Monday, June 28, 2010

Let's get something straight

I think it long past the time to ask this question but here goes: Why all the sh*t talk about me? It is bad enough I constantly hear how I am the least favorite but do people have to put it on a bumper sticker and slap it on the car? Why point out my flaws (when clearly, no one told you that bumper stickers are not cool anymore!) And why would someone pen a song about me in which the title includes Manic? Good job girls, hope you enjoyed that one album you had that did well in your very short careers.  Am I not a fresh start? Am I not a clean break? An opportunity to begin anew? I think if you consider it for a minute, I am actually the best of the bunch. Let me explain.

First, there is Tuesday. Tuesday is, well, zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Sorry, I fell asleep contemplating Tuesday’s good qualities and there are none. Tuesday rhymes with Snoozeday. It is no coincidence.

And Wednesday? Self proclaimed Hump Day? Really? Hump Day? That is how you elect to be known? Oh no, I get it. You are the proverbial “climbing over the hill” day. But you couldn’t call yourself ClimbingOverHillday could you? No, you had to go with Hump. Because you are dirty. And you wanted to be the favorite day of fraternity boys far and wide. Oh and by the way, why not call yourself FalseAdvertising Day? I have experienced many a Wednesday and trust me, there is no humping.

And Thursday? Well, Thursday thinks it is “Let’s Get This Party Started” day. This has double meaning.  What you call  “Let’s Get This Party Started” day is what bosses worldwide call “Absolutely NO _________ Productivity day. The weekend begins on Saturday NOT Thursday but someone didn’t tell Thursday that. Thursday loves itself because it is full of liquid lunches and evening cocktail parties. Aren’t we just the center of attention, Thursday!

And Friday? Oh, aren’t you everyone’s favorite. Let’s all sing it together THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY. You might as well make it part of the weekend because people come in late and leave early.  Business people love you because they know their work day ends at 4 pm when happy hour begins. Business people also grumble they get more productivity on Thursday when there is ABSOLUTELY NO _________ PRODUCTIVITY that day because Friday makes Thursday look like a work horse.

And the twins: Saturday and Sunday? The precious Weekend. Right. The talk of the town. Everyone can HARDLY WAIT to discuss all their joyous plans for the weekend. What are you doing this weekend? Where are you going this weekend? I can’t wait for this weekend. I love the weekend. Enough already. Let’s break it down:

Saturday? Oh, chock full of breakfast in bed, sporting events, weddings, time to take the boat to the lake, movie matinees, pool parties, housewarming parties, engagement parties, parties to celebrate having parties. Why don’t you call it by its real name. Not Saturday but FATurday. Eat up!!! SOOOO good. And mmmmm, I guess those 12 beers during the game don’t count. Oh, you might have mowed the lawn but guess what!? That doesn’t put a dent in the 2000 calorie liquid libations you enjoyed or the pile of pancakes, hotdogs, ravioli, buttered popcorn, pizza and onion rings you chomped today.

Sunday? Sabbath? Yes. Day of rest? For many.  But let’s be honest. Sunday is split personality. When you are 24 (or hungover) it is CantQuiteGetOfftheCouchday. While you are all cozied up on that couch under your snuggie, let me ask you a question: Plan on doing anything productive today? And answering the door for the pizza man is not productive. Oh, and to that guy on the couch who fell asleep with a chicken soft taco supreme in your hand and dreaming Yo quiero Taco Bell, I have one question for you too: You just had to have that TEQUILA last night, didn't you? Now it hurts to even get up and use the restroom.  Have fun in your underwear all day, you won't move until tomorrow morning. 

When you  are older, Sunday is Choreday. All the things you did not do Saturday because all your fun and play just kept piling up so now you have a list of to do's longer than your hallway.  Grocery store? Its packed but have a good time. Gardening? Weeds don’t pull themselves.  Change the oil? GOOD TIMES.  And errands upon errands? You make it count.  And long drive back from wherever you drove to when you left early on Friday? Have fun on your 9 hour road trip home. Your Sunday just got decimated.

Which leaves me. I know you are mad at me because you have too much to do every Monday because the last time you worked a full day was Wednesday and the weekend left you exhausted.  Here I come like a soothing balm to help you refresh and begin again. And what do I get? Sour faces and saltiness. Don’t blame me that you laid on that snooze button like it was a life raft. I give you fresh opportunity.

So let's get something straight: I am Monday. I promise I will be good to you. Can you please stop saying you hate me?

PS: You know who else doesn't seem to like Mondays? Blogger. I am having trouble posting comments. 

66 comments:

Will Burke said...

You're right. I am shamed.

leigh said...

Poor Monday? Sheesh...that what you get for being such a sucky day. Now, put on your big girl panties and start acting like a proud day!

Sara said...

Hello, Lover-Monday! Monday is for caffeine addicts. Bet the coffee sales are highest on Monday.

Jen said...

I can honestly say that Monday is one of my favorite days. Why?

Because Jeff goes back to work, I get to take back my house from the weekend and just chill. I don't go back to work until Tuesday.

Brian Miller said...

ok, i will trust you this time...but by the end of the day i will know your true intentions...

McVal said...

Ah.. and ode to Monday. That IS refreshing! Not too often you hear that...
I'm back to the old grind today. What the *bleep* day is this?

Andrea said...

That is just hilarious. I agree with the hump day thing. I always thought that sounded so dirty!

Badass Geek said...

Monday does get a bad rap. It's just a matter of time before Monday snaps and does something horrible.

Simply Suthern said...

Oh, I LUV me some Monday. I get to go back to work. It helps to love your job. They refill the snack machines on Monday. Honeybuns, MMMMMM. It's the little things. Monday, I embrace you.

Shell said...

LOL Love this!

I loved Monday this week and last. B/c it meant that my boys were off to VBS and mama got a break. :)

Baloney said...

I like your Ode To Monday.
I have always thought Tuesday was the stinkiest day of the week.
Have a great week JMac!

singedwingangel said...

ZHey I like Monday very much.. she is my refuge from ahouse full of hubby and kids...

MommaAmma said...

I hate you Monday and I hate that you have to point out that I hardly worked Thursday and shopped all day Friday. I'm wearing a new super cute outfit and avoiding you by reading blogs. Bite me.

(Fluttering eyelashes) I'm only like this on Mondays. And everyday before 10:00am.

DaisyGal said...

I actually don't mind Mondays anymore, I get to put nice clothes on, fix my hair, high heels..and SKIP (Yeah I said it) out of Daycare, kissing the tops of my children's (WHO ARE STAYING THERE!!!!!) that i love them, I get to read my book in the car(he's driving) , I get to talk to my husband , I get to talk to adults and listen to the radio station of my choice.

Ahhhhhh, lately, Monday...not so bad. LOL

Michael Rivers said...

I don't mind Mondays if I get enough sleep on the weekend. This isn't one of them!

Busy Bee Suz said...

:0
Now, do you feel better???

The Boob Nazi said...

Sounds like somebody has a case of the Mondays. :)

DeNae said...

The problem I have with you, darling Monday, is one of basic life philosophy. You are all about productivity. I am all about Law and Order reruns.

It's nothing personal. Truly.

Eva Gallant said...

When you're retired...the whole week is a weekend!

Susanica said...

FATurday! You should totally trademark that. Your post is hilarious! But as for Mondays, I think Karen Carpenter said it all. "Rainy days on Mondays always make me cry". You can imagine my shock a few years ago to discover that she was really saying "Rainy days AND Mondays". Poor woman was seriously depressed. You on the other hand have found a way to make the mundane, FUNdane! Have a great day! -Monica

IASoupMama said...

Monday, Monday... Excellent and funny post -- love it!

Kristina P. said...

Well, The Bachelorette comes on on Mondays, so all is not lost.

Herding Cats said...

I'm okay with Mondays now. We are at peace. This MAY have something to do with it being my summer vacation. One perk to being a teacher!

Pollyanna said...

Aside from having to get up and go to work, Monday's ROCK!

That's the day I get to wear the new clothes or cute jewelry I bought over the weekend. I like feeling cute - by Thursday, what was new on Monday is old news.

Productivity? There is none because I'm too busy talking about the weekend. It's almost lunch time and I don't think I've done squat for the day . . .

Barbaloot said...

Decent arguments aside, I still hate Mondays and always will. Even if I can watch the Bachelorette on Monday night:)

Writing Without Periods! said...

I love Mondays. Bachelorette night and New Jersey Housewives...omg, I'm so excited...eh, I just realized I don't have a flippin' life and it's Monday's fault.
Mary

Allyson & Jere said...

One of the funniest posts ever! I might have wet my pants on the Wednesday description. Thank you for bringing that smile to my face.

I for one love Mondays. They have long been my favorite. But maybe that's because I don't work on Mondays, and they are my get things done day. Who knows.

Whatever the case, thanks for being so clever.

AmyLK said...

I have LOVED this Monday! I started with a great bike ride, got Son off to summer camp and came to work to an Air Conditioner in my office! This Monday ROCKS!

Cat said...

It is all on how you look at it. Monday is the end of the weekend (glass half empty) or the beginning of a new week...a fresh start (glass half full). Here is to making the most of it.

(HA...hump day...gotta love it!) :)

Pricilla said...

That's why there is something beautiful about retirement. No day is Monday, no day is Saturday. They are all, sadly, Choreday....

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Blogger does seem to hate Mondays.

K A B L O O E Y said...

I'm part of the problem, not the solution, I concede. Because I always hated Monday so much they sullied my Sundays. Now I'm better, but that's only because I work from home and didn't fail to study for a Spanish quiz last night because I'm an adult now.

Help! Mama Remote... said...

lol. I love you Monday! I call it Motivational Monday

Aging Mommy said...

Now I am home all day every day Monday's are just a day of the week for me but when I was working I always liked Mondays the least. Wonderful post - so very true, all of it. In Dublin Thursday night was always work party night, so long as we all made it somehow to work the next morning, because then we had time to recover for the weekend of partying ahead :-)

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

I am so cracking up here! I dont do Mondays well. Now Thursday... I like to refer to as Little Friday!
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blueviolet said...

Monday is my favorite day of the week!

Mira said...

Yikes. At first I thought someone had flamed you. Thank god you were ACTING! I am beginning to hate Mondays myself because recovery from the weekend seems to be hardest for the baby. who knew?

sitting on the mood swing at the playground said...

I don't mind Mondays...sometimes it's quieter in the office than the house.

Babes Mami said...

When I read the first few sentences I was like what? Someone talking shit about Jenny Mac...who??

Then I got it lol, I like Monday as much as other days. My husband doesn't get set weekends off so whatever days he is off are our weeekends. This week wed/thurs are my favorite days!

Joann Mannix said...

I love Mondays. Mondays are about bringing out ME again. The weekends are for my family, but Monday finds everyone traipsing off to their little corners of the world and I am left here in the beautiful quiet of my house.

And Blogger hates me every day of the week. They're good about not discriminating like that.

M-Cat said...

I usually HATE Monday's but today was good. Hand over the pager and I'm off call. That's the only Monday I like.

And Miss Monday - you can suck it.

Andrea said...

I'll printing this one out and hanging it my office. Hilarious :)

J.J. said...

I love Monday!

I hate weekends, especially Sunday, which is boring beyond belief! That probably has something to do with WHY I love Monday.

This is BY FAR my favorite post! And that's saying something because I love them ALL!

And...

"I have experienced many a Wednesday and trust me, there is no humping."

...is the BEST sentence ever written! lol!

The Urban Cowboy said...

Monday's cool, just wish it would take its time coming around, is all. :)

T!nK said...

evry day is the weekend when you are unemployed :-)

Ellen@FirednFabulous said...

LOL, love this! I seriously hate Sundays more than ANY other day. (Even when I'm being productive and not wasting the day away catching up on NJ Housewives.) I'll find a cure for the Sunday blues...you take care of Monday...then we'll both be rich :)

secret agent woman said...

I have made it a point of honor never to use the expression "hump day." But, sorry, Monday - there's a reason you're universally disliked.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I actually like Mondays. I always think that after the weekend, a Monday flies by fairly fast and conveniently.

And leads directly to Tuesday, who is an everlasting WHORE.

There I got it off my chest, thank you.

Kitten said...

Very refreshing post! Oh Monday, I am so sorry I ever berated you. I will try to be nicer to you, and will take out my frustrations on my alarm clock, but not you.

Little Ms J said...

Back up, Monday. I'm not happy with you or your compatriots right now. Let's not vie for who's the best until someone wakes me up with fucking glitter and a cupcake.

Maria said...

Like the forgotten stepchild, Monday leaves its mark...I promise to start thinking of it in a more flattering light...

Maria said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Eyeglasses & Endzones said...

Hi Monday...I'm THURSDAY...nice to meet you...bet you wish that you were part of my *FUN* almost weekend day but it looks like you are stuck on saltiness...Don't you remember the real reason for Thursday? Must See TV....you know when NBC was cool and Friends was funny...;)

Slamdunk said...

I wanted to argue with you, but I agree instead. I hope your trip went well.

Simply Mel said...

What sort of person am I if I love Mondays? {shhhhh...I didn't say that loudly did I?}

My name is PJ. said...

Very, very well done!!!!

Grand Pooba said...

Mondays have a bad rep! I actually love Mondays. The first of the week, you are refreshed and ready for another week!

Friday's are the hardest days to go to work, you've already gone 4 days that week. Enough is enough!

Don't worry Monday, I love you!

Intense Guy said...

The Mondays that make for 3 day weekends beause of holidays obviously don't count... right? Speaking of which, I think I <3 next Monday...

:)

Bossy Betty said...

I love you, Monday. I really do.

Anonymous said...

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhha...this is so funny. Just posted this on my fb page.

Kate said...

Ah, Thursday. Was there anything better than Thursday night during college? The relief, from the pressure that accumulates during a four-day work week, the most difficult part of which is rolling out of bed at 10:30 to make a class about dead authors or findings by dead scientists or a foreign language spoken only by dead people.

Ah, Thursday. And more importantly: Ah, college.

kate said...

I can't wait until next Can'tGetOfftheCouch Day. It's my favorite (and, yes, hangovers are usually invovled. That's what God meant with that whole 'day of rest' thing, right? Right!)

imbeingheldhostage said...

This post is brilliant!

Mighty M said...

I'll try to go easier on you next week I promise! :)

HalfAsstic.com said...

All pure truth! You have redefined the week. ;-)

Sarah from 20somethingcupcakes said...

Yeah, really can't argue with any of this. Especially chore day. It's kind of embarrassing how our concierge of our building gets worried if he doesn't see me coming in with the grocery cart at about 11am every Sunday... xxSAS