Friday, June 4, 2010

Clearly, I am not ready for Baywatch....

Our beach trip reminded me of many previous beachy engagements. 

Hawaii is a lush and stunning paradise. Admittedly, traveling to Hawaii was much faster when I lived in Seattle. I conveniently let geography become meaningless until I went with friends and about 4 hours into the flight from Atlanta, we were reminded we only had 5 more hours until we landed. 9 hours on any flight is not good for my mojo. However, the destination would far outweigh the journey so I kept that frown upside down and couldn’t wait to spend a gorgeous week in such a lush and vibrant location. 

And it would be my first surfing attempt. Laird Hamilton makes it looks so easy but I knew I was a beginner. And what better place to learn?

Or, what I should say, what better place to attempt repeatedly in vain to master yet never, ever do so?

Friends and I stand close to shore to get comfortable. We then practice paddling and jumping on the board. There is a method to it. I know this instinctively, but it is also reinforced when I hear a voice behind me claim, “You are doing it wrong.” I turn to face the most darling combination of blue eyes and blond hair…and a little sprite not a day over 10 years old.

I laughed because of the abundance of obvious truth in his statement. And then he offers to show us. Perfect. I am not too sassy to refuse cues from whatever source is available. So this little bean sprout proceeds to show me the appropriate way to jump up on the board. And it worked. Getting up = easy. Staying up? Well, a bit more challenging. And by challenging I am implying I don't really know the answer but  I do know it's fun to get douched in the face multiple times to the squealing laughter of your 10 year old proctor. 

But because I am competitive, and have played sports my entire life, I want to prevail. I opt to continue my attempts which result in a face off. With the OCEAN. Excellent choice for a battle opponent. And one that will quash you, in all your eager and giddy surfboard medalist dreams. Time and again. Without mercy. After multiple dismal attempts to actually travel on the board, his little sister and Mom join the coaching pool. I eventually traverse across about twenty feet of water and in my jubilance of small victories, I do not maintain my pose but instead stand upright shouting “This is *&$#!$@ fantastic!” which causes me to lose balance, and topple into the water. To have my tiny teacher say, "You aren't supposed to do that."

Really? I can't hear you because my ears are full of water.


If I am flummoxed by lightly rippling water, than I shall never graduate to actually waves or a "cool" surfboard. And going near swells, well, its out of the question. And racing down the beach in my red bikini saving lives? Not quite. 

I fought the ocean, and the ocean won.

56 comments:

Brian Miller said...

something i have always wanted to try...guess i may be in for a fight...

Tiffany said...

I can't wait to go there some day!!

Intense Guy said...

But you ARE ready for Baywatch... I'm sure you can run slo-mo down a beach carrying one of those orange float thingies looking beautiful.

:)

Simply Suthern said...

As in a lot of sports they make it look so easy. After my skatebord debacle, I doubt I would ever try surfing, tho it looks fun and prolly wouldn't hurt quite as bad as the concrete did. I have always enjoyed body surfing tho. Less skill involved.

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

Yikes! Brave girl - definitely not something I'm likely to try :) I love the ocean, and love swimming, scuba and snorkeling, but prefer to leave the board riding to the younger set!

McVal said...

I'm a wader... and dig in the sand-er...

Jenn@the loves of jenn said...

Hey, at least you tried. I lived in California for the first 23 years of my life and never even attempted it. I'm pretty much 100% certain that I would not be able to do it.

Gillian said...

you're gorgeous! and board riding is soopa fun.

confused homemaker said...

At least you tried!!

Maybe if not Baywatch you can just get a Baywatch bathing suit ;)

Mighty M said...

I'm impressed you even tried. I would but I have this odd fear of being eaten by sharks.

And I love "douched in the face" I may have to use that sometime. :)

Shell said...

I don't know about surfing, but I want to try- um, something that I don't know what it's called. But, there's a short board that your feet are attached to, like snowboard and you hold on to a big parashute/kite type contraption. I LOVED watching people do that- they fly through the air.

Of course, I would end up on my face in the ocean, but I want to try.

jinksy said...

Hope the waterlogged ears dried out quickly?! :)

Salt said...

I lived in one of the surfing capitals of the US. (Ok maybe not really, but pretty much everyone surfed there.) I didn't even bother to attempt it because I knew that I would either drown or be eaten by a shark.

You are far more Baywatch than I would ever be.

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

I have always wanted to try surfing. There is no surfing where I live. Perhaps when I make it to Hawaii I'll try it.

Dumblond said...

I'm too much of a clutz. I could try surfing one day...but I'm pretty sure it would be a disaster.

Lula Lola said...

I kick myself for never learning to surf. My oldest is eleven and it's his thing. I'm too busy counting heads to leave the edge! lol
One day! Sounds like a good time!

brainella said...

I'm impressed. I'm not a masochist; that is why we layed around on the sand and went whale watching in Hawaii. Much easier for the soul.

Linda said...

I lived in Hawaii for a couple of years and never mastered the surfing at all. I was able to look really cute on the beach! Of course I was a baby of 18-19....ah those were the days!

Kristina P. said...

I think this is the first picture I have ever seen of you! You are gorgeous. As is that view.

Herding Cats said...

I'm sorry....I'm still looking at the color of the water in that picture.


I think I need a vacation.

Pricilla said...

The ocean will always win.
It's a rule.

Scraps said...

I think I'll just stick to watching Blue Crush every now and then... much safer!

Cara Smith said...

At least you had some little victories!

We wakeboard and it took me a whole summer just to get up, so you did really well getting up on the board and going 4 ft in one day!

foxy said...

How great, though, that you TRIED. That is awesome! I'm hella impressed that you stayed up that 20 ft.

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

Ahh, Hawaii. You are giving me the travel bug with these posts. I have an almost drowned in Hawaii story I will share at some point on my blog. Short version: North Shore, Novemeber giant waves, beer, and being 22 (and by definition, young and dumb). The upside: I met a CUTE lifeguard there.

Ahh, memories. Those waves are no joke.

Krëg said...

Sounds similar to my experience windsurfing.

Sara said...

Brave! It sounds amazing, but I think 10 is about the age one should learn these type of crazy things. :)

Writing Without Periods! said...

After seeing David HasselWhat'sHisName staggering around on YouTube, I'll stick with putting my toe in the water and then marching back to the shade tree. I think red bathing suits must have some kind of chemical in them. Ha!
Glad you had a great vacation.
Mary

Kelly Berkey said...

I'll be in Oahu in July and am running a mini marathon...wonder if I should try surfing also?
Kelly

M-Cat said...

One more reason for me to stay safely dry and warm on the sand. Drink in hand. Watching and mocking the others who try to surf.

Little Ms Blogger said...

As much as I love the water, I lack any coordination skills. I mean I have NONE.

I'll stick to wave riding.

Pollyanna said...

You think a mom (with a VERY mom body) in a black & green polka-dot swim dress would make it on Bay Watch? I think not. I'm not even going to try. I'll keep my surfing to the one that involves a keyboard & a mouse. Congrats on the 20 feet!

AmyLK said...

I would love to learn how to surf. Or at least how to be picked up out of the surf by cute guys!

Aging Mommy said...

Being the uncoordinated type I am I just know I would never be able to master this, but I do like waterskiing which is a lot easier to master I think, although all that water rushing up your nostrils when you crash through the waves yet again is no fun :-) Good for you for giving it your all.

Clemson Girl said...

Clearly you are a braver woman than I. The ocean may have won the battle, but you can still win the war! Surf on!

Marcy said...

Love the pic!

Mommy Lisa said...

So FUN!

Leah Rubin said...

So there's ONE thing in life you're not outstanding at... get over it! At least you tried, and besides YOU LOOK FABULOUS, so it's okay! (And you had fun, right?)

Let it go, and enjoy! =^)

L.

wendy said...

What ---YOU are in Hawaii. LUCKY.
I would totally try surfing except for that whole thing of getting my face wet (and under water is unthinkable) and the sharks.

other then that...I'd try.
OR just sit on the beach with a nice drink that has a fancy umbrella in it and laugh at all the others out there trying to surf.
Yeah, probably that.

Jason, as himself said...

I live in LA, pretty much the closest in the continental USA that you can get to Hawaii, and I have still never been. Sigh. Some day!

Jules said...

At least you try.... Even if the ocean wins.

K A B L O O E Y said...

Hey, didn't you see that Brady Bunch episode? Surfing = scary. But if you didn't have that little tiki idol thing, I guess it was safer.

Too Many Hats said...

That's okay, you can always console yourself with a Blue Hawaiian or a Mai Tai or something tropical like that.

secret agent woman said...

I like it in theory, but I think I'll stick to boogie boarding.

Slamdunk said...

Hooray for you JennyMac.

Learning to surf is one of my life goals--glad to see you beat me to the punch for motivation. Unfortunately, my lessons will likely (eventually) be on the Atlantic where the small waves are similar in size and frequency to two small kids doing cannonballs in the back pool.

J.J. said...

I went to Hawaii when I was 29 but haven't been in any ocean since my 13th birthday...damn riptides!

I'm proud of you for just getting on the board! : )

Bossy Betty said...

Those tiny teachers are the roughest critics! I think you are awesome for trying it!

My name is PJ. said...

Waves breaking me in the hot sun,
I fought the ocean and the ocean won...

Theta Mom said...

I give you an A for effort! :)

Siesta en Espana said...

You go lady! Love that you have no fear. of ANYTHING! You are my idol.

TKW said...

I've had a couple of battles with the ocean and the ocean ALWAYS wins. That rat fink.

Eva Gallant said...

Awesome that you gave it such a go! Kudos for the effort! At least you lived to fight another day! lol

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Dude, the ocean ALWAYS wins, it's a power struggle you can't compete with. However, ask yourself this: Can the ocean wear a cute dress and get wasted on Mai Tais afterwards, then attempt to limbo under a two foot high rope without showing its underwear? No. It cannot. Sometimes you win. (Maybe.)

Vivienne said...

I am a So Cali girl and have never felt the need to do more than boogie board or body surf. However, I know what you're talking about with the littlest coaches... that's how I learned that the bar in the lodge is preferable to the bunny slopes and the chorus of warbling little voices, shouting encouragement to the lame grown up.

Amalie said...

the ocean usually does win!

Emily said...

Well, you can't win them all. Look on the bright side...now you can just sit on the beach looking cute and checking out all the hot (and legal) surfers. :)