you? Men are already cramped enough in that tiny narrow space lest you decide to go commando. Thanks for taking "airplane discomfort" to amazing new levels.

Oh, and guess what happens when you won't put your pants on? You get subdued. And arrested.

Have people learned nothing in the past few years about on-plane ettiquette? Do you know that if you even give a flight attendant a dirty look you are at risk of being bounced? Once, while sitting on a Delta plane waiting for people to board, a flight attendant overheard me say a mild profanity and after she shook her finger in my face and upbraided me, I wanted to say something to her. BELIEVE ME. But she was giving me a look like "I will cut you. Deep." And so I did what I rarely like to do (or do period) and kept my lips sealed. Those men and women manning those flights are congenial most of the time, but cross them or pose a threat and they will go prison-style on your ass in less than five seconds. Don't believe me? Act up. See what happens. And you can pen me all about it from your tiny stool in the clink.

The plane had 148 passengers on it. Guess what they did not want to do? Get diverted because you had to free your ding dong. I can't imagine with 148 people on board, anyone wants to even see a naked man, let alone have all travel for the day derailed because of him. And no one even got a lap dance.

Yes, I am sure something was wrong with him. He didn't appear to be under the influence of any alcohol or narcotic, but clearly, something was awry. And no, if something was wrong with him, we should not belittle. However, if you can't fly safely, and clothed, then do not get on the airplane. The other passengers actually wanted to get to LA and didn't want to see your dangler in the process.

The plane was diverted to New Mexico and Mr. Naked went into Federal Custody. I hope the mug shot wasn't full length.

30 comments:

Katherine said...

Bleurgh!! I don't think I'd enjoy seeing a naked man on a plane! The mind boggles!

Southern Champagne Wishes said...

Thanks for stopping by and commenting on my blog! This post really made me laugh and started my morning off right!

Just Add Walter said...

oh my gosh.. that story is hysterical (and gross). Can't believe someone would do that

Rebecca (Dog-Eared) said...

geez, was it seriously necessary to divert the plane? that seems a little much.

the ungourmet said...

Thank God this hasn't happened while flying with my kids! What a hassle!

Thanks for stopping over my way today!

Just A Mom (Call me JAM for short) said...

Hahaha! I saw that in the news... and the PICTURE!

I C K Y !

Your post cracked me up.

Just A Mom (Call me JAM for short) said...

I'm back. Just found you and I figure I don't want to lose you now. Hope you don't mind if I follow...

Lady Di said...

It's never the good looking guys that decide to take their clothes off is it? Oh, to be trapped on a plane with "Free Willy" is unthinkable. Thanks for the funny story, hope it never happens to any of us!

MommaKiss said...

Um, thanks. Now I have to contemplate who's Chicken skin has been freeballin on the seat next time I fly. What did you say? YUCK? Ew.

The Peach Tart said...

His Mama would be so disappointed

Kimberly said...

Ewww!! That gives flying a whole new perspective. Yikes!
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I've enjoyed reading your posts here too!

foodcreate said...

Your post made me laugh :)

thanks for your funny post:)


Welcome!!!
http://foodcreate.com

Have a great Day!

Bobbi Jo said...

WOW! Takes all kinds to make a flight go bad. That must have been so uncomfortable. Great story though.
Thank you for visiting my blog.
Hugs, Bobbi Jo

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Why is it all these people start out in Charlotte?

Mama Kat said...

Could you imagine sitting next to that?? I'da been dry heaving the entire trip.

J.J. in L.A. said...

I would have laughed and pointed...I'm cool like that.

Erin said...

Ewwww! Just ewww. "No one even got a lap dance." That's classic. Although with a 50 year old man, is there anyone in her (or his; I'm not prejudiced) right mind who would have wanted one?

Creepy said...

If you're a man, unless you're Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt, you shouldn't let anyone see you naked. EVER. On land, sea, or air. EVER.

heather said...

Oh my. :/ Let's hope that the people on my up coming flights are normal, eh?

Scrappy Girl said...

Great! Another reason for me to be afraid of flying! Heehee!

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Buckeroomama said...

If my son had been the flight, he would have pointed at the man and announced in his normal (read: really loud!) voice, "His mommy forgot to give him underwear and he's running around naked!"

Glad you stopped by my blog, so that I could "discover" yours. I've enjoyed reading your posts. Am following now. :)

Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella said...

LOL you're hilarious! Loved reading your post :) When people provide such great fodder for thought too you just cannot not write about it!

Daddy Forever said...

I'm glad my kids and I were not on that plane. That's not the kind of experience I want my kids to have when they fly on an airplane.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Seems like they could have taken his naked self to the original destination and not divert the plane.

franki durbin said...

Oh. My. Goodness. That's the last thing I'd want to see. And...really, who wants to physically touch any airline seat....or have "their business" touch anything remotely close to the (completely unwashable and highly unsanitary) seats? Yikes.

I don't even have to ask, I'm sure this fellow wasn't flying first class. Hysterical story, though!

pawan said...

God!
well, to be frank, Indian flights are much more horrible in terms of neatness!

Nice blog!
Keep going!

WhiteSockGirl said...

He did what? Hahaha,...

I had to endure some seriously unpleasant flights in my life (traveling in Africa can be uhhm... - ok, I don't need to be all PC cause I am African).. Anyway, but I certainly do not want to be forced to look at a crinkled sausage when I am already uncomfortable!

This was an excellent read. Ta! (short for dankie - which means thank you in my language)

Vodka Logic said...

And no one got a lap dance....funny.

Thanks xx

Organic Meatbag said...

Hahahaha...now that takes some...errrr...balls? To pull that kind of shit...but the point is, it may take balls, but let's keep those balls under wraps, you old weirdo!

Casey M. said...

I am laughing so hard at the article and comments that I'm crying...your blog is going to send me into labor! You should write a book.