Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Always tip your server

Since JohnnyMac is an avid golfer, making as many attempts to keep his 7 handicap as feasible, the visits to the course are fairly regular during what he considers warm months. In Atlanta, that is 9 out of 12. Typically, his golf outings lack any sort of scintillating detail. However, our friend Big Leaguer, also an avid golfer, recently shared this precious little tale. Perhaps golf can be sordid after all.

Big Leaguer and some of his wolf pack went to Florida for a little man time and back to back days of golf. These are not 20 year olds either. The first night, they went to Hooters for dinner. Oh, I assure you it is because of those incredibly delicious wings. Mmm hmmmm.
After enjoying, oh, I am guessing about the 3rd round of beers, one of the quartet got a bit surly when he got his  second order of wings. It seems he ordered twelve wings, and the server only brought him ten. He summoned her back to the table, all the while, giving her a little attitude.

Been to Hooters? These dames deal with all kinds of men. From the normal guy to the Eminem-stylin' jackass. I don't even go there and I know better then to give them attitude.

So Surly proceeds to upbraid her for an unnecessary amount of time. And counts each wing outloud as if she needed the extra help.

You want your extra wings, she asks.

YES I DO, Surly replies, extra hot.

My pleasure.

So shortly, she brings him not just two additional but an entire basket of wings. Extra hot, the way he asked. Which he consumes with giddy delight. They finish out their evening and go home for some rest before the early morning tee time at a prominent golf course.

The next morning, Surly feels a little off and assumes it is because of the beer. Perhaps. But the level of intake was fairly modest.

Out on the course, he feels a rumble. They get through two holes and he feels another rumble. He proceeds to lay down. On the golf course. And then he hurls. On the golf course.

All kinds of boyish pandemonium breaks out because men would never fret over or soothe a sickly friend like women do. Never.

Surly must leave to avoid further mockery and to freshen up. He doesn't quite make it off the course before he is sick again. He then disappears.

Hours later, the men hunt him down. Laying down on the floor in the men's locker room. Not a bench but the floor. Clad only in a golf towel.

Have you seen a golf towel? Oh, they are tiny. And even more so when draped across the southpark of a large man.

WTF is wrong with you, they ask (Male dialogue often free of any unnecessary niceties.)

He replies that he doesn't feel well.

And where the F are your clothes?

In the garbage.

Why?

Long pause.
Because while I was barfing, I sh*t my pants.

He spent three days in bed. Well, either in bed or in the bathroom alternating between heads and tails. Oh, he just had to speak up about the two missing wings, didnt he? Just had to count out his shortchanged plate for her on his chicken wing abacus.

Hmmmm. Let's review:

1. Don't be rude to a server.
2. Especially one very skilled at handling jerk offs.
3. Even more so when she is one handling your food.
4. Especially when your food contains spicy condiments and a blanket of
heinous orange sauce which can hide or mask a multitude of other things
5.
Unless, of course, you too would enjoy the legend that
could precede you about the guy who shat his pants on the golf course.


And who knows what that gal may have added to those wings. Maybe a little extra tabasco. Maybe some jalapeno sauce. Maybe some urinal cake. Maybe some cockroach.

Who's to say, but this is you why you give tip, not lip, to your waitstaff.



99 comments:

Secretia said...

That is the best advice, I worked in restaurants for 2 years when I was younger, and I know what goes on with arrogant customers! They get what's due to them...

Secretia

Jenn@the loves of jenn said...

OK, that was really funny! I wonder what she slipped onto those wings?? Thanks for the early morning laugh!

susan said...

Sometimes it scares me that they rule the world...basically common sense. Even dogs know: Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Thanks for the smiles (oh, and the visuals :)

Pam said...

Words of wisdom. I am never, ever rude to wait staff. I know what they are capable of.

mo.stoneskin said...

A piece of advise that was not covered by your review : Never trust a golf towel.

Helena Halme said...

I heard flight attendants also use this method to get back at stroppy passengers. And that their preferred method involves eye drops. Apparently they're very quick acting.

Great post as always.

Helena xx

the walking man said...

If the wings seriously were ANY good at Hooters I would probably go there, but the time I went there was no lip and a tip but no desire to return. My old lady can put on shorts and a tight top and serve me better wings AND get a better tip.

Yet you are correct about all waitstaff...these folks handle your food...but why do they have to be reminded to wash their hands after using the washroom?

Buckeroomama said...

I've heard of plenty of horror stories like these.

I'm sure he's learned his lesson.

Slamdunk said...

I try not to be rude to wait staffs even when receiving lousy service. When I worked in a police uniform, I always ate at places like the awful waffle where the cooks prepare food in front of the customer. Just in case...

The Peach Tart said...

Oh what a funny story. I'm sure he'll never live that one down.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

hmmm...I have nothing on this one. Bet that girl is scary though and wouldn't want to meet her in a dark alley.

BigSis said...

So, if he threw his clothes away, what did he wear home?

Eric said...

Great points there about food servers. I went out to dinner with a beautiful Turkish girl a few years ago, but she was kind of like a petty dictator to the servers. I never went back there again.

Mmmmm, thanks for reminding me, I think I'll go to Hooters today.
Need my pretty girl in tacky clothing fix.

CCW said...

I'm always amazed at the arrogance and idiocy directed toward servers. Never mess with someone with the power to mess with your food, particularly if that someone has to endure drooling jackassery on a regular basis.

My money (after tipping) is on Visine.

Too Many Hats said...

Hahaha...sounds like he got his just desserts. Go Hooters server!!!

mbkatc230 said...

Oh, this is classic! Please tell me he learned his lesson. Or perhaps not, then we can hear more stories like this! Thanks for the morning brightener. Kathy

Mommakin said...

Oh, yes - you've got to got to be good to your server. I wonder how many 'cautionary tales' she's served up in her day...

Shorty said...

I love this story, and it gives me a bit of faith in the Hooters gals. God knows I would scrub a toilet for a living before I would become a waitress at a place like that, but kudos to those who know how to make the best of serving hooligans.

Lisa Anne said...

I'm always leary of eating out. I'm always extra nice to my servers.

The boy wants to learn how to golf. His lessons start in March. I can't wait.

I'm having a sand ball fight today, stop on by.

Mr. Charleston said...

A lot of wait staff deserved to be dressed down for shitty service and attitude. The trick is, be prepared to leave the restaurant, without paying, after you've done it. There are few things that will piss the owner off more than losing a table and getting stiffed in the bargain.

M@ said...

very good advice. I was a bartender, don't piss them off either. Trust me :)

My name is PJ. said...

Grrrrrrreat story. I was a waitress in my youth and that's all it takes to know better, I guess.

You netted it out in fabulous style with your last line; punctuated it perfectly with that graphic.

You rock, JennyMac....

stepfabulous said...

LOVE IT! LMAO, I about died with the golf towel comment. My question is, did his nice friends go get him some clothes or did they have to buy him new in the pro shop! LOL

Libby said...

As long as you promise not to judge, I will share a secret. I dream of being a hooters girl so I can make enough money to have my own place without roommates.
That being said...this story is so going into the inventory that is my mind.

Dining Diva said...

I think this little tale should be posted on the back of menus from here on out! LOL I waitressed my way through college and all I can say is, "Hell yea!"

f8hasit said...

I knew a gal that would specifically do bad things to peoples food who gave her grief. Not a good practice, but boy, did she have some stories!

And no. She is no longer in the food industry. Thank God. But I've always treated my waiters/waitresses with the utmost respect so I hopefully will never ingest anything that will make me sh*t my pants.
:-)

(serves him right though!)

Intense Guy said...

6. Bring a larger towel to the course.
7. Bring a change of clothes.
8. It's a lot cheaper to just buy a Hooter's Calendar.

Isn't there an Asian "art" based on cleansing the "insides"? and also I'm left wondering how he got back to his room - might you ask?

:)

Cee said...

Ever since I saw that movie "Waiting" I am horribly afraid to offend servers at all.

Simone said...

Oh wow, great story Jenny Mac!!!

Eva Gallant said...

Hopefully the clod learned his lesson!

Nonflammable said...

You just said a mouthful.

I worked in bars and restaurants while in college. Heinous what goes on behind the scenes. It concerns me to even dine with someone who is rude to the wait staff not knowing how far their 'revenge' will reach.

A client/friend of mine is pretty demanding and causes me discomfort almost everytime I have to dine with her.

They certainly don't make enough money to have to put up with rude, obnoxious people. I am an overtipper!

Michael Rivers said...

Interesting story. lol. I don't even want to know what all goes on in kitchen's of eating establisments. haha. My friend is a master chef at very high end places. I've always wanted to ask him if anything like this happens at the places he works. :-)

jules said...

I just hope he actually learned his lesson! Jerk!

Hissyfits & Halos said...

I usually don't cackle. But, when I got to the locker room floor, I kind of lost it. I literally cackled. It was almost embarrassing!
You know, you can add eye drops to any drink or food and it will give you chronic diarrhea. Bad. Sh*t yourself kind of bad.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Ugh. The food at Hooters is disgusting enough. I play sick whenever someone suggests we go to Hooters for a meal.

That being said, that guy was a moron. He deserved what he got, just on stupidity quotient alone.

The Boob Nazi said...

Yuuum, Hooters' food. Yuuum. But poo plus barfing equals I will not be going there anytime soon.

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Zing! As a former waitress, I have to say ... it pretty much serves him right. I'm sure he's been nicer to waitstaff from then on. :)

And my husband totally maintains that he likes Hooters "for their Buffalo chicken sandwich." Riiiiiiight ...

foxy said...

Yep, I was a server - and BELIEVE ME - do not eff with your server. I'm not saying you can't complain if something is off or wrong, but if you do, don't be an ass about it. Because they are likely to take out all of their frustrations on your meal. Ever seen the movie Waiting? Yeah, that movie is no joke.

Eyeglasses & Endzones said...

DUDE. DUDE! Good Advice!!! ;)

foxy said...

And i have to say, it serves that guy right. What was he thinking acting like that???

Bossy Betty said...

Sound advice! That counting of the chicken wings was the thing that got him in trouble. Hope he learned a little something from his night at Hooters.

Dumblond said...

I may never eat out again...
Golf is just a bad influence. Look at Tiger for Pete's sake!

Barbaloot said...

What a nice reminder that we need to at least be civil to everyone:) I say he got what he deserved!

obladi oblada said...

Ha ha...I think he got exactly what he deserved.

Mom in High Heels said...

Bwahahahahaha! Those golf towels are tiny! And your "manly" dialogue is spot on. Awesomeness.

Karyn Bernard (French Charming) said...

NEVER piss off a gal in short-shorts who has to expose half of her chest for a living...I bet Surly hasn't had any Hooter wings in a while!

Nyx said...

When I dated boyfriend #1, he thought it would be a good idea to take me to HOoters on a date (an idea that was not met with much enthusiasm). So we went with his friend Joe - Joe pissed off the waitress by treating her like a piece of meat.

Joe had some intestinal upsets as well.

Don't mess with Hooters girls. They'll cut a bitch...or worse.

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

Good point - yes, always tip your server - laughing at South Park and golf towel. Nice visual!

I waited tables for @ 2 months - how I ended up in law school. Waiting tables = HARD work.

That Gal Kiki said...

I never worked in Hooters, but was a stripper for 10 years so I know of ALL KINDS of customers you speak of! :)

I also worked as a server at California Pizza Kitchen. I never saw anyone 'pay back' a customer there, but there was this one cook who hated one of our managers. Let's just say, I will never look at CPK Pasta the same.

Kristina P. said...

Wow! Lesson learned!

Kaela said...

These kinds of stories are precisely the reason why I hesitate to complain about anything at a restaurant, even if it is heinously undercooked or completely the wrong order. And when I am encouraged to complain I tred extremely lightly and say I'm sorry like a thousand times, even though I'm pretty sure I didn't order salmonella on toast.

Mira is triplet crown said...

I have always been afraid of what my waitstaff can do to me so I tip even when they suck. My husband still thinks I'm not nice enough when I politely ask for what I want. It's such a fine line. But I doubt a jerk like that learned anything. Too deeply ingrained.

Ms Bibi said...

As a former restaurant owner I can tell you some customers deserve what they get, but some servers go way too far. I had to let few of them go after catching them in the act of "sweet revenge".

Mommy Lisa said...

OMG men can be so dumb! Seriously, counting the wings?

That said, Hooters wings are the most VILE things on the planet. I went there once with guys from my apartment building when I lived in Indianapolis.

I made them pay for all my beer for forcing me to eat one of those vile things.

Working Mommy said...

That will show HIM!!! Hahahahahahaha!!!!! He'll never live that one down - for sure!

~WM

strokeofliving said...

Oh dear god, I'm mortified that your food was tainted. Rule #1 when dining out, always be overly kind to and tip anyone who is bringing anything to your table that you intend to consume. I know several former food servers and they usually taint food to rude people. And there is nothing you can do to retaliate other than leaving to eat someplace else. Why oh why haven't people gotten that lesson?

It's real, wait staff will put stuff in your food from their nose, the garbage, the floor, their butt, & other private parts. So be nice, be clear and leave a tip over and above 15%.

Let's hope that Surly will live a long life and learn from this.

MommaKiss said...

I was a server. Hot sauce can hide a LOT of pleasantries...

Poor dude, no really, I'm not laughing AT him, just with him...

JenJen said...

I love that we call him Surly.

hahahaha.

FunnyGal KAT said...

Off. That's rough.

And what is it with the shorthand men use for conversation? I only recently taught the Pretend Husband to ask questions when one of his friends announces his child was born. Before this lesson, he would come home, say "John's wife had a baby" and be surprised when I asked questions like "boy or girl?" "what's the name?" and "how much did they weigh?"

Kr√ęg said...

I'd have asked my friends to drive me back to Hooters, so I could lay on the restaurant floor in my golf towel, as a warning to others: Eat here, sh!t your pants.

Then again, I'd think that ANYONE who'd eaten at Hooters even once before would already be overly familiar with that mantra anyway.

Existential Waitress said...

Thank you for posting this! I worked as waitress off and on for many years and through grad school and yes, if you don't treat your server with some common decency you may be eating spit, or worse, shitting your pants. I never did this, but I always heard that a few drops of Visine in someone's drink will give them diarrhea. Maybe that's what happened here. He totally deserved it.

Pricilla said...

Bwahahahaha!
I was a waitress....in a tourist resort.
Breakfast shift.

M-Cat said...

Hysterical story and sorry, but the dude deserved it.

Emily said...

Hilarious. How did he get out of the locker room...hopefully not wearing the golf towel? Although, hopefully not wearing less!

Tom Bailey said...

I have heard of numerous secret ingredients added to food that would make a person never eat out again. The eyedrops that give the person the runs is something I have heard from multiple sources.

These things were things I heard from people in business years after the fact.

Thanks for sharing your words of wisdom.

Tom

Leah Rubin said...

Perfect! Your advice should be posted on all menus, just as a public service. For the most part the servers work really hard, and for little money. I've never worked in food service, and feel fortunate that I had other jobs to support myself.

My husband and I both go out of our way to be pleasant to servers, and also to tip generously. We figure the 20% of the bill, then usually add up to the next whole dollar. It really means something to the server, and won't really affect our long-term financial situation. It also makes us feel good, so I highly recommend this to ALL!

Alicia said...

hahaaa!! sucks for him!! and after being a waitress and bartender for several years i KNOW what goes on behind the scenes...and it's not pretty!! lol

Grand Pooba said...

Haha! I hope he had some extra clothes in his locker! That is hilarious, I've heard horror stories about what angry waitresses do to their rude customer's food. Which is why I NEVER send anything back!

Erin said...

Whenever we dine out , I am always so appreciative of whomever puts up with us & our kids, let alone the fact that do not have to cook OR clean up from the meal.....so I try to tip well and bend over backwards for our servers...this is a priceless tale. Typical male, right?!

Marcy said...

Again while i'm eating!!

Too funny Jenny Mac...

Jen said...

Oh he broke a cardinal rule - NEVER be rude to the people bringing you food! Wonder if he'll ever live that down, and if he learned his lesson :)

Aunt Juicebox said...

I have worked in restaurants, and to be honest, I've never messed with anyone's food no matter how they treated me. I can use my words and my, uh, sign language, and I would never take the risk of doing something like this in case they can prove it's you that made them sick. You never know.

Chez Zizi said...

That is so funny. My husband has worked in the food industry and always says to be nice to the people who handle your food.
I bet he thinks twice next time...

Zizette

a H.I.T. said...

That is my worst fear.

DeNae said...

Sometimes your karma comes back at you all in one go. Especially if it's helped along by a server with a little ipecac in her purse.

This is also why you are kind to the person who does your hair, and anyone required to give you an injection.

ajm said...

Oh Good God. My stomach hurts just reading about it. I knew friends in high school who worked at a pizza place, and what they did to some of the pizzas could have been criminal. Gag.

Kato said...

Oh my!!! Haha! That is something that my brother would do!

I a really curious though; what the HELL was in those wings?

Ugh. Maybe I don't want to know.

Also JennyMac- email has been added!

Kristin said...

I have found that the way a person treats a server is very telling of his or her character. He deserved it. The end.

bluzdude said...

Like many commenters, I also bend over backwards to be nice to anyone that's bringing me food.

My brother used to work at a Little Caesar's and they used to 'doctor up' the pizzas of people that gave them grief over the phone. You'd be surprised what can be hidden within a pizza.

It's never a bad idea to Be Nice!

Lauren said...

He totally deserved it! (Laughing to hard to comment further!)

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I'm wondering if he put two and two together or just figured he had a bad case of the flu?

I guess he'll not complain about being short winged again!

Matty said...

I've heard stories about how servers get even with rude customers. Not nice. No, not nice at all.

Suffice it to say that I am never rude to a server.

Prosy said...

go hooters waitress! I wish I had the same power sometimes, especially when I worked at a clothing store.

shortmama said...

This is exactly why I dont piss off servers!

Kathryn said...

OhMyGod. I'd like to say that I feel sorry for that man. I'd like to say that the waitress should be fired! (all indignant-like)...but alas...it would be a lie.

I'm a huge believer in the fact that you get what you give.

If you're acting like an ass, you'll undoubtedly not only look like one, but will need to pull your head out of someone's eventually.

Fabulous post, doll! You ROCK!

Cathi said...

I was a waitress for many many years, but never put things in peoples food...I know alot of people who did...Sometimes I would get the chefs really upset by having special orders for the customers and on those days - I didn't even order anything to eat in fear of what would be put in my food....haha...

AnnQ said...

Chicken Wing Abacus...LMFAO!

Herding Cats said...

I can't stand people that are rude to waiters. Even if the service is bad, it's so not okay to be ridiculous.

Lisa and Laura said...

Sound advice, my friend. Horrifying story, but sound advice.

tattytiara said...

I don't know what the women in those restaurants earn in tips, but I'm very sure they earn every dime indeed.

Little Ms J said...

I'm overly kind to waiters and waitresses. I saw "Waiting." No pubes on my cheeseburger, thanks.

J.J. in L.A. said...

Payback!

The saying, "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it" comes to mind.

HalfAsstic.com said...

Bwahahaha! Good for her! Reminds me of my college days and the "pocket money" job I had at the local beer joint.

Little Ms Blogger said...

This only reinforces my fear that waiters/kitchen staff mess with your food if you complain.

I fear having my food spat on if I send it back.

Unknown Mami said...

Don't F with your server!

Nathanael Rey said...

hooter's wings aren't even that good.

Life with Kaishon said...

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Gross me out! That is the grossest story ever. And the best advice ever : )

Baloney said...

Sounds like my poor Jacob last night. Still stinks in my house!
I get nervous in restaurants with my in-laws. My FIL is so super nice until we go out to eat. I'm certain my food is spit on at times.
I waited tables in college and rude customers like your friend were rare.

The Absence of Alternatives said...

Yet another awesome story. Yup. I always wince when my husband complains about the food etc. I said, "You have seen the movie WAITING, right? WTF? You are not scared that it's going to have ASS in it?" He says, "Nah. I only do this when I can see the kitchen." I am pretty sure they have other ways to get back at you...