Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The economics of kissing

Years and years ago, in my PreJennyMac life, I went out one evening with a medley of friends. During that evening, while socializing at a local nosh spot, I was introduced to the Big LeBaw. Big LeBaw was piece of work in that he was the constant salesman and oh so very confident in his skills. At one point in the night, he looks at me and initiates this conversation:

Him: So, what do you think ?
Me: Of what?
Him: The Kid?
Me: What kid?
In which he responds by pointing both of his thumbs toward himself and says: This kid.
Me: I don't.
Him: You don't what?
Me: I don't think of the kid.
Our mutual friends to BigLeBaw: HAHAHAHAHA...YOUR A _______ DUMBARSE.

Later, we all had a conversation about FatBoySlim, the DJ who was coming to concert the following month. People expressed their interest in going, including me.

BigLeBaw has had many, many, many sips of scotch. He says slurs: I will take you to the concert if you make out with me.

Me: HAHAHAHA.

Him: AND I will buy your drinks all night (which sounded more like anniwullbuyyerdrinkzshallnight)

Great. So the current market value of my kisses was basically a $36.00 concert ticket and several MillerLites at the non-liquor-serving-Concert Hall. Beats the 25 cent kissing booth but I passed on such a golden opportunity.

Maybe my kisses are worth more. Maybe less. But I wasn't about to determine the actual exchange rate over scotch breath in my face.

And since there was a crowd of witnesses, he was hazed mercilessly for this little anecdote. PS: I ended up running into him at the concert after all and he told me "You don't know what you're missing."

Oh, I believe I do.




PS Sidenote: Blogger is only displaying certain comments even though I published them. Hopefully it will shape up fix itself soon.

100 comments:

Laura Trevey said...

great post.... have a super day :)

BigSis said...

And, yet another example of why I'm still single...

Aunt Becky said...

I cannot imagine how you turned down such an amazing opportunity.

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

I wonder if the big LeBaw is a member of Congress now with all that ass-kissing.

Corrie Howe said...

With such a smooth talker, I don't think I would believe he'd hold up his end of the agreement if he got payment first.

mo.stoneskin said...

$36 kisses are pretty impressive.

jules said...

I wonder if he ever found anyone to fall for his antics. I love that you said you didnt think of him. Ha ha ha.

a H.I.T. said...

What is it about those kind of men?

McSass said...

I'm cracking up at this post (and gagging thinking of the smell of scotch breath! ack!)

I was just at a Martini bar a few weeks ago and two men came up to the group of girls I was with and the one was drinking Makers Mark and was also a Slurry McSlurringston.

Thank goodness you realized "what you were missing" HAHAHA

Erin said...

Oh, I'm SO glad you know what you missed! Hee hee!

Kinda reminds me of the St. Patty's Day parade in New Orleans...you kiss a dude, you get a green flower made of tissue paper. But who cares about a stupid flower (even when you're 12) when the guys are wasted, drooling all over themselves, and tripping over their own feet in the street?!

Joshua said...

And so do we all.

-Joshua

stepfabulous said...

Wow, that's all I can think is WOW........... What a dumbarse!

When Pigs Fly said...

It sounds like you chose wisely. What a pathetic specimen of a man.
By the way, it sounds like others have been having similar problems to you regarding the comments.

Cee said...

Barf...glad you were able to pass that up

Mr. Charleston said...

I love FatBoySlim. Had forgotten all about him. One of the lifelong mysteries for me are the number of women who fall for jerks like that. I can't understand it. Although, as they say, the girls get prettier at closing time, and it goes both ways I suppose.

Dan said...

Oh dear.

The kid.

The f*cking kid????

I always thought it was a myth that blokes like this existed.

Sadly you have proved me wrong.

I bet he has a really tiny willy.

That’s right, I'm a 31 year old man and I said willy.

I rule.

Emily said...

I think guys with big ego like that probably have small...um...well, you know what I'm sayin'!

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

I love how you think! I probably would have made out with him...cuz I don't think like that!!

Match Girl said...

I don't know how you could have passed on such a tempting offer.

amy102088 said...

I love it ! Very creative ! That's actually really cool Thanks.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Man, $36 kisses AND all the Miller Lites you can drink! The economy really IS turning around!

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

Im totally writing that pick up line down. "This Kid"....so sexy...lol!

Buckeroomama said...

The guy referred to himself as The Kid, huh? Mwahahaha!

Ms Bibi said...

That must have been a tough decision for you, lol.

Some guys have no clue, but that's what makes it interesting and entertaining.

Yankee Girl said...

Charming. I have no idea how you passed him up!

Michael Rivers said...

So many times the over confident guys are the ones who should not be. I once had a guy tell me, "You better not wait too long to go on a date with me because someone else will snatch me up." I took a chance and never did. Oddly, no one snatched him up.

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

Should have thanked him for the comedic relief ;)

I've had a couple guys (in my waaaay distant past) say "You don't know what you're missing". What kind of asshat thing to say is that, anyway? My response to that was always "I'll learn to deal." probably followed by "gag me with a spoon", because it was... you know... the 80s.

Vodka Logic said...

I am with Emily on this one.. wonder what he is up to today. Impressing young girls no doubt.

Big Boops said...

The first time I met my husband a friend of mine was in the middle of a cat fight with a girl from a neighboring bar table. And he leans over to me and says, "Why don't we just start making out so that everyone will quit fighting?" I looked at him and laughed with pretty much the same reaction you had above. But deep down I knew it was true love. Even though I brushed him off that night, we ran into each other the next day and I've been trying to escape ever since ;)

Barbaloot said...

Now, if it were a Muse concert, I may be persuaded. Any other band/performer...probly not worth it:)

Mom in High Heels said...

Oh, men. They can be such idiots, can't they? Especially when they drink. I'm glad you didn't make out with him. What an idiot. $36 in tickets and a few drinks? I don't think so.

UberGrumpy said...

You saw FatBoySlim? Respect. Did you know his real name is Norman? I rather like that.

Kristina P. said...

I've been having the same problem with comments. They are coming through on my email, but many are not publishing on the blog. And the count is off.

Anyway, it does sound like you don't know what you were missing. I'm sure he was amazing.

Nyx said...

Y'know, now you're going to be wondering what could have been....

Think about all the communicable diseases you missed out on!

Poindexter said...

I think I met his (evil?) twin brother once, or twice.

Intense Guy said...

And here I am with nothing but lint in my pockets... You probably don't accept items in trade but maybe? How about a shooping cart full of empty recyclable cans?

Drats.

Cathi said...

That is funny....I had a few encounters like that myself in my single days!

Have a great day!

foxy said...

What a great story. I think we've all run into a Big LeBaw at some point in our lives.... and what complete douches they are!

Geezees Geezees Custom Canvas Art said...

WOW..that's all i can say is WOW
Stopping by from SITS!

Eva Gallant said...

Don't you love that "You don't know what you're missing" line from losers?? Especially when you are SO glad you're missing it.

Pres. Kathy said...

Sometimes I wonder what are men thinking? When you find out, please tell me!!

Simone said...

Oh, the nights you must have lain awake wishing you had ended up with him instead of the gorgeous JohnnyMac....NOT!!!

"So what do you think of The Kid?"....that had me snorting with laughter :)

Thanks for the lovely comment today, I appreciate that.

HalfAsstic.com said...

Oh, gee. What a classy guy, er, kid... and you let him get away? I bet that just keeps you awake all night,hu? ;-)

Molly said...

ugh! At least he asked, once a coworker just leaned over and kissed me after a bunch of after work beers. He did say "thank you" though, and that was it!

Herding Cats said...

You mean you didn't take him up on his offer? Why not? He sounds so classy!

Busy Bee Suz said...

This is so funny. What a douche.
So, do you think he settled down and has a wife and kids and is living a dream life? Or still hanging out at bars asking girls to make out with him? Who asks someone to "make out?" I mean who asks someone to make out after 7th grade?

I'm having issues with comments as well.

Christina Lee said...

*snicker* how charming...

Stacy said...

Sounds like you dodged a bullet on that one! Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Alicia said...

haa!! i just love that he called himself the kid!!! what a class act! and to think....you could have kissed him. lucky.

JenJen said...

what a love toy. What were you thinking??

:)

I'm a full-time mummy... said...

Hahahah...!

Thanks for stopping by my blog from SITS! Have a good day! :D

Jaime said...

Ha great post- and good call :)

Thanks for visiting my blog- great blog you have here!

Christine aka Mistress of Cakes said...

Hello fellow SITSta! I need your help!

Could you vote for me in Iron Cupcake?

(I am campaigning for votes….because I put a lot of time and detail into my cupcake)

I am currently behind The Baker’s Remix……boo..L

If there is anything I can do for you in the future don’t hesitate to ask! (When I say this I am completely serious!)

Here is the link: http://mamanandgourmand.blogspot.com/2009/11/please-vote-for-me-iron-cupcake.html

Slamdunk said...

I was thinking "the kid" was going to be his right bicep--flexing of course as he said it.

Rebecca Knight said...

Hey, who has two thumbs and sounds like a douchebag? :D

The Kid!

Southern Champagne Wishes said...

And you know tonight, he's probably still in a bar somewhere trying that line out on someone else! *Sigh* One of the many reasons it's no fun being single. Such a funny story, though!

Pricilla said...

Maybe blogger has had too much scotch...

You have to wonder where "the kid" is now and if his arrogance has been tempered by now.

shortmama said...

Wow you passed up on that? On the kid?

Tracy said...

Times like this, I'm so grateful that I'm now in a great marriage! I was single-again for many years and am now remembering these type jerks I'd met - yuk!

Appreciate the way you spin the story though.

Christiejolu said...

LOL! HOw many of us had offers like this. Makes you wonder.

The Peach Tart said...

he's probably still running that line by women not as astute as you

Lauren said...

Oh, I do not miss the days of fending off drunks who think they are awesome. Yea, marriage!

Tom Bailey said...

You seem like you did not think he was very hot. If you did you might overlook the drinking. Very entertaining story and you write very well.

Thanks for sharing.

Keith said...

Thanks for sharing that. I've had girls who offered to do certain things on dates if I bought them certain things. It just annoys me to think of the dating scene.

Thanks for your comment on my blog. I appreciate it. Blogger's been driving me crazy with how it's messed up with the comments right now.

Life Laugh Latte said...

It's hard to imagine that we have all met a Big LeBaw in our day! How do they keep reproducing? Holly

kys said...

Thank goodness this story didn't end with "And that was how I met Johnny Mac".

Eric said...

Poor dude, probably had to get completely wasted to work up the courage to ask you for a make out.
Or, maybe he was just an idiot.

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Charming man!

carma said...

what a catch, that Kid

The Blonde Duck said...

I didn't know there was people that narcassistic in real life. I thought they only existed in the movies and bad sitcoms.

Mighty M said...

Nice moves, that kid. :)

Sparrow said...

Sounds like you were more than up to the task of putting the likes of him in his place! Sounds like my sister's three piece suited blind date, who leaned in over appetizers and said, "What would you say if I told you I wasn't wearing any underwear?"

She replied, "I'd hate to have your cleaning bills."

bluzdude said...

Strike one: Referring to himself in the 3rd person.
Strike two: Said 3rd person being called “the Kid”. (and not actually being a kid.)
Strike three: Painfully fishing for compliments.

Yerrrr ouuuuut!

Too Many Hats said...

Eeewww - just reading about him made my skin crawl - LOL. Good decision.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Another bubba! GAH!
<><

Melissa B. said...

I don't know...I guess when opportunity knocks, you don't always have to open the door, huh?

Jules said...

Wow. What a gem....

Midday Escapades said...

Oh, I heart this post and your writing style. So vivid I was right there with you all. Poor kid!

ajm said...

Umm . . . I teach high school economics. Maybe I could use this as a lesson plan? ;) Great story!

Andrea

Becky said...

ha..ha..ha..I think you made the right decision on this one! That is crazy!

The Savage said...

Ever the wit and awesomeness in your posts

Little Ms Blogger said...

With gems like LeBaw, I'm surprised the US population hasn't gone down.

Too bad you didn't know someone who could verify if there was any truth to his claims.

Chief said...

Im having blogger issues today too!

what a great kid!

The Absence of Alternatives said...

It's amazing that after so many movies, people still haven't learned "You don't know what you are missing" guarantees a face-losing comeback and also guarantees that person who says it looks like an idiot.

The Absence of Alternatives said...

Hold on. Was he misusing the term "Kid" as in "Here's looking at you, Kid"? So he thought he was being cool like Rick? Or was he referring himself as Billy the Kid? Either way. Too bad this happened before the popular line "I just threw up in my mouth"...

AnnQ said...

LMFAO! I literally giggled when I read he pointed to himself and said 'This kid'.

That an Fing CLASSIC loser bar guy move! Love. It. :-)

Amanda said...

Oh he sounds such a prince!! I can totally understand why you passed. He's possibly still trying to work things out even now!

Raoulysgirl said...

What a jewel. How did you ever resist? How do you not kick yourself every morning that you wake up without "that kid" next to you?

Sheesh.

My 3 yr. old calls herself "this kid" a lot. Yesterday, it was "Grandma is sharing her Twizzlers with THIS KID!"

Somehow, it was cute when she said it. I'm guessing...not so much when HE did???

Megara said...

ugh, guys sometimes... i'm glad you held your ground - you can buy yourself a concert ticket and drinks! thanks for stopping by my blog, yours is excellent & witty. i'm excited to read more!

Melissa said...

lol! what a creep!

Pop and Ice said...

I'm sorry, but you're not allowed to say things like "you know you want some of this" until you are married to it. And yes I meant "it".

ThatGirl39 said...

The vanity of some people astounds me! I bet he's been kicked into touch by a lot more people since then. The words sleeze and ball spring to mind!

My name is PJ. said...

Just imagine the places he would have 'taken' you..... EWWWWWWW! We both know he had a well aged case of cooties.

Blogger is a tempermental beast. How will we tame it? I've tried tossing a chair at it....nuthin'!

Organic Meatbag said...

You should have asked "What do you think of the douche?"..when he says "What douche?", point both index fingers to him...hahaha

Marcy said...

Ok...i think i know who this is about. ;-)

Jen said...

I think 'Salesman' summed it all up :)

Secretia said...

And i believe you were right, you DID know what you were missing. That's telling him right!

Secretia

Life with Kaishon said...

Ummmmm, yeah! I am SO glad you missed out on that wonderfulness. What a wacko! : )

C.J. said...

Just started following your blog, Love it!


http://wwwbeenblogged.blogspot.com/

Kato said...

Hahah!! Oh lord, I have quite a similar story. Only what he was offering me was the ooportunity to experience his kissing ability and only that. I curtly responded with a no thanks, over and over, until one day he sort of erm, overtook me and forced one upon me.

I have to say that I was not that angry about it. Not at all.

:)