Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Sculpture: It's an art form


Beauty. In the eye of the beholder?

Now, I am going to applaud anyone with talent for art, be it photography, painting, or sculpture. And I further applaud people with this vision who lived 35,000 years ago. While I might see something a bit different than the artist had in mind, I am not one to look down upon creativity.

So when exploring deep in a cave in Hohle Fels, Germany, several scientists discovered this ancient relic, I am sure initially, they too wondered exactly what it might be.

This figurine, carved from mammoth ivory, is believed to be around 35,000 years old and therefore would be the oldest example of sculpture ever found.

Known as the Venus of Hohle Fels, it depicts a female figure with exaggerated breasts and thighs. Above, the sculpture is shown in a side and front view.

Ahhh...a female torso. Ok. Not being as savvy with human forms from the Upper Paleolithic period, I apologize if I seem indelicate. I would have bet cold cash this was a depiction of a chicken with breast implants.

However, this was also the time period believed to be shared between humans and Neanderthals. So let's assume this depiction of the female body came from those earth-dwelling hominids.

And isn't it something that the chicken torso / early female inhabitant of earth would have such a disproportionately large rack. Perhaps it is a demonstration that man's fascination with the breasts is so deep in their DNA that even an artist from 35,000 years ago made sure his sculpture included over-sized cannonballs. Excellent.

Couldn't utter a word yet, could you Mr. Neanderthal, but you knew you loved the ta-tas.

89 comments:

Sunshinemeg said...

Seriously. Woman back then had to worry about the size of their rack too? Poor ancestors.

Heavenly Housewife said...

This might me think of chicken breast a little different. I hope i am not imagining this foxy lady next time i bite into a chicken sandwich lol
Now, if only men still liked big thighs...

Matthew said...

Yeah, my first thought was an oven ready chicken. Mind you, breasts work. I can cope with breasts.

My name is PJ. said...

I hate to rain on your parade, but that's NOT ancient! S'me!

Dustjacket Attic said...

Oh my Lord, so much time, so little change.

Laila Of Course! said...

Hahaha, love your attitude in this post. And you know, interestingly enough, in the past you were only considered fertile if you were round and chubby. Because that meant you were likely to survive! :) Just goes to show you how much we've changed nowadays...
I'm having a giveaway, so be sure and enter! Stop by and leave a note!

-Laila
www.randomweavings.blogspot.com

The Peach Tart said...

Quite voluptuous. I think she needs to check out a few Pilates classes.

Tammy Howard said...

Breasts? Check. Feet? None. Head? Minimal.

Interesting stuff, is what I'm sayin'...

Magic City College Girl said...

i had a class that studied sculptures like these. if i can remember i think they come from a culture where women were repected and honored for their ability to give birth. they oversized breasts, hips, and usually these statues have oversized private areas too were reflective of this. im pretty sure thats what this is. thanks for commenting on my blog. i like yours and am now following.

chili pepper said...

Art or no...I am so not impressed with whatever this is supposed to be. I would definitely think your chicken description is much closer to accurate. HA!

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Yep, I'm going to go with your "chicken with breast implants" theory. Or else women in those days REALLY had body issues...

Or else it was a premonition of the future and they were really sculpting The Fat Ladies from Little Britain. Um, link not safe for work. At all. :)

La Belle Mere UK said...

How funny!! It reminds me of that time Joey and Monica put a whole turkey on their head in Friends. That's what it looks like. A Whole turkey with giant tits.

Yeah I think man's love for mahoosive norks is clearly a primal instinct thing!

confused homemaker said...

It seems that fetishs of chicken/female hybrids weren't just for Dr. Moreau.

Hit 40 said...

My vote is also chicken.

Inna said...

Maybe it was the hominid's present for his wife. A sculpture honoring her body... you never know how big breasts were back then, I'm pretty sure its hard to tell from skeletons.

Badass Geek said...

Whatever it is, it is impressive considering the time it was made.

Whomever made it obviously was a boob man.

B.o.B. said...

LOL!!!

Kind sad for the itty bittys (AKA ME) out there. Well at least the thighs are juicy too.

Christina Lee said...

hahahahaha- I also wondered if the figure was pregnant-whcih also might account for the big ta ta's.:)

Jules said...

I totally thought that was some chicken dish you made last night.... Wow. Oops!

Lee said...

I did not notice the chicken...could it be because I don't cook?...until you pointed it out. That is so funny! Of course, I noticed the rack, but don't all artists make us big in the boobs? and Why is that? And I was an art history major!

Intense Guy said...

*Grunts and hoots*

*Smiles like idjit at arty work*

*Runs off with club to mash food for big ta-ta female*

Dreamgirl said...

How funny
Men have always been obsessed with BIG boobs!
Just stopping by from SITS wishing you a very Happy Wednesday!

P.S. I'm giving away a subscription to House Beautiful on my blog www.sweeterliving.blogspot.com

Scrappy Girl said...

I never doubted that one of the first words a caveman ever uttered was ta-ta! Hey they must have also liked their women chunky! Cool.

debilyn said...

what a lovely blog you have! i'm always excited when someone new stops in at my blog.. especially when i find another delightful blog to stalk as a result.

as for the sculpture? all i can say is that i think it's extremely unfair that it's better endowed than i am ;)

Nap Warden said...

As a person with two art degrees, I have always wondered about this...It is quite a rack:O

Lisa said...

Looks like a chicken to me.

AmyK said...

Cultures may progress or disappear. From Rubenesque to Cleopatra, to Twiggy, doesn't the art always show it's about the ta tas. Always.

Constructive Attitude said...

They WERE Neanderthals indeed. Men are pigs.

MG said...

Your right, school does start super early in the south! However, my husband is going to a work school not school, school. They have a new class start every month throughout the year. It just happens that his school time coincides with back to school time!

I saw the Venus of Willendorf in Vienna about a year ago...amazing! I love these little fertility statues!

Little Ms J said...

I think there's more to this story. Like, what if the neanderthal had social issues and none of the other cave sisters really liked him? He probably sat on a dirt floor, starving because he couldn't hunt and gather like his brethren and all he ever wanted in the world was a chicken and a girl?

Then, 35,000 years later some scientists digs up his "artwork" and throw the word "venus" in because anything anyone finds that requires tools and degrees needs to be interesting.

Or he just liked big boobs and chicken.

Whatever.

The Caped Tirader said...

Hmmm...See, when it comes to chicken, I'm a breast man. But when it comes to women, I'm a leg man. I think Frank Perdue should take some notes on this and get back into the lab.

Either way, I'm hungry now for some reason

The Bug said...

I actually was thinking about Red Dragon when I saw this - looks like someone is making a woman suit. But that's probably just me.

stepfabulous said...

That's how I looked before my surgery yesterday - LMAO - now I look a lot different! If I hadn't seen my own chest in the mirror a mulitude of times, I'd go with a chicken. However I recognize her to much!

Little Ms Blogger said...

I have to admit, first glance, I thought dried turds. Hmmm...I guess that would make the 1st piece of modern art.

Ela said...

So it started that early...nice

When your page first loaded, I thought it was a piece of ginger...

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I'm no perv, but it looke to me like two people's torsos. Man holding woman from behind. Perhaps a little upright doggie style?

Lopez said...

I think it looks like a Sumo Wrestler with boobs. Definitely.

ellen abbott said...

35,000 years old? Really? I thought it was one of the pin headed giant boob implanted women that go to my gym.

Fer*Cambe said...

Fantastic Jenny, as a 21st century man I immediately understood the ta-tasness of the neanderthal man. The more things change huh...

Thanks for the comment by the way!

McVal said...

lol! Why is it that archaeologists always find the deformed village idiot for a caveman specimen and someone's failed art project to tell what life was like back then??
I'm especially insulted by the teeny tiny head...

i am the diva said...

it's fascinating, at least the hubby comes by it honestly... he can't help himself - its bigger than him, it's INGRAINED!!

also, chicken never looked sexier. that chicken should have stayed true to herself, and NOT gotten the implants, But, that being said; she's probably the most famous chicken model of all time, so maybe those implants worked for her.

I Love Brownies said...

Oh dear - I passed you an award that you've already received. Oops - well, just delight in the grandness of getting it twice! :-)

Jay said...

Maybe it's some cool fan fiction or their version of graphic novels from way back in the day? Dude's who have done this kind of stuff have always preferred to make their women with big knockers. ;-)

MammaDucky said...

Words escape me. That's a lie. BOOOOOBS!

Vodka Logic said...

If that is what they considered beauty.. I was born too late. I have ta-tas and hips.

Thanks for the laugh
x

i am playing outside said...

I hate to be THAT GUY, but umm, its actually clearly a chicken with a peanut on top.

Jen said...

Men! They know what they like even back then.

Sally-Sal said...

That would look even sexier--on a sandwich

ladytruth said...

I think this artist would've been appalled at the sight of Kate Moss; wish he was still alive today as I think I would have been a pretty decent model for his magazine ;)

Lisa and Laura said...

I'm still laughing at LMJ's comment. I seriously think she needs to be crowned the queen of the comments. She kills me every time.

As for the sculpture, I'm more much more concerned about the *ahem* vajayjay region. But maybe that's just because my son asked me why my penis is hiding today.

Emily said...

I'm not surprised...I guess even cavemen can't resist a good rack.

Kinton said...

Buahahahaha
35,000 years ago ... cannonballs.

HAH!
Yes, yes lets DO have a cawktale.

Mira is triplet crown said...

I wonder what the sculpture made by an 'ass man' would look like?

Laura [What I Like] said...

I can't imagine the bra-less women back then would have such well formed breasts after the age of 13...this simply must be the male ideal exemplified. No way a live model was used.

Madame DeFarge said...

It looks like I feel in the morning. Or when I try to squeeze myself into the too small jeans.

Rolerkite said...

She might have a nice rack, but she has a saggy chicken vagina.

mo.stoneskin said...

What I find particularly funny is the tiny head. Such a tiny head. I guess she wore tiny hats.

Beth said...

Dolly Parton could have descended from this line of humans.

Sadly, this reminds me of a drawing my youngest did of me when he was 3. I had a small head, large torso, and no arms or legs... BUT I had 2 big boobies! Yes, he was breast fed.

When Pigs Fly said...

At least they didn't have to worry about wearing bras back then. But, as you say men even then had one track minds.

J.J. in L.A. said...

Chicken...it's what's for dinner. Maybe the guy was just hungry, or horny.

the walking man said...

No mystery about it...Hug, the old lady, had a curio cabinet and she needed something to put in it...so off Zug went to kill a mammoth for her cabinet.

Well the damn thing was just too big. Undeterred Hug kept on Zug's ass for some knickknack for her cabinet, the cave was in dire need of some design elements to make it feel truly homey. So off Zug went into to his part of the cave (his man cave so to speak) and set to carving the tusk seeing as they already ate the rest of the previously acquired beast.

As Zug got to thinking about his favorite things in the world and decided Hug was beautiful he set knife to bone.

Days later Zug came out of his man cave and presented his gift. "Here you are honey snookums Hug, I made this ivory portrait of you for your beautiful curio cabinet, which by the way is no where near as lovely as you my dear."

Hug was well pleased until she realized that the head very much way too small and had no mouth.

And that was the day when man was first accused of never seeing a woman for her brains and only being concerned with her tits and ass. Zug slept on the couch that night. Which started another still standing tradition.

The Savage said...

Being that I have sometimes been known as an artist and having a general knowledge of sculpting tools I think it is a wonderful representation of what you can do with a chunk of critter and some sharp rocks. Having said that I want you to know that I am the rare straight guy that thinks big boobs are kinda neat but are hardly a requirement... thighs on the other hand....

Mandy said...

Whew, thank goodness you clarified where that photo came from!! I thought some Paparazzi had taken my picture of my torso two days ago after I ate too many fried shrimp, fried green tomatoes and spicy crawfish penne pasta while at the beach.

You're right, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But it makes you wonder what in the world the neanderthal was smoking while he put clay to hand!

(p.s. - I've missed reading your blog while I was gone)

Suze said...

That's exactly what I thought when I saw it. WOW - look at the chicken's knockers!

Chief said...

Not new to you blog, just a new commenter

Breasts are certainly overrated! Thighs are not as I have a huge ones and I am proud of it. (ok Im not proud, but I have to bolster my esteem somehow!)

Jessica said...

Hey there, thanks for dropping my blog and leaving a comment. I appreciate such a thoughtful gesture!

Anyway, SURE! Those are truly "EXAGGERATED" breasts and thighs. Who could have thought?

Your blog's nice, I'm gonna follow. Can't believe I discovered your blog just now.

Jessica said...

P.S

YEAAAAhhhh...Let's have a cocktail! I go for apple martini! :)

Melissa B. said...

Looks a little to me like a hippo in heat. Well, she could have matured a tad in 35,000 years...

ReformingGeek said...

Thanks for visiting my blog. Summer Camp has been crazy this week.

Yes, of course it's a chicken!

indigotangerine said...

you made me laugh! chicken with a boob job? that's exactly what it looks like. When do guys not think about breasts?
-indigo

Slamdunk said...

Perhaps I should have taken more courses on ancient history in undergrad.

Jen said...

I am scared now. Does this mean we really evolved from chickens instead of monkeys? Yikes!

the girl with the pink teacup said...

Completely and totally chicken. Hands down. Although Veg Assassin's "Ladies of Little Britain" link may give some clue as to its Neanderthal-equivalent inspiration...

Eric said...

I guess they didn't have the best art tools 35000 years ago, but maybe their hearts were in the right place even if the sculpture's feet and such weren't.

Chablis said...

Well, look at how cute you are! Thanks for stopping by my blog to see my journey of painting a piano. You'll have to come back soon for the grand reveal!

I totally thought chicken. I'm just glad that "in general" they all focus on the teets...cause boy, would my hubby be dissapointed if he ever focused too much anywhere else!

Hippomanic Jen said...

Just having a look about your blog in response to your comment on mine.

Errr... I think I'd better check out a few other posts, perhaps?

Alicia said...

i remember seeing this several months back and having to stare it for quite a while before figuring out how it all came together... apparently there's some things that haven't changed in 35,000 years!

blueviolet said...

Geez, I thought it was a whole chicken too.

At least the standards for women back then were much easier to live up to. ;)

otherworldlyone said...

I want one. Just 'cause you said it looks like a chicken with breast implants. It does.

Funny.

Jennifer Stumpf said...

another ten minutes (give or take) a day reading yet another blog? why not? thanks for visiting mine, and in turn i discovered yours. now, i need a serious night out, not at WaWa for a buck 25 coffee like usual with my husband, so do please pick my name for the hotel night out. :D thanks and cheers! xo jennifer

Orange Juice said...

I don't know what're talking about exaggerated...I totally look like that.

david mcmahon said...

Thanks for the visit and the generous comment, Jenny.

I'm channelling a bloke trying to get thru to you. Says his name is Mister Leander Thrall ... no, sorry, Neanderthall!!

Cocaine Princess said...

Honestly it does look like a chicken with implants!

only a movie said...

Laughing at Pseudo's comment. Congrats on POTD!

Suldog said...

Well, see, what you don't know is that, prior to 35,000 years of erosion, the figurine had the words "World's Greatest Mom!" inscribed on the stomach.

chewy said...

Perhaps it was carved by a female Cro-magnon.

MrsKraft said...

Reading your blog backwards, I am left with the idea of perhaps pairing off the doggy-style literal lover WITH massive-chicken-like-boobie statue?
At least he would have left the schnauzer alone.
And yes, the boxer--drool, farts, burps, devoured socks recently regurgitated and all--is ours. Somewhere along the line while planning our wedding last October, my new husband and I decided that a honeymoon could wait while a massively disgusting, body-function loving, smells like teen spirit dog would be a beautiful gesture of our love.
He was our wedding present to each other.
We should have gone to Maui.

Shorty said...

That reminds me of the little root baby in Pan's Labyrinth. Lovely.

Queenie Jeannie said...

LOL!!!!

Loved it! And frankly I thought it looked like 35,000 year old doody. I'm not an art critic; does it show?