Monday, October 18, 2010

Rock Star Parking

Some people have what we call "rock star" parking status. Everywhere we go this special talent is realized. My mom is one of those people. Want front row at Nordstrom during holiday season? Ride with her. Want to park as close as possible to Costco? On a Saturday? Handled. Want to park downtown Seattle on the same block as the theater, in order to see a show that hundreds of other people are also going to see? Fret not. She's the machine that will get you there. It is a given, a guarantee. 

Now, I may have a trickle of that luck but not in the "sure thing" kind of fashion for which she is accustomed. One balmy afternoon, she and I decide to drive separately but meet at Costco. Both in our vehicles, we spy the same car leaving and we both jockey for position. Because of direction, I have clear access while the other car pulls out and blocks her. Therefore, I prevail. Since we know each other, we obviously think it is all fun and games.

To add to the parody, my beautiful and typically more demure mom rolls down her window and says, "That was my spot you, b*tch!"
So I laugh and shout, "Not anymore lady. I am younger and much faster!"
(All very reminiscent of a scene from Fried Green Tomatoes.)
As I close my window and exit my car, a sweet older woman pushing her cart reprimands me by stating, "Miss, that woman was waiting for that spot."
"Oh, that is just my mom," I say. I laugh. All quite laissez-faire, as I am trying to scuttle away.
"Then you are very rude."

I try to explain it was a joke. She is stoic.  As I dart away, and she launches into a diatribe about children today. I pause to further explain before realizing, it won't sink in. I am sure the woman was shocked. My mom and I had a quick laugh, and of course, my mom got a better spot. All fun and games indeed.

Do you know when it isn't fun and games? When I am actually waiting for spot, and some teenager driving a Kia, or a Tata, or a matchbox car because it was so tiny, does swoop in and take my spot. On a rainy day. At 6 pm. At the grocery. When I have a munchkin with me. Did you see that blinker? Isn't that the universal sign that I am pulling in here?

Hmmm. What do you do? Pick up his tiny car and put it in the nearest trash receptacle ? Key it even though your car key is bigger? Kick it like a soccer ball? Write a note saying "YOU SUCK"? Launch into a diatribe about children today?

No. Because it is raining. And you have a toddler with you. So you simply wait, since by all means, there is no one else trying to park at the grocery store at 6 pm. And next time, you borrow the rock star parking pass.

35 comments:

Will Burke said...

Then you see these ignorant wretchs in the gap between the closest spot and the lane. But it's OK; they have their hazard lights on. Twits.

Kat said...

I, on the other hand, have been cursed by the parking lot gods. I don't even try anymore, I just go to the back of the lot and lose my VW in the towering canyons of SUV's and pickup trucks that are taller than I am. And then use my panic button to find the car 2 hrs later, as my short term memory is NOT what it used to be! I love the people that slowly drive behind shoppers exiting, hoping to take their spot and blocking traffic for 10 solid minutes. Thank goodness for online shopping :) Kat

the walking man said...

Solution:
1 Broken back
1 Broken neck (in 2 places)
1 Broken ankle
7 fused vertebrae
6 fractured ribs
1 fractured wrist
and
17 surgeries+

1 handicapped plate= priceless parking spots

Mommy Lisa said...

Reason Number One why I no longer go to the MN State Fair.

No Rock Star Parking like I got when I worked for the radio station.

:P

Herding Cats said...

In SF, my friend and I call it the "parking fairies" whenever you get a great spot. Such as "Oh, bingo! Best spot EVER! Parking fairies on my side!" Or (in my case oftentimes) "Um, the parking fairies HATE me today!"

Simply Suthern said...

People are so rude nowadays about parking and most things for that matter. I will take a good spot if I have a chance but hey, If I gotta walk a ways it's all good cause I can use it. It aint worth getting into a staring contest with "you never know who".

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

I so need the rockstar parking pass.

McKenzie said...

I have horrible luck with parking. Except on the rare occasion that there is actually a good parking spot, and I manage to get to it before people in the tiny little cars.

Oh and I hate when you think you find an open spot, just to find a smart car wedged way up there.

Sammy K said...

If you're going with some Fried Green Tomatoes, you go nuts and run into her car as many times as you can in an effort to make it the size of a real matchbox. But, that's just in the movies. =)

Jenn @ Youknow...that Blog? said...

I'm generally a rock star where parking is concerned, and so NOT when it comes to getting into the right check out lane. Does that make it a break-even? Think so...

TKW said...

Laughing at the affronted old lady! I'm sure she was shocked at the b*&ch comment! That's too good. But that teenager needs to be strangled.

sweethomeamy said...

Haha! My dad has RockStar Parking status too. It's insane! I used to, but it seems to have disappeared in the last few years.

Emily said...

Hahaha...that's so funny! And seriously, I had that happen to me...someone stealing my spot when I had all 3 kids! I won't say what I did. It was mean though (although not illegal. I'm crazy but not that crazy.) :)
How were the Eagles? We didn't make it...I was all planning on it and Alex just came right out and said, "You know, I'm not really an Eagles fan." Seriously, he could have told me that before we were married! ;)

Kristina P. said...

Love it! I will drive around for 35 minutes before I will park 5 minutes away.

Brian Miller said...

ha. love the scene with your mom...and the woman's reaction...we went to an event once and when we puled up to the VIP parking we told them we had (insert my friends actual name) and he needed to get inside quick before the show...and they let us in...lol.

AmyLK said...

Some people have all the rock star luck! And then they get the universal blue parking pass.

Pricilla said...

I fear that manners are going the way of the wind.
A lot of parents aren't teaching the basics any longer. It's good to know some are

Jarlin Paul said...

It is good to have...

Scraps said...

I always consider it a good omen from the shopping goddess when I get a great spot :)

MommaAmma said...

That's too funny! You probably gave that lady something to rant about for a week!

I just mentioned to my husband last week that once my dad gets a disabled parking sticker I'll be a lot more likely to invite him places! So the only way I'll ever come close to Rock Star is by being in a 70 year old's entourage.

Eric said...

Henceforth, I'm going to carry around a hydraulic rolling jack in my trunk. When someone takes the spot I was signaling, I'll just lift up their car and roll it to a different, much less convenient spot. No, not the fire lane...

M-Cat said...

I loved it when I had my handicap parking sticker. It made having to use crutches a little less painful (mentally)

My gf is like your mom - always the sweetest parking spot. And as she parks, she always thanks the Saint Agnus. The patron saint of single women and parking spaces.

And now you know.

Mighty M said...

The trick is you have to visualize the spot before you get to the lot. I think this must ONLY work for your mom!

Kristin said...

A teenager tried to do that to the hubs and I a few months ago. It was raining and we had the dude with us, which made mama a little feisty. I looked at her like I don't think so sweetheart and she backed up and drove away. HA!

J.J. in L.A. said...

I used to wear a t-shirt that read, "Help! I've fallen and...Hey! this is kind of comfortable". The only person who didn't find it funny was an old lady who said, "That's just rude!" then turned right around and cut in front of me at a checkout line. I got my revenge by repeatedly bumping her ankles and saying, "What?" when she turned around and glared at me.

I think you know the story about us waiting for a handicap parking space when 2 bitches cruise past us on the right and pull into 'our' space. I'm a passive person, but park in my spot and I turn into "Bitchy McBitchiness". Unfortunately, those 2 were even bitchier.

Eva Gallant said...

I seldom have luck with parking spaces! lucky you and your mom!

B.o.B. said...

Boo for rainy day grocery shopping. This is where I turn the car around and order pizza. ;)

Ms. Wanda said...

My sister is a Rockstar parker! She can spot a spot and get it in seconds. Me I just take the walk and tell myself this is a good work out, I still have 15 pounds to go:)

Caty said...

your mom sounds awesome!! ...and i hate parking lots...I've never come close to holding the rock star parking status :)

Christopher said...

I never have the patience to find a good spot so I end up walking a few blocks. Figure it'll keep me in shape at least.

K A B L O O E Y said...

In NYC, I've walked around neighborhoods JUST BECAUSE I found an unbelievable spot and couldn't let it go to waste. But if someone steals my spot? I'm going to call them on it, esp. if I have my daughter with me. It'll curtail the cursing, but not the venom.

Maria said...

Someday, that teenager will have a toddler in the car on a rainy day...Karma is a bitch!

The Random Blogette said...

That is hilarious! You and your mom sound like you have such a great relationship! My kids have actually yelled at people for taking my spot because they were sticking up for me. It is cute, but I don't let it get too far. If the kids aren't with me, I definitely let the other person have it. people really can be so rude. Although if I am by myself I don't mind the walk..if the weather is nice..and it is not snowing or rainy.

Intense Guy said...

Will Burke said what I was gonna say. The "blinky lights make it legal" syndrome..

And the "hey I can walk just fine" handicap spot parkers...

Solution, drive a big army tank and flatten 'em.

Myya said...

First off that is HILARIOUS that the old lady reprimanded you. You totally should have messed with her. The other day I (with blinker on) was waiting for a spot as someone pulled out. I pull forward to get the right angle to pull in and out of freakin nowhere some crappy red Taurus or whatever stupid kind it was totally cuts me off & takes the spot. I mean TOTALLY cuts me off. I had to find another spot. Of course it was pouring & I had ALL of my girls with me. My oldest (almost 5) says... mommy, why did that lady take your spot? My response.. because she is rude & doesn't follow the rules. Oh & might have added that she was a stupid lady too. LOL :)