Friday, April 16, 2010

Speak and spell

I had plans to meet a great friend for dinner last night. Yesterday am, she offered to pick me up so I could enjoy a few glasses of vino and then just cab home. My initial response was "Oh, thank you but I will drive because I have. so. much. to. do. on. Friday."

By the end of yesterday, having FULLY enjoyed a chaotic day at work, I sent her an email, "Scratch previous statement and yes, please fetch me."

Never mind that I really planned to be home around 9 pm to cut, bag, ribbon, label the 4 dozen chocolate chip and toffee  cookie bars AND cinnamon sea salt caramel dark chocolate brownies I made for the bake sale at MiniMac's school today.

At dinner, we enjoy a glass or two or three of wine. And by glass I definitively mean bottle. Does the consumption matter? Not really. Some days, sipping actually means devour.

So we have a fabulous 3.5 hour meal and afterward, in the cab I opt to send JohnnyMac a text:

How is yr night? (Just had to simplify that word YOUR. Which is odd because texty shorthand bugs me.)

He responds: Great. Yours?

Me: AWEsome. (Really? I certainly was enthusiastic. It is odd that I just discovered I can sound like a high school cheerleader while texting. And no mockery of the high school cheerleaders, I was one but really? With the AWEsome? Stop it.)

Me: When I get home, let's __________. (Fill blank with your favorite activity of couples. For example: play Guitar Hero, talk about our feelings, or get down to business and I don't mean the tax return kind.)

He must laugh because he sends this: On your way? Don't pass out in the cab.

I respond: No. Be back at 5.

Apparently I think the word "AT" and the word "IN" can be easily interchanged. Awesome to text your Hub after clearly enjoying the fermented grape nectar that you will be home at 5 am. And by "no" I meant No I will not pass out in the cab. I think late night confusion is big fun.

Perhaps I need to revisit my training class for texting: the Speak and Spell.

And no, when I got home, we didn't __________. Because I was up for another hour cutting, bagging, ribboning, and labeling 4 dozen baked goods for the bake sale. I should have at least eaten one. Or had another sip of wine since my Hub was fast asleep.

97 comments:

Tropical Mum said...

That one made me giggle and reminded me of my pre-kid days. I have a girls' night next weekend and hope to take a page from your book--will forewarn husband.

Shelly

Vodka Logic said...

You know the nights been good when you have to take a cab home... Was he up when you got home.. pun maybe intended

Will Burke said...

Can't wait for the kid(s) to get older, as right now, one of has to stay "Responsible," so the other's in the mood for sloppy, drunk "Guitar Hero," and the other's just beat!

leigh said...

Ah...the drunk dial. I know it all too well.

the walking man said...

I hope you checked the labels and knots this morning. You had other things on your mind which may have Freudian like slipped onto a label. Which would have been funny until Pauline prudeparents saw said label.

Emma @DivorcedBefore30 said...

Cute! There's always tonight, right?

SmartBear said...

drunk dialing your husband is the only kind of slutty fun we married girls get...that's AWEsome!
Best,
Tina

Brian Miller said...

nice...gotta see if i can bake some cookies with my wife tonight...oh you meant really...oh nevermind...smiles.

Susie said...

Ha! Ha! That sounds like a weekend at our house:-)

shelly said...

i have lived this moment many times :)

My name is PJ. said...

It was a very 2010 tale of plans made, then changed, then made, then changed.

I laughed. I cried. It was better than CATS.

MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Simone said...

AWEsome!! Got to love those preschool bakesales ;)

Happy Week-end JennyMac :)

Simply Suthern said...

Thank goodness the text made it to hubby's phone.

af1blog said...

You see? That's what gets guys pretty much peed off...

I mean, you had a good time - great! You could have just come home merry and fallen asleep and he'd have been delighted for you, or been busy with all the things you had to do, or whatever. But no - what did you do? Texted him all horny and mellow and suggested ______ (fill blank as you said) and THEN you're busy until HE'S asleep, or gone off the whole idea of _______ (as before) :(

Glad YOU enjoyed yourself :)

Kiera said...

happy FF! i miss your blog and cant wait to get back to reading~!

The Boob Nazi said...

I feel like I sound like a high school cheerleader in comments, which annoys me.

Kim said...

That is really funny! Thanks for putting words to how I feel when texting (exactly like a high school cheerleader as well).

And at least you got to have some fun before getting down the the business of motherhood! (though I'm sure your husband was looking forward to the other kind of business... my husband encourages any kind of wine consumption for that reason exactly!).

Jen said...

Glad you had a great night out with your girl. Sorry you missed out on blank. ;)

f8hasit said...

That's hysterical!
My phone does the automatic spell check thing and when I try to send clever (or dirty) texts, I always forget to check to see if it's changed it. Most times it has...so my cleverness gets lost and just looks like I'm a loony wino.
:-)

MommyLovesStilettos said...

I can't text after drinking. It's just a big clusterfuck.

Laoch of Chicago said...

Working on the bake sale after a night of vino veritas seems beyond the call of duty.

TKW said...

Don't drink and text! Actually, please do. Because then we readers get treated to AWEsome posts like this!

Aging Mommy said...

Oh that is so much a pre-kids night out - reminds me of my wild days in Dublin. I have a friend who is just like that. She now has kids too but in our old days if she went out without me for a night on the town she would text me every half an hour or so with a progress report and as the evening went on the spelling got worse and by the end of the night the entire message was unintelligible! Yes, such a shame too that alcohol gets those amorous feelings aroused but to often (or me anyway) there is no follow through as I pass out as soon as I get horizontal!!

Jen said...

I love those nights! They are simply the best, and the conversation fodder for any subsequent girls' night out. So glad you had fun and let go for a few hours. :-)

SamiJoe said...

wow--i wish my night had turned out as good as yours! LOL and i'm NOT kidding....

last night was my girls dinner out. i showed up, had a few sips of beer--chatted--got a raging migraine, threw up in their washroom and left shortly after.

spent all night sick with a migraine. ugh.

btw-i think i'll be needing the recipe for those sea salt/dark choc brownies---nothing could sound better!

Shrinky said...

Oh boy, this made me laugh - having just flown back on Sunday from spending a girlies long weekend in London, I SO empathise!

But texting? Are you serious? All cudos to you, I can barely do that sober, never mind after a bucket or two of wine. And you deserve all the brownie points your kid can afford you for staying awake to bag those darned cookies..

Ellen said...

How'd you do with labeling the goodies? I would've spelled everything wrong & then have to explain it (proudly!). BTW, can you post the cinnamon sea salt caramel dark chocolate brownies recipe? They sound like the perfect dessert to go with a nice glass of wine tonight. Yumm!

Coffee Please!?! said...

so funny!!! glad you had a wonderful time with your friend! following you from today's FF! enjoy your weekend!

Jules said...

Dang Girl! You certainly know how to flirt and then run... or bake. Poor Hubs.

Andrea said...

That is so funny! Thanks for the laugh.

Leiah said...

One of my girlfriends from HS is coming to stay with me this weekend. We're planning on going to the casino...where they serve FREE drinks. I better hide my phone or I'll be like that Darius Rucker song, "Drinkin' and Dialin' Again". I guess That Man better watch out for my TUI, texts under the influence. lol!

Leiah said...

I couldn't resist. Here's the video of the song. And he'll always be Hootie to me!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYY0bh566vQ&feature=PlayList&p=B87066E96218AD14&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=9

The Dreamer said...

Hi there!

Following from Friday Follow! Hope you follow back and check out teh giveaways I have going on! amomcandream.blogspot.com

Happy Friday!

Leah Rubin said...

What????? You didn't have ONE brownie or cookie??? What kind of role model are you??? Don't make me lose faith, girl...

Funny stuff!

Sole Matters said...

Haha love it! I think it adds a little spice to your love life when you go out with friends and come home slightly intoxicated. ;)

foxy said...

Been there, done that! Sometimes the week just calls for it...

Happy weekend, woman!

Eva Gallant said...

This girl does not text; she does not know how and still prefers to make a phonecall. Can't get into the whole texting thing...it's like sending telegrams before there were phones. Just old, I guess. Or never got to be a high school cheerleader. :(

Bossy Betty said...

Better drinking and texting than drinking and baking. Who knows what could have ended up in those bake sale treats?

Cara Smith said...

That is the oh crap moment. You have stuff to do, but got your husband worked up in a wine haze and don't remeber till its "time"

Dina said...

following from ff. love it!

tara said...

don't tell anyone else but this is the best blog i've found via follow friday. i'm following, or joining the cocktail party, or whatever. and did you say sea salt something something brownies? long live the speak n spell. tipsy texting FTW.

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

You're a naughty girl, JM ;) "Guitar Hero" indeed! Love it! Thanks for the haiku by the way! You rock!

The mad woman behind the blog said...

This is so my life! Loved it.

AmyLK said...

I love girls night out! Even if its just for a quick glass of wine. Happy weekend!

Tabatha said...

newest follower from fri follow...

come check me out if you have time...

have a great weekend!!

Myya said...

My hubby would have said... do I need to meet you at the cab & walk your drunk arse in? Ha!

Writing Without Periods! said...

how funny. hazes are good on a Thursday night after work.
Mary

Tiffany said...

JennyMac drunk texts...you just made my day! ;)

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

I love this funny girl! Now I want a glass of wine =)
<><

Dumblond said...

Ahh yeah. There is nothing sexier than talking about "business time" through drunk texting.
*crickets chirping*
*rapid blinking*

shortmama said...

A sign of a good night...a cap ride home and HS cheerleader texting...even if you didnt get any

VE said...

You know, we should hand out Speak-n-Spell's to teens because I swear...they can't do either...

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Hi.Lar.Ious! I love it! So very very much like what i do!

Rachel @ MWF Seeking BFF said...

I love this. The texting shorthand is hilarious, as I too can't stand it, but sometimes am guilty myself.

Your post reminded me a bit of one I wrote recently... I write a blog about the difficulties of making and maintaining friends as adults, and I was just writing about how it can be tough to fit in but research has proven how important it really is (http://mwfseekingbff.com/2010/04/14/the-hard-facts-a-time-for-friends/). Your reference to the 3.5 hour meal reminded me that sometimes we just need a good drink and a good friend to recharge.

Love your blog!

The Random Blogette said...

I have so been there. Too many times to count! I am the one that usually passes out though!

Jennifer said...

Ok, so how on earth did you resist such yummy deserts being (slightly) enebriated? Really? I couldn't do that sober. My hat's off to you. And go you, having a girls' night out with a little one. I have two and that doesn't happen anymore. But maybe it should. Soon.

WhisperingWriter said...

Ha!

Mmmm, desserts. I want a brownie now.

MommaKiss said...

oh, the texts my husband and i share once in a while.

and honestly? bottle of wine is only 2 glasses each. that's Nothin!

go you on the treats for MiniMac..mother of the year. showin us up.

Mommy Lisa said...

That's almost worse than drunk Facebooking!

DeNae said...

You're uber mom. But I can relate to one thing: I would in fact have to be completely plastered to decide to stay up all night bagging those amazing treats. Or making the amazing treats to begin with. To my way of thinking, every time a mother bakes a cookie, a Twinkie dies.

I'm too much a humanitarian not to speak out against those kinds of atrocities.

Cathi said...

Sounds like my girls night out a few nights ago....haha!!! Happy weekend, JennyMac! xxoo :)

Little Ms Blogger said...

have you not heard of a bakery??? they do that stuff for you

Linda said...

Drunk Dialing! Drunk Texting? that sounds more challenging to me.Of course you were in a cab so that was more discreet...he he. Love it and the slutty talk...wooo hooo! Sorry parenthood won in the end!

Melissa McMommy said...

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Mighty M said...

U R funny! :)

We all need nights like that once in a while.

Herding Cats said...

Drunk texting? I'm pretty much queen.

drollgirl said...

no no NO!!! i was so hoping the night would have been perfect: wine, fab food, hot sex AND delightful dessert! no fair! i wish you had it all. but perhaps you can TONIGHT?! hint hint! :)

have a fab weekend!

Kathleen said...

Love it!

I'm your newest follower from FF! LOVE the name of your blog! Would love to see you at mine too!

Katherine said...

There is always tonight! Bickies done, crack a bottle of vino with the hubby & make bickies of a different kind! Great fun!!!

The girl with the flour in her hair said...

I'm impressed with the bake sale stuff!

And I have a "friend" on facebook that makes all her wall posts in high school cheerleader speak.

"HAVING the BEST day EVER!!!! SO HAPPY to be HERE with my AMAZING family and friends!!!! YOU guys are AWESOME!!! LOVE you ALL!!!!"

It hurts my eyes.

Erin said...

I am so inspired, JM. Seriously. After one of my lame-ass GNO (Girls' Night Out), I'm home by 10 and my drunk ass is in bed. I would never have been able to stay up to do all that Betty Crocker stuff in that state. Clearly you are Mother of the Year.

J.J. said...

Well, I can understand the hub falling asleep since you said you wouldn't be home til 5 am. ; )

I'm not a texter but I've been doing so with a cousin lately. I don't want to admit that I can't understand a word he says (writes) though.

Lauren said...

I hate short-hand texting too. Also? I love that you drunk-texted your husband. You are fabulous. I mean, AWEsome.

Ellen said...

Wow, I am impressed that you A.) Actually did the cutting, bagging, ribboning while you were tipsy B.) Didn't even eat ONE brownie/bar. If I had that willpower every time I got drunk, I'd be five pounds thinner! ha

http://www.firednfabulous.blogspot.com/

Ed said...

I really love blanking.

Blanking beats the blank out of blankity-blank.

Lisa and Laura said...

This makes me miss both my speak and spell AND dirty texting. Love it.

citymouse said...

I can tell you my hubby would have sent a search party for me if I was sexting him after drinking! LOL!

Your bake sale sounds delish and very ambitious. My standards were not that high when the kids were young and I would have been making my good old standard, Rice Krispie Treats (and probably eating 1/4 of them along the way!)

The Empress said...

Taking a cab home, always a good sign...

Christiejolu said...

First I have to say I read yesterdays post and cried from laughing so hard at the "Elephants eat penis" Comment! LOL!

And you are awesome making cookie bags for your sons school. I am so lame, I go to the store and buy them. LOL! (Mostly because my girls live in fear of me burning the house down)

Unknown Mami said...

Funny stuff. I like the "Back at 5." That would have been a long night out.

Life of a Doctor's Wife said...

You are so funny!! Drunk texting - good times. I am really impressed you still managed to do all the baking/wrapping when you got home! That's some mad skillz.

ThatGirl39 said...

Ah the wicked vino! In which I am just about to indulge myself over a Jamie Oliver salad and ciabatta bread with the husband. There will be no bagging and ribboning of baked goods tonight. However the school uniform ironing mountain awaits me tomorrow for the return to school. And I so remember Speak And Spell - this is not good! x

Chez Zizi said...

You crack me up but I think I have been there too - maybe last week when we went out, had a good fun and then came home. Hubby passed out on the couch - that was fun, not. It happens. How was the bake sale anyway?

Zizette

Kristin said...

You have skills lady. I would hate to see how I labeled things when tipsy! ah ha ha

HalfAsstic.com said...

AAAWWWW, GAWD! You didn't have a cookie?!?!
JohnnyMac didn't get any-neither did you... AND YOU DIDN'T EAT A COOKIE?
It almost makes me want to tell you to stop drinking. Almost. ;-)

T!nK said...

I would've passed out! LoL.

Just Breathe said...

What a cute story. Glad you had a nice time :)

wendy said...

WHAT---after all that vino and NO__________.
that sucks.
scrap the cookies and bake sale, I'm all about the ________

Aidan Donnelley Rowley @ Ivy League Insecurities said...

Absolutely hilarious. I hate texty shorthand too. And yet. I do it all the time. Especially after a glass or six of wine. (Translation: we might be the same person!)

Vivienne said...

That loopy and you wouldn't have enjoyed it all that much anyway.
:)

So, um have you previously posted the bake sale recipes...? If not, you definitely should share them...

Ela said...

Poor thing didn't see how he could wait up till 5am, LOL.
Sea sakt caramel brownies...yes please! That is one good bake sale.

M-Cat said...

drunktexing is the funniest. And really? Couldn't have JohnnyMac wrapped all those goodies for you so you COULD have gotten busy when you got home? just sayin......

Intense Guy said...

Fill blank with your favorite activity of couples... Hmmm... It couldn't have been playing Bridge 'cause you need two couples... so I'm gonna go with Twister.

Jenn@the loves of jenn said...

I have to start texting.

Clemson Girl said...

Tehehe that's cute. You are such a good mommy for finishing your goodies for the sale. I'm pretty sure I would have just passed out.

Lady Fromage said...

Love it! Hubby and I have this problem a lot. Especially when I use the T-9 feature where it auto fills in words, often not the ones you intended to use...

Working Mommy said...

Booo for hubs being fast asleep...wake the man's ass up...I mean, you'll only need him to perform for a few minutes!! Who needs all the sexy, sexy crap when you're THAT drunk?!?! Just use him and then go back and cut ribbon :)