Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Sick day

Yesterday, I did something I haven't done in years. I called in sick.  When I messaged my predicament to my older brother, he cackled via text: Yes, the Superbowl Influenza. It's not that kind of sick. Because if it were, I would have recovered from that by 1 pm on Monday. 

As we all know, being sick as an adult, well, it is really just a pain in the arse. No one wants to utilize a sick day to stay home because you are actually sick. Luckily, JohnnyMac is a champion of handling all things household on the rare, rare occasions I have fallen ill. And yesterday, as my eyes longingly looked at my laptop, I was physically bound to the couch. I can't tell you the last time I laid on the couch for more than 2 hours but apparently, when sick, you are supposed to rest. 

When I was a kid, I loved school but just like any precocious youngster, I had days where maybe I wanted to lie about watching Little House on the Prairie and drinking chocolate milk. 

One such day the following occurred:

My Mom comes into my room to wake me up. She always did this so nicely and the complete opposite of my Father who woke people up like a chainsaw next to a microphone.  I told my Mom I was not well.  She went to get the old school thermometer laden with mercury.  She told me to hold it under my tongue and as she exited, I had a Nancy Drew moment to seal the fate of staying at home that day. 

My fitful crying caused her hasty retreat back to my room. 
"My mowwf," I said, over spastic crying. 
"Let me see," she instructs as I open my mouth. 
"You have a blister on your tongue. How did that happen?"
"I haf fevew in my mowwf???"

OR I burned my tongue severely after placing the thermometer on the light bulb of my nightstand lamp and failed to realize it would heat to approximately 108 degrees. My feeble attempt to jack that gauge up high ensuring I had a "fever" and clearly could not go to school before popping the thermometer back in my mouth.   Kind of like liar, liar, pants on fire. Only much, much worse. I would have gladly sacrificed some pants in lieu of BBQ'ed tongue.

My mom brought me a piece of ice, maybe momentarily acknowledged my creativity, and then told me to get up and get ready. I enjoyed the rest of the week at school with an aching mouth and a dialect like Elmer Fudd. 


And today is the last day for What do you want to Choo. Winner announced tomorrow.  Good luck.

116 comments:

The Sharer said...

Here's hoping you are mending.

S

the walking man said...

I guess no one ever told you to rub the thermometer swiftly between your palms. Friction baby friction! Precocious you may have been but not really very sneaky were you?

Hilly said...

Feel better, sweets.

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

You poor thing. Would love to hear your Fuddian accent.

We just introduced the film "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" to Viva the Diva last weekend so that she will have the proper tools to use when she tried to pull this stunt. :-)

mo.stoneskin said...

Funny but, let's face it, pitiful. Next time you should place your head on the light-bulb so that your mum or now I guess husband feels it and, um, fails to notice the burnt circle of flesh...

The Peach Tart said...

I hope you're better soon.

Sounds like me trying to get out of school as a kid. One time I chewed Fritos and then spit them in the toilet and told Mama I was throwing up. fyi...looks authentic.

brainella said...

Get better soon. And leave the thermometers alone!

Dual Mom said...

Poor thing, weren't very quick on the uptake were you? So kidding!!!

Hope you're feeling better soon!

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

I'm sorry I laughed, but I wonder how many of us had burnt tongues after pulling that same stunt? ;)

Hope you feel better now, JM? You're quite right, being sick as an adult is a complete pain in the nether regions.

Aunt Becky said...

Bwahahahahaha! Now THAT is freaking funny. I never tried to give myself a fever, but that takes guts. I think I love you even more now.

Maggie B said...

Hope you're feeling better by now, great story btw.
~maggie~

Jules said...

I RARELY call in sick too! There's just WAY too much work to do when I get back! But I hope you feel better and I hope MiniMac NEVER tries that thermometer thing on you!!

Miss Fanny said...

I think you should have been able to stay home just for creativity alone! I'm a new follower and think your blog is great.

bluzdude said...

You should be glad your mom didn't try to put the thermometer somewhere else...

Theta Mom said...

OMG - Sorry, but that's funny! Hope you are feeling better mama!

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Feel better.

ellen abbott said...

Rarely sick you say? Ha. Wait til MiniMac starts school.

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

I used to try, to no avail, to get myself out of school by feigning symptoms all the time. My sister takes the cake, though - she once rubbed a yellow dandelion all over her face on the way to the bus stop, then went home and told Mom she couldn't go to school because she was jaundiced.

singedwingangel said...

Umm I won't laugh seriously I won't.. I know that had to hurt.. * coff* sorry you are feelign like crud now.. isn't it amazing how our bodies are able to sideline us when we really have other thigns we want to do??

Susan Erickson said...

Getting sick is your body's way of telling you to take a break already. Big quilt, good book, tasty treat(you deserve it!)and huge cup of ginger lemon tea.

Yankee Girl said...

Hope you feel better soon!

When I was younger I would pretend to be sick because then my grandparents would come over and watch me. They were old school Polish and my grandma though the only way for me to get better was to cook for me and my grandpa though the only way for me to get better was to watch funny movies. It was great. I would stay home and have fun and eat a ton of yummy food.

It was a sad day when my mom eventually caught on.

Tsquared417 said...

That is one for the books! Hilarious. Hope you are feeling better today!

Ashley Stone said...

oh no! haha. I tried that once too... without the burning. My mom didn't fall for it either.

Kelly Marie said...

Get Better!! I feel like every child tries the thermometer and lamp trick & it neverr works. I lucked out because even when sick fevers are rare in my family, so a stomach ache was enough!!

mama-face said...

You were the most precocious child; you really should write a book. You have an amazing memory as well. And I love that you watched Little House while drinking chocolate milk. How sweet is that?

The first time I had a thermometer put in my mouth I bit it and it busted all over the place. Nurses and my mom were freaking out...I may have been doing a little freaking myself. Something about mercury.

Eva Gallant said...

Hope you're feeling better. The burnt tongue doesn't sound like fun!

jules said...

I'm surprised that hasn't happened to more kids. Hope youre feeling better today though. I know its infuriating to be home and not physically able to accomplish anything!

mbkatc230 said...

I'm with you, being sick as an adult is a major pain. But oh the stories I could tell about school sick days. Not that I ever did that, but my friends .... Let's just say that Chicago was just a short train ride away - Ferris Bueller. And that's all I'm saying about that. Kathy

Michael Rivers said...

I do not like being sick either. Ugh. I'd rather work!

Growing up, I'd rush home from school to watch "Little House." Even today if I'm flipping thru channels, I'll get sucked into an episode!

Ed Adams said...

Hahahahaha

I so would have tried that when I was younger, but my mom never left my side when the thermometer was in my mouth, probably because she knew I would.

The Boob Nazi said...

My mom didn't have a thermometer, so I didn't have to get a high fever to stay home. Nice.

LadyFi said...

Oh - I remember that trick! We also used to eat toothpaste to make it appear as if we had a temperature.

Hope you're enjoying the couch rest? ;-)

Simone said...

Hope you are feeling better today JennyMac.

Am offering up prayers to the Jimmy Choo Gods tonight ;)

citymouse said...

I'm jealous that you can still be hilarious even when under the weather! Speaking of weather, we're getting socked again, so I am taking a "sick day" because the thought of driving in this much ice and snow scares the bejesus out of me. I only wish I was able to do something more fun today than laundry. Feel better.

Cybil said...

Feel better JennyMac!

Cathi said...

I used to wait until I got to school then fake illness. Those were the days where the nurse would drive you home when sick....but most of the time all I got was a visit from the principal and everyone in the office as my mom was the PTA president and they were just checking up on me for my mom...grrrrrr...oh the horror of my mom's presidency! :)

Taylor @ Jimmy Choos and a Baby Too said...

That is hilarious!!!!! Hope you get to feeling better asap!

Bossy Betty said...

I broke the thermometers so I could play with the mercury. I believe this explains a lot.

Corrie Howe said...

I never tried that trick. I'm glad now. I hate having sores in my mouth.

Sorry that you are not feeling well. Hope it is a short bug.

Ms. Salti said...

I think every kid has tried the thermometer on the bulb trick... you're the first I've heard of that has actually injured herself!

Hope you're doing better today... I could use a day at home again this week!

Tiffany said...

i do believe i tried that once before--mamma wasn't having it.

hope you're feeling better soon!

Maureen said...

Okay, that was hilarious!!!!

I doubt I never would have thought of that...

GypsyNurse said...

Feel better..but stay away from the lightbulbs! I did the same as a child!
Cat

Vinomom said...

I hope you are feeling better! At least you don't have a blister on your tongue!

M-Cat said...

Oh my heck that is hilarious!
Never tried the lamp trick, Mom worked all day, so we could fake for a few minutes and then she was gone and we were up and about playing like fools.

obladi oblada said...

lol...I did the light bulb thing too, only I did it in the nurse's office at school, and got away with it!

My reason for staying home also involved Little House of the Prarie, and my mom always gave me 7 up and soda crackers.

Kiki said...

hope you feel better soon. my mom would send us to school no matter what illness we tried to fake. but i came up with a good one that got me out of school from time to time. i was a big Raisin Bran kid, so i would take a cup full, let it soak in water, and then make vomiting sounds and dump the cereal into the toilet. call for my mother and she would see it and call me out. worked like a charm. take care.

Kristina P. said...

Even when sick you are funny. Get better!

Herding Cats said...

I hope you feel better soon! That story is classic.

shortmama said...

haha way to go there Ace!!

Brittany said...

That's too funny! But I'm sure it wasn't at the time lol. I never tried that one when I was young.

I hope you feel better, JennyMac! :)

jayme said...

i guess it's just that time of year when everyone feels bad! but at least you've learned your lesson about thermometers on light bulbs!

Myya said...

OUCH!!! My tongue is hurting right now. I never tried the warm up the thermometer thing. Other then having the Chicken Pox I don't ever remember staying home sick. It was WAY more fun to go... lame huh!

Chez Zizi said...

That is so funny. I guess we all learn our lessons sometime.

I once called in to work sick and then my step mother called work looking for me. Got nailed on both ends!

Luckily my boss liked me and I still got to keep my job - but it was terrible getting caught.

Hope you are better now.

Zizette

foxy said...

Dude, I soooooooooooo want that Jimmy Choo. Quit reminding people to enter!! ;)

Slamdunk said...

I hope you feel better. Being a parent and being sick is definitely no fun--kids don't quite understand "no, I don't feel well."

Your burning tongue story made me wonder if there is one at the opposite end of the spectrum: a tongue stuck to a frozen pole during a snowstorm tale...

Shorty said...

Isn't it funny how moms can fudge up a good plan to get out of something? Cute story. And I hope you are feeling normal soon! I know being ill can be such a drag. Save those sick days for playin' hookie!

CountessLaurie said...

Yeouch!!
Mamas are very smart. Kids - not so much. Although the raisin bran story above is brilliant!!

That One Mom said...

It sounds like The Sickness is invading homes with reckless abandon. Feel better!

P.S. I love the light bulb story!

carissajaded said...

You were much more creative than me!! I would try to rub my bangs on my forehead for hours in an effort to make my forehead hot. didn't think about the actual thermometer!

Liz said...

Seriously, you gotta be making some of this stuff up cuz it's just Too.Damn.Funny.
Thanks for always making me think, giggle, or ponder!

Uptown Girl said...

I think your mom should've let you stay home after you put so much effort into the act. It's only fair.

ps- I used to love staying home from school to watch Little House, Price is Right, and the Joy of Painting with Bob Something...

Jay Rob said...

Did you ever think that "The Situation" from Jersey Shore loks like Elmer Fudd?

Mrs Montoya said...

So sweet and innocent. THAT was a long time ago.

Hope you're up and at em today. A couple of hours on the couch should cure most anything. Heaven knows you don't want to waste any more sick days on being sick!!!

Alicia said...

OUCH!! that must have hurt SO bad!!! and man, your mom sent you to school? that's hardcore!

Jen said...

Um yeah, you forgot to shake it down first to cool it off.

I bet you never made that mistake again.

Little Ms Blogger said...

You had the mouth thermometer - lucky girl. I had the butt one.

I guess my mom knew we would try to heat up the thermometer if a mouth one and outsmarted us.

Love the story about your tongue AND loved that you watched Little House on the Prairie. So did I, loved it.

JenJen said...

oh I bet she had quite the laugh...and my mother? I would have gotten the WALK IT OFF speech before I got the mercury treatment.

Ashley said...

I used to try to figure out how to vomit the loudest to fake being sick. Now? I can't make myself vomit even if I try.

Get well soon!

staceyjwarner said...

something is in the air, those who aren't sick are calling in sick...perhaps we all just need a break.

take care

Plentymorefishoutofwater said...

Funny post. Oh, and I've got to 29 with only one sick day in my working life. Body like a temple or scared of my boss - you decide...
Read about my dating disasters at plentymorefishoutofwater

Nyx said...

my mother would never let me have off of school.

my sister? got off all the time.

i still harbor some resentment.

feel better!

Married to a med student - Marissa Nicole said...

That is an adorable story! Hope you are feeling better!

Blythe said...

First part, clever.
Second part... notsomuch...

Belle Clair said...

Feel better soon. When I was a kid I used to rub my tongue back and forth over the thermometer in hopes that the friction would indicate I had a higher temperature! It worked sometimes too! xo

BigLittleWolf said...

Antics, indeed. Too funny. (I admit, I allow my younger son his occasional sick day, when it's more fatigue than anything. No ice (but lots of nice) required.)

If only mothers got sick days... real or otherwise. (Not the case, even on my very own personal planet.)

Emily said...

You're mom sounds smart...I'm hope I'm that quick when my kids try to pull a fast one on me.

Feel better...I cant' remember the last time I had a "sick" day!

Jaime said...

Feel better! I hear ya.. I had the flu and called out sick for 7 work days in Jan. UGH. Get well soon!!

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

feel better baby!
<><

mandatorybloghere said...

aww so funny
i hope you feel better soon
My mom use to tell me those little sores you got on your tongue were from telling lies. Unless she said with a raised eyebrow you havent been lying, then it could be something serious.
So funny, and i told my kid same thing

Mommy Lisa said...

I hate using days on actually being sick...and if I have to stay home with Boo Boo when she is sick she is usually napping for long stretches, so I hate using whole days for that too!

hope you feel better.

Christiejolu said...

Ouch!

I hope you are feeling better!

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DeNae said...

Sounds like my karma vacationed at your house when you were a kid. I never get away with anything.

Lopez said...

Ha ha ha, I can't believe you really did that!!! I think i saw it on a movie when I was really little (E.T.?) and I always wanted to do that, but we had one of those strips you put over your forehead...totally worthless!

Sorry that you are/were sick...bummer...but any excuse to lay down for hours at a time...and have Hubs take care of things can be worth it...sometimes. Even if you do feel like poo!

Mighty M said...

Now that is one of those things you learn to just try ONCE. Maybe like climbing poles to steal flags? :)

Hope you are feeling better. My husband called in sick yesterday too, he NEVER does that! But he was well enough to go back today...

J.J. in L.A. said...

At least you got to fake it. I had to have real operations. lol!

I got so bored of being in bed that I bought a Netbook yesterday. Love it!

Jen said...

Ha ha, how come that didn't happen to Elliot in "E.T." when he held his thermometer under the light bulb? Don't you hate how things never work out the way they do in the movies?

Hope you feel better soon, JennyMac!

Vodka Logic said...

sucks to be sick..feel better.

As for the thermometer trick, I never knew anyone that actually did it, just in Ferris Beuller..

undomestic chica said...

You are too funny! Feel better soon.

Matty said...

You and your hi-jinx stunts. Sounds familiar though. AHEM

Hope you start feeling well soon.

Eric said...

Such a creative young 'un...

The girl with the flour in her hair said...

Ha! Love it. My brother bit one of those things in half when he was a kid and I remember us all crawling around on the floor looking for the mercury because the doctor wanted to know how much he swallowed.

I guess that's one way to stay home!

Lily Johnson said...

I would have loved to hear you talk then. Very funny
Get well soon JM

Just Breathe said...

Funny! When my kids stayed home I wouldn't let them watch TV. If your too sick for school.......
My husband and I laugh about that now. What a silly punishment. I love TV when I am sick!

Leah Rubin said...

Yeah, but for Little House on the Prairie-- not too high a price! Great plan, just not completely thought through... Been there, done that.

Hope you're feeling better now, and getting lots of TLC from the guys!

Ela said...

Oh no you poor thing!
I was very strange child. I never wanted to miss school ever. And would actually get sad when holidays and summer vacation came around. Nerd much? I know.

Hope you're feeling much better :)

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Hope you are better....We have had so many sick little ones in our family...

wendy said...

I totally hardly EVER used a sick day --when I WAS ACTUALLY SICK. Oh no, they were days for a movie, shopping, spending time with my daughter. bumming around.
More like my Mental Health days I'd call it.

no one want to truly be sick.

Jen said...

I hope you feel better soon Jenny Mac! and although I did do the 'thermometer over the light bulb' trick, I don't think I ever burned my mouth - you poor thing! :)

Jen said...

I hope you feel better. I always went for the upset stomach, that didn't have to have a temperature. If that failed and I was old enough cramps were the answer. My parents were sure I had the worst cramps in the world but in reality they have never been a problem.

MommaKiss said...

I hope you're feeling better! Sick days as a Momma are NOT good.

Dumblond said...

Yeah, I never tried that trick. I usually went with exploding bowels or vomiting. My mom didn't like dealing with those. But I also didn't try to pull a fast one on my mom too much. I actually like school during grades K-6. And from 7th grade on, I would just wait until my mom left for work and then skip school. That was easier.

Too Many Hats said...

So sad your little trick didn't work. I have to beg my teens to stay home from school when they are sick - honestly, they are just weird.

The Absence of Alternatives said...

OUCH! *Wincing*

To cheer you up, here is one of the funniest video I have seen for a long time... "The Man Cold"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXLHWmjA5IE

secret agent woman said...

I'm glad this round isn't including a blistered tongue.

Kato said...

Oh JennyMac...we both have delved into the world of 'sick fibbing'. Only I held the thermometer on the lightbulb for so long, that it exploded in my hand. Yup. Try explaining that one to your mother.

"My fever is soooo high the thermometer EXPLODED! But dont take me to the hosptial k? Just let me stay home and watch tv?"

That one went over well.

Badass Geek said...

I've had a lot of brilliant ideas that were thwarted by pain.

Intense Guy said...

My mom never even bothered with the Thermometer. If I wasn't hot to the touch - off to school I went.

Life with Kaishon said...

That is so funny and crazy. I love it! : ) Blistered tongue and all, off you went to school!

Just One Week said...

So true - no adult wants to call in sick when they are sick!!

Enjoy your SITS day!

Danielle said...

Happy SITS DAY!!!

This is a great story, and I love that your mom gave you the ice so as to coddle you a bit, but then sent you off to school so as to say 'even when we're hurt sometimes we have to suck it up'..

good mom!

Zeemaid said...

*LOL* maybe Nancy Drew meets Pippi Longstocking.... heh

Joann Mannix said...

So funny! Ferris Bueller was the ultimate in fake-out sick. I always tell my kids to take some tips from that movie, because they are so transparent when it comes to faking sick. Little secret: I have faked the sick a few times in my mom life, just to have a rare opportunity to lay my tired ass down.

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip said...

Hilarious. I never knew anyone that actually did the lightbulb thermometer trick in real life. Very sneaky of you:)

HalfAsstic.com said...

I can honestly say that this occurred to me, however I was a tad older than you were and realized that the light bulb would raise the temp too high. (Though I considered it.) So the heating pad was enlisted. Apparently that doesn't work either.