Wednesday, December 9, 2009

W.I.F.E

In his column, The Take, Dan Balz, a journalist for the Washington Post shared a precious quote from Montana Gov. Brian Schweitzer. Schweitzer was quoted as praising Virginia gubernatorial candidate Terence R. McAuliffe as someone who, "when there's a bump in the road, he's not going to cry like a girl and quit."

This was June 7, 2009. Not June 7, 1949 like you might think.

A play on words? Perhaps. Words he got slammed for uttering? Possibly. A statement his wife and daughters liked very little. Certainly. Was it the worst thing ever said? Of course not. But good job Schweitzer, because you look like a tiny d-bag.

And albeit indirectly, it reminded me of a joke a salty old codger told me years ago. I was in a bar celebrating with a gaggle of girlfriends shortly before my wedding. It was getting last, one of our last stops, well past the witching hour because CLASSY has already gone home to bed.

This man says to me: Oh, you're getting married, huh?

Me: (all smiley) Yes, I am.

Him: That poor fool.
And then he chortles.

My thought: WOW, you're neat-o.

Him: You know what Wife stands for right?

Me: Ummm, no.

Him: Washing, Ironing, F___cking, Etc.
He follows this with more chortling and a couple of snorty snorts.

It took me all of one second to recover before I said: Oh, don't be stupid. JohnnyMac knows I don't IRON.


93 comments:

Blasé said...

I hate 'Ironing'

A Woman that is not willing to 'Iron'...is a deal breaker with me. But of course me and the Wife have been able to live without much ironing, anyway.

Jules said...

I don't either. I'm pretty sure that Downey spray and put in the dryer stuff was invented for me.

the walking man said...

Yeah Montana where men are men and women gut and clean the kill. WTF don't ordinary every day men have it hard enough just trying to make a way in the world without these guys (Tiger too) causing our wives and female friends to give us the stink eye as they wonder "Does this fool think like that fool?"

Guys shut the fuck up and keep your dick at home...enough already.

blueviolet said...

Ha! You're right...there was no class in that little tidbit! I'll bet his wife is a happy little lady. :(

The Sharer said...

My, My you know how to start the day there, sailor.

Make it a great one!

S

mo.stoneskin said...

Chortle.

Snorty snort.

The Peach Tart said...

Good come back to the old coot at the bar. I love the walking man's comment.

Christina Lee said...

Both of them are a bunch of ARSES!!!

Matty said...

This is a world of political correctness, and you just have to watch what you say. I think too, that it sometimes depends on who is saying it. If a woman said those same words, other women might not have been so offended. Of course, it can be argued that a woman wouldn't have said that, but the point is that if a woman did, I don't think it would have been as offensive.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Clever and witty even at last call.

Slamdunk said...

I think the ability to chortle reveals a person's true character. Funny story.

Cyndi said...

Both of the misogynistic d-bags mentioned in your post are nauseating. And does Montana really even need a governor? Don't all 23 people that live there reside on the same compound? With enough alcohol and hunting accidents natural selection would take care of them.

Stacey said...

I am guilty of saying things like, "Cry like a little girl" and every time I say it I knock myself on the head and say, "Stupid! If I as a woman propogates that saying how can I comment on men when they say it?" Ingrained sayings like this one highlight how far women still have to go...

mbkatc230 said...

What a jackass. I hope his wife is a real drill sergeant! Love your retort, I assume that shut him up at least temporarily. Kathy

BigSis said...

My parents have been married for 41 years. One of their secrets is that my dad does all the ironing. Yes, he does know how to make a woman happy!

Jen said...

Wow, I can't believe that he actually said that. But you had an awesome come back.

Poindexter said...

Yeah, well I did toss out the ironing board recently. Haven't purchased a new one yet. Not to say that I don't appreciate a crisply pressed blouse, but it's way down there on the list of priorities. Sometimes men are such dumbshits. Sorry guys.

Badass Geek said...

What is this ironing of which you speak?

ellen abbott said...

Clever comeback. I'd have just sputtered and called him all sorts of names.

Too Many Hats said...

Iron? Do you mean the thing in my multi-vitamin? Because if you are talking about something else, you must explain.

Mr. Charleston said...

Ah... don't you suppose that remark was aimed at one Ms. Palin?

Georgina said...

Wow. You showed such restraint. I might ended up spending my wedding day in jail. But then again, I fight like a girl, so whatev. - G

Busy Bee Suz said...

JennyMac, you are so darn neat-o for posting this.
What a large douche bag. Both of them. I do iron, but I don't etc..

Live.Love.Eat said...

Hah, you told him. I don't iron either. EVER!

Emily said...

And that guys is probably stilling sitting in a bar every Friday night...only now he's wondering why he's still not married! What a complete tool.

brainella said...

Hey, my husband does his own damned laundry. I wonder why the old coot was alone at a bar late at night drinking; probably because his WIFE left him years ago.

Summer said...

What's an iron? ;)

Erin said...

I loathe ironing. In fact, I'm far more likely to participate in some of those a-hem, other activities over ironing. Even when I'm really tired.

Prosy said...

What is it about jokes regarding dish washing and being pregnant that makes guys chuckle and high five each other? I just like to remind mine, 'hey. I control the sex.'

works. guaranteed.

Michele R said...

Where exactly was this bar?? :)
My Hubs does his own wash and ironing and in 7th grade the boys in my house get taught how to iron and wash clothes.

Ms Bibi said...

Love your comeback.

Who irons anymore? I think I gave that up few months after I got married.

Corrie Howe said...

When my husband proposed to me I said, "You know I don't like cleaning, doing the bathroom, laundry or ironing." He said, "I've been doing those things on my own for 20 years, I'm not marrying you to be my maid."

I said, "Good because you're not going to get one."

I, on the other hand, did gain a W.I.F.E.

Pricilla said...

Our esteemed governor needs a tongue leash

Yankee Girl said...

Iron?

What is that?

I'm so confused....

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Way to be quick on the uptake! I'm one of those people that always has the perfect witty comeback ... like three hours later. :)

mama-face said...

I wouldn't have come up with that until the next day. Quick thinking on your part.

And yes...it's the man of the house who irons in our house.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

'knows I don't iron' that's funny :) Me neither.

Jeff Foxworhty tells a great set about being at a bar and talking with the man next to him who thought loading the dishwasher meant getting his wife drunk.

That never fails to make me smile.

Kristina P. said...

I pray that my daughters will meet men like that.

And then punch them in the crotch!

Herding Cats said...

Wow, your reaction is a lot classier than mine would have been. I probably would have just thrown a drink in his face...

JenJen said...

You really oughta link to Peach's post today...and compare notes with this idiot.

Great Post...as usual!!

And I'm SO stealing that pic.

Thanks.

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

Nice response! You witty b-tch, you.

This man might be the uncle to my Payless friend I just wrote about. Such friendly talk to strangers!

Eva Gallant said...

My husband does his own laundry, and my sons learned how to do their own when they were 12. (Of course, now that they are married, I don't know if they still do laundry, but both of them do most of the meal preparation in their homes.

Nonflammable said...

Great comeback. That curmudgeon was probably married/divorced multiple times.

If my husband asked me to iron, I would ask him to put the shirt on first.

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

You are quick. I wouldn't think of a come back till the next day.

Tsquared417 said...

Great comeback...I would have thought of it a month later. ;)

Intense Guy said...

One would think after all this time (say post woman's sufferage?) that gender-typing roles would be but a memory.

I guess being stupid will never go out of style.

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

I am moving to Montana...coolest Gov. ever!

Laoch of Chicago said...

: )

Southern Champagne Wishes said...

Ha! I would've loved to have seen that trashbag's face when you said that to him. What a loser.

That One Mom said...

My ex-fiance's mommy used to do all of his ironing. One day he was here and said he needed something ironed, so I taught him how...

Vodka Logic said...

Funny, my kids iron more than I do.. husband knows how. I'll set up the board and let him at it.

The etc is my favorite part

Julie said...

what a douchebag!! I'd have ironed his FACE...jerk!

foxy said...

What a COMPLETE DIPSHIT. Sorry for the language.

Laurie said...

OMG!!! Jerks, all! 'cept you!

http://youmusttakeyourchance.blogspot.com/

Rebecca Knight said...

That pic at the bottom of your post sealed the deal :). Thanks for that!

Laura said...

Okay I'll fess up I do the Ironing in the family, but JMac is happy to do the washing. Great comeback! To bad we didn't have a acronym for H.U.S.B.A.N.D.

Karyn Bernard (French Charming) said...

I Love You! I'm guessing that idiot isn't married...just a guess.

Eric said...

Hey, don't run down ironing until you've tried *EXTREME IRONING* !!!!

Kristin said...

Ah ha ha. I don't wash either.

Simply Mel said...

While visiting my in-laws in Florida one year, we actually saw a d-bag wearing a t-shirt with this on it! And no, the person was NOT related to us! ha!

Science Teacher Mommy said...

When there is a bump in the road, I tend to cry like a girl (I am, after all), then pull myself together and solve the problem with flying colors.

If there were more politicians willing to cry/show empathy for those who are down on their luck or for our enemies maybe we wouldn't have so many big, crappy problems.

And Plantboy irons his own shirts.

The Boob Nazi said...

My boyfriend cried when he broke up with me. From now on, I'll be saying, "Go on and cry like (his name)" instead of "cry like a girl"

Sassy Chica said...

This chica also does not iron, Mr. Sassy Chico does all that for me...I am the worst at this task and he is okay with that!

Smooches,
Sassy Chica

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

Hmm, maybe you could've said - "Oh, do you know what single guy stands for?

S.I.N.G.L.E. G.U.Y. really stands for:

Stupid,
Inconsiderate,
No-talent assclown,
Gonorrhea,
Lousy in bed
Excessive masturbater

Gluttoneous pig,
Underwear stainer, and
You only wish you had a W.I.F.E. to do any of those things for you.

:-)

Heather@WHMB said...

Haha, classic. I loved it. Oh and I don't iron either.

Kato said...

Haha. Ummm, wow. I think the coot surpassed the tiny douche bag and landed himself the title of "Biggest Douche Bag Ever".

I probably would have made fun of his old man-ness.

GRUMP.

Grossly-Ridiculously-Ugly-Man-Pudge.

Or something. Yeah!

Foxy said...

If by "iron" you mean spraying with febreze then putting it in the dryer to steam, then yes. I do this. And if by f@*cking he meant flipping the bird to sexists jackasses, then yes. I do this too.

E @ Scottsville said...

Ha ha ha, you crack me up!!! =0)

Big Boops said...

Thanks for stopping by Boops! I read this post earlier and thought and thought to try and come up with a witty comment. But why fix what ain't broke. Your reply to your drunken friend was genius. I don't iron either ;)

sheila said...

AHHHHUGGHHH! What an asshat! Buttmunch! A-------HOLLLLE! Dirtbag. and a BIG d-bag! Good response though. I would have followed it with a kick to the cookies. :)

kilax said...

It makes me crazy that people think it is okay to say things like this. My BiL makes sexist jokes all the time and says he doesn't believe them... uh, right. Yes he does. That is why he keeps making them.

Conquer The Monkey said...

I didn't even know we owned an iron or ironing board until a week or two ago when a metrosexual male friend was staying with us and asked if he could borrow and iron some clothes. I looked at my hubby and said "do we even own that stuff?"

that guy (at teh bar) was a jackass, we all know women are the superior gender, and most men know it too :)

Chief said...

wow, seriously... I need to stay up late and go out more. I would love to get my hands on the SOB. I woulda verbally ripped him a new bunshole. I am very impressed by your use of self restraint, that is why I would have ended up in jail and you didn't.

leigh said...

My husband irons his ties with my flat iron.

I'm just that good of a wife.

Leigh

Pres. Kathy said...

We have been in our new home now 5 months, and I have never used our new iron or ironing board. That is what the cleaners are for! :-)

Pres. Kathy said...

:-)

kys said...

I do all the washing. That's about it.

AnnQ said...

One thing I like to say when a guy makes my always favorite (sarcasm) comment of "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?" is...

"Why buy the pig when all you want is a little sausage?".

:-)

secret agent woman said...

Bet that old guy can't keep a woman around for long!

(I don't iron either. I figure if a man wants to wear clothes that need iron, he can do it himself.)

M-Cat said...

LOVE this! I may or may not wash. Depends. Certainly NEVER iron more than my own stuff.

Amanda said...

How do you attract them!
P.S I don't iron either!!

Heather said...

Well..I do the washing and maybe even the Etc. I don't iron and I definetely don't do the F'ing! Amazing I'm married! LOL

carma said...

You are quick with the comeback...idiots - the both of 'em! This is Twenty Oh Nine (as Charles Osgood would say on CBS Sunday Morning)

Rowe said...

Ooh, imagine had you leaned right in and said to him quietly, you know, I don't do any of those things, he pays people for those services and me to go shopping and purchase anything that takes my fancy.

J.J. in L.A. said...

Great comeback! lol!

Baloney said...

Good for you! LOL.
Love the sign at the bottom.
Bitches really do hate that.

Secretia said...

W orthy
I ntelligent
F emale
E xcellence

That's what it means!

Secretia

Alexis AKA MOM said...

Damn I don't think I have any of those in my closet of tricks. Well crap can I change my title, I just don't think it's working :)

HalfAsstic.com said...

Don't you just LOVE it when you have the perfect reply handy at the exact moment you need it?
Nothing feels better! ;-)

Life with Kaishon said...

Oh my gosh you are SO funny! I don't etcetera : ) Ironing is fine though.

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C.J. said...

good one! I was driving yesterday during a white out, the idiot in front of me started to turn with no signal (you can get yourself killed in NY for that) so since I cant see more than 2 ft in front of me I hollered out the windwow, You dumb mother fucker use your signals, then I wished him a Merry Christmas. Ahh that's the way we NY'ers are.


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KatieTri's said...

I think my man understood I don't iron when we moved HIS ironing board and iron in because I didn't own one.... ;)