Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Paying penance....

One night in Nashville, and the world’s your oyster. At least I thought so. In addition to being over-served and doing something one should never do to their own Mom, there is often a price to pay for playing hard. This is the second half of the story.

After waking up and feeling like a bag of hammers, I failed to take into consideration we had a full day planned. The previous evening’s shenanigans which included boozing it up with a former coach from Alabama, interrupting my Mom’s interlude, fetching some rides on the back of Harleys, tearing it up in Tootsie’s, and shaking my arse as if it were a bell all over the dance floor of Wildhorse Saloon, did NOT include me sorting out how I was going to wake up without crying inside.

However, all available to me the morning after was a warm Gatorade and very little pity from my Mom. We had tickets for a lunch cruise on the General Jackson. Was it a scenic view of Nashville from the Cumberland River? How would I know. I was so sick, and so often that I decided at one point just to sit on the floor of the stall in the women’s room. That’s not a fancy picture for the holiday cards, I promise you.

Women in the restroom took pity on me and went and asked the waitstaff to bring me some water. One of them asked if I was seasick. Right. If the sea is made of barley, hops, and vodka, then OH YES I am seasick.

I missed any landscape gazing and barely made it into the dining room for lunch. We were seated at a large table with 8 other people. My Mom, not the extrovert, was forced to lead any initial interaction with them because all words had escaped me as quickly as the electrolytes I so desperately needed.

It turns out, I was not a fun lunch guest either, needing to retreat from the dining room multiple times. (Word to the wise: EAT DINNER before cocktailing all night. PS: VODKA is NOT DINNER).

On my final return to the table I note this hangover has lasted for approximately six hours at this point. Perhaps it was beginning to retreat. I am finally able to engage in conversation with our table guests. And of course, my sassiness never rests.

Our table guests are a mother/father and their three grown children and three spouses. They were celebrating one couples’ anniversary. I love “how you met” stories so I inquired. They were a beautiful family and very spirited when sharing stories about the relationship and marriage of the Anniversary Couple. I asked the Woman where they got married.

“In his Daddy’s church.”
“Oh, your Father is a Minister?” I asked the Anniversary Man
“Actually, I am a Baptist Preacher,” chimes in the Father of Anniversary Man seated to his left.
“Just like me,” said the Anniversary Man.

Because of course, we are sitting with a Preacher. And the Son of a Preacher Man. And their entire family were just oh so entertained by this point and not thinking for a minute I was seasick. Because nothing is as funny as being treated to vodka fumes with a big spritz of Sassy. Especially when you are Men of God.

I chose to smile and take a sip of water.

My Mom, who can be quite quippy on her own accord puts her hand over my hand and simply says to them, “Then perhaps you can pray for my daughter?”

Was she paying me back for the previous night or simply knew I needed all the help I could get? Based on their laughter and knowing looks of a harlot in a handbasket, I think she was paying me back.

I am glad to say that I was able to get refreshed and renewed later that afternoon and take my Mom to our front row seat at the Grand Ole Opry. And luckily, the photo does not capture any of my day long pain.

Later she asked if I wanted a cocktail. Oh, no thank you.
Smart assery: Not limited to one generation in our family.

107 comments:

UberGrumpy said...

We lived in Atlanta for five years and never made it to Nashville.

I wish we had. It sounds like a party town

sheila said...

HA! Great story! But unfortunately NOW I'll be singing Son of a Preacher Man alllll day long now. Yup, thanks for that.

Dustjacket Attic said...

Oh great job girl, I like your mom.
xxx

Secretia said...

Hell can be put off for a long time, but penance is usually only hours away.

My name is PJ. said...

"After waking up and feeling like a bag of hammers" - from whence do you come by expressions like these?

Priceless!

I love your Mom. You have featured her quip wit (I'm cool like that) before. No denying that genetics is a scary thing...... ;)

Cybil said...

Oh your Mom sounds awesome! I have noticed that smart assery runs in our family as well.

mbkatc230 said...

Ouch, ouch, and triple ouch! That lunch sounds almost more uncomfortable than the hangover. But the picture in front of the Grand Old Opry is cute! And your mom sounds like a pistol. Kathy

Brian Miller said...

teehee...

the walking man said...

first couple of times I went to sea I never got sick, first time I went to sea hung over they could not keep enough garbage pails by my radar scope which I couldn't see for two days. Good thing the Russians didn't know what my duty hours were or they could have slipped right in and took over the country...

Oh wait they did that with the Vodka.

Lesson learned early, stick with whiskey.

singedwingangel said...

roflmbo umm that is just all I can say.. well that and does your mom know my mom???

Mom in High Heels said...

I heart your mom. Sounds like the sassy apple didn't fall far from the sassy tree. :)

mo.stoneskin said...

You neglected to share how you launched into some spirited Aretha. You did, didn't you?!

JadeLD said...

Hehe, going on a boat when hungover does not sound like fun at all. Your Mum did get a great chance to get you back though! How did your Mum manage to survive unscathed from the night before?

SmartBear said...

Nice to party it up with the Baptist preachers! And now, I too have the preacher man song in my head.

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

Your mom is a RIOT!! I think you need to have her "guest post" for you one time! Thanks for sharing your story, great laugh!

Danielle said...

a)I love the Chess reference in the beginning
b)I'm hugely impressed you went feeling so poorly!

BigSis said...

VODKA is NOT DINNER - that makes perfect sense. But, how about olives? Do they count as dinner?

Simply Suthern said...

I pulled one of those at a Saturday night bachlor party. 5 Long Island Iced Teas and a couple beers. It was past noon and the world was still spinning when I heard Dad coming down the stairs. Bud!! get up!! We're meeting the preacher for lunch. I think he knew and when I saw the preacher he knew too.

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Your mom is definitely sassy. She sounds like fun.

confused homemaker said...

Ha, your mom cracks me up. And you needed to be sitting with the Catholics (of which I am) a) Vodka for us is dinner b) we pray & drink (occasionally at the same time)

Laoch of Chicago said...

Good post: amusing. Although I did find one part a bit disquieting, "VODKA is NOT DINNER," is somewhat disconcerting news. What hope does humanity have if this is correct?

susan said...

Fortunately, poor judgement is neither terminal (usually) or permanent:) Sounds like a fun trip!

ShellSpann said...

I hate that feeling! there is nothing worse than being SO hungover and having to be around people. But a preacher and the son of a preacher?? Good God. I feel bad for you!!! :)

Taylor-Made Wife said...

Now thats an unforgettable mother-daughter weekend. Awesome story

Eva Gallant said...

You and your mother were obviously cut from the same cloth!

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh, your Mom is a prize. I see where the wit came from...the smart assery type wit!!!!

The Boob Nazi said...

haha I'm glad my mother has never said anything that smartassy.

Kristina P. said...

Can your mom adopt me?

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

Ms Mac
I'm sorry Ihaven't been commenting lately... baby in one hand, attached to boob... makes for procarious typing. Anyway, you totally crack me up. Your last 6 or 7 posts made me laugh till my sides hurt!

I love how your posts usually start with, "A few years ago..." or "One time I was..." You have a good memory... mine is dwindling. But more than a good memory, you're good at spinning a plain story into funny words. You're an excellent writer! But you probably get told that all the time.

Keep it up! Keep me laughing!!! Because if I didn't laugh, I'd probably be crying!!! LOL

Linda said...

ROTFLMAO! Ok, I've done the Vodka for dinner and I agree, not a wise choice. Your Mom rocks!

Bossy Betty said...

Good ol' Mom--looking out for your vodka-drenched soul....

Slamdunk said...

On the bright side, at least your provided a lasting memory for the family of preachers: "Hey, you remember when we took that cruise and that inebriated sinner lady's eyes kept crossing at lunch?"

As I remember, the scenery on the muddy Cumberland is not that great anyway.

ModernMom said...

LOL That sounds like the most miserable boat cruise ever! Glad you managed to get a few chuckles out of it in the end!

Baloney said...

I love your mom. That is hysterical!

Leah Rubin said...

Wow, that was a lot of payback for a night of fun... Poor you! And you missed out on so much with your mom. I like her style-- good thing the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Andrea said...

hahaha! So did they? Pray for you? I could just see them joining hands and bowing heads right then and there! Too funny!

Mommy Lisa said...

On the floor of the ladies room on a tour boat. Ick! Poor you.

Your mother is a HOOT!

Have another cocktail!

Cathi said...

I have had a few of those hangover days myself and I totally can't imagine being on a boat much less with mom and a table of preachers...ha! It is a funny story though! :) xxoo

Michael Rivers said...

I want to visit Nashville so bad! But, I think I'll skip a bit of your experience! :-)

T!nK said...

HOLD THE HELL ON!

Vodka isn't Dinner?!

obladi oblada said...

Your mom sounds like a very funny lady indeed (perhaps you can pray for my daughter)!

AND..what if the Vodka is raspberry Vodka, that can count as nourishment right? Raspberry is fruit, after all.

Susan said...

Oh I LOVE Nashville!! We go there every spring break with my parents...sounds like you had a lot more fun than we ever have though:) Great picture too! Happy Tuesday!

Ela said...

LOL. That song is now stuck in my head.

Mom's are awesome ;)

McVal said...

LOL! She reminds of my uncle who in every Christmas letter is asking for girls for his 7 sons to date and marry... I think it's his way of payback too...

foxy said...

"Smart assery: Not limited to one generation in our family." = AWESOME.

JenJen said...

I'll have a little spritz of Sassy right now...hahahaha.

injaynesworld said...

The last time I partied too hard, I fell off my red high heels and broke my neck. True story. I'm fine now and have learned that if I pop two charcoal capsules with my first cocktail, that will keep me from getting plastered and prevent a hangover.

Sounds like a trip you and your mom will be laughing together about for years to come.

carissa said...

You just put that song in about 50 peoples heads!!! But I love it! Great post, and I'm glad your hangover didn't ultimately ruin your night. Maybe their prayers helped afterall!

Myya said...

Soooo funny that your mom asked them to pray for you!

shortmama said...

Ahh yes one must definitely fill up on food before filling up on vodka.

Poindexter said...

oh my, I feel for you! haven't quite been in circumstances like that in some time, or maybe never. doesn't sound pleasant. Nashville can be so much fun too!

Rebecca Knight said...

Okay, seriously--could you and your mom BE any cuter in that photo? :D Loving the hat!

Hangovers like that are horrifying :(. You'd think that was payback enough, but noooooo...

carma said...

she later asked if you wanted a cocktail -- I see where you get your tongue in cheek humor :-)

Matty said...

When she asked for them to pray for you.......you deserved that one.

Been to the Grand Ole Opry a few times. I love me some country twang.

Summer said...

That is TOOO funny! Been there, done that!

I have the WORST hangovers of anyone I know! It's really not fair! But, I also have more fun than anyone I know..so...it evens out....LOL!

Christiejolu said...

Love the story! Love the picture! I always wanted to go to the Grand Ole Opry House with my Dad. Maybe one day we will get there.

Jen said...

Oh JennyMac, I feel your pain, and your mom is a whipper-snapper, isn't she? Yeah, mine is too when I get myself into stupid trouble. No sympathy, none. I've had so many of those next-morning hangovers that last ALL DAY LONG that I'm now actually intimidated of drinking too much! I take it slow and easy, easing my way into a drunken stupor. Yeah, not looking forward to having any more of those days.

If you can stomach it, it's true what they say: cure a hangover with a beer or shot. I did it ONCE, and I actually felt better!

Mary said...

It has been a long time since I've been hung over in any way shape or form, but the old memories are fresh as yesterday. I cannot even imagine a ride on a riverboat feeling that way! And then to learn of your dinner guests - oh that is classic!! Great story. I'm loving that I found you from SITS and I am a new follower!!

DeNae said...

This is why it's a really good thing I was raised a religious fanatic. See? Zealotry has its uses...

If the way I plow through a pound of peanut butter m&ms is any indication of my concept of pacing myself or moderation, then I can tell you right now, without ever having gone down that road, that I would be in that state every single day. I'm sassy enough stone sober, and hateful enough in the mornings, without adding a hangover to the mix. Seriously, the world is a safer place with me nursing a Diet Coke all night!

(And I'm not kidding, I couldn't tell which of you was the mom and which was the daughter! Two beautiful women!)

Existential Waitress said...

Your mom sounds funny - guess it runs in the family, eh? :)

Juliana said...

Vodka for dinner ha ha my best friend would think that would be a great meal, but not me. Great post as always.

Inge' said...

Isn't that just like a mom? Always there when you need her:) What you failed to mention was the look on your face when she did this. I am sure THAT was priceless!

When my son was abt 16, the phone always rang off the wall w/his g'friends calling. Hubs & I decided to ask them all if they were "Pam". This was the only name we could think if that we had not heard. Needless to say, he spent the next few days trying to explain just who Pam was.

You too will get your turn at this kind of fun!

Pricilla said...

Sass is indeed genetic...

drollgirl said...

pray for her! hahahah!

vodka is poison to me. i just can't do it.

i am happy to report that patron and i do well together. ahahahhaha

Emily said...

Nashville is dangerous if you're not careful. I learned that the hard way too. ;)

Dumblond said...

Wildhorse Saloon...good times, good times.
I don't know how you got through that day. I hate being around sober people when I'm hungover. They have no sympathy. They think it's funny! Jerks...I've had enough of those mornings to properly sympathize.

♥Aubrey said...

Seasick...bwahaha :)-
I bet you sure were spinning though.

Summer said...

"bag of hammers"

I can't wait for the opportunity to use this phrase. lmao

otin said...

If the sea is made of Barley and Hopps and vodka! That is a sitcom line right there! Funny stuff.

Ashley Stone said...

haha, oh sorry about that!!! Your mom is so funny. That's only happened to me once when we were in Cancun, we had to go see the mayan ruins the next day, and I didn't care anything about them I was feeling so awful!

PJ said...

Hi JennyMac! I can sympathize about the drinking scene! I used to do that in my younger days.

My hubby and I visited chattanooga and Nashville this past summer. We enjoyed both places, but I liked Chattanooga much more than Nashville. In Nashville, we didn't do much except going to the country Music Hall of Fame, and Studio B. In Chattanooga, we went on the Incline, the Huge Acquarium, went on the Southern Belle RiverBoat ride, went on the Train ride across the city, and still didn't do all there was to do! I liked Chattanooga much more. If you ever get to go back to Tennessee, check out Chattanooga, you won't be sorry.

PJ

Grand Pooba said...

Oh man, you are making my head hurt. I would have stayed in bed for two days! Forget the Opry!

But I am glad that you did not. Otherwise you wouldn't have this story to tell and this great pic! I love your hat!

AmyLK said...

Mom's always find a way to pay back, huh? LOL At least you ended the visit on a great note!

Erin said...

Aren't moms fabulous? I love Son of a Preacher Man!

Fragrant Liar said...

I was seasick recently. Everyone knew not to ask me if I wanted a cocktail, lest they get hammered by ME. No vodka or hops were slammed in the making of that hangover. Just wine, wine, and wine.

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

Oh day long pain... it's nasty. Hey, thanks for visiting me on my SITS day and leaving some blog love!

Blessings,
LMM

Janet said...

"...perhaps you can pray for my daughter." HAHA HAHA!!

Oh that is too funny.

Julia said...

an award for you! come and get it!
http://lookingformypearl.blogspot.com/2010/02/sweet-friends-happy-things-good-times.html

♥ Braja said...

Smart arsery never is :)

Been away Jenny, and just now returning...nice to see you again :)

HalfAsstic.com said...

BWAHAHAHA! Oh honey, not just Baptist... SOUTHERN BAPTIST! Could it get any, ahem, better?!
LOVE the hat!

J.J. in L.A. said...

I still tease my mom about the time her hubby gave her a bucket to use on the drive home from a charity function that involved loads of alcohol.

From the backseat, she said, "Take it easy going around the corners, would ya? This bucket isn't very big." lol!

She was supposed to go to a wedding, 2 hours north, the next day...and never got out of bed, so hubby went alone.

Ed said...

I must have missed the first half of this story and will need to go back and look for it.

Good times.

Heather Taylor said...

Great post, the last line really ties it all up together.

K a b l o o e y said...

I second the motion to have mom do a guest post. And no, you're not looking too worse for wear in that picture,. Vodka's only dinner if its got a lot of olives in it.

wendy said...

OMG. I am laughing. Cause been there done that. and I HATE IT.
I am a slow learner --Vodka ...Not Dinenr...so I have been told, several times.

pray for my daughter, that is SOOOOO funny

Jules said...

I continue to pray for you. And vodka.

Kristen @ Motherese said...

Great story-telling!

Your tale reminds me of the aftermath of my wedding and the distinct lack of sympathy I got from my mom. Given the craziness of the day, I didn't eat much and then proceeded to drink enough at the reception and after-party that I was so hung over I didn't make it to the breakfast my MIL held the next day to honor the happy couple. (That's me: a class act, all the way.) My MIL laughed off my totally uncharacteristic move; my mom, not so much.

MommaKiss said...

Oh, the 'bag of hammers' I know it well. Not in a fun way.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

like mother like daughter! next time call wine one one!
cheers!

Homesick Cajun said...

Lol sounds like you had fun...until the next day!

AnnQ said...

I love that your mother asked them to pray for you! LOL!

I actually go to Memphis for work about every six weeks....definitely need to make it to Nashville. :-)

SonyaAnn said...

I love the story. Not that you were sick just that you are quite comical! I've destroyed myself on many occasions so I know where you were coming from.
Thanks for sharing and have a great day!

That Chelsea Girl™ said...

Great story, I read the first half as well! Thanks for the comment on my blog. You and your mother sound like a hoot! Take care.

Ashley @ KiwisandCocktails said...

haha. Love it!
I have used the seasick or motion sick Excuse to mask my hangovers before. I think people buy it…until the liquor seeps from the pores.

Kato said...

Talk about Murphy's Law!! Not only were you hung over, but then you had to get on a boat?? And then dine with some god-fearing folk? Oh my goodness.

First of all, you are brave for even attempting the festivities. I would have politely declined and been on my merry way back to bed.

Secondly, your mom is hilarious. My mom and your mom should get together and compare notes.

You are a trooper and a funny one to boot!

The Mommyologist said...

OMG this was hilarious!! I have SO been that girl sitting on the floor of a bathroom stall way too many times. And I've had vodka for dinner way too many times too!

Glad you recovered and were able to enjoy the rest of your trip!

OLLIE MCKAY'S ~ A Chic Boutique said...

Never been to Nashville ~ But love your story!!!!!

PJ said...

Hey Jennymac! Just wanted to let you know I got your comment and added your prayer to my prayer line also. Come by my blog, click on the Prayer Line tab at the top and see. It will be the first one after my personal prayer.

God Bless!

PJ

P.S. I tried to e-mail, but I don't understand all that stuff about POP3,Imap and that technical stuff, I looked for you on "BlognTweet" and couldn't find you, so here I am. TA DAH! LOL!

Susan Erickson said...

Why is it the best stories involve lots of liquor, and heaving. Because we can feel your pain. Mom's cool and you are one lucky girl to have her as a mother. She's probably a babyboomer like me. We did it all... way back then ...and then some. At least I think we did....I can't really remember much......

secret agent woman said...

Oh my God, i would have started singing that Dusty Springfield song. I couldn't have stopped myself.

And, I have to say, I am supremely thankful that no matter how much I have had to drink, I have never experienced a hangover.

Debbie said...

I kinda think I love your mom!

Maria said...

Hey! Just to let you know that you have been awarded a Beautiful Blogger Award... Link back to my blog to find out the details...

A Year on the Grill said...

Just catching up... Missed reading your stories, will be back regularly

Tracie said...

Now that you've told me vodka is not dinner, I have to go to the store. Darn.

Simone said...

This was a great read JennyMac, very very funny.

I just don't have an ounce of smart-assery in me - sadly that went to both of my brothers and bypassed me completely.....I am totally in awe of you and can only marvel :)

Corrie Howe said...

Great to have fun with mom. Too funny about sitting across from Baptist preachers.

Vivienne said...

So what you're saying is that in addition to the acorn not falling far from the tree, you will be renaming your blog "Let's Have Dinner Before We Have A Cocktail"
...?