Friday, October 16, 2009

When the uterus deserves compensation

My first real indication in the last few years that the union between scientific advancements and my expectations was not going to be completely harmonious was discovering I was pregnant despite being on birth control. And no, it wasn't "take it when you feel like it" birth control either. It was 99% effective birth control. Yes, I know it can still happen. Oh, do I know. My uterus was planning to stay as is, enjoy a fabulous trip in St. Maarten but instead, got down to work.

And when you are pregnant, you begin to appreciate other odd pregnancy stories in a completely different light.

First, there was our son's teacher who was six months pregnant and apparently did not know. I simply could not believe someone could be in this condition and be unaware. The only thing more baffling than this particular situation is that TLC has created a television show on this very subject. Hmmmmm. Someone at TLC clearly was enjoying some cocktails during "Programming Brainstorm Session."

Then a story last May of a woman pregnant with babies from two different fathers. So her twins will actually be half-brothers.

I won't even elaborate on the 19.2 pound baby born or the youngest mother in medical history, Lina Medina, who was only five when she gave birth. Or the woman who gave birth to 69 children. Granted, this was in the 1800's. However, there is a certain TV show Mom well on her way with her 18 kids to date. The uterus wanted to share a piece of information: it is not the George Washington Bridge. The object is not to get as many people through there as possible.

And a piece of news from last week. About the woman who got pregnant when she was ALREADY pregnant. A woman in Alabama was 2.5 weeks pregnant when she got pregnant again. No, I am not making this up. No, you did not misread. The children have two separate due dates.

Makes my uterus glad we just had that one little surprise that turned into a beautiful and sparkling little man.

But some of the other uteri above? If they could boycott until further compensation can be negotiated, they might.

And then I saw this sign. At a school. And my uterus and I thought well, if men can be "expecting fathers" then oh yes, our job just got SO much easier, didn't it?


Maybe its not too late to have 18 children.

100 comments:

the walking man said...

I believe the sign reserves the space for the men who are expecting to win the lottery.

Jules said...

Ok. Is this a scare tactic for me not to have sex with my Hubby anymore? Because it's working.

af1blog said...

Do you think perhaps uteri could get together and jointly sue under the Geneva convention on human rights? Would a uterus as part of a human automatically assume the rights of the whole person.

Perhaps your uterus could sue the penis for assault. Americans seem to sue everyone for everything, so why not?

I love the expecting fathers sign - wouldn't THAT quickly reduce world populations to a more sensible level?

The Peach Tart said...

Seems like some people's uterus' have a mind of their own.

susan said...

We live in a letigious politically correct world :)

Simone said...

That sign. At a school? Expecting "Fathers"....and they would need a special parking space because....am I missing something here?!

Great post JennyMac. I did read about the mum with the 2 due dates...bizarre and scary. I try not to watch TV programmes like the one you mentioned though....and don't even get me started on the family with the 18 children....is that the family where their names all begin with J? Enough said, as they say.

Loved your comment about the George Washington Bridge....brilliant!!!

Happy Friday :)

Eva Gallant said...

I can never understand how someone can be pregnant for 6 months, or even reach the point of giving birth and not know they are pregnant!

ellen abbott said...

The uterus is not to be denied...but 18 kids? Doesn't she understand that the world is already overpopulated? Why would any woman want to be continuously pregnant? And how the hell do you afford to raise 18 kids! Oh right, get a TV show.

Buckeroomama said...

My friend was one of those who was 5-6 months pregnant and did not know it, because she was still breastfeeding and never got her period, no morning sickness, etc. She thought she was just getting fat!

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

UGH. 18 kids. You NEED a TV show's income to support that. Its a mental illness to want to have that many pregnancies, let alone children. No thank you!

For a long time we were satisfied with one great kid. We were told we couldn't have any more... then 10 years (to the day) later... *surprise!*

Surprise will be 5 tomorrow :)

Badass Geek said...

Half-brother twins? Now that will take some explaining.

otherworldlyone said...

The man that came up with that sign...and you KNOW it was a man... sould be stampeded by pregnant women. Ugh.

Had a baby when she was FIVE? WTF?!

Life with Kaishon said...

18 seems like a lot, but if anyone can do it, I think it is you : ) Good luck! Those are some CRAZY stories. 5 year old giving birth???? Scary!

Eyeglasses & Endzones said...

Uh My uterus better stay just the way it is or that Sign better watch out for my car running over it....

Nuff said...

Cee said...

That "I didn't know I was pregnant" show is insane! I don't know where they find those women...I mean I could see it happening a couple times but to enough people to actually have a show? Crazy!

sitting on the mood swing at the playground said...

I wouldn't want to be the science teacher at that school...the questions might get awkward.

Sarah said...

Aside from not being SUPER healthy during pregnancy, I would LOVE not to know...to just go to the bathroom for a #2 and pop a baby out...THAT would be awesome! You know, as opposed to a 20 hour labor with IMPOSSIBLE pain...

CatLadyLarew said...

69 children? Out of one woman? How is that humanly possible?

All I know is I'm glad I don't have to worry about those things anymore. I'm plenty happy with the one I got!

Judearoo said...

You got pregnant on the pill????!!!

I find this post downright terrifying! :O

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

How do you even have time to have 69 children? How do you even have time to do what it takes to MAKE said 69 children?!?

Kimi said...

Nice. I just might have me a couple more. You know as long as the hubby is carrying them. And delivering them. That would be a laugh.

jinksy said...

At 68, I just wish my uterus had learned to switch off at the proper time! :)

Too Many Hats said...

Whoa, 5 yrs old! That is just so wrong on so many levels. Expecting fathers, that will be the day - PULLEEEEZZZE

JenJen said...

Women who don't know they're pregnant are idiots to the nth degree.
I mean, have you not been paying attention to your body all these years??
Except the five year old. That one I'm googling because I am desperately hoping it's some weird spontaneous conception left over from her birth because otherwise, I sense a castration on the horizon.
Sigh.

jules said...

69 kids?!?! How is that even possible?

Mommy Lisa said...

That sign takes equality just a weebit too far.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

My uterus is in the garbage, with my ovaries and tubes. Literally, thrown out. If men had to have the babies the human race would die out!!

Nonflammable said...

The family you refer to is extpecting their 19th. She has metioned that children are a blessing of which I agree; She's been over blessed though.

I think it's 'telling' some of the reality shows that people will watch. I am not sure how a woman could not know she is pregnant. Sounds like a form of denial. The five year old giving birth is disturbing on so many levels.

Scrappy Girl said...

I am sure that sign is there for all the men who will be offended that they are being cheated and therefore it is politically correct not to sexist when talking about being pregnant. Gee! LOL!

McVal said...

Now I know men can experience sympathy pains with a woman's pregnancy and labor, but do they need special parking? hmmm..

Barbaloot said...

I can't get over the women who don't know either! How do you not notice that change in the space of six months?!

Little Ms J said...

Sadly, when I heard about the lady with two baby daddies and birthed half-siblings I thought, "My dog did that!"

Hm.

Michael Rivers said...

It is amazing that an entire TV series can be devoted to women who didn't know they were pregnant. I've never watched the show so I don't know the stories behind it but it seems impossible. I guess not!

Your post gives new meaning to the phrase, "Miracle of birth"!

Deboshree said...

Oh lord!
Hehe..2 different fathers? The woman must really be ignoring what her body was crying out!
Yet again...fabulous writing!

Cheers
Deboshree

Brandi said...

Okay, I had to actually watch that ridiculous TLC show because I was like PUUUU-LEASE how can you say you didn't know? It wasn't just a one-time special... it's a series. They've found enough women that didn't know they were pregnant to turn it into a series? Whatever.

The sign is funny (and my husband would soooo park there). ;)

Cathi said...

Our uterus works too hard to share that great parking space with men...:)

Heather said...

I am baffled by the show on TLC, "I didn't know I was pregnant!"

Yes, yes you do!!! I cannot imagine how that is possible. The nausea, missed cycles, heartburn, baby kicks, hiccups, weight gain - I mean COME ON.

And then like magic, one day, you go to use the restroom and BAM - instant baby.

Totally insane.

Mira is triplet crown said...

And how do you prove or disprove a man is expecting. Although you know Oprah had a pregnant man on from Hawaii. Had had sex change operation and then decided to carry the baby for him and his wife who was infertile or had a hysterectomy or something. So there is a pregnant man, or was as I believe he's given birth and fallen off the radar.

Honestly if I find that sign and a man is parked there? I will plant my pregnant foot right in his ass.

Yankee Girl said...

My uterus hurts just thinking about having all those kids! Or maybe my uterus hurts because I am menstruating and know for sure I will not be having a baby in the next nine months.

Those signs are a little to vague for me. They should say "parking for expecting mothers who look like they are going to explode." I once parked in one of those spots and got yelled at because I didn't look pregnant. No, I was not pregnant but I am expecting to be pregnant someday. Doesn't that count? No? Oops.

Dumblond said...

That link to the story about the mom with twins who had different fathers...ickyickyicky! Her doctor said she had to have had sex with the two men within 24 to 48 hours apart?! HO-bag! But I have my doubts about that doctor...he compared her case to the movie Twins?! That was a MOVIE! What a dumbass.
You are only the second person I know of who got pregnant while on birth control. My sister-in-law had that happen to her...what were you both taking so I can be sure to skip that method?

Susanica said...

Hmmmm...so is the plural of uterus, uteri? The sigh is a hoot. Better hope expectant dad is with expectant mom if they park there or there could be some trouble right? And one more question. What should one do when they see that yellow "baby on board" sign in a car window? Try hard not to hit it? Cuz I try hard not to hit any car. Or is it a warning that the driver will be distracted or something and to stay far far away? Enquiring minds want to know! -Monica

Slamdunk said...

No wonder the Mrs. uses pepper spray on me when I walk close to her after 10 pm.

Kristina P. said...

I once did a post about that I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant show, and ten reasons why it would be awesome to not know you're pregnant.

That sign is ridiculous.

foxy said...

Those are some scary stories right there... WTF?? A 5 year old had a kid?? Are you freaking kidding me!?

Mommy Mac said...

Casey face was a birth control baby.

WOW. That was a little hard to swallow. Great now, but boy, did I have a new found appreciation for the 10 years prior that little pill did, in fact, do its thang.

I won't even go into the story of how my IUD after both climbed up out of my uterus and was embedded in my large intestine to which I had to have it surgically removed. It was on sebatical for an entire year to be exact.

Thank goodness for nursing. That's all I gotta say.

Perhaps this stroy should be a post of it's own.

Uterus drama. We all got it one way or another.

I just can't wait to see what else that hussy has up her sleeve for me!

.mac :)

Grand Pooba said...

What?! For reals? Holy hell I can't believe you didn't make up any of that crap! Geez!

So I'm thinking it's time to put your uterus to work again.

carissajaded said...

WHATTT this is my worst nightmare! I can barely fathom having to deal with one baby and one daddy. Oh the drama.

LadyFi said...

Love the car parking sign... Wonder how many men park there!

Our neighbours got pregnant on the pill - not once, but TWICE! (Now parents to four kids...)

Mom in High Heels said...

LOL! I was on birth control when I got pregnant with Indy. To top it off, I was 11 weeks pregnant before I knew. Totally in touch with my body. Yep, that's me. My uterus was apparently not a welcoming place as Indy kept trying to leave early. :( That meant weeks and weeks of bed rest for me. Fun! Soooooo, not. Sure, the idea of laying around in bed all day sounds good in theory, but after the first 2 hours, I was bored to tears. All I wanted to do was get up! About 2 weeks in I was about to lose what was left of my mind.

mo.stoneskin said...

Wasn't there some guy in the news who gave birth recently? So I guess he would have been an 'expecting father'. Although if I remember correctly I think he may have also 'become' a woman.

Intense Guy said...

Half siblings in the womb...2 different due dates? Totally mind numbing.

And really... 2 or 3 is plenty... total... for life... or the career of the uterus... The world is crowded enough... really...

Mountain Momma said...

This summer, one of my good friends found out she was pregnant at 17 weeks. 17 weeks!!! I don't understand that either. She was almost half-way through her pregnancy. To boot, it's #3 and all were unplanned. Time for someone to get a vasectomy, in my book.

Pricilla said...

I plan to be expecting after my date with Luke the goat in December. He dances a wonderful Rhumba if you know what I mean ;)

AmyK said...

Our bodies are amazing vessels. 69 children, A 5 yr old mother, how is any of that possible? You got pregnant on the pill. I got pregnant for Daughter #3 3 months after my husbands vesectomy (that I watched). He was 99% cleared and I still got pregnant.I know God has a sense of humor.

Senorita said...

Oh wow.......

Charisse and Holly said...

I'm running like crazy today...cuz I'm leaving to chaperone a Middle School camp for the weekend. Wanted to let you know that I'm giving awards on Sunday...and one has your name on it. See you Sunday. Holly at lifelaughlatte.blogspot.com

Pollyanna said...

What the heck does the expectant father need a special parking space for?

My sister got pregnant twice on a 99% effective birth control. I had to use drugs to get pregnant. Could we be more opposite?

Science Teacher Mommy said...

One of my very best friends is the oldest of 22. Not kidding. Same mother. No twins.

secret agent woman said...

That's absurd to include "espectant fathers." But really, I don't thin pregnant women need a special parkingplace unless they are hugely pregnant. I would give it instead to parents of infants - that's a true handicap!

Kelly Deneen said...

Is it sad that you gave me a tiny spark of hope that I may get pregnant while on BCPs?

Sorry, I digress.

I do find it completely crazy that anyone would want to have 18 children (or 69 - WOW.). I just don't get it. I think 2 would be nice and then that's it. I would like my body back forever.

Lola Lakely said...

Seriously a girl was only five when she gave birth!!!! Holy eff. that's insane. I now need to look that up to see what the deal with that one is.

Maybe you need to start a Uterus Compensation fund for some of these special cases.

Quest said...

I've always thought that clowns and midgets were the creepiest terms for me, before, that is, I became aware that I have something called a uterus.

Simply Mel said...

Are you sure you don't live in SF? This is just typical signage and normal every day life. For instance, the head of the planning department was on maternity leave (yes, I wrote that correctly), and he is a man!

Hollyrocks said...

I had not heard about the lady in Alabama. That's INSANE! Now all those years of telling women that they can't get pregnant when they already are means nothing. I wonder how she managed to break the laws of science like that...

Lisa said...

Those tricky uteri are amazing aren't they?

Mind of their own!

Vodka Logic said...

"it is not the George Washington Bridge. The object is not to get as many people through there as possible."

You crack me up... I don't want my uterus anymore but the dr, insists I keep it... grrr

hotpants™ said...

And expectant fathers? A man made that sign.

S3XinthePantry said...

love the line about the bridge
and the pic!

J.J. in L.A. said...

This conversation took place, on September 28th, between my (Dr.) bro-in-law and myself...

He: Have you ever seen that show about the women who didn't know they were pregnant?
Me: Yes. And did you notice that most of them are, umm, obese?
He: Exactly what I was thinking! No wonder they can't tell.

Deborah Godin said...

Okay, I know I'm going to sound like a total grammar nerd here, but I genuinely have to ask: didn't it always used to be "expectant" mothers, not "expecting"? As in, a woman who is expecting a baby is an expectant mother.

M-Cat said...

I'm so thankful my uterus is now nothing but a dried up raisin.

And my soon-to-be-but-not-soon-enough-ex-daughter-in-law? Should have hers surgically removed. Some dumbasses should not be allowed to breed.

Is it wrong that I am considering giving my son a vasectomy for Christmas?

Whimsical Creations said...

Definitely need compensation.

kyslp said...

The mom of one of my speech kiddos said "I didn't even know I was pregnant till the baby come out in the ter-lit". (Read in hillbilly accent)

I have a pill baby, too.

carma said...

expecting fathers - you gotta be kidding. I'm still shocked about the 5 year old mom - egads!

Melissa B. said...

Then there is the woman I know who named her baby girl "Placenta."

Constructive Attitude said...

lol at the sign!

AnnQ said...

69 children? Holy Stretch Marks...

blueviolet said...

I saw that with the two separate pregnancies in the same womb. Freaky!

Little Ms Blogger said...

Sounds like your uterus knew it was time for you to be a mother. You might have known, but your body knew.

Love the sign.

Being Pramoda... said...

amazing facts !!!

:)..every one need their space .. no ??

Inge' said...

I own a book that discusses the struggles women had trying to get birth control.
One woman had given birth so many times that her doctor warned her against getting pregnant again, but, refused to give her birth control. His solution? This is a direct quote. "Tell your husband to sleep on the roof."

Too bad her uterus couldn't shoot him.

My name is PJ. said...

You know, my mom had 5 children, each with a different form of failed birth control....

You know what I found worked best for me? Tubal ligation following my last C section! I told them to tie those suckers in knots and then burn the ends.... :)

The Daily Dose said...

Um wow. I had no idea how many crazy stories existed. Five years old? 89 kids? My boyfriend will now have to stay 5 feet away from me at all times...just to be safe.

Chief said...

Heh! I love the sign...what the hell is that?

Yaya said...

Wow those are some bizarre stories!

DeNae said...

My favorite story is from my neighbor, who on the day of the birth of her fifth child, received a postcard from Catholic Family Planning, in which they observed that their records indicated that she and her husband had attended a workshop nine months earlier, and did they wish to submit a testimonial as to the effectiveness of the CFP program.

No lie: She sent them a picture of the baby.

My uterus went rogue 14 years ago, and can no longer be relied upon to do anything beyond keeping my hips from slamming together. So it dang well better not be suing for improved working conditions or it will find itself on the street with ZERO pension and retirement benefits.

I mean it.

Belle said...

"I didn't know I was pregnant"... that show baffles me more than neuroscience.

Emily said...

Those stories just totally freak me out. And I'm just thankful I'm not as freakish as they are (no offense!). And let's not forget the pregnant man who is pregnant again!

Tsquared417 said...

And I thought having my first 2 kids 13 months apart was crazy!

Tara Oakley Cutler said...

First of all, thanks for your comment on my blog craptasticluck.

Second, I didn't have the patience to read all 27 million comments on this post to know if someone already made the same comments I'm about to make. Sorry.

I am totally obsessed and fascinated by 'I didn't know I was pregnant'. It's one if those shows that are like a car wreck, you know it's going to be terrible, but you can't stop looking at it. I'm shamefully addicted.

Dustjacket Attic said...

Oh my Lord, this post scared the hell outa me!
xxx

Erin M. said...

That sign makes me think of the pregnant "man" Barbara Walters had on her show last year. Last I heard, "he" was pregnant with their 2nd child. Craziness!

jen said...

My trick was getting pregnant before I began menstruating again. Well proud of this! My last period was in May 2007 - yippee for breastfeeding.

Tammy Howard said...

Oh, these stories DO take on a whole new meaning after you've been there, done that.

Now that I'm uterus free, I think, I'm pretty sure, that makes me safe from future pregnancies...

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

I'm expecting a lot from my son. Can I park there, too?

girl, inspired said...

okay, I have not heard any of those prego stories, so glad too, they sound very disturbing!

I think I will just stick to the Fleur de Sel Toffee recipe. :):) That's one I can handle!

ladytruth said...

My poor uterus hurt just reading about these atrocities.

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer, Crazy Woman said...

Congrats to your uterus on being in that elusive less than 1% that scoffs in the face of medical science. Tres clever, that one! Mine too - same story. We had planned a post-bar exam cruise the night before we discovered how crafty my uterus could be ... silly us! We should get our uteruses (uteri - ? - whatever) together for a cocktail. I think they would get along well!

Orange Juice said...

OK that sign, BARF! Defeats the whole purpose of that CRAP.

Anyway, never heard of being pg twice with different due date...huh???

Cocaine Princess said...

I've seen those signs with just EXPECTANT MOTHERS but never one with FATHERS too. Kind of makes sense.