Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Is a Monica Lewinsky reference ever a good idea?

Multiple three-day weekends served me well. I think a permanent four day work week would benefit me (and many others) greatly in the near and long-term. However, I love my job so the return to work does not cause anguish. Typically, I am back in the saddle with seamless transition. However, yesterday served as a harbinger for the week. And a strong indication my head is clearly not in the game.

Example 1: I drove the wrong way to work. The wrong way which included merging onto I-75 in the middle of the city in the middle of morning rush hour traffic. I can certainly get to my office from the erroneous route. But I can also get to Florida from Atlanta by going to Tennessee first. It can be done but it sure wastes a lot of F___ING time.

Example 2: In a staff meeting, one colleague was discussing a client who wears a beret. My ultra-conservative boss says, “Do people wear berets anymore?” To which I say, “I think Monica Lewinsky ruined that trend for everyone.” To which he says, “She did make the beret a bit infamous.” To which I reply (because I just can’t resist) “The beret amongst many other things.”

Example 3: Someone rather irritating vivacious whom I interface with at work sent me an email to set up a meeting to talk about their feelings create a strategy and as I read it, in all of its wordiness, I gleefully accidentally hit the delete button without responding. And then felt remiss smiled.

Example 4: When on the phone with the company who monitors our home alarm system the service rep asks me to confirm my street address. I do. She corrects me on the pronunciation of the street I live on. I correct her while thinking: Yes, I get that hooked on phonics worked for you but I PROMISE YOU I am pronouncing it the right way. She says with edge, “Excuse me ma’am (which means bitch in the customer service world) I am just telling you what it says in the system. My response: You know what I didn’t request for Christmas? Your attitude. Put someone else on the phone.” Apparently that is my way of saying yesterday's  concern for Santa and his list has evaporated.

Example 5: My boss comes in my office and I am listening to Judas Priest sing Another Thing Coming. Better than the Ludacris that was on moments before but thankfully my docking station has a handy remote. Judas Priest = not office theme song material for a reason.

Example 6: Our admin asks me when I want to calendar time to do a certain task. My response: Schedule that sometime between 2012 and never. And then we both laughed.

Example 7: On phone with JohnnyMac at lunchtime I say, “Please pour wine the minute you hear the garage door open indicating my return.”

Next three day weekend: less than two weeks away!

105 comments:

CCW said...

You just need to scoot up.

My name is PJ. said...

First - BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Love your comment about what you didn't request for Christmas! Must. Use. Myself. Sometime. Soon. On. The. Phone.

This reads like the days (in my pre-menopausal life) that Chef Stu had marked on the calendar so that he could hide sharp implements.......

Mrsblogalot said...

I will be counting the seconds until then!

Back on my way to work (hope I don't wind up in another state (-:) or maybe....
xoooMelyssa

M@ said...

yeah, I would have turned around for home at #1 :)

Tho, love Judas Priest.

sexnfries said...

As long as it does not keep repeating the same way every day, over and over and over again...to bad you had to wait for the wine, it goes with lunch too.

sexnfries said...

Grabbed your button (not bottom) for our site!

Busy Bee Suz said...

It is Tuesday...must get better. Right?
I loathe when I accidentally (on purpose) delete emails.

Jules said...

Oh, how I love the new snarkier version of JennyMac that Santa left under the Cocktail Tree!!!!!!!

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Love your response to the customer service person. Awesome. Monica certainly spoiled the beret among other things.

Cee said...

I think we should have 3 days of work then four days of weekend permenently.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

I am not sure which example I liked best, but I have to say that the service rep was hysterical!!

BigSis said...

I agree with Jules. Naughty JennyMac is even funnier than Nice JennyMac.

Shorty said...

I'm trying to roll out this new year with a positive attitude, not letting the quirks of work & life bring me down, but I CONSISTENTLY catch myself asking that little voice in my head, "Where is my trust fund? Where are my lottery winnings? Why do I HAVE to have a job? And who is this goober needing my help at work now?" So, I'm right there with ya... looking forward to getting home from work, looking forward to Friday, and any other time of any week when I don't have to be on another person's clock.

And humanity is living longer? No pension to look forward to? Sheesh... when can retire? Oh yes, I have about 50 years to go.

Libby said...

When I first saw the title I immediately thought YES IT IS!!!
Then when I read the story, I again thought YES IT IS! I have had a beret since before the whole ML debacle but I never wore it. But on the off chance that it was fashionable, I brought it with me to Europe.
BTW...beret's are back. :-D

Emily said...

I hope you're not planning on trying to bring back the beret...

mbkatc230 said...

Must remember the response to the customer "service" rep. A few weeks ago my day started (and ended) on the phone with Dell "customer service". 'nuff said, right? And then I get an e-mail asking me to complete a customer satisfaction survey. Are these people nuts? That accidental delete button came in handy let me tell you! Hope the week gets better. Kathy

Lauren said...

Having lived in Atlanta, I know just how bad #1 is!! I am impressed you didn't throw in the towel and just go back home!

Deanne said...

Great post JennyMac! You made my morning!

Simone said...

Oh I just knew this post was going to be a good one, just from the title!

"My response: You know what I didn’t request for Christmas? Your attitude. Put someone else on the phone.”"

I will say that to someone. One day. When I am as smart and quick thinking as you. You are who I want to be :)

Lissaloo said...

Cheers to the permanent 4 day work week, I can go with that for sure :)

WhiteSockGirl said...

You know what I didn’t request for Christmas? Your attitude. Put someone else on the phone.

Hahahahaha!!!! I can't get over that one,... I am so going to steal it,.. I can't wait to use it one someone!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

You know I was considering going back to work...but then I figured why? I can just read Jenny Mac and get all the benefits and fun parts of working anyway. The people stories. That's the only reason I would want to think about climbing out my little home office these days.

So thank you. For stopping me from potentially becoming one of the working world again :) Carry on.

Loretta Markell said...

Great to hear that about the "customer service" bit. I went to the post office yesterday and got the same kind of vibe from the teller or whatever they are called.

the walking man said...

No sorry that whole office job thing would have had me merged and heading straight to Fla. Without stopping.

Couture Cookie said...

I love it... she corrected the way you pronounced the street YOU live on? Yep, she got what she deserved. Reminds me of when I was broker than broke last winter and filed for unemployment... the bitch at NYS Dept of Labor was like "Really? Actors make a lot of money.". I yelled "How the fuck do you know? Are you an actor?", but then I lost my cool and just hung up. Or, it was more like, I realized I had burned that bridge, so why waste any more time... but seriously, the nerve of some people.

mo.stoneskin said...

You need to be careful. Otherwise 2012 is gonna be one helluva year.

Secretia said...

The naughty Jennymac comes through, delightfully so. There is a cigar called a Monica.

Kimi@SoManyKids... said...

Oh too funny!!

Colleen said...

Wonderful! I don't see anything wrong with any of it (ok, maybe a little off on the way to work, but other than that!).

And now I already want a bottle, erm, ahem, I mean glass of wine as soon as I get home, but I'm not allowed anymore :-(

Eva Gallant said...

Once again, you make the day worthwhile! lol

Laura said...

1. You sound exactly like me when I'm on the phone with customer service people. I really try hard to not be so bitchy, but somehow I always end up being a wee bit bitchy.

2. I bet you get some interesting ways that people made it to your blog using google search based upon this title. hahahaha

Mom in High Heels said...

It's like we live the same life. Except that I'm not an awesome lawyer, I don't live in Atlanta and I never, ever get a freaking 3 day weekend. Ever. Other than that, we're like twins. Must be why I pink puffy heart you with rainbow sprinkles and unicorn kisses. What? They exist.
When Mr. HH was stationed in Tennessee (ACK!) we lived in a subdivision called Capitol Hill. Our cul de sac was called Appellate Court (oh, those wacky subdivision planners). People CONSTANTLY called it Apple-ate Court. I would "gently" remind them (meaning I didn't roll my eyes in their presence) that no, it was pronounced Appel-et like the Appellate Courts, as in the justice system court of appeals. If they stared at me with a blank look (which was fairly often, I'm sad to say) I did NOT hold back on the eye rolling, heavy sighing and mumbled complained about the lack of education in our public school system.
Also, the French (bless their hearts) do not care about Monica Lewenski. They were their berets with pride and panache. I wonder though how they keep their ears warm. It's bloody cold.

carolineAlexander said...

You are too funny. I wish I had a work week, been looking for a part time job for a long time. Nothing in my area.

Jen

Susan Erickson said...

You give me courage! We all have to shake it loose and be real. Like the first commenter said.........you just have to scoot up! love it!

Jennifer Juniper said...

A cigar in the twat just isn't what it used to be...sigh... (Sorry, I tried to do that with a straight face.)

KristenLisa said...

Loved example 4 - good for you!

Too funny!

Donnw/2nz said...

HAHAHA what a hoot!
cue Prince;
"She wore a Raspberry beret
The kind you find in a second hand store"
or should it be Devil with a Blue Dress?
cue Mitch Ryder:
"She's not too skinny,
she's not too fat
She's a real 'hum'dinger,
and I like it like that"


Monica has received far more than her alotted 15 minutes of Warholian Fame, however, thanks to her exploitation, executives now know that marble gargling is not considered "sexual relations". whew!

I heard that Monica opened a dry cleaning store on I-495 in Washington, D.C. It's called the Beltway Insider.

Slamdunk said...

Glad you are still employed after the return.

On your #4, I am guessing your alarm monitoring calls are being routed to Hoboken where friendly takes on a unique defintion.

Your description of the alarm call and frustration reminded me of how a store clerk once, after viewing my signature, felt the need to critique my handwriting.

I "kindly" explained to her the difference between handwriting (goal: legible) and signature (goal: unique).

Dutch donut girl said...

'(which means bitch in the customer service world)' Haha! Classic. I only wear a beret when I'm in France. No, I don't :)

Christine said...

Example #4.......My personal fave...And thank God for Hallmark b/c we can reference about 364 other holidays on any given day...Like hey, It's Nurses' Day so back off...LMAO.

Michael Rivers said...

I am all for a 4-day work week! In fact, I'm willing to do a Lewinsky to get it started!

Yankee Girl said...

You listen to Judas Priest at work? You rock my world.

Cathi said...

Thanks for making me laugh - I had a day like that yesterday myself.....!

Ms Bibi said...

OMG, Monica Lewinsky....I haven't heard that name in such a long time. She kinda killed the beret, didn't she?
Nothing gets office going like good Judas Priest,lol.

Mommy Lisa said...

I wish my hubby would pour me wine upon command! Definitely on board for four-day weeks...

blueviolet said...

You are such a sassy one. Love it!

Barbaloot said...

Love your customer service rep response---so clever:) I bet Santa would appreciate that wittiness.

And really-is a Monica Lewinsky reference ever out-of-style? I'd feel bad, but c'mon, she brought it on herself.

Kaela said...

One of the only reasons I didn't burst into tears upon waking Monday was the thought of MLK day.

And I've always suspected but never found myself able to articulate the ma'am to bitch translation in Customerservicese - so thank you.

Baby Mama said...

LOL! I love your spunk and ability to say what youre thinking! Hope Tuesday is better for you!

Intense Guy said...

...and perhaps some day there will be a cigar named JennyMac...

I love your 'tude. It would actually make me hope you go the wrong way to work, "now and then".

...and here I thought I was the only one absent-minded (pre-occupied?) enough to do THAT!

Intense Guy said...

P.s., I love CCW's comment.. LMAO!

Kristina P. said...

We had a FOUR DAY weekend. Heaven, I tell you.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I wish I had a boss cool enough to banter with using Monica references...

Dumblond said...

Best retort to a douchy CSR EVER!!
If you are able to play your music so others can hear it, I recommend Ludacris's Get Back. Anyone who gives a listen to those lyrics will think twice about bugging you with inane crap.

Pres. Kathy said...

:-) What a day you had, but it can only get better!

Herding Cats said...

My philosophy is: if you can't laugh about your job now and then (or everyday) then it's not worth going to.

foxy said...

Another indication? You've got two #6s and no #7. You're still somewhere else, girl, but that's okay. Sometimes it just takes a little while longer for our brain to get back. :)

Liza said...

I bet you'd be a blast to work with.

Nonflammable said...

I've had 2.5 weeks off and tomorrow I return, 'hell bent for leather'.

I was on the phone this morning with customer service discussing the $11,000 charges for my Blackberry. I did not change my plan as was suggested. I wished I would have used that line (and many others) with the rep(s). Somehow I maintained complete sangfroid during our 'discussions'. Summation: Lose the charges, or lose my business.

I noticed you have more of an edge for 2010. I like it.

Wishing you great success, health and happiness!

DeNae said...

Crazy how tough it can be to get back in the groove, eh?

And with a name like "DeNae", I get "help" with its pronunciation all the time. (FYI, it rhymes with 'orange')

Shadow said...

all right, time off for you!!!!!

Eric said...

Hey if it's Monitronics, I know someone in a position to do something about that.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

*snort*
4 and 6 yeah!
I like my job to but I can sure get used those 3 day weekends!
<><

JennyMac said...

Foxy: You are SO right. Thanks for proofreading! LOL.

And Iggy: Never, never speak of a cigar named of me again. hahaha..VOMIT. And I dont wear blue dresses either. Or I wear them and dont use them as a DNA sponge to then save in my Hope Chest.

Suzyhayze said...

You make me faint with your honesty and you pure freaking fun.

Nyx said...

Hm...I wonder if work would let me smuggle in a bottle of wine.

Maybe a mini-bottle?

La La La Leah said...

I love the Ads google finds to match your blogs. I am surprised there are TWO places on the web to buy them CRAZY.

I have everyday day off and it feels like a vacation because I am a stay at home mom going to school. Sarcasm doesn't have the same ring over the internet as it does in person. You need some Chick-fila. xoxo me

Nathanael Rey said...

hhahahaha love wat u said to miss thing on the phone!

He & Me + 3 said...

OH my word Monica Lewinsky...why do I think Lorena Bobbit when I hear her name? Nevermind. Your comment to the home alarm system lady was hilarious. To that she replied...?
Thanks for stopping by my blog today & for commenting!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

If someone mentioned 'beret' around here, we just all offer up the stereotypical "Honh honh honh" laugh of a Frenchman.

We have a lot of French people around here.

Pricilla said...

I guess you got an extra large dose of sassy over the holidays, eh?

Pam said...

I need to make a list of your retorts. Because I am not capable of being so creative when I am angry.

obladi oblada said...

Ha! Loved your comment to the literate customer service rep about not requesting her attitude for Christmas. Priceless!

The fact that you are listening to Judas Priest in your office makes me love you even more.

Existential Waitress said...

I like the Judas Priest as office theme music part. Nice!

Just Another Momma said...

I love the comment about what you didn't want for Christmas. That was great! LOL

jules said...

Ha! I love that you said to put someone else on the phone and didn't say "Please!" Enjoy that wine!

Ed Adams said...

I think I might stick around here awhile.

Confessions From A Working Mom said...

I did the same thing with the wine (ok, ok, it was green tea, but still!) on my way home from work last night. I needed a drink. I think I have a hangover... not from alcohol, but from the days off and not working!!

~Elizabeth
Confessions From A Working Mom

Joshua said...

Nope. Monica Lewinsky jokes never get old. Never.

-Joshua

secret agent woman said...

Ha! I love the translatn f ma'am in constomer service-ese. I once had someone I just met correct my pronunciation of my own street name - Iskagna. I told her, nicely, that it was the way I'd said it. She said, "No, in iItalian, you pronounce the gn like a y, so it's "Is-kan-ya." I said, "Which would be great if it were Italian. But rather irrelevant since it's a Native American word." I tried to hide my gloating.

The Boob Nazi said...

Why would she care how you pronounce your street name?

shortmama said...

Genius response the alarm company!!

Together We Save said...

I like the 4 day week or maybe even 3 day week idea.

Poindexter said...

how in the world did Monica Lewinsky pop into your head? those are some criss-crossing brain patterns!!

JenJen said...

I am laughing aloud.

Well done JM. Sorry I'm late.
Kids. They F up my schedule.

Amanda said...

Oh man, gotta love those days!! Don't worry though, we all have them!

kilax said...

"You know what I didn’t request for Christmas? Your attitude. Put someone else on the phone." LOL! I am saving that one to use.

At least it sounds like your admin has a good sense of humor!

Laurie said...

Give me a beret and a glass of wine .....STAT!

http://youmusttakeyourchance.blogspot.com/

J.J. in L.A. said...

I hate service reps (etc.) who don't know their sh!t from their shoes!

I was making a Dr. appt. and the broad kept correcting me on the spelling of my last name! It's a fairly common one but the spelling is unique. I finally said, "I think I know how to spell my own name!" and she gave up. I told the Dr. (during the appt.) and he said, "Yeah, she's like that." I returned 6 months later, and she was gone.

M-Cat said...

I love your response in #4 and am storing that away for a good use tomorrow. Oh there will be an opportunity, I don't doubt it.

Theta Mom said...

Service rep example, classic Jenny Mac!

Janet said...

LOVE Example 3. I think I work with this person too. Which means I also love Example 6.

Rowe said...

Like, yeah! 5 day working weeks are just way too long to be working. We need more time to have more fun.

Georgina said...

I am soooo going to use some of these JennyMac'isms. I especially like the one about scheduling between "2012 and never!" - G

Kato said...

First of all, you are hilarious in the funniest way possible.

Secondly, who taught you such quick wit with the customer service people of the world? I envy you...

That Gal Kiki said...

Love these ALL!!! I am with you on the 4 day work week proposal. Who can we talk to about this?

I do #3 often. Is that wrong????

kys said...

Santa gave you a big box of snark and sass for Christmas.

Me likey!

AnnQ said...

Seriously, I need to use the comment "You know what I didn’t request for Christmas? Your attitude.", and soon.

That's F-ing awesome.

WhisperingWriter said...

Yes, I've never looked at the beret the same way because of Monica..

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I love your sarcasm! Too bad you don't work with me.
I work in a hospital and used to work 4 days a week and loved it. Now I have switched back to 5 days for family reasons, and it SUCKS to have to come to work for five whole days in a row!

Vodka Logic said...

I guess better late than never.. phew 96 comments.

I do love your remark to the alarm lady...sheesh she needs to get a grip.

Come visit I have an award for you. :)

Grand Pooba said...

(I've gotta remember that Lewinsky bit for my boss)

Is it bad that I see nothing wrong with any of these scenarios?

Laoch of Chicago said...

Monica must have an awful time at parties!

Vivienne said...

Love your response to stupid Cust serv rep. We have a pizza guy who corrects us (in a super jerky way) on the pronunciation of our street. It's great pizza, they deliver, and we don't want him to spit in our pizza, so we've learned to mispronounce our address when ordering our pie.

The things we'll do for a good pizza.

The Absence of Alternatives said...

"You know what I didn’t request for Christmas? Your attitude. Put someone else on the phone." I need to remember and use this line. I do!

And the "Monica Lewinsky" reference? That was brilliant! Quick thinking. Your boss is a wise man to appreciate this strength amongst his team. :-)