Monday, August 16, 2010

I did not know a toy could do that.

So we don't paint a picture of all our personal business, let's be brief and vague. 

Suppose two parents awake prior to the morning call of their young son. To awaken and discover the house is completely quiet? Better buy a lottery ticket, today is your lucky day. So suppose these two parents want to maximize this advantage and perhaps enjoy some "adults only" time. That would be wonderful. Until this happens:

During the pre-function to the big game, we hear nothing. As soon as the big game starts, I hear this from two floors below: 

Child: Mommy?
Me (with reluctance as you can imagine): Ummm, yes? 
Child: Have you seen my Buzz Lightyear
Me: He is on your bed, pal.
Child: NOT little Buzz, but BIG Buzz.
Me: Look for him and I will be there soon.

Big game continues. We hear no tiny toes creeping up the stairs to either the main floor or our floor. Big game continues admittedly with less gusto.

Seconds later, KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. Apparently, my hearing sucks at this hour. Outside the door is our child.

Child: Mommy?
Me: SCRAM! Just kidding, I would never say that. Instead: Listen buddy, I will be right out.
Then I hear the loud and automated voice of said Buzz Lightyear. Where there is DANGER, there's a SPACE RANGER. And then To infinity, and BEYOND.

Repeat 25 times and that is the soundtrack which played during our ultimately railroaded shenanigan.

Later at breakfast, our son asks, "Did you hear my Buzz Lightyear? He was saying Good Morning to you."

Me: OH, you mean your friend BuzzKILL Lightyear? Oh yes, I heard him.
Child: It is Buzz Lightyear, Mommy. Not Buzzkill Lightyear.

My thought: Being basically c---blocked during our attempt at no-pants party? I did not know a toy could even do that. And since it happened, that toy  is 100% authentically BuzzKILL Lightyear.

55 comments:

She Wore It Well said...

LOL, this post made my Monday a lil bit brighter, thank you!!! x

Mummy said...

Okay, taking this as a personal reminder to not buy a BuzzKill...

Kat said...

I am NEVER going to look at Toy Story the same way again. And the phrase "to infinity and beyond" just took on a whole new meaning...

Vodka Logic said...

HOLY Cow...that is funny... at least he knocks. I have yet to "train" my teens to knock.

Better luck next time and I say the batteries need to die in Buzzkill Lightyear.

kathryn said...

Wow....way to get my attention first thing in the morning!

My question is: Was Buzz in the room...possibly under your bed? Or, was he in the arms of your little man outside the door SCREAMING (I mean, saying) his sweet nothings?

This will need to be clarified for me...before I can completely let this go and start my day.

Buzz Lightyear lost some of his innocence for me today...

Lindsey said...

Man does Disney know how to ruin a mood!

citymouse said...

And this, my friend, is one of those stories you will share for years and years. Be thankful he didn't sneak in on you guys.

singedwingangel said...

roflmbo.. ummm yeah note to self no more talking toys for the youngest..and ifhe gets them endsure all are safely out of our bedroom..

C.J. said...

how funny! I remember my husband and I in the mornings and ahhhhhhhh

Shell said...

This is even funnier b/c my 2 year-old is zooming around with Buzz right now. Like always. That toy is glued to his hand.

BigSis said...

Ha ha ha. Toy Story had some funny lines meant for adults, but this is WAY better. I'm going to start calling people Buzzkill Lightyear!

Jen said...

LOL!

Damn toys.

TKW said...

BuzzKILLLightyear indeed. Something similar happened to us one time with the Singing Yo-Gabba-Gabba Guitar...think happy thoughts/happy thoughts/and they'll come right back to you.... ARRRRRRRRG!

Mighty M said...

Hahaha!!! I'll never look at Buzz the same way again!!! :)

The Boob Nazi said...

Buzz just wanted to join in for a threesome. Cut him some slack!

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Haha! I just wrote about this very topic (in general, minus the Buzzkill Lightyear) on my blog - a poem, even! We seem to be having the same issues at my house. I don't know how I ever got pregnant in the first place ...

Elle said...

BuzzKILL Lightyear for sure! But, at least he helped provide a warning that child was right outside your door! ;-)

My name is PJ. said...

C Blocked 91 - a non-credit college course explaining all the things a young child can wield to change your plans.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Damn those smarty pants toys!

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

This happens at my house too!
<><

foxy said...

You probably wouldn't have bought that toy if you knew beforehand the trouble it would cause! ;)

Leah Rubin said...

Love it! I'm sending this on to my daughter, whose ears must ring 24/7 with "To infinity and beyond!" from her 3-year old...

--btw, if Mini-Mac has a Buzz, does your hubby have a Woody?

--oops, sorry for the play on words, but in your case, it's the only play you get for now!!!

Pollyanna said...

"To Infinity and Beyond!"

It's like a play by play. But not really because he didn't let you go there . . .

Bummer.

SamiJoe said...

Love it!

Buzzkill works perfectly!~

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

We have a BuzzKill Lightyear here too.

Pricilla said...

I repeat my oft posted mantra:

It's good to be a goat.

Kristina P. said...

Well, at least it wasn't Woody.

shortmama said...

Sadly I can so relate to this as something similar to me happened yesterday during nap time!

Dumblond said...

HAHAHA! I will never look at Buzz Lightyear the same again...
That has happened more than once to my husband and I. Once it was this toy duck that emitted this sing-song quacking...My husband hated that toy so much. He kept trying to hide it away from our son. And the boy was always able to find it...

The mad woman behind the blog said...

Totally had the same thing happen to me w/ a tickle me Elmo.

It no longer resides under my roof.

ModernMom said...

lol At least Buzz knocked!

Single Dad Laughing said...

LOLSHMBIGTFM! Kids are the ultimate destroyers of parental no-no time. I'll never forget the time when our session was abruptly ended because my then step-daughter was crying down the hallway. I threw some clothes on and went and asked her what was wrong. "I heard mommy screaming and I thought she was hurt". Needless to say, mommy was a lot more quiet after that.

Single Dad Laughing

Vivienne said...

I will never look at Buzz (or WOODY) quite the same way again. pfft. Thanks for that.
:)

Allyson & Jere said...

Damn that Buzz lightyear. Eh, we just let the kids cry it out, IF necessary. Sometimes, ya just gotta do what ya gotta do. Here's hoping you have better luck next time.

Mommy Lisa said...

Ah ha ha. Good one.

blueviolet said...

I think it was a blessing in disguise. The noise of Buzz Lightyear's repetitive droning voice surely blocked the little one from hearing anything that could potentially have scarred him for life.

I know. I had no Buzz. But I do have scars.

Matty said...

I like your choice of words to describe things...."the big game". Sounds like Buzz was out to keep the Mr. from hitting a home run.

Intense Guy said...

Hmmm... I think it would take more than that to "ruin the mood" for me...

But I'm sure MiniMac would be up to the challenge if it did...

The Savage said...

C-blocked by Buzz? No wonder "Woody" didn't like him...

Eva Gallant said...

Buzzkill? lol

K A B L O O E Y said...

Sorry for your loss of momentum, but great story. The Toy Story one my family bats around is about the time they went to see the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and my stepdaughter yelled, pointing at a float: "Hey, there's a big Woody!"

Jaime said...

my son's currently obsessed with toy story. i can totally see this happening in my house!

Little Ms J said...

That stupid Buzz...

HalfAsstic.com said...

You know, I can't tell you how many times in the past year John and I have been attempting some... "afternoon delight" and there has been a knock at the bedroom door. They have even started calling our cell phones from their bedrooms!
I am telling you, when mini-mac gets older, don't even go into the bedroom during the day! It's pointless!

Herding Cats said...

I think kids just know when the time is right - or wrong - to interrupt. Pets seem to have this instinct as well...just sayin!

Myya said...

Buzzkill... that is hilarious!

DaisyGal said...

HOLY CATS.....were you at my house this weekend???

seriously??? Because I could have written this, but it was Peter Cottentail (he can KISS MY TAIL) that ruined my "hop down the bunny trail"
UGH

xo

McKenzie said...

That is hilarious! Buzzkill lightyear would happen to disappear later that day haha.

wendy said...

That is just too dang funny.
That's something I never have to wrry about anymore at my age.....kids all grown with families of their own.

Nothing interupting our BIG GAME.
(and yes, at our age we still enjoy the game)

Christine Macdonald said...

"Too the garbage heap, and beyond!"

Ed said...

And this is the story of how Buzz lost his batteries.

Shari@Tales from the Sippy Cup said...

This is the best story! Too freaking funny. "To infinity and beyond"... I have a feeling that's where Buzz is going to find himself real soon.

The Absence of Alternatives said...

Buzzkill. Ha ha. I will not be able to watch the 3 Toy Story movies without snickering any more. Better it did not play the tune Bow chica bow wow... Just sayin.

Cocaine Princess said...

Cute.

Jenn@the loves of jenn said...

Ha! This is exactly why I'm terrified of moving our 2 year old to a big girl bed. I like her contained!!!!