The F Bomb: Part of a healthy lifestyle

I would lobby that a logical argument could be made by many a wise scholar to justify my interest in and excellent execution of one of my favorite words that begins with F.

Why do I like this word? I just do. And every time it does a velvety somersault off my tongue, I feel no remorse. I am careful of its placement and venue, believe me. And I don't dish it out multiple times per sentence. But what was once a word not remotely uttered by a lady, has become a word used as a stand alone expletive or placed deep in a saucy phrase that I hear multiple times a day from every walk of life.

Who know the champion of a clear and valid justification for its use would be science?

NeuroReport published an article recently that confirmed findings that the use of profanity actually helps reduce pain. In a study, subject were exposed to painfully cold water. Those that swore like sailors had elevated heart rates, felt less pain, and could withstand pain longer. And this theory is even more prominent in women than men. Women have not yet dulled their senses to the use of such words. It is just so new to us, right?

I watch my words carefully in many circumstances, especially in front of MiniMac. But I will admit one of my favorite phrases is Are you f_____ kidding me? Sometimes it just feels right. Is it classy? Of course not. And I have never once typed it out on the blog.

But now it makes perfect sense. The situations which provoke that phrase are often painful. Either socially painful or jackassery painful. The employment of that phrase only reduces my pain. Reduced pain is the fastest route to health and happiness, is it not? Therefore dropping the F bomb improves your health and your attitude. What further justification do I need to employ the word? Very little.  

So the next time you let one go, remember, it is for your own good.

Thanks science, I owe you one.

When the uterus deserves compensation

My first real indication in the last few years that the union between scientific advancements and my expectations was not going to be completely harmonious was discovering I was pregnant despite being on birth control. And no, it wasn't "take it when you feel like it" birth control either. It was 99% effective birth control. Yes, I know it can still happen. Oh, do I know. My uterus was planning to stay as is, enjoy a fabulous trip in St. Maarten but instead, got down to work.

And when you are pregnant, you begin to appreciate other odd pregnancy stories in a completely different light.

First, there was our son's teacher who was six months pregnant and apparently did not know. I simply could not believe someone could be in this condition and be unaware. The only thing more baffling than this particular situation is that TLC has created a television show on this very subject. Hmmmmm. Someone at TLC clearly was enjoying some cocktails during "Programming Brainstorm Session."

Then a story last May of a woman pregnant with babies from two different fathers. So her twins will actually be half-brothers.

I won't even elaborate on the 19.2 pound baby born or the youngest mother in medical history, Lina Medina, who was only five when she gave birth. Or the woman who gave birth to 69 children. Granted, this was in the 1800's. However, there is a certain TV show Mom well on her way with her 18 kids to date. The uterus wanted to share a piece of information: it is not the George Washington Bridge. The object is not to get as many people through there as possible.

And a piece of news from last week. About the woman who got pregnant when she was ALREADY pregnant. A woman in Alabama was 2.5 weeks pregnant when she got pregnant again. No, I am not making this up. No, you did not misread. The children have two separate due dates.

Makes my uterus glad we just had that one little surprise that turned into a beautiful and sparkling little man.

But some of the other uteri above? If they could boycott until further compensation can be negotiated, they might.

And then I saw this sign. At a school. And my uterus and I thought well, if men can be "expecting fathers" then oh yes, our job just got SO much easier, didn't it?


Maybe its not too late to have 18 children.