Friday, February 12, 2010

How not to get a Valentine from your husband

Thanks for all the well wishes. I am back in full moderate form. Now that I have thanked my Hub for pulling all the duty around here for days on end, I hope it makes up for this:

Last week while JohnnyMac was getting MiniMac ready for school, it sounded like it was going none too well. Usually a morning person like his Mommy, I was surprised to hear cat- like screeching. Also known as the sounds of a salty toddler. When they came upstairs, JohnnyMac told me MiniMac was grumpy and had actually been grumpy for several mornings in a row.

My response: Kind of like gazing into a tiny mirror, isn’t it?  
His response: None because he is grumpy in the am especially pre-coffee and his mind was not capable of delivering the wise ass retort I had coming.

And then, more recently, my sauté pan was on the counter drying. I picked it up to put it away and noted it was not clean, so I put it in the sink. When JohnnyMac came downstairs later, he told me he washed it the night before. I told him it looked like it needed to be cleaned again. He picked it up and looked at it, stating, “Well, I wonder how that happened?”

I say, as I laugh: You did a bad job the first time?
His response: None because he is grumpy in the am especially pre-coffee and his mind was not capable of delivering the wise ass retort I had coming.

In these ideal opportunities to be a smart arse toward JohnnyMac, I am also hedging my bets that St. Valentine might be a smart ass too. I better be careful. We are T minus two days and counting. 

PS: Saint Valentine, I did Clorox the entire house from top to bottom so you would not catch any bugs upon your visit. Oh, and for the sake of my family too, of course. 

86 comments:

Secretia said...

Little spats are nothing when it comes to real love! No Valentine will get him no real loving, he knows it I bet!

Brian Miller said...

glad to hear you are feeling better. hope your valentine's is amazing!

Christina Lee said...

wow it's eerily like you are peeking in on my house--LOL! Happy Valentine's Day!

the walking man said...

Yeah...good luck with that whole Valentines thing. May JohnnyMac make his choices post coffee and pre-memory lapse.

Slamdunk said...

Hehe, I am sure the Mr. anticipates your sharp wit... well, much more after 3 cups of coffee.

V-Day is this weekend? Yikes, I better get moving...

Will Burke said...

Easy fix, and it only need take five minutes! He can't not accept an aplogy then!

Theta Mom said...

Glad to hear you are on the mend! Have a fab V-day!

JadeLD said...

Yeah I think I may have the same problem, I've been making a few cheeky comment around here. I think it's time I got my halo out again and behaved well for a couple of days anyway!
Jade

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

I daresay he's used to the comments after all this time, JM ;)

NOT saying them would probably hurt you more than him hearing them!

I hate valentine's day... have I mentioned I'm married to the most unromantic man on the planet? *sigh*

Glad you're feeling better!

BigSis said...

Someone like your JohnnyMac must have invented the timer activated coffee pots. Unless you have another person in the house the caffeine can't be absorbed any faster!

Jen said...

I say smart ass things to my hubby all the time. So that is why I don't get anything for Valentine's day. Good to know.

Tsquared417 said...

I love it. The mini mirror...so true...

ellen abbott said...

we try not to speak to each other for at least two hours.

Susan Erickson said...

and they say coffee is bad for you.....Where would our morning wit be without it? no response...too early

Jules said...

I think you and Hubby come from the same cleaning genes.... JohnnyMac and I do too!! ;)

T!nK said...

awww. I am glad you are back in full form!!!

and tell JohnnyMac - Pshhhh, get over it!

Colleen said...

I'm sure St. Valentine knows better than to raise a woman's scorn at this time of year.

Besides, you could've made it worse. You could've completely failed to do anything for V-Day to this point, like I have.

Man I have to get on the planning. All I've got lined up right now is a babysitter.

Ed Adams said...

It's illegal to pass up taking an awesome free shot at your spouse.

Especially in the mornings.

It's right there in the marriage vows, as ordered by the Supreme Court or some shit.

ShellSpann said...

Ahhh I bet he knows better than to NOT get you something for Valentine's Day. At least I hope so for his sake! LOL

Michael Rivers said...

Glad you are feeling better. Also, I hope St. Valentine is good to you!

Eva Gallant said...

My money is on JohnnyMac. I'm betting he'll come through, despite the smart-arse remarks!

Laura said...

I too was sick this week. Though somehow I think St Valentine is skipping my house for other reasons than making smart ass comments. Uh, well okay maybe a few smart ass comments that I should have just kept my mouth shut about. On top of that we seem to have this thing where my needs recently completely clash with his needs.

*sigh maybe next year*

I have a sneaking feeling St Valentine will come make a stop at your house though

"And so our stories go..." said...

St. Valentine...does he come down the chimney or through the door?
Love that.
Mary

jessalyn said...

hahaha! part of the reason i want a mini-me so bad is to watch manfriend try to deal with one! :)
valentines is manfriends bday, so usually i get flowers or something- but the focus of the day is him. le sigh.

Mommy Lisa said...

The other day I thanked my hubby for starting the laundry, but asked him next time to not put his greasy work clothes in with sheets and towels -

He said, "I WON'T EVER TOUCH LAUNDRY AGAIN!!!" for about the 6 or 7th time in our marriage.

My response: "I DON'T FLIPPIN' CARE!" Because, really? He does not know HOW to do laundry.

I kissed him before he left for work anyway.

I got roses last night.

Scrappy Girl said...

Glad you are on the mend. Dr. Hubby made the mistake of telling me he got my gift 2 weeks ago..so I can be a $#&%@ all I want and still get the gift...lol.

Herding Cats said...

My boyfriend is also a grump in the mornings, and I'm a grump at night. It creates an interesting dynamic in our relationship haha.

Bossy Betty said...

So glad you are feeling better!

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

so glad to hear you are feeling better. i know you will get lots of smooches for valentines day!
<><

Tiffany said...

i'm not even sure men really know how to wash dishes. i have found many a 'not so clean' dish in the cabinets to which, i figure, we better get a maid soon because I'm sure not doing them. she'll be female, of course.

Simply Suthern said...

I shall Seek and find you…….
I shall take you to bed and control you…………..
I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you grunt and groan………
I will make you beg for mercy…………..
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I leave.
You will be weak for days.

All my love,
The Flu

Big Boops said...

Lady, let me tell you, my husband washes dishes at the same level that he does laundry. About the only thing that really happens is he can actually say he did it. It matters not to him if anything is actually CLEANED. So I'm in the constant cycle you are finding yourself in of re-washing dishes and clothing until my brain explodes. I've made it two years so far, cheers to the next 50!

Intense Guy said...

I'm glad you are feeling better.

I'm sure JohnnyMac will find something really nice for you on Valentines Day because surely he knows he has someone fabulous living with him.

Kristina P. said...

I hope you have a dream Valentine's Day!

Ela said...

Feeling better just in time for VDay, yay!
I'm pretty sure he's got something special up his sleeve for you.

I'm guilty of the pan washing...but I just stick it back in the sink cause I'm actually aware I did a poor job at cleaning it. Sometimes it just needs to soak :)

Dumblond said...

My husband will never have the option of holding out a Valentine's Day gift for me...because that's also our anniversary. I don't care how snarky we are to each other, we always get each other something for that!
I'm glad you are feeling better. Hope you have a wonderful Valentine's Day.

carma said...

Glad to see you are back in top form - here and at home as well!! (I'm sure your husband is happy about that ;-)

Christiejolu said...

I am glad that you are feeling sort of better! I hope you get an awesome Valentines Day Gift!

I have an award for you!

Baloney said...

Ahhh the dishes. Sounded like what I say to the Doc. Arg.
Glad you are feeling better!

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I don't understand Valentine's Day. It's all about effort, no? You give someone a box of heart chocolates and they're all "Oh. Thanks I guess." because that didn't take a whole lot of effort. But you give someone a REAL HUMAN HEART that involved a trip out of town to buy a ski mask and chloroform and a sharp knife and they freaking call the cops!

Uh...hello? Where'd everyone go?

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Well then! You're just going to have to put out!

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Just telling the truth. I'm sure hubby will treat you well.

Pricilla said...

I am sorry you were so sick. I hope you continue to get better and that Valentine's day is a good day for all.

Tracie said...

I have a feeling you'll do ok.

Have a great weekend! Glad you're on the mend.

brainella said...

Glad you are feeling better. Hopefully the bleach smell doesn't keep the Valentine's Day fairy from delivering the goods. Our four year old has been asking if the Valentine's Day fairy might bring him some great prizes. I figure the truth about VD will some day be revealed.

My name is PJ. said...

He knows which side his bread is buttered on. A rolling stone gathers no moss. Step on a crack, you break your mother's back....um, I forgot what I was going to write.....

Sara said...

Have a great Valentine weekend!

I left you something on my blog!

Tgoette said...

Ha! Funny post! JohnnyMac loves you for the whole package, including the smartass remarks. (Who wouldn't?) I am sure he will come through with flying colors. Glad you are feeling better!

Rebecca Knight said...

HAHAHA, that's awesome :). Here's hoping you have a lovely weekend!

Also, hooray that you're feeling better! I'm so glad!

Leah Rubin said...

As long as he's not required to shop for the gift B.C. (before coffee), I doubt he'll hold it against you!

I need a great idea for my hub... I had a great one two weeks ago, was totally proud of myself for coming up with it, then forgot it. Have spent 13 1/2 days trying to figure it out! Help!

Postman said...

"It's kind of like looking into a tiny mirror, isn't it?"

ZING!

Leah Rubin said...

As long as he wasn't required to shop for your gift B.C. (before coffee) I'm sure he didn't hold a grudge! You'll probably get something wonderful!

I need an idea for a gift for my hub! Help! Two weeks ago I came up with the best idea ever-- I was super-proud of myself... Then I forgot it, and have spent 13 1/2 days trying to figure out what it was... duh. Any ideas? He's a techie, gadget kind of guy...

JenJen said...

Sweet Jesus I had a comment and then read the flu porn and got distracted.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

I have some catching up to do with you, JennyMac!

I predicted makeup sex for the Peach Tarts for Valentine's Day and I was right. I'm just saying....
T minus 2 days and counting!

;)

Hugs!!

Jen said...

Oh man... I make those sarcastic remarks too, and as soon as they come out of my mouth, I cringe. Ouch! I'm trying to do better, and hopefully JohnnyMac has a sense of humor post-caffeine!

Mighty M said...

Ah, so that is when I need to make my wise ass comments to my hubby. Thanks. :)

Conquer The Monkey said...

continue to feel better and hope your v day turns out fab regardless :)

Grand Pooba said...

I think I'm safe to be a smart ass, I got flowers at work today from the hubs.

Phew!

I'm Jamie said...

Awww.... our families could be twins ;)

Lily Johnson said...

Glad you are feeling better JM. My man hates laundry and doing the dishes but i make him do them any way.
Have a wonderful Valentine's day.

Matty said...

I don't even try to outwit my wife when it comes to being a smart-ass. She always wins that battle.

Corrie Howe said...

Maybe because it was pre-coffee, he won't remember. My son and I can have entire conversations which he looks at me crossed-eyed when I refer to them later in the day. He swears we never had the discussion.

I believe him. My dad would come in yelling at me and I'd be upset to woken up with him mad. But from his point of view I was up and we had an entire conversation already.

Melissa B. said...

I think St. Valentine IS a smart arse. That would explain why I sometimes receive cleaning implements and coupons to the local driving range on the holiday that bears his name...

secret agent woman said...

My ex used to occasionally hold up something I'd washed and look at it all squinty-eyed and then re-wash it. I'm here to tell you, it did not engender loving, generous feelings in me.

Badass Geek said...

I often have my wife re-wash dishes that I've washed, just to make sure they get extra clean.

Yes. That's why.

wendy said...

nothing like grumpy A.M. pre-coffee remarks

I get it.

shortmama said...

I try not to talk to my hubs at all until he has coffee....if I tried to talk all Id hear from him are grunts and groans anyway

Ms. Salti said...

I should have read this one first.... glad to hear you're feeling better. Hope St. Valentine is good to you!

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Glad that you are feeling better.....

DeNae said...

We always snark the ones we love.

Chanda the Eco-Cheap Mom said...

Let's hope, for JohnnyMac's sake, that St. Valentine is good to you!

As for me, I never get my hopes up. If I get a card I'll be happy! Hubs isn't the best when it comes to gifts. I suppose having a good husband makes up for the not so great gifts!

Sounds like your hubs is pretty good too, despite his AM grumpy tendencies!

The Absence of Alternatives said...

It took me so many years of marriage to learn to bite my lips and not say things I really want to say. They say Truth is the key to marriage, I call that a lie. Lying is the key to a peaceful marriage. LOL

Happy V day!!

Unknown Mami said...

I'm glad you are feeling better. Now start suckin' up to your grumpy pre-coffee husband or suffer the consequences.

Just Breathe said...

My guess is that he better come through big time because he should appreciate what you do each day after filling in while you were ill.

Herself said...

Happy SITS Day!

Christine said...

I love mornings, before and after coffee. My husband is a total grump, hence Oscar being his nickname, and doesn't like to talk much either until after breakfast, so I can relate.
Thank goodness your MiniMac is like you- one dark cloud is easy to dodge, but two? Not so much.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Too funny! Sounds like we're married to the same man - my hubby is the same way from the 'pre-coffee' mode to the not washing a pan out 'right'. ;)

Alley said...

Happy SITS Day...and bet St. Valentine forgot all about those small details :)

Rhonda said...

LOVE the tiny mirror comment!!! lol

Zeemaid said...

hah! I love smart ass comments and thrive on delivering them... receiving well....

Hope St. V. got you some chocolates at least!

A New Mom said...

Ah, nothing like true love! LOL. Visiting from SITS

Cathi said...

Sounds like you are on the mend..Welcome back, JennyMac! haha...:)

I Wonder Wye said...

It's the opposite here -- Excy is always re-cleaning a pan I think I've washed well enough. But I love it. Cooking is my 'thing,' NOT cleaning....

Kato said...

Hahah! This was a good one, because it is like you are writing about my house in the mornings, minus a little one though. And reverse order, because I am the crazy grumpy one!

I hope you had a lovely Valentine's Day! Sorry for the late comment :)

Merry Mack said...

This happens a lot at my house too. I have just learned to clean it again and keep my mouth shut. I also have a family of Macks.

HalfAsstic.com said...

I'm thinking you need to be sure and let Johnnymac know you Cloroxed the whole house and don't worry about what St. Valentine thinks.
Oops, is my Protestant showing? ;-)