To counterbalance the piles of Language Arts and Social Studies homework most 5th graders are plied with all year, some teachers end the year with a heartfelt collection of memories. Sent home with the kids at year end, these memories are meant to capture the joys and highs of the student's school year.
Unless you live in Elk Grove, California.
And if you live in Elk Grove, California and were a 5th grader in Crystal Defanti's class at Isabelle Jackson Elementary School, your school memories just took "spicy" to a whole new level.
Last week, kids were sent home with a DVD made by their teacher, Ms. Defanti. They were able to scroll through the menu to review various functions and school trips. Until you hit that magic mystery option. Those who did surprised themselves and their families when part of the DVD includes Ms. Defanti having sex on her couch.
Let's all learn a lesson here:
1. Do not put yourself on home video having sex. Ever. Do you think you look like Jenna Jamison? I am certain you do not. Unless you have a full film crew with special lighting and editing equipment, it is never going to look like you think it does.
2. Do not provide permanent evidence of your personal endeavors. To anyone. Heard of YouTube? Heard of YouPorn? Do you want to see yourself on an international media format after the breakup/divorce/bitter end? Do you think all of those other women inadvertently put on the net thought their lover/boyfriend/spouse would never do something like that either? Right.
3. Do not store your videos of the Elementary School Spring Fling in the same desktop file folder as "Getting It On Couch Style". Really? You can make numerous folders. Pay attention.
4. Aren't you a teacher? Do you not tell the children often to REVIEW THEIR WORK BEFORE THEY TURN IN? Should you have done so? Of course. Then you wouldn't wonder why Brad and MaryEllen's fathers smiled at you so much more during the end of the year school picnic.
Bless her heart though. You know she is mortified by such a colossal mistake. Initially, the school asked all parents to return the DVDs. Now they have simply asked that each family destroy the DVD. Ummm hmmmm. I am sure someone kept that video. I am sure that someone has a bizarre school teacher fetish. Poor Ms. Defanti.
A crime? No. Should she be fired? Her own embarrassment is surely a huge price to pay. I am certain she is thrilled the school year is over. Perhaps a long vacation. But this time, please leave your video camera at home.