How to suck at using Craig’s List

I am sure many of you have utilized Craig’s List, the centralized network of online communities where you can buy, sell, borrow, hire and until recently, even find some nookie.

The FOR SALE section of Craig's List is the community of which I am most familiar. And it is set up to be a very simple process. Person A posts some information, Person B responds to that information. All very straightforward especially when you want to sell something and someone wants to buy it.  A few emails may be exchanged. We have sold dozens of things from furniture to baby items; moost of these items have sold the same day we have posted. We must be batting 1000 percent because all of our previous email exchanges and transactions have been straight-forward and easy.

Until last weekend. 

When we met Ann. What an interesting experience. Or what I like to call “How to suck at using Craig’s List."

We are selling something on Craig’s list. I posted pics, gave a clear description and the asking price. We have three identical items and the first one sold the same day I posted it. The second one garnered many emails including one from Ann. She wanted to know if we would sell it for HALF the listed price. No, I did not list “This price or best offer” but good for you, Ann, driving a bargain. I didn’t respond. She sent me another email a day later inquiring if I would take 55% of the asking price but also wrote “one way or another the least you can do is reply to my email.”

No Ann, the least I can do is NOT reply to your email because technically that is LESS THAN actually replying to your email. NOT replying is the option I chose the first time. And incidentally, it was VERY easy. And my lack of response is your answer which you should interpret as NO I will not take half the asking price.  I have to say I didn’t love Ann’s email but listen, I am trying to sell something she has potential interest in buying. But Ann was giving me a headache so I opted not to respond.

Ann then sends me an email basically asking if I will take 50 dollars less than asking price “if she pays in cash.” Well, you won’t get a prize for being a good reader Ann because the posting clearly said CASH ONLY but let’s wrap this party up which will benefit us by 1. Selling the item and 2. exchanging no further emails with Ann.  I reply yes and ask her when she would like to come and pick it up.

She replies, “Well, I live in Athens (80 miles East of Atlanta) and could we PLEASE BRING IT TO HER THE NEXT TIME WE ARE IN ATHENS?

1.       We never even mentioned going to Athens. EVER.

2.      We never mentioned delivery. EVER

3.      I might have called Ann a name after reading this email.

I replied that we were not able to deliver it and it would need to be picked up. She replied “Send me your number and I will pick it up in the next couple of weeks.” Really Ann? This might have involved more name-calling on my part. I let her know in a nice way, we are selling it to the first person who pays for it.

Ann then asks me for my cell number which I send and ask her to coordinate with me ahead of time since we had a jam packed weekend. No response. No call.

Saturday afternoon I receive a call from Ann. She is in Atlanta she “thinks” Well, Ann, I am at the grandparents house with MiniMac having EasterEggapalooza. Thanks for “coordinating with me ahead of time" like I *$#&#$^@)!@) politely requested. Oh, and how come I wrote she is in Atlanta, she “thinks” because of this:

Me: This is JennyMac

Ann: Hello. This is Ann X. I am in Atlanta. I think.

Me: OH, I am so sorry I am not home.

Ann: Oh, I told you I was going to call you.

Me: Right. Where exactly are you?

Ann: I am not sure. On an interstate.

Me (WOW) Are you on 75? 85? 

Ann: 75..maybe.
Me: Where on 75?

Ann: I am heading North on 75. 

Me: Are you coming from Athens?
Ann: Yes. 

Me: Well, North on 75 would mean you are south of Atlanta. Not East.

Ann: OH. 

Me: Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Macarena!

So we finally get coordinated and Ann comes to our house. I like Ann VERY LITTLE I have a feeling. She looks at the item which is in almost perfect condition and looks exactly like the photographs she saw but she is confused and doesn’t think it is the same item. REALLY?  And then she wanted to debate it with me. And ask 2000 questions. You know what question I wanted to ask How quickly are you going to leave? which can be interpreted as Get the _____ out of my house. 

Listen, if you suck at being a buyer on Craig's list, it might be fair to say you suck at many other things like:

1. opening cereal boxes

2. getting yourself dressed

3. reading and interpreting your mail

4. Most of the rest of life

My  husband's final comment was "I hope the car seat is not for her." AMEN.