Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Feelin' hot hot hot

WARNING. Put down your fork if you are enjoying a snack break.
Did you put that fork down yet? You were warned. Just reiterating.

Now, I love to make fresh homemade salsa. And inspired by a certain salsa I discovered last summer, I decided to concoct my own Chili de Arbol Salsa which is muy muy bueno. And while it is oh-so-tasty good, perhaps it also bears the tendency to make your mouth exclaim, "Oh my. That's HOT!"

After the first batch, I had all my tricks down to handle the hot Arbol pepper and making a salsa so creamy and dreamy you literally want to eat it by the spoonful. I shared some with my good friends KW and The Rocker to later find out The Rocker liked it so much he talked about it. At his office. In a tone of pure joy and adulation. He is not often overcome in pure joy OR adulation so I took it as a big, big compliment.

The second batch I opted to ante up the heat by adding even more peppers. Not enough to distract from its goodness but just to add another level of en fuego por la boca. (Fire in your mouth. Doesn't that sound like fun?)

This second batch I also shared with KW and The Rocker which we all dove into headfirst. Third batch? More peppers and more heat for the piehole. SO good. Not for weaklings or wimps by any means.  I shared some with two other friends, the male of which claims to love the "hot stuff" and makes statements like "the hotter the better." Days later, I ran into them and asked how they liked it.

"It was great. Hot. But great," he answered.
"Tell her," the wife said with a smirky smirk.
"It was hot," he said again.
"Too hot to eat?" I asked. Because that is not a good salsa to share if so.
"No. I ate it. All of it, actually."
"And?" the wife asked. Her smirky smirk now with a little sassy eye sparkle.
"And it was good." He said nothing more.
Knowing I was clearly missing something, I waited.
"Oh, it was good. And HOT alright," she added.
"And?" I asked
She gives him a long look and stifles some giggles.
He got a little twitch on his face. Clearly, he knew what was coming.
She leaned over to me, "It was HOT. And it caused him to have a little accident."
"Did you burn your mouth or something?" I asked. Naive. BUT hoping for the best.
She responded in a mock whispher,"Actually, it caused him to shat. his. pants."

I laughed so hard I venture to say I dislodged a lung. Sorry friend, but I am laughing AT YOU. And not because you had a little run-in with nature and your intestines but because you love, love love to say things like "the hotter the better."

Wow. Now THAT is some KICK ASS salsa. Literally. 

*Recipe available upon request. Seriously, it is delicious and NO ONE else had that problem. My recommendation: Don't eat a half gallon of it at a time.

64 comments:

Tropical Mum said...

I would ask for the recipe, but as I do the laundry around here, I am not keen to clean up the aftermath!

Besides, I couldn't bear all the dramatics I would be subjected to if my husband were to try it--hyperventilating and such. He is a "the hotter, the better" kind of a guy...in his mind, but he is just a big pansy. Don't tell him I said so.

AmyLK said...

HA! You just made my morning! Can you PLEASE send over the recipe? MY dad loves all things hot!

Mommakin said...

Once? After my sister consumed some "the hotter the better" wings? We were out on our daily walk in the park with our then babies and toddlers. The look of terror that passed across her face is one I shall never forget. Not even looking to see if anyone was around (no one was), she dropped trou and jumped on a garbage can right on the trail. She almost made it, too... It was a long walk to the nearest restroom and an even longer walk back to the car. It occurs to me that I NEVER tease her about this. I must be nicer that I'm given credit for.

It probably goes without saying that she and I would love to have your recipe.

susan said...

I could almost hear your evil little laugh as I read :). I think I'll pass on the recipe :) But thanks!

Chez Zizi said...

That is so funny! I love it "kick Ass" salsa!
Have a great day,
Zizette

Vodka Logic said...

My husband loves things that are as hot going out as going in..... crazy I tell yah. I like hot but not THAT hot.......and on that note I would love the recipe for HIM to make. [I'll seperate some and leave it less hot]

PS I'm laughing at your friend too..

blueviolet said...

I'm not eager to shat my pants, so sorry JennyMac, I will pass on your recipe offer. ;)

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I'm a giant pussy when it comes to heat in food. I like the salsa bottle marked "MEDIUM" in stores. MEDIUM TO MUY LITTLE FUEGO, POR FAVOR. Mild is ok but I like a little tiny bit of heat. Just a smidgeon. If I eat anything beyond that in spice terms my body rebels by making my ears itch for an hour, deep inside. My extremities are how I gauge most things. Spicy makes my ears itch and I can tell that sweet alcohol has reached my bloodstream when my toes tingle then go numb. No kidding. I'm a bit strange sometimes. (No, I am!)

But your salsa does sound tasty. Except "SHAT YOUR PANTS HOT" might be a bit high on the heat scale and make my ears explode, if not my bum.

Intense Guy said...

Hmmm, your salsa served with a side of Preparation H...

I guess that would kill off any bacterial infection in the GI tract.

Will Burke said...

I think you've found your marketing campaign!

JadeLD said...

Ah that is so funny and so embarassing. I would never tell anyone that, I would have sworn those present to secrecy for life. That is some powerful salsa though. I'd love the recipe for the creamy less hot version - I'm a bit of a wimp but do love a good salsa...
Jade

secret agent woman said...

Hm. Yeah. No offense, but I think I'll skip that recipe!

Falling Up said...

hahaha wow that musta been pretty spicy. I love love love spicy. And thankfully, so do my bowels.

ModernMom said...

Bwhahah None for me thanks!

Jen said...

"Kick ass salsa" I love it. LOL!!!

Caty said...

I am not ashamed to say I am a WIMP when it comes to even a small amount of "kick". I'm always opting for the mild. That, however, is one funny story. That poor guy didn't stand a chance against his wife keeping his mishap a secret!

Brian Miller said...

i like it hot, but that may be a bit much...lol.

Wayne & Brianna said...

I would LOVE that recipe! My husband is definitely a "the hotter the better" kind of man, lets see if this can put him in his place! Maybe the one before the Shat Your Pants version though..so I can at least have a taste. Thanks!

Mira said...

Men. They are pretty stupid sometimes. And eating a bucket of hot stuff sounds just like their kind of stupidity. I'd be surprised if he really learned his lesson.

Amy said...

I would love the recipe. I'm 'the hotter the better' gal in our family. I cook Mexican, Indian and Egyptian food all the time and love it spicy! My hubby tells waiters to bring my food out extra hot. "If she's not crying--it's not hot enough!"

Needless to say, I'd love the recipe.

Michael Rivers said...

LOL. I didn't see that one coming. I don't like food that's too hot, but I'd love to see the recipe. Maybe I'll give it a try!

Laura said...

HA! too funny, that's some strong salsa!

I would love the recipe, maybe give it a try next week on my vacation. thanks!

Salt said...

I've somehow managed to avoid crapping myself while eating very hot things in the past, so I would LOVE to have this recipe!

Or maybe a somewhat toned down version as my dear husband's stomach is far more delicate than mine is. :)

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

hahahahaha!!! Love it! Sounds fearsome though...

I am such a wuss where [food] heat is concerned that I'm content to simply read about it, and not beg for the recipe ;)

Allyson & Jere said...

I am a a firt class, FULL OUT wuss mouth, so I'm quite sure I'd NEVER be able to handle this hot hot salsa you made. However, apparently your macho friend couldn't handle it either.

Laughed right out loud I did. 'Cause I'm eternally 12 years old, and I just giggle at people having poop accidents. As I've always said (after my sick dad had a little poopy pants accident) grown men just DON'T crap their pants.

Anyway, thanks for another good one!

Ellen @FirednFabulous said...

Holy jalapeno! I didn't know hot food could make you crap your pants!! I thought you were going to say the salsa somehow made it "hot" in the bedroom or something. Your story is better :)

carma said...

...but can you be SURE no one else has had a similar problem ;-)

TKW said...

I definitely need a recipe like that in my arsenal!!

The Empress said...

Oh, that scares me. I wanted to ask you something: I love cilantro. LOVE IT. I work for a caterer preparing recipes. I heard on NPR that there is something called Culantro, not cilantro, that is more delicate. I can't find it anywhere..have you ever heard of that????

Herding Cats said...

I'm a wimp when it comes to spicy so I fear your recipe. However, that story is just funny.

DaisyGal said...

if it can help me lose weight, I'll take it :)

That story was hilarious, I knew it was coming, but even knowing it, reading it was FUNNY.

I'll take the recipe as it was the FIRST time..the "milder..hotter" I don't want to mess up my Victoria Secrets ;)

RNSANE said...

It sounds delicious. This family goes for the hot stuff...like the Thai Sriracha sauce and habaneros.

Dumblond said...

"JennyMac's Kick Azz Zalza. So hot you'll shat yourself"
Put it on a label and market that hotness! Replacing the 's' with 'z' makes it more extreme.

Erin said...

I had a feeling that's what was coming, especially with the disclaimer at the beginning! Love it.

Has he asked for any more of your salsa since?

Jules said...

We had some HOT salsa this past week, but nothing like that!

Hookin It With Mr. Lick Lick said...

LMAO....was that more like a 'shart'?? (felt like a f*** but was actually a sh**) And I imagine it was a HOT shart.

Sorry...I can't stop laughing.

Babes Mami said...

hahahahaha that's great! I love that he was to embarrassed to share too! I married a half puerto rican and love the hot stuff and so does my dad...pass that recipe on!

Pricilla said...

One really must be careful what one asks for...

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

LOL. He probably won't make that mistake again.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

I am rolling in the floor! I like it hot but not that hot!
<><

Laurnie said...

I have to have this recipe! The less hot version though, like #2 (no pun intended)

Eva Gallant said...

I used to love things really hot, but in my golden years, not so much. (Which is a good thing, 'cause hubby's not as hot as he used to be, either)

sitting on the mood swing at the playground said...

So funny! I'd love the recipe.

Caleb said...

Eva- good comment!

I've won every "sign this disclaimer because it's so hot" contest in a 50 mile radius. By butt doesn't approve, but I didn't ask its opinion anyway.

Bring it on.

-Cast Iron Caleb

Eric said...

That sounds like a great recipe.

I once liked habanero peppers, until I sliced them up to put on nachos, smelled one, and it burned the lining of my nose. Now I can only take them in those chewy pralines from Lammes Candies down in Austin.

f8hasit said...

Ooooh! Ooooh!
Me too! Me too! I want the recipe!!! Perhaps not the shat his pants version, but it sounds delightful.
:-)

Susan said...

I made the Pioneer Woman's jalapeno bacon thingies a while back. They were so delish, husband and I decided to have them for our dinner. All of them. Cue the fire poo.

Just Us said...

I want the recipe too! and on a crappy day at work sitting in front of my computer I needed the laugh! please email it to me at colleenf@provo.edu or just leave it on my blog
seaglassandsunshine@blogspot.com

Gracias!

imbeingheldhostage said...

That is SO funny! I wish you could make some for my Hubby-- he was so arrogant when he asked the cook of a Thai restaurant to "lasso the sun", he wanted his dish THAT hot.
He eats Dave's Insanity Sauce like ketchup, ever heard of it?

Sandy said...

I LOOOOVE homemade salsa. My husband can eat things that are unimaginably hot, and it looks like our son Oscar is going to inherit his love of hot food.

Mighty M said...

Guess you ought to include a case of Depends with that recipe! :)

Luna said...

lol kick ass salsa. i guess the saying is true, too much of a good thing can be bad for you. wow.

Tracie said...

My BFF's ex-husband used to say stupid things like that. I've seen him eat giant scoops of wasabi and huge platters full of blazin' wings among other noxious things. These incidents were always followed by him running to the men's room and stinking up the place.

J.J. said...

I'm such a wimp that Taco Bell's Hot Sauce is too hot for me.

Shut up. :P

SmartBear said...

You are too hot for me girl! I needed that laugh though.
Best,
Tina

Myya said...

That is hilarious! From the beginning of the story that is actually what I was thinking happened. Too funny... sucky for your friend, but seriously funny!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Oh man! I love when food literally kicks ass! You are my hero! :)

Inge' said...

I must admit I didn't see that one coming! My son and hubs love the hot stuff so if you are still passing out the recipe, count me in!

Busy Bee Suz said...

That is some hot shat JM!

Anonymous said...

that poor guy! But I am laughing at him too. Loved this story.

Laoch of Chicago said...

Eventually having become inured to most capsaicin concoctions you start to use a little less to make the impact in the future meaningful. These days if I make salsa I use about 4 habenero pepers, 2 serrano peppers, and 3 jalapeƱo peppers. I do not particularly find this to be very spicy but it has allowed me to find other, spicier things, to be spicy again.

HalfAsstic.com said...

Oh, good Lord! I am thinking he wanted to shoot his wife for giving him up! Too funny!
Down here in Texas you know we like it hot! Go ahead and give me that recipe if you will, I'd love to try it!

Vivienne said...

THAT is hysterical! I'm going to decline your kind offer to share your recipe. Given that I've pushed out a couple of babies already, I fear that eating any of that salsa would make me permanently incontinent... not just when I sneeze.

Jenn@the loves of jenn said...

Please post this recipe or e-mail to me. Must have it!