Jules at Mean Girl Garage did a hilarious post a long time ago on reform suggestions for the profanity addict. One of the suggestions is to select new verbiage in lieu of saying WTF or Are you f'ing kidding me which I have already admitted I have said a time or two. Instead of using these phrases, and in the interest of cleaning up your sassy and salty mouth, you should instead opt to say That's interesting.
That's interesting is one of my favorite responses. And sometimes it actually means "that's interesting" and sometimes it means one (or both) of the other two above. Another one of my favorite expressions is "That's unfortunate."
While I may not have a Poker Face, I do have some Poker Phrases.
My college (and grad school) boyfriend(s) despised these expressions. You would think they all would have rejoiced in the occasions in which I elected to use as few words as possible. But I think they knew what I was implying. No decoder ring needed.
That's unfortunate is as descriptive as it is ambiguous. Most often for me, it indicates I am going to need this situation to end. Immediately. Examples from 2010:
1. When I was using the auto hand dryer in the women's room of a hotel, another woman, standing next to me said, "You aren't doing it right." I didn't respond because I could certainly attest I did not have my dial set to NUTSO and no stranger would be schooling me on how to use a hand dryer. But, I was wrong. And that's unfortunate.
She went on further to step right next to me and show me how I was to rub my hands vigorously while telling me I needed to rub said hands vigorously instead of the apparently super lazy ass method I had chosen. How about you get off my _____ing hipbone and skedaddle along? Busybodies abound. And that's unfortunate.
2. When I was was working from home one day last week, it was a perfect enough morning to actually open windows and have fresh, cool air. It was also a great time to blast my stereo at high decibels. While belting out Erotic City quite loudly, I also opted at one point to do some kind of horrible cabaret-Liza Minelli style version, and I failed to see the landscapers in the yard below. They enjoyed it a great deal. That's unfortunate.
3. I was speaking to my Mom on the phone one day and had to use the restroom. I do not want to be rude and flush so I delay flushing until I am off the phone. I forget. My Hub comes home and discovers my momentary forgetfulness. He teases me and asks if I forgot something in the bathroom. The adults in this house aren't really down with O.P.P (in this case, Other People's Production) so I am not excited about this discovery. I say, " I will talk to our son about that...." to which my Hub bursts out laughing because our son flushes the toilet 500 times if he goes peepee in it once. While not a catastrophe, this is still unfortunate.
4. While at the Doctor's office recently, I had to get blood work done. When poked with the needle, I chose to shout JESUS. The nurse gave me a serious scowl. So I quickly added, "LOVES ME!" She, not amused, asks, "Didn't you have a baby?" I say, "Not out of my arm with a needle!" And then she said, "You shouldn't take the Lord's name in vain." She has the needle so I give no rebuttal. I am now needle-holed, and reprimanded. That's unfortunate.
All of these circumstances merited much stronger responses, but I had the opportunity for reform. And only hope these circumstances don't repeat themselves in 2011 or I will likely choose alternative and certainly more sassy and salty expressions to use, which indeed will be unfortunate.