Wednesday, October 21, 2009

This is no way to close the deal

One day while in Mexico, my Father and I perused the various wares on display by the gamut of vendors while shopping at an outdoor market.

Vendor in a rather sly fashion says to my Father: You should buy this watch for your beautiful wife.

Me: Ugh

My Father to Vendor: This is my daughter.

Vendor, with absolutely no pause and not remotely convivial, says to my Father: Ahhhhh...she obviously got her looks from her Mother.

My Father (with scowl) to Vendor: Perhaps. But she got all her brains from me.

Me: Well, out of fairness, Mom is rather smart too.

My Father immediately departs. Likely can't decide which of the two clowns in front of him he is finds the most irritating. An action can also speak a thousand words. In this case my Father's action only needed to speak nine: Kiss my arse and then watch it walk away.

First, my comment that my Father may potentially be but a mere 50% responsible for my smarts, well, that was just the salty icing on the already salty cake.

However, I am not trying to sell my Father anything, unlike Vendor. Oh Vendor, here is what I learned in Sales 101: Never give up control of the sales process. Ooops. Too late.

Ummmm, Mr. Vendor? Two ways to ensure you will NEVER sell my Father your shiny gold watch:. First, compliment what you believe is his child bride THEN tell him he is ugly.

72 comments:

the walking man said...

Precisely because they are all smarter than I and get their good looks from their mothers I never hang out with my own children.

Amanda said...

I recently had a similar experience. Some sleazebag who congratulated my Dad on his ability to snare a child bride (me), and then thought I might like to trade in my 'old' husband for him. Oh how tempting he was!

My name is PJ. said...

You come up with the BEST one liners: An action can also speak a thousand words. In this case my Father's action only needed to speak nine: Kiss my arse and then watch it walk away.

You could teach Philosophy 401: Screw the Wordiness of it All

Gosh, you make me laugh with every post. It's a great way to have my morning coffee...when I'm not spitting it all over everything in convulsive laughter.

Jules said...

Too funny! But at least you DID learn some things about sales!!

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer, Crazy Woman said...

Nothing like an early morning child bride story. And a shiny gold watch?: Hmm, sounds like a good thing you passed.

Tammy Howard said...

Yeah - as soon as he implied that good looks had NOT been inherited from his intended mark, he was a goner...

Hit 40 said...

I read somewhere that kids get their height and IQ from their mom? I am undecided on both. My husband and I like to ponder where the youngest got his quickness and IQ... me or him or ??? milkman :-0

The Savage said...

I got my smarts from watching Jeopardy.

Hunter said...

Silly vendor, everyone knows that child husbands are all the rage these days.

Child brides are just passe...

The Peach Tart said...

It was probably even a fake gold watch.

Matthew said...

Hey; if someone tried to make things better by implying that I was punching above my sordid & warped weight, I doubt I'd buy their sodding watch either.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Poor Vendor. Must have been the language barrier.

Slamdunk said...

You have to love those teaching moments--even international ones.

Theta Mom said...

Was that a sales pitch? Did he really think that would go over well? Probably a fake watch anyway!

Kate said...

I love the comeback!

2 Toddlers and Me said...

This same thing happened when I was visiting Mexico with my father. We had actually gone to San Diego for a volleyball camp and I was in junior high. My uncle lived out there too so it worked out perfectly. We decided to venture over the border to check it out and to be able to say we went to Mexico. I think your vendor was a taxi driver in those days. They called me his wife as well, I was only in middle school! How creepy. Definitely not the best sales tactic, I agree.

Emily said...

Good Sales Tactic = FAIL!

The Boob Nazi said...

My mom keeps telling me I got all my intelligence from her. I'm still not sure how I feel about that.

Cee said...

I have this weird paranoia about people thinking I am my dad's child bride. I don't know why...it's strange. So whenever I am somewhere with just him I always make sure I call him dad really loudly a couple times.

JenJen said...

K. First, I am happy to be in the first 20 comments. I woke up extra early...

And may I quote the salespersons bible movie, The Boiler Room:

"Always Be Closing"

CatLadyLarew said...

Gives "child bride" a whole new meaning.

JaelCustomDesigns said...

Okay, that was so rude!

He needs a refresher course in how not to be an a$$ #101... He wouldn't have sold me either!

Heavenly Housewife said...

You know, people can be so stupid. Whats even more ridiculous is that they have absolutely no idea how dumb they are.

♥ Braja said...

That closer was priceless :)))

Lisa Anne said...

I would have told him to kiss my arse instead of just walking away. LOL Your father is more polite than I am. LOL

foxy said...

What a funny story! The funniest thing is that I watched the whole thing play out like a scene from a movie in my head... snarky looks and all. ha.

E @ Scottsville said...

Yea, he needs to go back to salesman school and working on his selling techniques.

Too funny!

Eyeglasses & Endzones said...

Man- If that happened to my dad and I -I am pretty sure that my dad would have freaked out on that dude!!!

I am laughing soo hard....you would make a good child bride...SICK! LOL

Karyn Bernard (French Charming) said...

I'm sure that vendor thought long and hard about his missed sale as he rode off into the sunset on his donkey...what an ass!

Kr√ęg said...

Wow, your dad missed out on a great opportunity to buy jewelry and clothing that, shortly before falling apart, would have caused severe rashes and skin discoloration. But there's always next time...

Being Pramoda... said...

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yeah..:) ..

PS: Plz have a look at my new posts ..

Country Gone City said...

Ah-Ha! So that's what I've been doing wrong.... maybe, there is hope still for my quickly dissolving sales career.

McVal said...

LOL! I went into a shoe store when I was extremely pregnant because none of my shoes fit anymore. My husband led me in. The shoe salesman teenager looked at me with big eyes and said, "Wow, you look like you're going to pop!"
My husband steered me in a big u-turn and got me out of there. I guess so I wouldn't kill the boy.
Oops! Another sale bites the dust.

Kristina P. said...

That vendor sounds like a winner!

annechovie said...

Yikes....how ignorant was that guy? Thanks for your comment and have a super day!

MammaDucky said...

All I want to know is, was the watch only "almost free today?"

Suzyhayze said...

I love to laugh out loud at work. It makes my mates uncomfortable. Thanks!

AnnQ said...

"she obviously got her looks from her Mother"

OMG. What a Tool.

Erin M. said...

This is priceless. Where do you come up w/ these lines? I so wish I had a brilliant sense of humor. Oh well.

Great storytelling!

Mommy Lisa said...

Poor Guy. My dad would understand. When I was in my 20s and 30's people thought Mom and I were sisters and my dad was OUR dad.

Mrs Montoya said...

He He! I love that this is filed in "Idiots in General". And I am SURE there's a reason that he's a vendor in a bazaar in Mexico. Probably not going to make it to the big city anytime soon based on his skills . . .

kys said...

He probably could have purchased a cheaper "gold" watch from a "vendor" on the beach anyway.

strokeofliving said...

OMG, is that a true story? How strange...but typical.

When I was in Tijuana once with a friend who is a beautiful dark skinned black woman. At the time her hair was very shortly cropped and platinum blonde we were looking at silver bracelets, the vendor looked at my friend and called her Dennis Rodman. He even called his friends over and continued to taunt her by chanting Dennis Rodman-ha, ha- Dennis Rodman. Well she tossed the bracelet she was pondering back onto the table looked at the vendor and said, Eric Estrada-ha,ha-Eric Estrada, jerk off!!

Uuhhh, not a way to secure a sale. When will these guys learn?

Chief said...

We have had so many sales pitches that were oh so wrong and every level. It's a culture thing I suppose

linlah said...

I thought OUCH when the vendor inadvertently called your Father ugly.

mo.stoneskin said...

Was this recently?!

I always say that my baby gets her brains from her mum, but really we all know that...

Pricilla said...

heh heh

I voted for you. But it seems my new kitten voted for someone in another category as well. He loves to walk on my keyboard. I swear he is looking for kitty porn.

KaLynn said...

Oh I loved the story today!! It was great! Thanks for the smile! Amazing how you can insult not very intelligent people and they never even know it.

Simply Mel said...

Aye caramba!

Lauren said...

A few years ago my father and I went to a Dave Matthews concert together (yeah, my dad is that cool!) and the d-bag sitting next to us thought we were "together." When my dad informed the loser that the "hot babe" sitting to his left was his daughter, not his jailbait, that creep actually asked my dad for an introduction! Some people really just don't have a clue!

Rowe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Charisse and Holly said...

Sometimes I feel sad because your posts are always so terrific and I rarely have something witty or spry in response to them:) As always...love this too! Holly at lifelaughlatte.blogspot.com

Angie S said...

He should really should brush up on his 'salesman' skills!

Vodka Logic said...

yikes...

I was at the counter at Starbucks the other day and just to make small talk I said to the guy next to me studying.. so what kind of math is that and he looked me over and said the "hard kind" I wanted to spill his latte on his papers. If I might add and call him a prick.... It was actually actuary math for an insurance course and I said ahh.. never took that math in college.....

Not sure if it is relevant to your post lol.. but I hate when someone assumes you have no brains.

PS I have another award for you...

Little Ms Blogger said...

It sounds like he needs to read the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" (think that is the title).

blueviolet said...

I thought he was pretty smooth at first. He has potential though.

Nonflammable said...

One of the vendors we encountered tried to sell his sister to us when we weren't interested in the fish chimes carved from coconuts he was peddlin'.

"What about my sister....you like her?" They will say (sell) anything to close a deal.

Pop and Ice said...

A vendor (of some sort) asked my StepFather "How much for your daughter?" "Which one?", he asked. "The BLONDE one", the vendor answered. I shot off behind my StepDad while he laughed and said he wasn't authorized to sell me, just the other, dark-haired daughter. Huh.

Liz said...

Hi there! Just granted you with yet another award for your blog over on mine!

Southern Champagne Wishes said...

Sometimes people would be better off just not opening their mouths. And then they just stick their foot in farther and farther.

One time, at a small gourmet grocery store, the butcher asked me if I was with my grandmother (I wasn't. I was with my Mom). Luckily she was not standing there or there would have been a scene!

Eva Gallant said...

someone needs some sales training!

Kristin said...

Ick, ick and more ick. Something tells me homeboy isn't the most successful street vendor on the block.

Alexis AKA MOM said...

This is me shaking my head! What the heck dude.

Someone needs to pick up the Greatest Salesman in the world! Actually a good read :)

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Isn't your father a policeman? The vendor is lucky he didn't get shot! Not that your dad would do that but WTH? Vendor? He's probably still trying to sell that same watch.
Hugs!!

Kim said...

Hilarious! If only the poor guy had stopped while he was ahead...before he'd even opened his mouth!

Simon said...

A girl I know (aged 22, and small for her age) went on holiday with her then boyfriend (aged 32): a waiter made the embarrassing mistake of thinking she was his daughter. No tip for him!

carma said...

GAH! wonder if he makes any sales with an approach such as that.

M-Cat said...

Had had similar "conversations" with hawkers in Mexico.

I will NOT go to the flea market EVER.

Arielle said...

Haha, some of the vendors here in Mexico really do need to work on their pitch. The one I get usually involves, "Holaaa guerraaaaa."

Unknown Mami said...

Your dad got it from both ends.

Brochures said...

Hmm... For me, being mistaken for a sales clerk in a boutique is still far worse. Experienced that twice already. :(

J.J. in L.A. said...

My favorite Mexican vendor episode went like this:

3 brothers, 2 cousins, and I went to Tijuana.

One cousin was a male from No. Cal, the other was a female from CT.

He, she and I were in a store and she was looking at dresses. She called him over to ask his advice, while I browsed nearby.

The vendor says to him, "You should buy this dress for your wife."

He says to the vendor, "This is my girlfriend, (pointing at me) she's my wife."