Thursday, August 19, 2010

T.G.I (almost) F.

Yesterday I was enjoying the sanctity of my office, when I received a call to pick up something at our front desk. 

When I step out of my office, I return to discover my Boss waiting for me. Not a problem, as I was not expecting him and he was not waiting long. 

When I quickly realize that my iPod is currently playing a remix of Baby Got Back to which my conservative Boss has been subjected to for at least two minutes: YIKES. I hope he thinks it means Sir Mix-A-Lot’s baby just has some really fantastic latissimus dorsi.

It is not my common practice to play rap music in my feng shui'd office but music mutiny is what occurs when you let your three year old on your lap while making playlists!

I nonchalantly change the music to Tchaikovsky. Tchaikovsky’s melodies are certainly free of my Anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hon. But I felt a shadow of EGADS hover over me the entire time he was in my office.

When later in the day, my co-worker is lamenting about our corporate dress code that banishes open-toed shoes: Not a problem. This policy is silly.

When my co-worker says to our conservative Boss that she does not understand why the policy even exists when ‘someone from Marketing walks in here with F____ Me Pumps on.’

The abyss of silence was fantastic. I have NEVER heard her use a harsher than dang.

I turn to said Boss and inquire, Are you familiar with that expression?
He merely stood and said, “I am learning quite a bit today.”

Forecast says: Shadow of EGADS has completely lifted. The FMP comment clearly trumped my Baby Got Back

Class is when you can even write a sentence like:  The FMP comment trumped my Baby Got Back.

T.G.I. ALMOST Friday.

56 comments:

singedwingangel said...

LMBO I would have been so flustered over the music thing.. and tried to explain lol. but your friend that is a serious case of foot in mouth

Lindsey said...

AMEN to the TGI almost F. First day of school. Luckily I don't have students today or tomorrow. Maybe after going to Mass with the entire school I will go to the sanctuary of my classroom and blare Baby Got Back and shake my rump. Hell, maybe I will make it a tradition!

My name is PJ. said...

You were definitely (thankfully) trumped! I can't believe someone actually spelled out FMP's to him!!!


We used to call them CFMPs - the first word being 'come'. Now everyone wears them...and that's unbelievable to me too.


Gosh, I'm old..... :)

Babes Mami said...

This is the first time I've commented before you had like 40 comments!

'You can do sidebends or situps but please don't lose that butt'...it's one of my favorites!!

Your boss obviously needs to have you educate him on pop culture and change that no open toe policy.

Kat said...

This made my day! Foot in mouth disease can be disastrous when left untreated :)

Eva Gallant said...

I didn't realize the FMP term was so well-known!

BigSis said...

So funny!

I listen to online radio and without fail it's always some bad language hip hop song playing when my boss comes in my office. He never seems to visit during my Glee sessions.

Shorty said...

Great post! I'm a fan of watching the ultra conservative cringe from time to time due to the reality checks caused by modern life.

Mighty M said...

I think your boss can take it, BUT it was probably a close call that day!!

:)

Herding Cats said...

Your boss needs to laugh - that's seriously some funny stuff!

Jen said...

I like it. Yes, I do.

Jaime said...

LOL

my boss wasn't thrilled with my music selection yesterday either. it was only a little eminem. and who is he to judge me for my music? the man knocked up the woman he was cheating on his wife with. and he's thinks a little slim shady is a bad thing???

Kimi said...

In your defense 'Baby Got Back' is practically a classic. And FMP...I'd have died!!! So nice when someone does something uber embarrassing to overshadow the embarrassing thing you've just done.

Simply Suthern said...

I'm kinda conservative. My music list risqueness(is that a word?) only reaches to Honky Tonk Badonka Donk. But I have ridden in the kids cars. Jeepers.

I do like Baby got back tho.It's got a great beat and you can dance to it. Well maybe you can I got no rythum.

TKW said...

I love your boss' reaction--he did indeed have a landmark day for learnin'.

IASoupMama said...

Oh, goodness! At least it was old-school funny rap and not something scary or violent or full of cursing...

But your co-worker totally saved you with her crass-ness. Whew!

MommaAmma said...

Aaaand my face turned red just reading this!

I've never heard the FMP expression but I did see some of those on a 12 year old at church on Sunday. Now I have a term for them. That I won't use at church.

Dual Mom said...

I had to stop reading at the no open toed shoe policy thing....oh the horror.

secret agent woman said...

Thank God for co-workers who can make your own gaffe less noticeable!

Mom in High Heels said...

First off, I'm still horrified by your office's no open toe shoe policy. WTF is that about? It's not like you're working in a factory where some huge chunk of metal or a welding torch is going to drop to the floor and chop your toes off. You work in a law firm where, okay maybe, maybe a huge tome fully of lawyer-y stuff could in theory fall on your foot, but it wouldn't hurt in open toe shoes any more than in FMPs. Seriously, I'm indignant on your behalf. TPTB need to rethink this stupid policy. You're in the south, your toes deserve to peep from your shoes! Perhaps this will be my new cause? Getting your no open toe policy overthrown! I'll start my letter writing campaign and recruit picketers right away. This will be our chant: Down with tyranny! Set the toes free! Catchy isn't it?
Secondly, now that I'm all worked up, let me just say, with and equal mixture of shame and pride that I love the song, I like big butts (I cannot lie). I know all the lyrics and can belt them out at will. In 1993 I was going to a Mardis Gras Ball in Mobile, AL and parked outside of our hotel (The Admiral Semmes) was Sir-Mix-A-Lot's touring bus. I know this because it was painted on the side of the bus in big silver letters (surrounded by musical notes and humps that alluded to the big buts). My date and I (and our friends) were ridiculously excited. And yes, we saw him in the hotel. Sadly this was the days before cell phones could be easily carried around (I believe I still had a bag phone in my car) and had no cameras on them. We saw him, but did not get photographic evidence. Sadness.

Scraps said...

Thankfully my workplace is rather relaxed, but I still hit the pause button on iTunes when I'm listening to a particular podcast or audiobook and my boss walks in. I think the worse incident involved an author of a rather grisly thriller using the word 'balls' repeatedly.

Pollyanna said...

Oh. My. Gosh!

This is just too funny. For the record, I don't agree the closed toe shoe rule either. Although, no one, NO ONE, wants to look at troll feet so HR is probably avoiding the whole issue by banning open-toed shoes. Can you imagine a policy allowing open-toed shoes, but banning troll feet? Not exactly politically correct . . .

Leah Rubin said...

Oh yeah, you owe her a lunch, kiddo! She saved your arse! Great story-- stick with Tchaikovsky, or better still-- Gershwin!

Stu Pidasso said...

WOW! What a scene. I'll bet your Boss has a whole new set of parameteers to analyze how he deals with his staff. LOL

Kristina P. said...

That is awesome. Maybe I'll wear a pair today.

Tia said...

That is great!! I often find myself accidentally letting inappropriateness slip at the office.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

I would have loved to have seen your boss' face!
<><

McKenzie said...

That is too funny. I couldn't imagine what one of my old bosses would have done!

Yankee Girl said...

This made me so glad to work in an office that allows me to wear yoga pants to work....along with shirts with stains on them.

I know, I'm classy too.

K A B L O O E Y said...

AH HAHAHAHAHAHA. Yup, caps. I needed that laugh. And I loved "I felt a shadow of EGADS hover over me the entire time he was in my office" so very much. Tee hee. And who's your boss, Mr. Mooney? Dr. Bellows?

Dumblond said...

there are just some things you will never hear unless you work in an office environment. FMP is never uttered during the course of my day...maybe if it was, my life would be more interesting than it is.

Vivienne said...

Truly! I am glad I'm not the only one who will marvel at some of the things that I find myself saying (or writing.)
LOL

Single Dad Laughing said...

Hahaha, nothing better than a squeaky-clean dropping the F-Bomb.

I was just watching She's Out of My League (yeah, I'm classy like that), and there was a scene where a guy was bribing his friend to drop the F bomb and he wouldn't do it. I can't do the scene justice, it had me laughing my butt off. Especially when for a hundred bucks he said "I'll write it".

Single Dad Laughing

Emily said...

For the record I LOVE Sir-Mix-a-lot! And, despite the, um, interesting choice of words, your co-worker does have a point. Do you think the policy will be changed?

Leiah said...

Just yesterday I asked if one of our stripper clients had worn "CMFMs" to court yesterday and then had to explain to the attorney when he looked at me strangely they were 'Catch Me, F*** Me' shoes. He said (and I quote), "AH, I thought they were called FMPs but I like that one better" and walked off laughing, saying 'Catch Me, F*** Me' under his breath. You should have seen the look on the face of the attorney that passed him in the hall right at that moment.

I was listening to the Glee soundtrack with all the Lady Gaga songs this a.m. and wondered if it was bothering my boss until I looked in his office and noticed he was watching the end of Gene Simmons Family Jewels and waiting for The Sopranos to come on.

{{Sigh}} I love my office.

Pricilla said...

I'm still wondering why you can't wear open toed shoes...Someone have a problem with toe cleavage?

shortmama said...

Today my goal is to use the phrase FMP in a sentence...I mean besides the one I just typed

Intense Guy said...

I for one am for a policy that allows naked toes...

Unless they got hair in the joints and black and blue and almost falling off nails...

...or are red from athlete's foot...

I'm also for women shaking booties in the office..

Mommy Lisa said...

Totally funny. I love when people are inappropriate.

Myya said...

Always nice when someone screws up bigger then you... espeically in front of the boss : )

Little Ms J said...

You and I are meant to be friends.

laughingwolf said...

mama's boy, that boss? :P lol

Jennifer said...

Dude, if your boss doesn't know the song Baby got Back, what planet does he live on? Seriously! And since when does listening to classic rap make anyone a bad lawyer? But still rather hilarious that the coworker got mouthy about the pumps. That's full of the Awesome. :)

Xylina Myia said...

Oh wow that is priceless! Well did she ever get her answer on why it was appropriate to wear FMP instead of Open toed shoes?

I always wondered why some companies has ridiculous dress codes. Like what may happen if someone wears open toed shoes? The sky will fall?

Well just a good thing it wasn't you who said the statement.

HalfAsstic.com said...

BWAHAHAHAHA! How perfect! Now, I dare you to print out a picture of FMP's, label it and leave it on boss's desk. ;-)

J.J. said...

I don't like rap (to put it mildly) but I love that song!

And the video is hilarious...an overweight dude surrounded by BDB (big dancing butts). : P

Elz said...

Your office sounds interesting!

Amber @ The Momma Stuff Blog said...

Too funny - sounds like an entertaining day to say the least!
amber :)

Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

Oh that's rich. The girl should get a raise. I can't imagine having the nerve to even say something like that to my boss. Of course this sort of conversation would never come up between my boss and myself.
At least I don't think so?

Simian said...

oh my...at least you weren't shaking that arse when you heard the song, right?

otherRachelRay said...

My sis just linked me to your blog from FB. I don't even know if this comment will publish but you are SO FUNNY. You will need to be a daily visit.

MommaKiss said...

makes me think of "all i wanna do is zooma zoom zoom! just shake your rump!"

"Sasha" said...

Thankfully sexual harassment claims are not a concern in our office, one of our agent calls sexy high heels CFMP's and we all giggle, we like it when he checks out our shoes and we love it that we don't have a strict dress code, lol.

The Savage said...

I work in an industry where it's a bad thing to wear FMPs... not that I have any... no Mary Janes... no stilletos... Hard to find any of those in a mens size 12 EEE

But on a side note.. I can wear a kilt to work even though I promised my conservative boss I wouldn't. I do however wear 60s and 70s styled flared with a certain Savage touch as I make them myself.

Laoch of Chicago said...

: )

The Absence of Alternatives said...

The F word does trump everything!