Tuesday, October 19, 2010

You better back up before you shack up

Dear older brother: feel free to stop reading now. Or feel free to read as I joke at your expense.

During my first year of law school, I flew home for Thanksgiving. Shortly upon arrival to Seattle, my Mom phoned to say my parents were stuck out of town due to weather and did not know when they would return. Days ticked by before they confirmed, they would in fact not be in town for the holiday. When I was on the fence about which part of the family I should spend the holiday with, my Mom suggested I drive an hour north and spend it with my older brother. Oh, I am sorry, she suggested I actually drive up there to cook Thanksgiving dinner at his house since he was working law enforcement at the border and had to work some crazy 12 hour shift.

Cook him what? Apparently we have not met.  I wasn’t cooking real food then. Nor was I all about the sisterly love and Thanksgiving snacks for my brother's benefit. However, for months my brother had mentioned his roommate, B., who worked with him in the department. He wanted B. and I to meet thinking we would hit it off well. Admittedly, this may have been a potential incentive for the visit. And as it were, B. is a fantastic cook and made a huge dinner for us.

It turned out to be a very fun evening. Great food and easy conversation ran quite late. My brother offered me his room and he would sleep on the couch. I think B. and I had determined through certain long looks that perhaps we should stay up a bit longer. Night night I told my brother. He offered to stay up with us. I told him he looked tired and should not forfeit rest on my account.

He brought me some clothes to sleep in since I had not planned to spend the night. I am sure he regretted that he did not have a XXXL turtleneck and chastity belt at his disposal but his giant hooded sweatshirt and sweatpants were the best he could produce. Both about as sexy as a Hefty bag. Off to bed he went. Well, we stayed up late. And when it was finally time to go to sleep, B. gave me his room to change and he said he would sleep on the couch. Mmm hmmm. I changed into my giant hand me downs which made us both laugh before B. offered me some running shorts and a t-shirt. I folded up my brothers clothes and set them outside his door without further thought.

When I woke up in the morning, I changed back into my clothes and went out to their living room. My brother has a scowl on his face only Gargamel could love. My brother asked me where B. was. He went to the gym. This alleviated 2% of my brothers sour mood as he had been up for hours and seeing no sister, no B., and a closed bedroom door, all his angst had oscillated between wanting to fake a fire alarm to get me out of there and storming in to punch his friend in the face.

Me: What’s wrong with you?
Him: Why were the clothes I gave you strewn into the hallway?
Me: HAHAHA. Sarcasm often courses through my veins so I say: Because they got in the way.
Him: The way of WHAT?
Me: Ummm. You know.
Him: SHUT THE ______ UP.
Me: HAHAHAHA. I kid!
I explained that B. slept on the couch and I slept in clothes B. gave me. And that nothing crazy was happening behind closed doors. And not to mention, EWWW. No one is going to hook up with their brother in the exact same house. This isn't American Pie.

Me: I thought you wanted me to go out with him?
Him: Go OUT. Not shack up. You don't even know him.
Me: Wait, you WANTED me to meet him. And nice hypocrisy there, Pontius Pilate. 
Him: And you should not date him. I think he like a woman at work anyway.

Setting your sister up with a friend is always a great idea. Until you do it. And they like each other.  Luckily, he didn’t have to worry because B. and I had the inconvenience of 1900 miles between us. But we talked many times and always got a big laugh out of my brother’s reaction. Even as grown adults, big brother is ALWAYS watching.

33 comments:

Maria said...

Too funny! His face must have been worth a thousand words!

Will Burke said...

As a big brother, I feel his pain, and the frutration of not being able to tell grown-ups what to do.

the walking man said...

I am pretty sure your flippant attitude really helped him not want to grab his service revolver and clean it on the way to work.

One question you may not know the answer to--I have two older sisters how come they never fixed me up with their friends. Seems a bit not fair to me.

Slamdunk said...

Glad I was the oldest with just a little brother.

I figure that Dad would have run off any law enforcement potential suitors anyway...

My name is PJ. said...

Big brothers can be so, uh, interesting. Mine has tried to mastermind several things for me. Oy.

Eva Gallant said...

I love it! Did it not occur to him that you two might hit it off? lol

singedwingangel said...

lmbo.. yeah so easy for them to play big dog over their sister never thinking that the girl they are making moves on could be someone's sister lol.. Men.. geesh

AmyLK said...

Big brothers are good and bad in that way. lol

Dumblond said...

HAHA! Great story.
I have found that younger brothers can be just as watchful. When I started dating my husband, it was many months before my brother (who is two years younger) stopped giving him the stink-eye.

SmartBear said...

I love how you let him think you were a pervy little sister for awhile. Awesome.
Best,
Tina

Ashley Stone said...

that's funny, I have a big brother too so I know how that is. : )

MommaAmma said...

I'm suprised your brother wanted you two to hit it off in the first place. I was positive my brother would ensure I'd be some old maid/40 year old virgin.

Kristina P. said...

Brothers are so easy to screw with. uh, so to speak.

Little Ms J said...

I love it! Ok, while I'm typing my comment I happened to look over to the right to see a rolled condom on your page. Oh wait. I'm sorry. Congrats on your Top Humor Blog 2010 award.

Heehee...

Pricilla said...

Having only younger brothers I never had this problem...

Tumbleweed said...

Now, now...
It's just because I CARE!! And, at the time, I never thought for ONE SECOND my svelte, ripped, pleasant, chef elite' of a roommate and my LITTLE SISTER would ever hit it off!! Oh, I was definitely the "third wheel" on that festive Thanksgiving holiday!!
HaHaaHaaa, JennyMac!!

GREAT post!!!!

K A B L O O E Y said...

JennyMac: Now I think you should write a post teasing your brother because he called his old roomie "svelte, ripped, (and) pleasant." Kind of like when Biden, pre-election, "complimented" Obama by calling him "clean and well-spoken".

Mommy Lisa said...

Awesome!

Intense Guy said...

I'm almost glad I never had a sister...

:)

But if I had, I would have wanted one like you.

SoccerMom said...

Too funny, that he changed his mind. I however was so expecting for you to say that you had some wild and kinky thing that night.
LOL


Probably better that you didnt.

Anonymous said...

Totally freaking hysterical. Did your brother read this? And laugh his ass off?

Green Monkey said...

That was great! I too wish I had an older brother. great post :)

Herding Cats said...

That's too funny!

Christopher said...

ha, yea i would never hook my sister up with someone... all men are pigs and shouldnt be trusted, at least when it comes to my sisters

Project Fatherhood said...

Listen to this jacked up crap, in college I finagled my way into getting my real sister as a 'little sister' in my fraternity. Feeling all good that I was such the admirable big brother and all. That is, until she started dating some of my fraternity brothers over the next few years. Why I didn't see that coming is and always will be a total loss. I never inquired as to how deep her dates went and honestly don't ever want to know. In the end she married a guy outside that whole group and remains married 17 years later...dodged a bullet on that deal.

Inge' said...

Reading this made me think of my own children. Since I do not have a brother, I cannot relate to the relationship that you share.

But, my daughter most certainly can! Her brother is forever giving her new boyfriends the "speech". I don't know how many he has scared off with this! I am not sure exactly what he says but his sister has become more selective in recent years.

Not necessarily a bad thing considering some of the choices out there.

Vodka Logic said...

Never hurts to shake up a bro.. and even better you can laugh about it all this time later.

J.J. in L.A. said...

I once slept in the same bed with a brother's friend because all the beds and floor space was taken. We slept feet to face, me under the covers, him on top.

The next morning, bro told our parents what I had done. I told them "what I had done" and they believed ME because they knew my brother (idiot bro) and because I was 14...and hated boys, in general, because I had 5 "gross" brothers.

Kate said...

I found your site from Adventures of the Grigg Boys. I love it. I’m going to poke around a little bit, but don’t worry I’ll put everything back where I found it!!

Anonymous said...

this is great. Your parents must have some great stories about you kids.

secret agent woman said...

That's kind of cute that he was so protective!

Babes Mami said...

Brothers are so cute and protective. They don't want you to know but they are!

DaisyGal said...

I loved this post...my brother is 9 yrs YOUNGER than me, but he still watches my back...thank goodness he likes John. WHEW. :)