Tuesday, April 20, 2010

That is not a Flintstones vitamin

True Story:

At a weekend volunteer retreat, after a very long day of working, ten of us finally relaxed in front of a very picturesque campfire. We began to share a few stories, some of them better than others.  The following was shared by our friend AK.

In college, AK was a bit of a rogue. Handsome and witty, he had nary a problem meeting women. Due to this habit, AK found himself ill in his manly parts which required a trip to student health. Apparently, he had contracted a STD. Actually, more than one. This required multiple medicinal doses (as well as a reminder from the Doctor about the importance of condoms.) He was told to take his prescriptions and return in ten days.

Upon his return, the doctor of his previous visit was not available. Asked if he would be comfortable seeing a Resident. He agreed. His swagger inflated when the medical student turned out to be super hot. He felt confident he would leave with not only a clean bill of health but also a phone number.

Not even remotely reluctant to hit on her considering that he was being seen to check the status of his venereal diseases, he began chatting her up. She, likely being accustomed to being hit on college boys, even ones with the Clap, handled his flirty ways and means in stride. She asked how he was feeling and he said fine. She asked if he completed all the doses which he confirmed. She said he seemed to be recovered and asked if he had any questions. Before he brazenly asked for her digits, he said he did have one question.

“What was up with that suppository?”
“What do you mean?” she responded.
“Well, it said not to take with water but it tasted like horrible chalk. I could hardly get it down.”
Her, with tilted head, “You ate it?”
“Yes. The pharmacist said to take all of the doses.”

She excused herself and went into the hall. He said a few minutes later he heard loud guffaws of laughter. He assumed the laughter was based on the conversation that had just transpired but he didn't know why that conversation would be so amusing. He dressed quickly and hoped to evacuate the room before her return.

Not so lucky.

When she came back in, he simply said he would come back when the other physician had returned.

“Ok, Mr. K, and until then, I suggest you go home and look up “suppository” in the dictionary." He did. And after his mortal embarrassment that lasted for more than a year, he has been telling the story quite well ever since.

When in doubt, call the Nurse Advice Line.

And if you have never had the opportunity to learn first hand what a suppository is, let me give you a hint: Before you put it in your mouth, it is not a Flintstones chewable vitamin. And second, go consult your dictionary because if you call the Nurse Advice line, they will laugh hysterically when told you ate it.

69 comments:

Cara Smith said...

That is amazing and awesome. You can bet that resident told everyone she knew for quite some time too!

Brian Miller said...

oh my...i gotta go brush my teeth...

mo.stoneskin said...

Um, are there any potential health issues that relate to eating suppositories?

Just asking.

*gripe*

Just asking.

citymouse said...

Too, too funny! You know a woman would have never done this nor have been so cocky! (Guess that's why they call it cocky!!)

leigh said...

That guy is a genius! Amazing, truly amazing.

the walking man said...

When you think of the age of k at the time...his mouth was probably the only hole that thing was ever going to make it into anyway so he probably, though abused his liver a bit, at least got some residual benefit from having taken it. Of course he could have asked the Resident to show him how to implant a suppository, that may have led to a second story to tell.

When Pigs Fly said...

I am afraid. He was in college and did not know what a suppository was. Glad he can get a good laugh out of it now too. But, I just have to wonder what else this guy doesn't know about.

mbkatc230 said...

At least he has a sense of humor! What a great story, I bet that resident got a lot of free drinks from that one. Kathy

Simply Suthern said...

So I am assuming no date with the resident.

jules said...

That's horrifying. I also can't believe he tried to hit on her!

The Boob Nazi said...

That is so disgusting.

Aidan Donnelley Rowley @ Ivy League Insecurities said...

Laughing over here. Love it. You are a wonderful storyteller!

jinksy said...

Makes you wonder if some men live in the real world...

Michael Rivers said...

During college, I worked a semester in the student health office. This sounds about right. LOL.

TKW said...

Oh my gosh. I don't know what I'm more stunned about--the fact that he ate a suppository or that he tried to hit on a resident while being treated for the clap!

Sara said...

Oh lord! hahahah! My knowledge of STD treatments is pretty limited but I am curious why a suppository. lol

foolish heart said...

wow...I guess being a college "male" I could see how that could happen...but that wouldn't have stopped me from laughing!

The Empress said...

You know why this happens??? Because they won't read directions. Never.

Hilarious.

Eva Gallant said...

OMG! Too funny!

JenJen said...

HAHAHAHAAHA
Oh man this made my morning.
And after all the crunches I just did thanks to your Saturday recipes, it kinda hurts to laugh.

What a crack up!

Little Ms Blogger said...

Okay, I have to ask...did he have to re-take the meds the proper way? I can't imagine they would have worked orally.

foxy said...

Oh, to laugh at someone else's embarrassment over something like that makes me feel better today. That's probably awful, but it is what it is.

Aging Mommy said...

That is hilarious! Given the fact the resident did not offer him a second dose I assume that either taking it orally did work or else she assumed the second dose was destined for the same treatment as the first!!

Slamdunk said...

Well at least it was probably also made of vegetable oil so he got some benefit from his method of use.

jessalyn said...

ew. ewewew.

and i am sure that girl was dying to go out with a boy that not only had stds, but also was so bright!

Kristina P. said...

So, not only did this guy have multiple STD's but he didn't know what a suppository is? He sounds like a winner!

Leah Rubin said...

Who can top that? Nobody! That's hilarious...

I'm surprised the guy didn't say, "You know, for all the good these are doing me, I might as well be sticking them up my a**!"

Great story!

criticalcrass said...

wow. ak's a genius. good stuff. thanks for sharing.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

This made my lousy morning so much better. I thank you for the giggles. Somehow I feel like he deserved the laugher a little bit - bet it stopped the arrogant swagger! :-)

Linda said...

Too funny! My story is that the first time I tried a tampon I was at camp and one of the other girls gave it too me, in the dark middle of the night I tried to inset and I did, up my A$$! Boy was that uncomfortable! Couldn't sleep so I went back to the bathroom and pulled that out and realized what I had done..Whoops...at least I was able to laugh at myself...PS I did find the right spot and used tampons without further incident.

Writing Without Periods! said...

And this is a great reason for birth control, too.
Mary

secret agent woman said...

I knew a nurse who worked the nurse line and got a call from an out-of-town patient who had been in earlier that day. When she read the instructions for the cream she'd been prescribed, she saw "apply locally" and was wondering if she'd need to drive back into town to use it! The nurses laughed for a while about that one.

Myya said...

Bhaaaa Haaaaa Haaaa!

M-Cat said...

gag - can't even tell you how many times this happened with patients at our pharmacy. EVEN after putting the SPECIFIC instuctions on the package. Did they want pictures? Sheesh!

Pricilla said...

Men are the masters of not dealing well with the "I don't know but I'm smart so I don't have to ask" thing are they?

Joann Mannix said...

I'm thinking he figured his mouth and his ass were one and the same.

FABULOUS story! Kudos to your friend, for being able to make his mortification a great story.

Ashley Stone said...

That's funny! Thankfully I've never had to use a suppository... but I at least know what it is!!!

carma said...

sounds like a real winner :-(

Just telling it like it is said...

hahaha...I'm a nurse and that made me laugh out loud!!!
I once when into a 18 yr. old boys room and asked him why he was in the ER...He said a swollen testical when I asked to examine it...he cried out your my nurse! I said think about baseball and I will be right back! hhahahhah...Poor guy had an errection!

The Urban Cowboy said...

haha...thanks for the laugh this morning! That was classic.

Ela said...

I always wondered why certain products have labels that say "do not ingest" or "for external use only" thinking any moron would know what to do or not do...but now I know why (or who) those labels are for. What a guy.

Though, I am confused by the "not to take with water" bit...do people try to dip it in water before "taking" it???

Mommy Lisa said...

So classic.

Ellen said...

This is pretty awesome. Well at least the experience brought his ego down a notch...maybe?

http://www.firednfabulous.blogspot.com/

Poindexter said...

yes, after a year, I guess any embarrassing moment can be reinvented into an amusing story. AK, what were you thinking?

Jessica said...

Doesnt surprise me if they guy wasnt smart enough to wear protection in the first place! Hahaha

Teresa @ Red Velvet Confections said...

Oh that is so disgustingly hilarious!

Candice said...

I'm a nurse, and it's incredibly surprising how dumb people really are.

Funny, but dumb. ;)

Tiffany said...

You have had such a funny life!

Mighty M said...

Not many men out there that would willingly discuss their STD's.....and in SUCH a humorous,embarrassing, way. I definitely think all college students should know the definition of "suppository". :)

shortmama said...

This just made my day! Hilarious!

blueviolet said...

That was absolutely the best!

Jewels For Hope said...

ha ha ha! Too funny!

Intense Guy said...

Ugh.

Frugal Vicki said...

That was way to hilarious for words! Oh my gosh!

Ed said...

Having worked most of my life in the medical field, you would be surprised how common of an occurrence this is.

Dumbass.

Angie S said...

Oh. My. Goodness. YUcK!!

Shamrocks and Shenanigans said...

Oops I did it again! I left you an award on my site! Thanks for all the support you give me on mine!
http://shamrockandshenanigans.blogspot.com/2010/04/award.html

Herding Cats said...

You've got to be kidding me? I don't blame the Dr. for laughing, I would not have been able to contain myself!

J.J. said...

What did he think it was, a gel cap? lol!

Veronica Lee said...

Too funny! OMG!

Happy Wednesday

Jenn@the loves of jenn said...

That is the funniest thing I have heard in a long time. Hilarious.

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Awesome story!

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

"... found himself ill in his manly parts ..." Best phrase ever!

AK eating that reminds me of the case in law school (or urban legend?) of the woman who sued after getting pregnant because she had faithfully been using contraceptive jelly. On her morning toast.

Badass Geek said...

That is EPIC.

T!nK said...

HAHAHAHA! this is amazing!

Laura said...

I take it she didn't get his digits and she didnt get his clap..

Great story thanks.

K A B L O O E Y said...

I'm not even going to make a "digits" joke. How amazing that it he swallowed them, more amazing that he thought he could score with the doc under those circumstances. But somehow the fact that he tells the story on himself makes it, as Badass Geek said, EPIC and hysterical. Sounds like he'd make a great friend and a terrible boyfriend. D'oh!

HalfAsstic.com said...

Priceless! And he must have turned out half way decent to be telling the story himself even if it is all these years later.
But, really? Who reaches college age and still doesn't know what a suppository is? ;-)

Working Mommy said...

OH-EM-GE!!!! Talk about an EPIC FAIL!!!!