Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Not your regular pit stop

We went to an outdoor concert a month ago. It was a blast. One drawback? Unfortunately, one aspect of outdoor festivals and concerts is the unavoidable opportunity to use everyone’s least favorite contraption: The port-o-john. I approached this particular chamber of pain. After being initially puzzled, I immediately began to laugh.out.loud. Can you tell what is wrong with this picture?

I will give you a hint. The lock above the door handle is not supposed to be on the OUTSIDE.

Someone at the Pit Stop Shop is a smartarse. Or a prankster. Or an idiot.

OR a genius because this particular Pit Stop might come in rather handy in certain situations.

Situations such as when you are all set to enjoy a concert and yet there is a small sliver of irritation poking into your concert mojo. Slivers of irritation like:

The jackarse in the parking lot who parked over the lines thereby using two spaces so he would not get “door dings.”

The person in front of you in that line that is so sloppy drunk that you feel quite confident you will be stepping in liquid thanks to their misguided focus and the fact they missed the giant bowl inside the port-o-john. (And for the love of all things holy, do NOT sit on the seat in there. Hover my friends, hover. But whooooops, watch your own intake or you will be sitting on that thing like it is Santa's lap.)

Those crazy girls who sing every word very loudly (and badly) so you can't hear the actual lead singer.

Your friend that won’t stop checking text messages during the concert.

Your friend who shouts out repeatedly "THIS IS MY SONG!" Especially after every single song. ( I do this but am wise to the external locking crapper trapper so I won't fall for it.) 

The guy behind you who insists on yelling “FREE BIRD” every 3.5 minutes.

Those are all perfect examples of when you just flip that external lock. Consider it a urinal time out. Or better yet, a Pit STOP IT.

41 comments:

Kat said...

Oh that would come in handy. I can think of several occasions in the last week... What made me laugh out loud? The bozo screaming "Free Bird" every 5 seconds. Did you move into my neighborhood while I wasn't looking???

Jules said...

Oh, I hate ALL of those things..... I'd rather stay home and watch "Austin City Limits."

singedwingangel said...

Roflmbo.. a pit stop it.. too funny. In Virginia there is a rest stop that is supposed to be for truckers. It is literally a line of port a potties and nothing else.. To say those were interesting port a potties would be and understatement

Babes Mami said...

Ahhh...the mix of people at concerts and shows. It's part of the experience I suppose, the part that drives you crazy.

Simply Suthern said...

I went to a Carolina Panthers pregame tailgate party near the stadium. Down the hill was a line of folks and at the head of the line was 10 portajohns. After avoiding it for as long as I could I eventually had to go. I am lucky I could stand and I still felt violated. Those things needed to go to Yucca Mountain.

Slamdunk said...

The tired cop working security in the hot sun might use that as well--nothing like being locked in a port-a-potty by an annoyed officer.

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

A Pit Stop It! Awesome. I know some people who could use them.

Eva Gallant said...

That is funny! I hate portajohns!

BigSis said...

Wow - that is an accident waiting to happen. So many things could go so wrong...

Ed said...

My MIL went to the Port-O-Pot during a local car show. She forgot to lock the door because she is an idiot/blonde/hippie/whatever.

Some big burly biker open the door on her as she was standing with pants around her knees.

She covered only her face.

And she screamed while running in place.

The biker, frightened by the site of this crazy anonymous bush monster, quickly shut the door back.

I should also mention there are about 250K people that attend this car show.

So there was a crowd in front of the johns that witnessed this.

Intense Guy said...

I have to own up to something... I love port-a-johns. I have found some of them at the end of a very long walk to be God sent blessings and have experienced no greater bladder relief than in one.

Some of them are pretty neat too - with sinks and towel despensers -

So... Freebird.. who's better, Lynyrd Skynyrd or Wynonna Judd?

dana said...

I found you through Fragrant Liar and I'm glad I did. Having lived a long and happy life by avoiding Porta-Cans, I had no choice but to visit one last year. While hovering and trying not to LOOK DOWNWARD, I saw cute little bars of soap, stacked in an alcove at my hovering eye level.

As I exited, I picked up a bar and wiped my hands, producing no lather but a fragrant aroma.

While telling my husband of the special bars of soap and letting him smell my hands, he said: "Honey, honey, honey....those were URINAL CAKES" Yes. I'm THAT naieve.

Cathi said...

That is funny!! I will remember to look at the lock situation should I find myself in a porta potty (which I don't think will be anytime soon!) Have a great day, JennyMac! xxoo :)

Mighty M said...

When it comes to port-o-potty's I implement my bladder of steel and hope for the best. :)

Kristina P. said...

Sounds delightful. I guess I need to attend more of these.

Ashley Stone said...

haha that is too funny. I guess you need the buddy system for that one so someone can make sure you don't get locked in... but you have to really trust your friends, haha.

Writing Without Periods! said...

I will do anything before I enter a Port-UH Oh-Potty. I can't stand them. Give me a cup and something to hide behind if I'm that in need.
Mary

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Im with Jules!

The Urban Cowboy said...

Hmmm, I can think of a few times when I could be the one locked in there.

DaisyGal said...

I have to remember NOT to come and read you when I sippy carbonated beverages...because it tickles your nose before it comes out :)

I love how you also have a friend that says "This is MY SONG" before every single song....how many songs do you have????? Seriously.

This will keep me giggling all afternoon, thanks sweets :)

McKenzie said...

That is too funny! I wouldn't want to be the person that didn't realize the lock was on the outside!!

shortmama said...

Ok I admit that sometimes I take up two parking spaces too...but in my defense I wouldnt do it if there was limited parking. Usually I do it at the grocery store because my truck doors open suicide style in the back and I have to open the doors ALL the way in order to get my kids and groceries in!

Baloney said...

You'd die from the fumes locked in that thing!

Plentymorefishoutofwater said...

Hey, just catching up with all the blogs I follow. Been away from blogging for a few months and I come over here to find my comeback post is similar to your latest. Nice work, I've missed my fill of LHAC
*Plentymorefishoutofwater - One Man's Dating Diary*

Brian Miller said...

hehe...i can think of a few people...smiles.

Pricilla said...

Free Bird - high school flashbacks.
The horror. The horror

Mommy Lisa said...

Recently I had to sprint with booboolala about 1/2 mile across a park at a lake to the nearest port-o-potty and then there was NO TP. UGH> and it was about 90 degrees out so you know. Fun.

Vivienne said...

I immediately spotted the lock problem. Since my husband claims I merely have a "wide spot" instead of a bladder, I can quickly assess all potty situations...

You just summed up why I don't go to any palooza-ish festivals anymore.

Heidi said...

I suppose all concert experiences are similar...

I'm afraid I'm that girl that claims every song. I mean, what can I say? I just relate to them all.

And I could totally use one of those external locking port-o-johns for the guys who knock on my door, making my 80 lb. dog go beserk, and waking the baby. Even though there's a NO SOLICITING/BABY SLEEPING sign on my door. (And yes, I totally had that before the baby!)

HalfAsstic.com said...

BWHAHAHAHA! "CRAPPER TRAPPER!"

J.J. in L.A. said...

This is the very reason to buy CDs...and a 100 CD changer. I love mine!

The Savage said...

I was going to hit this like pun city.. but I'll digress before it starts...

M-Cat said...

I have used more "honey Buckets" than any grown woman should have too. That's all that's available come race days. I would like this one on each course from now on, so I might have some chance of placing. I could just lock a faster runner in there.

Genius idea

secret agent woman said...

I have to be fairly desperate to use a port-a-potty, even with the lock on the right side of the door.

wendy said...

I have never been to an outdoor concert....I get a little claustraphobic.
and I HATE port-o-potties. YES INDEEDY, I hover.
and I make someone stand outside to "protect me" while I am in there.

and I hurry, cause I don't want to miss MY SONG

Herding Cats said...

Or how about that extremely tall person that blocks your view for the ENTIRE concert and won't move...

ModernMom said...

Could you please post this at the entrance of every single outdoor concert! Especially the chics that sing so loudly you can hear the person you came to see. Grr

Erin said...

Hey, I could lock my kiddos in there! But, wait, would have to sanitize it completely first.

But was this for real? I mean, you really saw this thing? w/ the lock on the outside? wtf?

Emily said...

Oh too funny! My husband and I had experience with some of those people when were were at Chastain of all places a few weeks ago!

carma said...

yeah, the freebird guys can get really annoying. When at any outdoor events I try not to eat or drink much so that I can either avoid the porta jon all together or only go once. Worked well at Floydfest a few weeks back...

The Absence of Alternatives said...

LOL!