Friday, July 31, 2009

A bar by any other name

Last time I was in Seattle visiting my family, I left my Mom's downtown office and spied a bar called "The Honey Pot." While it isn't offensive, mind you, I do think it lacks a little, well, panache. Now honey pot could refer to your nether region, your good stuff. But it is also what one company calls their mobile sh*tters. (eg: port-o-johns)

And once you know that, "Honey Pot" just loses any saucy allure it may have held.

So in the event you wanted more where this came from, and in the spirit of TGIF, here are the worst actual bar names I have heard and their location. Oh yes, I know some of them are a play on words, trust me. But really? That's the best you could do?

Pink Taco: LA

Whiskey Dix: Winnipeg

Happy Cock: Japan

Post Coitus: Japan

Labia: Tokyo

Manhole: Chicago (gay bar)

Dog and Sphincter: England

The Cock: Manhattan

The Wet Spot: Houston

Spread Eagle: Bury, England

The Quiet Woman: York, England (The logo is a woman carrying her severed head. And yes, perhaps this is the only way you will be sure she will be quiet.)

Cheers. And by all means, if you are savvy to additional names, tell all.



And all the fabulous commenters from Tuesday were placed in a magic hat from the finest of milliner's this morning. Thanks for celebrating my 6 month half-a-birthday-blog-o-versary.

The IHC Overnight giveaway winner is the wonderful AmyK at Life's Not a Cruise. One night off compliments of JennyMac. Congratulations.

PS: Someone asked me if I work there. No. I WISH. I would give away rooms galore and be on permanent vacation. I just know fab when I see it, and wanted to share it. Have a great weekend.

73 comments:

Judearoo said...

Not a bar name, but there's a shop in Dublin that sells door handles etc called 'Nobs and Knockers' :D

My name is PJ. said...

Sometimes I feel old and this is one of them. Smart humor, for me, is not obvious or easy. For me, Howard Stern, thought of as hysterically funny by many, is the king of stupid humor - obvious and easy. The funniest bar name in your list for me...the only funny bar name...was "The Quiet Woman" and only because it had her carrying her severed head. It was unique and I got a chuckle out of it. That's why I feel old. If I was 18-25, I'm sure I would think they were all clever. ;)

jinksy said...

Hmm...is visiting bars a pastime of yours, m'dear? :)

La Belle Mere UK said...

Trust us to come up with Spread Eagle and the Dog and Sphincter. The Dog and Sphincter???!!! Seriously??!!!

B x

Badass Geek said...

I think the best name for a nightclub would be "The Nightclub". As in THE nightclub.

"Where are you going tonight?"

"Oh, to The Nightclub."

"The Nightclub?"

Yeah. It'd totally rock.

mo.stoneskin said...

Believe it or not we actually have a "Spread Eagle" pub in pretty much every town. One of the sad things about our country is that there are very few freehouses left.

Eternally Distracted said...

Agree with mo.stoneskin on the Spread Eagle thing ... I once lived in a village where a pub was painted bright pink but called The Bluebell

Tammy Howard said...

I knew of a bar that favored the ladies called Lickety Split. I've been to the Brass Balls Saloon. Same beach town as Big Peckers. I know I could think of more if I tried...

Jules said...

Those are some disgusting names! Of course, I'd have gone into every one!!!!!!!

The Peach Tart said...

You must be like me and hit a bar in every town.

Vodka Logic said...

Congrats to AmyK for winning.

You like Spread Eagle: Bury, England since you listed it twice lol..

They are a good lot of bar names.. none so imaginative around me.

Laura x

ellen abbott said...

Glad to see my hometown made the list.

♥Aubrey said...

When you're looking for a bar to go to...it's always the name that draws me in.

The Caped Tirader said...

Hah...good stuff.
This one isn't a bar and its not sexual but there is a hair salon in NJ called 'Curl Up and Dye'.
I always thought that was funny

Inna said...

We have one bar here called "The Rooftop Library Bar". Its above a library, for obvious reasons... but I don't know why they had to include library in the name. Its so dark in the place I don't think anyone's going to be reading any books.

Kathy B! said...

These are great! I'm afraid I have no contributions at all that would be in the same league. Shoot, I don't have any contributions period!

Congrat to AmyK! I hope she emjoys her hight off!

confused homemaker said...

I'm a sucker for bars with horrible names like that, I think it only adds to the mystic of what is that "smell" or what is that sticky to the table?

Grant said...

Austin's famous 6th Street had a lounge called the Velveeta Room. The logo was a rope with a piece of cheese draped over it.

otherworldlyone said...

Well, let's see...we've got:

- Footlongs
- Cream Nightclub
- Minky's Social Club (which some people might not get, but I've heart some weirdos refer to their business as their "minky")
- Double D
- Slick & Peewees
- P Palace
- D & A One Stop

And since you're in Georgia, I know you've heard of Dick's?

There are tons...but yours are better. Not to mention that I find just about everything 'suggestive'.

Scrappy Girl said...

The bar in our town is called "The Wooden Shoe." I don't know why.

McVal said...

I'm not a bar or pub type person at all... But I do know that in Ireland there is a ratio of 2 pubs per person in each town...
At least it seemed that way.
Congrats to Amy!

Char said...

in birmingham, alabama there is a gay bar called "the toolbox" and in montgomery, alabama there used to be a bar called "ho john" but it got closed down. we used to go all the time because it had the best drag revue.

Emily said...

Sometimes I wonder what makes some people think, "yeah, this must be a good idea..."
There used to be a bar in San Fran called Who's Your Daddy.

Little Ms J said...

Let's just say you should never let your gay friends keep you at the Albuquerque Mining Company until the lights come up at last call.

Mandy said...

Some of my family members have been to "Oz" in New Orleans. It's a gay club. I liked to think that men dress up as Dorothy and Toto and skip around singing "We're Off to See the Wizard...."

Lulu LaBonne said...

I used to live near a Dew Drop Inn but I'd definitely attend a bar called The Lady Garden.


It's usually our hairdressers that have the worst names
'Shaggers' etc.

Dustjacket Attic said...

Oh heck, there are some crackers there.

Congrat's Amy, have fun :)

xxx

Kelly said...

Okay, not a bar, but there's a place in Texas that sells alcohol...Beaver Liquor. And they sell tee-shirts and there are actually people who buy them!

Gin said...

Oh this is too funny! I don't think I would walk into any of those places. I would be completely embarrassed!

MIra is triplet crown said...

No way for me to contribute today. Haven't been to a bar in ages. Sad really. Now I'll have to look at names at least since they seem to provide good entertainment.

B.o.B. said...

Those are some crazy names. There are a couple restaurants that have odd themes that I have heard:

Heart Attack Grill (AZ)- think super fried, fatty foods causing heart attacks. Nice.
Cheeba Hut (AZ,NM,CO) - think high patrons giggling at everything.

Jamie said...

Perhaps these names sounded like a better idea when the owners were three sheets to the wind?

PictureGirl said...

How funny! I can't think of any right now but there are some very suggestive names out there.

And some of them are very original on the inside. There's a bar on an old part of Route 66 that has hundreds of bras hanging from the ceiling. Women come in and take off their bras and sign and date them and they are hung up.

I've only been there a couple of times. I left with mine still on both times.

PictureGirl said...

I just have to add, if you think about it, just cocktail says a lot.LOL

Intense Guy said...

Oh goodness. I think I'm just going to sit here and blush.

delightfullysweet said...

I'm a sucker for bars with funny names. I always seem to have the most fun in them!
Great blog!

JenJen said...

JennyMac
I love love love your balls-out approach to writing. And this post did not disappoint. I got nothin' though, for the list. So theres that.

Mark said...

Now I have a whole new thought about the word Honeypot, not a good one, ha.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Whiskey Dix is a pretty big venue up here you know! And they have good pizzas! :)

Also, what's up with the Japanese? :)

Marcy said...

It's not dirty...but a bar in my college town was called The Library. I suppose so when mom called you could tell her you were going to have to spend the night in "the library."

Christi @ A Southern Life said...

Oh, those names really are awful! Very interesting.

Christi

Deborah Godin said...

Yikes, I think Japan has the dubioux honor of having the best/worst bar names. There must be another reality show in there somewhere...

Grand Pooba said...

Okay the gay bar Manhole is my all time favorite!


The pink taco? Oh pah'lease!

Laila Of Course! said...

AHAHHAH, I thought those names were simply brilliant. And kind of makes me think that the people were drunk to begin with. Ah well.
Be sure and pop by & leave a note!

-Laila
www.randomweavings.blogspot.com

Terri said...

Ahhhh...the wet spot...the quitessential sports bar...not a bad place to catch a game or a guy who wouldn't even notice you naked because of all the "action" in there...

Matthew said...

I don't know if it's still there, but the Flyer & Firkin in Reading was suitably nonsensical. Also, but on a slight tangent, there's a pub over here with a restaurant franchise attached.... the charmingly named 'Swill & Grill'.

Gutted not to have won the night off, especially since I already listed it on eBay. Looks like THAT'S coming out of my own pocket..

Susie said...

Those are so funny:-)

Marcia Joubert said...

In Cape Town we have an art movie house called the Labia. It's named after some countess. The Mount Nelson Hotel is next to the Labia. It's painted pink. The old joke goes: What's pink and next to the labia? The Mount Nelson.

Lisa and Laura said...

I used to live in Chicago and visited the Manhole on a couple of occasions. I mean how do you not at least check out the Manhole? That sounds so wrong.

J.J. in L.A. said...

There's a Chinese restaurant here called 'Young Dong'...probably refering to their waiters.

Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella said...

LOL Ahh yes Honey Pot definitely loses it allure. As for the other names, I'm pretty sure they never had any allure! lol

BIBI said...

OMG! That is too funny.

Love your blog!

sheila said...

Holy porno bar names batman! (How do you say that in Japanese I wonder)?

Those bars in Japan are well...they makea-me blush. lol.

That's frickin hysterical! Thanks for a good laugh!

The Savage said...

The Beaver Trap.... Some strip club, somewhere....

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

I'm still stuck on The Honey Pot as a name for a port a potty... I'm unsure as to WHY they picked that for a toilet?? Ewwwww....

mommy4life said...

What were they thinking?

thanks for stopping by for my SITS day on Tuesday.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Thanks for making my night! That was the best ever. Can you imagine that bar crawl?

stepfabulous said...

Disgusting. I can't imagine waltzing in and having a drink at any of those places! That's just plain disturbing!

Jessica Youlton said...

There is a package store in Salem, MA called Bunghole Liquor - no joke. But my all time favorite pub name comes from New Zealand - The Honest Lawyer.

LadyFi said...

Hilarious names - names with character!

In Britain, we have a dessert called Spotted Dick... (really!)

Shorty said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog and leading me to yours. Love it! You are so freakin' witty and I love the way you write. Hope you don't mind having a new fan!!! : )

Tumbleweed said...

During my many adventures I have run across a couple good ones:
Nice Rack (billiards and bar), El Cajon, CA
Peters, Portland, OR
Boners, Newark, NJ
The Back Door, Louisville, Ky
Fluffers Club, London (don't know if this one is still open),
Maneaters, Kansas City, MO
and the best one (IMHO)
Lake Peckerwood, somewhere in the mid-southern states...I was driving...and laughing!!

Fun, Fun, FUN!!!! Great blog - ALWAYS entertaining!!

Tumbleweed

Magpie said...

Around here, the "honey dipper" is what you call the truck that comes and cleans out the cesspool...

Lola said...

Just the other day, I saw a restaurant that entered the best pulled pork sandwich contest on Good Morning America, and it was called "Pull My Pork."

Then, there's a dog grooming salon in Providence, RI called Doggy Style.

Of course, I'd go to either place if they were closer to home. Thanks for stopping by the other day for some turtle love! Cool site you've got here.

PinkBow said...

oh my god! do these really exist??

Simon said...

Not a lot. A few minor miracles perhaps. Preservation from death by meteorite-strike for example, or being trampled by herds of wildebeest.

The Cock Inn is a not uncommon pub name in England – I used to go to one such near where I last lived – and while it’s a handy pun (probably as much then as now), it stems from the equally unfortunately name sport of cock-fighting rather than as an example of blatant innuendo.

As others have already commented, The Spread Eagle is a fairly common pub name: it simply refers to a heraldic device; many pub names come from the aristocratic landowner and/or his coat of arms. The frequent use of ‘arms’ in pub names does give you the chance to say things like ‘I spent the night in the Queen’s (or King’s) Arms’.

And while I hesitate to correct you, as far as I know The Quiet Woman pub is in Derbyshire. The Headless Woman in Cheshire, with a similar signboard, doesn’t mess around with verbal ambiguities.

Baron's Life said...

lol...these are funny...I wonder if the ladies liked the Happy Cock Bar in Tokyo...

Missy said...

We have a Honey Pot! It is a speeding trap that the cops set up!

ZenMom said...

I almost hate to leave a comment, because you have 69 already and that seems terribly apropos. But, I will. Because I have to thank you for the laugh. :)

Lemon Shortbread said...

Lol apparently the word 'cock' is also quite popular here for names. oh and 'talking cock'- we have a popular local forum called that, though its more of the lines of cock-eyed lol

The Boob Nazi said...

Labia??? Ew. I hate the word almost as much as I hate the word see you next tuesday. ew.

Courtney said...

hahaha.
I'm from Winnipeg and Wiskey Dix is a veryy unclassy country music bar.
But don't forget the classic "Hooters".

Katie said...

There is a bar at The Lake of the Ozarks called "Big Dick's Halfway Inn".