Monday, October 12, 2009

Boom Boom owww

As relatively new parents, we strive to set good examples. I say this disregarding what happened recently involving my highly inappropriate word choice. Setting a good example has involved overhauling our preferred choice of words or phrases, and certainly our reactions to certain situations.

So now, d-bags are "turkeys", dumbasses are "sillies" and the bastardo that pulls in front of you on the roadway gets only an elongated honk with nothing more than a "Hi Friends!" instead of the more course thoughts that we might perhaps otherwise share.

In the process of teaching our son these valuable lessons, early on I have attempted to stress the importance of clear communication. This is most often required when things are not going his way. If our son is hurt or scared, I do not deter his tears. I do not shush him immediately or tell him he is fine. I let him mull a bit and then we talk about what is happening. However, when our son is salty with us because we committed one the dozens of secret infractions two year olds keep track of, different story. But, we stress the importance of clear communication even more so in this occasion.

One morning, I committed a federal offense minor mistake of giving the monkey spoon instead of the cowboy spoon. Our son displayed his staunch disapproval by crying his eyes out. I had no idea at the time what my egregious sin was so I inquired.

Me: What is it little man?

Him: Wahhhhhhhhh Waaaaaaahhhhhhhh (This is the ornery cry. I know it well. Quick visual assessment confirms he is not injured in any way.)

Me: Birdy, what is the matter?

Him: Gibberish

Me: I need you to use your best voice and tell me what is wrong.

Him: More gibberish

Me: When I can't understand you I can't help you. I am going to leave now.

Momentarily silence as he gauges situation. Can not tell if I am bluffing. Will not achieve goal if in fact I am not bluffing. Calming process clicks in..in long intervals.

Me: This is not how we communicate.

Pause for consideration.

Me: What does Mommy tell you? Why don't we talk this way?

He looks at me. Intensity of fit at all time low.

Him: B-b-b-because its n-n-not effective.

Me: Exactly.

Termination of any furthering crying. Fully restores himself. Says in a voice as clear as a bell "May I have my cowboy spoon?" Slightly smiles.

You had me at "effective."

SHAZAM! If for only for this time period....it's working...

Which then, in all my "LOOKATMESUCHANAWARDWINNINGMOTHER" gloat party, I soon put him in the car and head to school. While en route, we listen to music.

Once at school, our son says something to his teacher and I instantly realize I am doing something that completely undermines beforesaid lesson about using words properly and communicating effectively. What did he say?

THEM CHICKENS JACKIN MY STYLE!

His teacher (much, much older and clearly mature) asks "Oh, you got some chickens, baby?"

Why does MiniMac talk about chickens?
Because I played this song in the car and sing along with my son:

I like that boom boom pow
them chickens jacking my style

they try to copy my swagger
I'm on that next shift now

(and yes, I realize shift sounds very much like something else but we say shift.)

Excellent work brilliant woman/mother/attorney. Teach your son the phrase Them chickens jackin' my style.

I will be the envy of all
some
very few of the other moms at the playground, I am sure.

But, better than Push It I suppose.

109 comments:

mbkatc230 said...

"Oh you got some chickens baby?" Priceless! I would have given up a paycheck to see the look on your face. I guess it could have been worse - might want to make sure that Baby's Got Back isn't on your playlist tee hee. Kathy

Jules said...

You should totally play, "Let's Talk about Sex." That should make his teacher's eyebrows go up!

AF said...

They do say that the UK and US are divided by a common language. It does kinda seem to me like a Masters Degree in multi-lingual abilities is becoming pretty vital these days... perhaps even multi-multi-lingual?

Mind you, I do like your style, so maybe I'll be jackin' it? :)

Vodka Logic said...

"we committed one the dozens of secret infractions two year olds keep track of, different story"

Loved that phrase, and believe me as a wizened experienced mom, they still remember it all at 15+

I also thinks some teachers need to chill.
xx

My name is PJ. said...

Delightfully sponge-y are the young fruit of our loins!

A lot of rap has the same addictive rhythm as Dr. Seuss. I, too, found out the hard way.....

ladytruth said...

It could've been worse, like your son wanting to be a mini Jay-Z and popping out words way worse than "jackin'"

The Peach Tart said...

"Them chickens jackin' my style" - that made me spit my coffee thinking about a little 2 year old boy saying that to his teacher

mo.stoneskin said...

Fantastic.

Our daughter is just one. Not speaking yet but imitating sounds so we know we have to be careful.

Funny thing is, on the rare occasions she gets given a bit of chocolate she pops it in her mouth, then a look of lustful ecstasy comes over her pretty little face. She then takes it out of her mouth and holds it in front and looks at it in adoration. You can read her thoughts.

**** this is incredible.

So we're definitely not going to swear round her when she's eating chocolate...

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

My kids can't even said effectiveness! I am mucho impressed, forget the chicken thing!

Erin M. said...

I totally want to play some Black Eyed Peas for my kids now. ROFL! This is hilarious. Love the play-by-play commentary, I can soooo picture it in my head.

Gotta love kids!

JamieLynn said...

That's so cute. I fear the day when my child repeats a song lyric. I've been lucky and she just sings and jumps on the bed.

Baloney said...

Look out! That one has quite the vocabulary!! My boys still don't listen to the song lyrics. Too busy watching movies everywhere we go. I win the mom prize for that one, I'm sure. :)

Tammy Howard said...

I taught early intervention and special needs pre-school for years. I could tell you such stories...

Nope, no one's revoking your MOTY trophy for this one...

Tammy Howard said...

Oh! And I had my mom save 'your' Woman's World for me... Just thought you might want to know...

Sunshinemeg said...

Haha, love it. It will be just my luck when I have a child that the kid will bust out with something like, "Girl you look good, back that ass up..."

Poor kid. Ha!

Shop Girl* said...

Hahahha oh my goodness! First off, SO impressed that your son knows how to used the term effective with regards to communication. Like, SO impressed.

Second, I had no idea what the lyrics to that song were beyond Boom Boom Pow. How every enlightening. haha

Buckeroomama said...

I'm all for exposing my kids to different kinds of music, not just kiddie music or classic music. I've learned not to underestimate the pick-up power of a toddler when my son was singing on top of his lungs one time when we were out, "Don't marry her, f*** me." From Beautiful South's "blue is the color" album --which I realize now, I've played TOO often! Good thing the locals didn't really understand what he was singing!

Dan. said...

Thank god the wee fella wasn't going around talking about his "lovely lady lumps"

otherworldlyone said...

That was hilarious! What a genuis you have on your hands!

My child knocks fists with random folks and says "bones it". Then if they actually knock fists, follows that with a lovely, "That's what's up."

I'm so proud.

Mala said...

Bwahahahaha!!!!
Yes, we have some chickens! Didn't you hear me?! They're jackin' my style!!!!! Sheesh!

Ahhhhhh parenthood, we're always sure to be knocked down just as we think we've got all the answers.

Oh, and my daughter always like to start singing Britney Spears songs as soon as she walks through the front doors of church. fabulous.

f8hasit said...

You just never, ever know when our kids are going to pull out of their brains something that will definitely put us up on that platform of "ooops" in front of our peers.

*chickens gonna jack my style*...that's priceless.
:-)

The Savage said...

It could very well have been, "The chicken, "The china, the Chinese chicken.Have a drumstick and your brain starts stickin'."

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Yeah, but those other moms' kids will grow up lame.

That's what I tell myself while we're listening to something loud and guitar-ridden and probably inappropriate.

SUGAR said...

ahah could have been worse, "my humps" could have been playing... the teacher may not have been quite so understanding ;)

sugar
xoxo

S Club Mama said...

I LOVE LOVE that song, too. My son has yet to pick up on lyrics like that (he does pick up on the chorus of a lot of songs, though).

How do you get your 2 yo to answer a question? Mine just mocks back whatever was asked of him...ugh.

Eyeglasses & Endzones said...

Back in the day my 3 year old used to tell everyone that Blue Eyes are Sexy....Can you imagine the amount of "NEW" schools I needed to find...Oh, how they do this to us to make us squirm a little!!! ;)

Faith Imagined said...

Hilarious!

Little Ms Blogger said...

Or you could have played Super Freak or Do It Like they do on the Discovery Channel....

AmyK said...

I think you can relax. What he brings home from other kiddlings will be far worse that the chicken quote. (My husband is thinks anything Fergie does acceptable.) My daughter is as careful and you are with my grandsons (7 & 8 now) but when they were 2-4 yrs old, they're favorite sone was Kid Rocks "Cowboy". Now they can't listen to it.

Too Many Hats said...

Hahaha...take the 5th in these situations.

Cee said...

I worked at this "camp" for preschoolers one summer during college and this one little boy used to always sing "don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me." Although...I think that his mom actually encouraged it haha!

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

So funny! I love it!

Melissa B. said...

My children were raised wrong. First of all, we let the 10-year-old watch "Erin Brockovich"-numerous times! Then, we let Mr. Fairway cuss a blue streak every time his beloved Wisconsin Badgers fumble or f-up the game in any number of ways. First words out of my 4-year-old's mouth, when she was angry? "Mom, you're such a fudging asstoad!" Her words, not mine...

ellen abbott said...

Yeah, be careful about that whole language thing. My son went through a period where he took every word for it's literal meaning. Slang? Idiom? He would purposely misunderstand what you were saying to him. One of his more aggravating phases.

Heather said...

Eh, don't beat yourself up - I think that's adorable. They need a break from "la la la, la la la, Elmo's world..." as do we. :)

I love that song, btw, it's on the top 10 workout list for me right now.

Michael Rivers said...

Very cute!! I find myself doing similar things with my niece. Sometimes forget the music I play in the car.

tiburon said...

I love me some chickens. hate when they jack my style though.

And it happens all too often.

Mayhem and Moxie said...

Are you my soul sister and I am only just realizing this? :)

Let's review the evidence:

1) The Black Eyed Peas speak to my soul.
2) I know all of the words to Push It.

Here is the final test: Have you ever "accidentally" played Enimem in the car with your kids and thought, oh no, maybe I shouldn't be doing this?

-Francesca

CatLadyLarew said...

I think saying "Them chickens jackin' my style" is actually a very effective way of getting someone's attention.

Michelle said...

That is so funny that his teacher had no idea what he was saying. Oh well, at least he wasn't swearing at daycare.

Lisa Anne said...

LOl I use to have code language. LOL Now that my son is older, not so much. People who drive slow I call turtles, but I tend to say the F word a lot when I drive. Not so much swearing at home, just when I drive. lol

jules said...

I think the fact that he can properly use the word "effective" cancels it all out! I love that!

carissajaded said...

HaHA The kid-friendly remakes of songs are hilarious. I got caught up listening to them the other day.. and may have even downloaded a few. And I don't even know any kids!

JadeLD said...

Hey JennyMac, Your blog is super cool, interesting and funny too. Congratulations - you must be very proud of yourself ;)

I've awarded you a wee award for your fabulousness - you may have heard of it, come over when you get a chance to see what it is...

PS Please keep blogging so I can read your posts while I drink my tea.

Yaya said...

Oh I can't stand that whiny voice!



PS Thank you for stopping by on my special day!

JenJen said...

Kids are stinkers, aren't they?

foxy said...

THEM CHICKENS JACKIN MY STYLE... shut up! I would have busted a GUT laughing. Kids are dang hilarious!!

foxy said...

And I'm super impressed with the 'because it's not effective' talk... I'm putting that in the memory bank for possible later use.

Pricilla said...

Out of the mouths of babes, eh?

Very bright child there. Good luck!

Baby Mama said...

LOL!!! So cute. I need to teach Arabella the "screaming and wailing is not effective" concept. she clearly thinks it is. You are a good mama!!

The Redhead Riter said...

"I do not shush him immediately or tell him he is fine."

That is so great! So many mothers get this all wrong. It is so important to let our children have a voice.

♥ Braja said...

I think you got off lightly with "jackin'" :)

Deborah Godin said...

This was milk-out-your-nose funny (speaking figuratively, I rush to add, though it takes nothing away form it!)

Jen said...

I am right there with you. One of my son's favorite song is this one. I am just waiting for him to start repeating it.

Helen McGinn said...

ROTFL! Oh, I hear you. You know when they are so little, you don't need to really limit music and then, before you know it, they're singing along and you find your voice screeching to a halt and replacing some rockin' music with Barry Manilow.....or maybe not.... ;O)

controlled chaos said...

hahaha thank God he didn't start going into the next line of the song.
hahahaha

Mom in High Heels said...

Bwahahahahahaha! Indy's favorite songs are incredibly age inappropriate: Sexy Back (this has been a fav for a long time), Temperature, Minnie the Moocher (a song totally about cocaine), and Rock Your Body. That's right, I'm a good mom.

Geez Louise♥ said...

Hahahaha!! Love it! Im def going to use this with Nick next time we here that song!!

Chrystal

Slamdunk said...

I am just impressed that you actually listen to something not kid related while driving. Our little ones have no idea what to do if the DvD player is not showing a child movie or cartoon when we are on the streets.

Score one for mom!

Little Ms J said...

My four year old niece sings the same song, except she replaced "Like it's 3008" with "Like I'm 7 or 8."

I love it.

AnnQ said...

I don't have any children yet, but now I wish I did! :-)

And although he wasn't exactly reciting lyrics from The Sound of Music, it could have been worse....it could've been a Sir Mix A Lot song from the 80's. ;-)

Charisse and Holly said...

Terrific really. Totally terrific. Really, we can't do it right all of the time. Felt like I was there. Holly at lifelaughlatte.blogspot.com

carma said...

I beg to disagree. Few songs are better than Push It - in fact, VC and I jam to that song while bounce juggling sometimes.

Kudos on your highly "effective" parenting!!!!

Simone said...

Oh, I knew I should have read this post earlier today, I could have used the good laugh I just had!! Priceless!!

It is amazing how quickly children learn song lyrics....since he has been tiny, my son seems to hear a song once and he remembers the whole thing. We have to be really careful!

:)

Tsquared417 said...

We sing "I'm on that next ship now!" instead. And Olivia loves to say "I'm so 3008, you're so 2008." to anyone that wil listen!

Be sure to check out Candyman by Christina Aguielera (sp?) that has VERY appropriate lyrics. ;)

McVal said...

LOL! You had me at effective! WOW!

Emily said...

I hate to think of some of the things my kids have said to their teacher! Once my son told his teacher, a sweet, Christan lady, that his favorite band was Led Zeppelin.

Mrs Montoya said...

I've gotta say that MiniMac is on to something. I always giggle a little when I hear it about other kids but was NOT thrilled when Princess was singing "Apple Bottom Jeans, Boots with the Fur . . ." and then needed to know if she could get her own apple bottom jeans assuming they were embroidered at the ankle. Charming! Or not. It's cuter coming from boys. Much

Scrappy Girl said...

We have a Pink fan here...Wild Child would walk around several months ago singing...

Guess I just lost my husband
I don't know where he went
I'm gonna drink my money
not gonna pay his rent.

Heehee

Janet said...

Oh my goodness, too funny! I think you should just be proud that your child knows what "effective" means.

sheila said...

Okay, now THAT is frickin awesome! lol. I can just picture the teacher, lol

LB said...

This is so funny, I had tears in my eyes from laughing. I have three daughters and have been through this phase, and it never fails they repeat everything they hear.

My daughters know that song quite well, luckily they are old enough now that I tell them its ok to sing in the car but we dont always repeat what we hear!

Grand Pooba said...

Haha! I love that your son picks up on EVERYTHING! Seriously though, your whole communication strategy is simply genius. I've gotta write that one down in my "For When I Become An Awesome Mother" book.

Vivienne said...

Let us agree in advance: No Dead Kennedys, Plasmatics or Nine Inch Nails, OK?

(Well done on talking it out, though!)
:)

A said...

Really, you should be incredibly proud that he was able to find a way to use "them chickens jackin my style" in casual conversation!

Janelle said...

They are sponges!!

My boy teaches all his friends how to "jerk"!! Yes at his Christian Pre-school AND no, they've never heard that song before, so embarrassing! He calls everone on the road "grandpa"!

We don't realize just how effective we are!

Hyla said...

HAHHahaha

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

As long as MiniMac doesn't grow up to be an ungrateful rapper who steals time away from other recording artists, then I think you'll be okay. He's just experimenting with various muscial rhymes and phrases. We already know he's a rock star anyway. ;-) All Viva the Diva says is pure jibberish right now. I am so scared at the words that will problem come out of her mouth to me later on.... "mom, your dissin' me to no end and you're jackin' my free will. So chill and let me be ill. 'Cuz we be illin'" ;-P

blueviolet said...

It sounds like it went right over the teacher's head and that's a good thing!

Krystyn said...

First, props to you for having him effectively communicate with you and speak clearly (and of course, without cussing).

And, good thing the teacher didn't get the song thing...it's pretty funny as an outsider, and while I'm sure you were quite embarrassed, I bet you had a little laugh, too.

Conquer The Monkey said...

sounds like you have a smarty on your hands!!!! loves it!

Lauren said...

"because it's not effective"...that is great!! I am going to teach that phrase to my kids. "Use your words" just isn't cutting it these days!

kaye said...

yeah those little ones catch on so quickly, funny story. thanks for stopping by today.

Chief said...

Or "Crash into me"

Ellie said...

That is utterly BRILLIANT. Just never play Britney Spears.

Judy Sheldon-Walker said...

You can have the mouth of a nun and your child can still hear something somewhere. My youngest daughter had a devil of a time learning to say truck and her older siblings would point to trucks all day long to get her to mispronounce it. You could have made an amazed face and asked "Wherever did he get this from?" But be careful - he may answer. :-)

Liz said...

Ohhhhh, if your kid came into MY classroom talking of said chickens and jackin', I'd be like "Where is your Mommy? She and I must go get a drink afterschool!" Love the post.

Hit 40 said...

I got a day care lecture due to my kid having nightmares during nap time. He was dreaming of the green goblin from batman. Yes! I know now that PG 13 is kinda too old for a 5 year old.

So... your doing just fine!! My kid has turned out ok??

Angie S said...

Too funny! Layla (4) has been begging me to download BoomBoom Pow onto my IPOD.

I keep 'forgetting'

She used to sing every word of Rockstar (Nickelback) She'd sing---girls come easy drugs come cheap...holy crap...I was so worried she'd sing it at church.

Kids...they are little sponges.

GREAT post.

M-Cat said...

Love it.
My dad was an attorney, and when we got older, we had to "prove beyond a reasonable doubt" whatever it was that we ere asking for.

Once he was appointment to the Board of Pardons for Utah State Prison, it only got worse. : )

I miss him and our debates.

Ali said...

Ha! YES. I already love MiniMac. I wanna jack HIS style!

Erin said...

Push it! HAHAHA that's classic! I guess chicken jackin' is better than my 2 year old saying CRAP!

Being Pramoda... said...

hhooo ..jenny u have got so many readers and they already said what i wanted to say..its k .. :) good going mam ..

Unknown Mami said...

Effective!

Alexis AKA MOM said...

See you're a good mom you sat there and actually figured it out. Yup had one of those break downs this morning, oh wait that was me not Caden .. LOL :)

Tracey said...

You are an amazing mom, JennyMac! I really wish I'd thought of that with my kids.

Hugs!!
(Green-Eyed Momster)

J.J. in L.A. said...

Ahh! Push It...now that would be even funnier. lol!

Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

My girls figured out all the code words rather fast. Anyone acting like a dumbass was given the name Mr. or Mrs. DuMas. That worked fine until oneday someone was acting like an idiot and my oldest said, "What a dumbass." She thought about it for a moment and then said, "Oh! I get it."
After that any of the other words we had just didn't seem to make sense and they knew it.

Dustjacket Attic said...

Oh you are doing great, really! Love your methods. Mmm push it would have been so funny too!
xoxo

a H.I.T. said...

At least you got one thing right...

Orange Juice said...

gee JM only 100 comments! Surely you can do better! ;)

He totally had me at effective too! so cute!

That's awesome the teacher asked that ROTFLMAO

B.o.B. said...

Back from Chicago and catching up on your blogs. So glad I read this one. LOVE IT!

Chickens jacking style so sounds like a childrens book. Dibs on writing it!

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Lawd, I'm so uncool I've never heard of that song. But the jackin' chickens lyrics are now stuck in my head.

My only "hip" claim to fame is the black-box CD my sister burned for me. It's got "I kissed a girl and I liked blah blah" -- from some sort of hip-hop band that's popular right now. It's on my ipod shuffle and I've have to DIVE for speakers in the kitchen when up to my elbows in mashed potatoes.

kyslp said...

Bwahahahah! The MiniMac has awesome verbal skills! (Just wait till he gets older, Ms. Jenny.)

Tiaras said...

too funny - I call all idiots in cars - bozos - and now my girls call everyone a bozo

My Little Corner of Savings said...

That is so funny! Don't you just stand there and start to sweat with that fake OOOH NNNO smile, when that sweet child you love whispers something to someone and their faces change as if trying to figure out what sweet appropriate sentence this could possibly be.

jennykate77 said...

My 5 year old *loves* this song...and especially the part that says "them chickens jackin' my style". I have no idea where he learned it...I swear. :)

Brochure Printing said...

What does "them chickens jackin' my style" mean anyway? Pardon me, I'm not really good at this kind of talk. :D
But I agree, that's a better song to learn than.. hmm.. "blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol" (?!)

Geezees Geezees Custom Canvas Art said...

lmao
so funny
must be something with those Peas... cause when my son was 2 he use to sing
"mine humps, mine humps....Lovely lady bumps"
i can relate and I am cracking up....