Since Santa visited me already, and he visited me real nice like, I might regret a few small actions. Actions that make it appear as if I put on my goody- two- shoes only until he visited and now that I have had my way with him, I went ahead a made a few decisions that might not be in my best interest if I want him to come around again next year.
That being said, I will be the first to create a legal loophole in that my naughtiness occurred after Christmas but BEFORE New Year's Eve so technically on the 2010 Watch, these can't really count against me. You decide.
Is it nice or not nice that when I am standing in line to take MiniMac on a ride on the famous Pink Pig, and I am kneeling down to talk to him that the woman in front of me bends over to tie her shoe thereby placing her arse in my face that I do not see until I 1. turn my head and 2. it is TOOOO LATE to avoid that I say something kind and sweet like "GOOD GOD" before leaping back like a scalded dog and pulling MiniMac back as well. Just a suggestion: Kneel down to tie your shoes. One more suggestion: WTF took you so long to tie your shoe?????? You were bent over for what seemed like ten minutes.
Is it nice or not nice that when the kiosk guy in the middle of the mall tried several times to give me a free sample of jewelry cleaner/face cleaner/hair extensions/colonics that after smiling and shaking my head no, upon his persistence I spoke to him in Italian and pretended I could not understand him?
Is it nice or not nice that while I am standing in line to return something to Crate and Barrel that first off, I should KNOW BETTER than to go anytime between December 26 and January 3 but do so anyway, that the following occurs:
Historically, the Sales Associates at C&B are some of the nicest people on earth. They are going as fast as humanly possible to process gifts, gift returns, gift cards, and about 1000 questions. I know this which is why I love this store and spend much time and effort stimulating their economy. While waiting my turn, I fully expect the pace of the line to be as slow and painful as a Mariah Carey movie. I expect everyone in line to do the same. Silly me. Therefore, when the woman behind me is standing so close to me that her jacket is actually touching my jacket, I get a skosh uncomfortable.
Unfortunately, there are limited options at my disposal. I move to the side which only causes her to move even closer into my zone. I am at least TEN people from the finish line so I attempt to ignore it. When we inch closer, she is literally touching me. I like a slow dance just like the average gal, but this is not what I prefer. Finally, I am one away and besides the fact that I left my Kindle in the car which would have been a perfect distraction from spending 30 minutes in line, I am still getting bum rushed by this woman so I refuse to move forward.
I think I get a shoulder nudge. Yes, I most definitely got a shoulder nudge and not a "Hey how YOU doin'" shoulder nudge but a "Hey Missy, get moving shoulder nudge." I am trying to exercise courteousness since this woman, upon my assessment, is about 40 years older than me. I am going to be a grandmother too one day and will take no lippy sass from young rascals so I bite my tongue. UNTIL, she says to me, "You need to scoot up."
I ignore this.
"You need to scoot up." Again, I ignore.
She clears her throat. And the gloves come just a tiny bit off as I say, "Ma'am, short of me sitting ON the counter or perhaps crawling inside the till, there is no where for me to scoot up. Perhaps you can scoot back and alleviate the problem."
What did she do? NOTHING. She ignores me. Likely plotting which part of my soft flesh she would cut into when she cornered me in the parking lot. Of course, my only solace would be that Santa would see that too and then she wouldnt be getting gifts next year therefore I wouldnt see her at Crate and Barrel and have to deal with this in the future.
Sorry Santa. I am back to being
mostly good now.