Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Ungrateful

I love presents. Oh yes. I love the purchasing and bestowing them upon others in direct equivalent to receiving them myself. I am not selfish.

My family loves giving gifts to one another, and we LOVE watching the reaction. For years my mom and I would open our gifts from each other over the phone because apparently we get a quite a kick out of the big reveal.

And usually, we are spot on with our gifts. For one another and all others in our gift-giving circle. Its because we take the time, we listen, we take a note here or there if you mention something you love.

And we believe this level of care magically applies to the general population. I am sure you are the same. I think people invest time in finding something just right for a friend or family member.

But I realize that I am wrong. Thorough consideration and thought process when selecting gifts doesn't apply to everyone. And that's who we should discuss today.

Have you ever received something from someone, and not someone who met you last night at the grocery either, but someone who actually knows you, and that gift gives you reason to pause.

A brief pause if only to ask who might this be for?

Let me share.

I dated someone for over a year. He was a great guy with many a great characteristic. We had big fun but I wasn't dreaming of a wedding dress. On my birthday one year, we had a big dinner party (you know by now I like the parties) and he went to the liquor store to pick up the necessary evils. His parting question, "What kind of wine do you want?"

My answer (per usual) "Red."

He returns with plenty of appropriate beverages until I spied the wine. Jugs of wine. Jugs and jugs of wine. Jugs and jugs of Merlot. Now, this was all pre-Sideways and even then, I have never liked Merlot. In fact, he never once witnessed me sip a mouthful of Merlot in years. Plus, its in a jug with a name like "Ted's" splashed across the front. He said it was on sale. I don't care if they gave you twenty dollars per jug you took off their hands. We are having a dinner party. I was about to turn 31 not become House Mom to the boys from Sigma Nu. I am all for economy and good finds but this was not a good find. A roadside truck stop would not serve this wine on "$2.00 all you can drink" day. This was a sign.

I overcame the foible by making Sangria. Birthday party + Sangria = delicious fun.

Party fully underway, all having fun. And he wants to give me his gift. A grand gesture of bestowing a gift in front of all others not his usual style. I never feared it was a ring so I presumed it must be something quite showcase worthy for the pomp.

I opened the big box. And there it was, staring me in the face. A book about Bill Clinton. Bill "I like young girls, I like cigars, and why should I choose between the two" Clinton. And when I picked it up, I quickly determined it was 100% a tribute to Bill Clinton.

Had we not had numerous conversations about Bill Clinton. Matters not if all others think highly of Bill Clinton. I do not. And that was my gift. I literally laughed because no one who knew me would give me a "All praise to Bill Clinton" book. Ever. He is arguably one of the greatest orators of our time. And I still don't want to read a book about him. Oh, I know, I know, he vastly improved the education system of Arkansas and improved the state economony as Governor and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Half the people in the room were puzzled. A book about Clinton? For JennyMac? Why not give her a coal mining helmet and perhaps a new pair of shoes made from deli ham. Those would be other gifts that make no sense.

I am all for exotic, new, unique. I am not all for books about Bill Clinton. Or ham stilettos for that matter. And he was a huge Clinton supporter (break up, on its way) and thought I could be enlightened.

I acted graciously. I am sure my stuttering giggle like "th-th-th-thankssss...heh heh... eeee-gads....s-s-s-so much" sounded polished and genuine.

MarciaGarcia showed me a gift she got once, from a family member. It was a Chester the Cheetah sweater. Yes, you read it right...a SWEATER with CHESTER THE CHEETAH! Know him? He is the mascot for CHEETOS. No, she wasn't fifteen. She was in her late 20's.

My college roommate got a collection of paperback-in-cardboard sleeve Nancy Drew books. She was out of Medical School at the time. This was from a boy who loved her. Seriously?

A friend of mine got a gift from a co-worker when he started his new job like a Welcome to the Office gift...a partially eaten box of cookies. No, I am not kidding. There were empty slots inside the box.

A girlfriend got a book called "At Home Makeover: How to drastically improve your looks". From her sister-in-law.

My brother got a book once and when the person handed it to him, they said, "I spent more on this than I really would have liked, but here you go. " No, they weren't not being sarcastic.
And it was a free book with purchase. How did he know? Oh, from the label placed on the front of the book.

Looking....much better than smacking a gift horse in the mouth, agreed?

99 comments:

jinksy said...

Reminded me when my husband actually asked me what I'd like for a present one time (unusual) and when I named some DIY tool I was lusting after, he said 'You don't want that!' and his substitute gift was so memorable, I can't for the life of me remember what it was!! I really would have liked the tool... But he did redeem himself, when he bought me 'Gone With The Wind' (for a surprise), a book I'd never read, but wanted. Win some, loose some, eh?

Marina said...

tell me about it!!! A good friend of the family gave my 13 year old sister in law dinner plates for her birthday .....WHAT?????

And my sister , when she was 8, got a remote control car (a definite palm off from her friend's mom as the friend's little brother had a bday party the previous week)for my sis' bday prezzie.

Why give a prezzie just for the heck of it, I say!

PS. Coming over from SITS...My Back to School Carnival starts in 9 days- 31 days of reviews and giveaways....come on over and enter 3 giveaways till then :>
http://energizerbunnysmommyreports.blogspot.com/

Michele said...

I needed that laugh this morning. Thank you!

Sometimes the things people come up with are so amazingly...well...amazing that I don't even want to know what they were thinking. It might scare me. :-)

J.J. in L.A. said...

Pfft, I'm not a Clinton fan (Bill OR Hillary) either. I would have smacked the b/f with the book.

We (7 sibs) used to pick names for Christmas so we only had to buy 1 gift. After getting stuff like a coffee gift set (I don't drink coffee, you'd think the SIBS would know this), I convinced everyone to save the money and buy ourselves something really nice for our birthdays.

The Peach Tart said...

Don't get me started on this subject. Over the years I've gotten so many bad and inappropriate presents I can't even count. Take this birthday for instance, a "friend" gave me a DVD of Sweating with the Oldies. wtf? Did she think my butt looks big? Does she think I'm over the hill?

I'm a person who runs and does kickboxing. I wouldn't even break a sweat with that DVD. I gave it to Mama.

ladytruth said...

After I calmed the neighbour down telling him it was screams of laughter and not of from being stuck in the tub after slipping and breaking my knee again, I could actually get around to write a comment ;)

A guy took me out for my birthday once: to McDonalds. Yeah, I was pretty stoked when he didn't buy me the Happy Meal. Thank God for small mercies.

Judearoo said...

Once got a toliet brush with a duck head as a brush handle. There's not a lot you say about that.

Dustjacket attic said...

Like you said, it's not that hard to listen to and get a feel for what a friend, family member or partner likes.xx

ps My family know I don't like black in the house(except clothes and such), so what does my sister in law do, but buy me this whacking great ugly black vase for Christmas!!

Hit 40 said...

Some of my wedding gifts were just plain odd. Obviously recycled trash. No not antiques. Just trash.

Jen said...

It's the thought that counts - obviously none of these people are thinking :( As a kid I remember being really freaked out b/c crazy Uncle Johnnie (who we all knew had been to jail for drugs) gave me a little pill box for Christmas.

Jules said...

My mom one year gave me three different outfits from HER favorite store. It was a store I'd NEVER shopped in NOR would I. Hubby and I kept looking at each other like, "Does she even know me??"

sas said...

the first guy I lived with once bought me 'the gardening notes of an edwardian lady'.
He just said 'there's something on the table for you' when I walked in one day. he didn't even look up from the playstation, never mind wrap it. The book was still in the bookshop plastic bag. With the reciept. I remember thinking do you know anything about me?

SoozNooz said...

Scary thoughts - yes a gift can really tell you something about someone - hmm perhaps they are not really listening to me at all but just waiting for their turn to talk. It's good when you have that - "A Ha" moment.

P.S - LOVE Pinot and not that fond of Bill boy
Thanks for visiting my lil place

Intense Guy said...

Oh how I relate to this!

I enjoy Christmas - it means seeing the brother that I rarely get to see every other year - he has a family, a wife, two boys - and I sweat out their presents - harder when you don't see them - but I work on it - get four gifts - wrap the things - they show up Christmas and ask me for scotch tape - they haven't wrapped mine yet.

I buy four gifts - they buy one "from the family" - I get a flimsy plastic picture clock to hang on the wall of a chinese steam train that actually goes "puff... puff... chug... chug-chug-chug-chugitychug" every hour -with the hours in chinese pictograms. I "ohed and ahed" and after they left - it broke when I put it back in the box.

WTH?

Not The Rockefellers said...

Cup a Soup..from an old boyfriend
A Mug, shrink wrapped with a box of cup a soup in it. Didn't even wrap it..he just put a HUUUUGE red bow on the top.

Score? Less than Zero...

Peace - Rene

mrsb said...

In my family, I am known as the one who cooks. I make my own cake mixes, bake my own bread, no box mixes, blah, blah, blah. (More OCD than food snob, lol).

My sister one year gave me a "Make your own pretzel" kit. I have no idea what she was thinking. I put in it my "going to the food pantry" box.

confused homemaker said...

this is why i prefer no gifts (although this year was a very nice surprise). if i get no gifts i then don't have to admit to the lack of knowledge those around me have about what i like versus what they like.

Chanda said...

Year after year my husband buys me last minute gifts that just stink (gardening books, knick knacks I hate, etc.) so now for Christmas, I buy my own gift to myself to make up for the crap ;)

McVal said...

I love Christmas and the planning for it. So much secrecy and deciding on the perfect gift for so and so. We always have a houseful over the holiday and we buy gifts for each every one of them. We start planning in July. My MIL lives with us and complains about how much it all costs her each year. She spends $50 on each grandkid. The older kids just ask for the money anymore, so they're easy... But when it comes to my youngest niece who is an only child, my MIL buys her tons and I mean tons of things all wrapped up. Everyone else is bored and leave the room before she is halfway done opening. But MIL insists to everyone that the older kids wanted money and all of this girls gifts add up to $50, so they have nothing to complain about. So she hauls all this junk home. I'm sure her parents are so happy for her...
As for the tackiest gift I ever got... my MIL gave me a book on how to clean the house.

Jenni Jiggety said...

Maybe they were all out of Nixon books?

My husband bought me one of those gold dipped roses for Valentine's Day this year and I laughed and laughed and then said, "Where's my real gift?" Yeah...that WAS my real gift. And he will never live it down.

hiking in stilettos said...

This post had me laughing so much. I am such the same way with gifts.. well-planned, thoughtful, perfect for the receiving party. It's funny that you posted this today because I had a wedding shower a couple weeks ago. Now I am all about cooking and trying new things, but I'm no Paula Deen or Barefoot Contessa. Plus, my fiance and I don't typically eat bread. We will every now and then, but sandwiches for lunch just aren't our norm. So, my soon to be sis-in-law gives us, what else? A bread maker. Used, at that {I am fairly certain it was hers & she got a new one}. I appreciate the sentiment {I think}, but you should have known better. I am totally with you on the gifts...

Inna said...

I usually tell my fiance what I want. I don't really like surprises, because they are often disappointing.
Case in point, I got a paper weight shaped like an apple from his father last year...

Badass Geek said...

I am still getting shit from my wife for giving her floor mats for her car on her birthday.

What? She told me she wanted something practical.

Erin said...

Wow. Just...wow. I can't think of anything that's been given to me that's so terrible. But, gift-giving is big in my family to, and it makes my hubs uncomfortable to be "watched" while opening presents. Apparently he feels the pressure to have a great response. But he's never gotten a bad present, so I don't know where his anxiety is coming from.

Thanks for stopping by Fierce Beagle, by the way! I'm flattered.

JenJen said...

hahahahaha... Poor thing.

My parents gave me a Carbon Monoxide Detector for my 23rd birthday.
Take that!

Mandy said...

I heart you so much. Thanks for the morning laugh! You should look that guy up and send him a book on Sarah Palin just for kicks.

I have blocked out all the bad gifts I've received from aunts, old boyfriends and whatnots. My mind has been erased. If I can't think of an appropriate gift for someone, I just don't give them one. I mean what's the point of giving them a breadmaker. Will Ferrell is still trying to give away his and the movie Old School has been out for years now.

Samsmama said...

Our first Christmas as a married couple I received a phone shaped like Homer Simpson. My first Mother's Day I got a set of screwdrivers. He thought a "joke gift" would be hilarious. We're divorced now.

Lee said...

That is so funny! My brother and sis in law always "re gift". My hubby got me a bobble head dog for mother's day. He claims the kids wanted him to give it to me, so now the kids own it!

ellen abbott said...

My husband bought me perfume once at least 20 years into the marriage. What? This from a man who has never seen me wear make-up, 'do' my hair, or wear perfume or cologne of any kind.

Thanks dear.

ModernMom said...

LOL Great post.
Granny gave me a Diet Cook Book for Christmas. How to lose weight. nice.

Dave King said...

I was once given a train ticket - single! (Telling me something?)

i am the diva said...

My sister-in-law drew my name in the family Christmas draw. She went to all the trouble to call my husband to find out exactly what kind of water colour paper i use... he told her exactly what i use and where to buy it and even suggested a gift certificate for the art store. What i got was a pad of "watercolour paper" from Walmart... i use it when her kids come over as colouring paper.

carma said...

This is how my cheeseball saga began: Do you know what my big gift from my husband for this past Christmas was? A 35 oz barrel of cheeseballs - what every woman wants - oh and a giant pen -- everyone needs one of those too. In his defense, we had a $25 gift limit....but still....anyway, I've gotten lots of 'mileage' out of the cheeseballs so all worked out well in the end :D
Great post.

The Constant Complainer said...

I laughed out loud when I read Badass Geek's comment. Sorry, I feel for you, but it was still funny.

This was a great post and should really make people think.

Are you the person who just runs out and grabs something you think they might like or do you really know someone and is the gift truly from the heart or something you know they'll truly appreciate. I know I could be better at it, and I'm working on that.

Lady P said...

Ohhh my - yes, surely a bad sign. The last year with the last boyfriend, he just whipped out $40 bucks from his wallet and said to go buy me something. Ouch! and then, thankfully, a month and a half later - OUT!
thanks for stopping by the ole blog and I have noticed the stories over here are g o o d!

chili pepper said...

Ha! I can't imagine how you found me over at ARts Chili but I am glad you did. What a hoot. And boy my sister and I have had this talk before. And most of the gifts that have spurred on that talk were from our PARENTS!

Dianne said...

I'll never forget the year I got a case of wine from a relative
it corresponds with the year I was pregnant, hugely pregnant
I guess I was supposed to wait to enjoy my gift

I also hate it when people ask me to tell them what I want as a gift
do you not know me, do you ever listen to me, look around my home, notice my jewelry
it's just lazy

I always work to make the gift match the person - I often buy things when they remind me of someone and then hold them for a birthday or holiday

I also loved your DIL post below

as a MIL I will say if I had to choose between stupid and manipulative passive agressive bitch I'd chose stupid
just sayin' ;)

Maria@Conversations with moms said...

LOL!

It works with dinners too. My ex-boyfriend once told me he was going to take me out for supper.

We met up and he stopped in to a grocery store, bought a cherry pie with a large apple juice where we were then suppose to share. What a dinner.

Laila Of Course! said...

Wow, that sincerely sucks. Quite honestly, I don't understand what goes through people's heads when they pick out such utterly distasteful presents. Perhaps your former bf was following the ode on how you should choose something you would love for yourself? heheh.

If you ever get the chance, be sure and stop by my blog and comment/follow! And the photo caption contest is still going on, so submit a caption!

-Laila
www.randomweavings.blogspot.com

Lynda said...

Two...my MOTHER gave me an ankle bracelet with my NAME on it... I have never and will never wear one. Ugh!

From a dear friend: A clock shaped like the Eiffel Tower...

Hmmmmmmmm

Misadventurous Mommy said...

My over the top Auntie is the one in our family that gives the most insane gifts imaginable. When my daughter was 2 she bought her a huge professional make-up kit and I was like um for real...so funny!

Jenny said...

LOL! That picture is cracking me up too. My husband once gave me clips for my hair with our daughter's name on them?

First off, I don't wear clips in my hair. Secondly, if I did they wouldn't be polka dot child's clips with my daughter's name on them!

Yankee Girl said...

Like most teenage girls, I had a drawful of bunny sweaters I got as gifts from my grandparents. However, the oddest gift I ever received was a styrofoam box. With nothing in it. I'm still confused.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

So...I did what your picture told me to do.

A bunch of condoms fell out and hit me in the face. What's up with that?

David J. West said...

My mom gave me several pairs of pants several sizes too large for Christmas. So is this how she sees her son?

Another Christmas miracle involved my ne'er do well brother scrambling to find something for me. I got a pair of his pants (that I am sure he no longer cared for) and a four pack of vannila frappacino's.

What is wrong with my current pants that the family must intervene?

Lisa and Laura said...

This unfortunately reminds me of my husband who is the worst gift giver EVER. My first birthday after we were married he gave me a gift certificate for cooking lessons. COOKING LESSONS!? I was so pissed. And then just last year he picked up dessert for my birthday and bought white cake with white icing. I refused to eat it. How can a man who has lived with me for 5 years not know that I hate white cake and white icing. Does he not see me scarfing ice cream every night?

Being a good gift giver is a gift. Truly. My husband has many talents, but picking out the perfect present is not one of them.

diamond dave said...

Thanks for stopping by.

Cases like what you describe are why gift cards are your best friend. If you can't even pin down a particular interest (books, power tools, electronics, music, etc.) a gift card to a nice restaurant will almost always go over. I remember once when my daughter, not knowing what to get me for Christmas, ended up getting me a $50 Barnes & Noble gift card. And then she agonized over whether or not I'd like it, not understanding that she hit the nail exactly on the head. I could camp out for weeks in Barnes & Noble.

Yaya said...

I can't believe you got a Bill Clinton book. My Grandmother was notorious for getting us gifts way too young for us, like animal ear muffs when we were 12, etc. But now I look back and smile at the thought!

La Belle Mere UK said...

My ex mother in law once bought me a necklance with a small gold jigsaw piece on it. Apparently she chose it because I was a bit of a puzzle! Hilarious.

My ageing grandmother once gave me a tinsel xmas table decoration for xmas.

And once, when I left a job, a colleague gave me a cup and saucer. Not a trendy, individual cup and saucer, like those giant ones you get, but a regular white cup and saucer from a tea set - it was obviously from a set she had at home. Weird.

Anyway, great blog as always!

Morgan said...

I am speechless as to some of these gifts. What on earth are people thinking. If I don't know you well enough to get you a thoughtful gift or a useful gift I know you need then you're getting a gift card. "Do on to others as you would have done on to you." I LOVE gift cards. :)

Constructive Attitude said...

Ive never gotten a gift that I didnt like. ::knock on wood::

Butttttttttt I cant believe you got a bill clinton book. that is freaking hilarious. what did you end up doing with it?

Alicia said...

hahaa!! i'm still confused as to why you two broke up? lol...my friend's mom gave my husband an Anne Geddes calendar...you know, the ones with the babies dressed like flowers... yeah...

Boxer said...

So glad to know it's not just me that receives puzzling and "What the F were you thinking gifts". I had a close friend (past tense) that prided herself on everything she did (she loved to tell you) and her gift giving skills were ZILCH. After we parted, the first thing I thought was "no more crappy gifts!!"

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

simply hilarious!!!

and being from Arkansas...about the only thing Bill Clinton did for us was give us a reputation...heavens, anonymity was better!

Queen-Size funny bone said...

oh I am a stickler about this. Married for 30 years and he knows nothing about me when it comes to picking gifts. I return them or tell him to take them back. thank goodness I have a gay male friend who takes notes and takes time and effort when buying gifts for me.

Madame DeFarge said...

I've had a ironing board and a hedgehog footscraper from my husband (although not at the same time). Sometimes no present is a better option.

B.o.B. said...

Can't. Breathe. Dying. So. Funny.

peewee said...

HAHAHAHAHA! I once had a friend give me a Starbucks gift card for xmas. All wrapped cute in the starbucks stocking. I was pretty excited. Who doesn't need more starbucks cards?

When I went to pay for my mocha and muffin the sales person goes "You owe $3.57" and I was all "what? how much was on the card?"

$2.23

Yah. She gave me a USED gift card. a VERY used giftcard!

Slyde said...

gifts, i love..

its the nonsensical giving back and forth of holiday cards (xmas, valentines, freaking arbor day, etc) that drives me batty....

Green-Eyed Momster said...

This is so funny because I just received, not one, but two pairs of sandals from a very good neighbor friend. They are the right size and all but one pair is PURPLE and the other pair is GOLD!

I love sandals but not those colors. Are you a size 7/8? LOL!!

Hugs!!

Miss Yvonne said...

Mmmmm, deli ham shoes....

Mala said...

My husband is NOTORIOUS for forgetting my birthday. One year he made matters worse by trying to make it up to me the next day by waking me up with my gift. He was nearly bubbling over as he passed me a fire extenguisher box. WTF? Not even wrapped? And I laughed, "this better not actually be a fire extinguisher."
His face dropped.

Great post... but now I crave deli meat and cheetos!
It was.
I'm still amazed I didn't file papers that very day.

VE said...

Chester the Cheetah? That is so awesome!!!! It's not easy being cheesy, you know... Can I have it when she's done with it?

I got a custom-made spork with my name on it once...sporks...not just for KFC anymore...

Oh, and happy belated B-day to you. We cancers have to stick together. I'm just amazed that you have over 60 comments here and I only recognize one of the bloggers. It's like a parallel blogger universe!

Youngblood4ever said...

My first birthday after we were married Hubby gave me a kitchen trash can. No joke. He was so proud of himself for getting something that we needed for the house.

He has NEVER done it since. (He is much more thoughtful now.)

Ela said...

It's so funny that the worst gifts are always the ones that get the most hype...such a let down.

I once received a pair of red leather driving gloves. I am not a race car driver....at the time I didn't even have my license.

Thank you for the lovely comment.
I love your blog!

mo.stoneskin said...

Sadly I don't have any similar stories about odd gifts. Well, apart from a random goggle-eyed cat ornament given to me by an aunt.

All that cheap merlot, and a Clinton book. So random.

By the way, you write beautifully.

Laoch of Chicago said...

Long ago I once bought my brother a nice looking Geode as one of his presents for Christmas. He thanked me but also used that opportunity to tell his Grandmother on the phone later when asked what he had gotten for Christmas, "Oh I received a rock, that is just how I rank in the family I guess.'

Kristin said...

Jugs of wine. Priceless. Fabulous save with the sangria though!

Eric said...

It's the thought that counts, right? Well there sure wasn't much thought... hahaa

Nancy Drew? Seriously???

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Oh my!

How about getting something that you know was a re-gift?

!!!

thesydneygirl said...

ahhahaha i loooove this post!!!

my pet hate is thoughtless gifts!

i can't believe he bought you a bill clinton book. and that he was that confident to give it to you in front of everyone?! :|

x

thesydneygirl said...

hahahahaha just read the first comment by mr london street. ice scraper - too funny!

x

One Sassy Girl said...

Parallel story here: at my sis's bridal shower, various gifts were in bags - some gift bags, others just shopping bags. She opened a grocery store bag and removed a box of macaroni and random newspaper clippings. Instantly, she smiled and said "wow, macaroni" and searched the room for the person playing the joke on her. A few minutes of awkward silence and my sis being the most polite woman EVER and finally her fiance's 80+ y.o. aunt wakes up from her sitting snooze and says "oh no, honey, that my garbage."
My sis is the queen of polite no matter what the circumstances. I'm sure if she'd kept digging, she'd have found a book on Bill Clinton under the macaroni.

♥ Braja said...

Oh dear....
:)))

momstheword said...

Oh dear.....this reminds me of a gal I worked with. Her hubby (now ex-hubby) gave her a lawn mower for her birthday. Oh yes he did!

I can't think of any particular birthday gifts but I remember a really ugly wedding present.

I appreciate their graciousness in giving it to us, but we both thought it was hideous.

I hoped it would break in the move but it didn't, lol!

Unknown Mami said...

I once got a turquoise button-up shirt with teddy bears all over it. So not me, but it made me wonder.

Just to make sure that I was not telegraphing an I love teddy bears vibe I decided to wear it bowling with friends. As soon as my friends saw me in it they started laughing and one of them said, "Take that thing off you look ridiculous."

Biscuit said...

I was dating someone for awhile, one of those guys who likes to keep things hidden - makes you work to get to know him. I had a bad feeling when I recieved a souvineer sweatshirt from Canada for my birthday - in AUGUST! We broke up shortly after, thank God for unanswered prayers!

Carrie said...

HI, so nice to get a sweet comment today from you over at Martin Manor, thanks for stopping by :)

This was so funny...well maybe not for you at the time, haha! I have received some funny gifts from my hubs in the past...one being a quesadilla maker for Christmas...but I will admit I was scratching my head when I opened it, I've used it a few times! yes, we are still married! LOL! Nice to meet you!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

You had me laughing all the way through. Great post!

I feel the same way about Clinton as you. What a lovely boyfriend to get you a book about a guy you can't stand on your special holiday. I can't understand why you're not still with him. ;)

Muthering Heights and Other Senseless Sensibility said...

LOL, oh my...

stephanie (bad mom) said...

No. This is all too horrible.

Though I once received a gift certificate from my sister-in-law with her name scratched out; it was a workplace reward for a place not within 100 miles of my home...

The sadness in this world.

But I think my new looking-at-the-bright side motto will be "Cheap wine? Make sangria!" :D

drollgirl said...

bahhaha!!! ok, this is hilarious!

so glad to have found your blog. i will be back....A LOT!!!! :)

annie valentine said...

My MIL enjoys shopping the clearance aisle at Ross for my gifts. I get slightly broken frames with slightly off quotes to hang in my house. She takes great pleasure in showing how much she loves a person by what she buys them. I can't believe she missed the Bill CLinton book...

i am playing outside said...

My name is Michael, and I think I love you. You're totally going into the blogroll.

Melissa B. said...

Bill Clinton? Egads! He's sooooooooo 1998...and kinda a creeper, too...

Inge' said...

My sister once gave me what I call the "attic gift". She went into her attic and pulled it down. I suppose I should feel privileged since we have not spoken in over 5 years and not because of this I should add. But...why even bother? If you can't take time just DON'T.

Amber said...

My now-husband, then-boyfriend once bought me a gift certificate to Home Depot for Valentine's Day. The worst part is we had been talking about marriage for a while. I asked him what he wanted for Valentine's Day and he said to me, "You don't have to give me any ideas, I know just what I'm going to buy you." Then he added a knowing pat. So of course I expected a ring, not $25 worth of home improvement.

He will never live that down. Never.

Delectable Swank said...

That is hilarious, I can't believe someone you are supposed to be close with would give you a book on someone you don't even care for? What a dud! I don't have any gift horror stories yet (knock on wood) but I will let you know if I receive something that scares the crap out of me. LOL.

LadyFi said...

Thanks for this belly laugh! Hilarious! This beats all those hand-knitted sweaters that were a size too small, or too big, that we received as kids!

Who knew that you could get ham shoes... as a vegetarian, I think I'd rather have those eco-friendly ones made out of car tyres... or would I?

;-)

PictureGirl said...

Sounds like he didn't have a clue.
A Slick Willy book? Ewwwwwww

Eve said...

I am like you. It is widely known through my family and in-laws that I always get a gift spot on the nose. It's not hard, it's just a matter or paying attention and listening while the person talks.

Which, people do anyways right?

Not my husband...

I was going to post about something similar yesterday, you've inspired me to do so now.

I feel ya!

otherworldlyone said...

Nice.

My Grandmother bought me a book called "From Promiscuity To Proverbs 31 - Getting off the edge of Sexual Immorality" by Tanya S. Martin.

At least it made me laugh.

Bevy said...

Ah - the proverbial gift horse - well that sucka will probably KICK you IF you slap it. ;) LOL
That's hilarious about the Bill clinton book - I'm not a fan either ... he was TRYING to twist your arm on the subject ... guess that didn't work huh?
The other gifts made me LOL ... thanks for dropping by and checking out my letter to grandfather. :)

Keats The Sunshine Girl said...

Just give me hugs and wish me well and I'd be happy enough! WHY? 'coz I do not like the 'clutter' especially of gifts badly thought of. For weddings, people here tend to give cash and let the couple decide the use of it. The days of buying household stuff are not much practised.

stepfabulous said...

OMG - Bad wine and Willie Man Clinton - all in one night! You poor poor soul, I know that someday you'll recover from it!

Emily said...

LMAO! Those are so seriously bad gifts. I'm with you...if you don't give me good gift, I pretty much revoke your friend card. Gift giving/receiving is totally my love language. My mother in law once gave me the ugliest sweater...seriously, Goodwill would have rejected it. She said it was to "throw on if I was running to the grocery store or something". Please, I wouldn't even put it on if my house caught on fire and I was naked and it was the only thing in my closet!

A French Cloud said...

you are SO going in my favorites- love this-so fun to read. Along with bad gifts there's the "I just don't know you or care" gifts- like a candle. Not a great candle like Tosca or Votivo but a drugstore/Walmart sort of candle...hate those.
*ps. how awful is it that I'm hoping the owners of my newfound friend don't show up?!

La La La Leah said...

My mother in law got my son 2 swim suits from the $1 store she was proud... She also gives us books, from where her and husband work, as birthday/christmas gifts. Thats fine, but they get them for FREE... I usually spend $50 on her for all her gifts. I LOVE MOTHER IN LAWS.

Jenny said...

My mom made my sister and I puff paint skirts for Christmas one year. About 5 years after puff paint was no longer cool. I was 14 and emaciated. She was 40 and was not. The skirt was her size. When I hadn't worn it 2 months later she asked me about it. I told her it didn't fit, so she asked if I would mind if she had it. Classic.