I remember calling someone in my family once and following the typical salutations, I inquired "so what are you doing this morning?" The response was "oh, I'm just fartin" around."
Oh, I'm a quick one. I could easily extract the meaning. Let me just ask, why in the world would we take the actual act of "wandering aimlessly with no definitive goal" and instead, turn it into fartin' around? Pray tell. Is that streamlining? Too many words in the former? When asked what you were doing, couldn't just say, "not much?" Is that too boring? Wanted to spice it up a bit?
This fartin' around (and never with the g on the end, of course not) is an odd phrase for multiple reasons. If you were "fartin' around" would you actually tell people? Oh, I know YOU would (M.M.) but for the rest of the population, I am not so confident. This expression is not something you likely hear everday, and trust me, I am not sad about it. If I never heard it again, I wouldn't flinch a bit.And while we are on the topic, lets just bring up the whole genre of bathroom humor. Here is a tiny speck of opinion: If it comes out an orifice, its not funny. It should be kept behind a closed door. No need to use it as a platform for jovial conversations, jokes, and by all means, don't turn it into what you might think are clever colloquialisms.
Oh yes, I know some people (M.M) just love the emails about farting, pooping, toilet bowls, pull my finger...uh huh...and while I enjoy jokes and parody so very much but I do try to have some tiny parameters around potty humor.
Let's expand. In addition to "fartin' around", here are other expressions I vote to be banned from daily conversation:
sh*t or get off the pot. You find someone's indecision so tiresome that your own brain can not come up with any other suggestion but "sh*t or get off the pot?" Really? In theory, if someone is on the pot, and it is their pot, can they not sit there all day long if they choose? Doing their business, knitting, contemplating life? Isn't the use and duration up to them? However, wouldn't it be more straightforward to simply say "MAKE A DECISION". Doesn't that help everyone? You don't confuse them, and you clean up the airwaves of nonsensical analogies involving poop.
sh*tcanned. What does this mean? Fired? Wasted? When you say "what happened to X" and someone replies "He got sh*tcanned" are we 100% clear on the outcome? How about saying "fired". Or "wasted". See how easy? And no confusion whatsoever.
And potentially my least favorite: sh*ts and giggles. When did this become a response to why you did something? Why did you go to Florida? For sh*ts and giggles? Really, thats why?
Hmmmm. I have had the giggles, and believe me, I see very little synchronicity between the two. Couldn't say you went "for fun", or "on the spur of the moment", oh no, you are motivated by the opportunity to soil yourself and laugh about it.
Next stop, commitment papers.
And while I have no hope or intention of changing some people's lifelong embrace of fart/poop/toilet humor, I can promise you, I will plot and scheme to get M.M. back the first time my son says "pull my finger." Count on it.
And Happy Birthday wonderful M.M. We love you! And the rest of our family and friends will be laughing when they know INSTANTLY who I am writing about...