Wednesday, June 16, 2010

A lesson or two in anatomy

There are certain stories my family loves to hear and laugh in my face over. Less for their comical value (which is solid) but more so because these things can leave me momentarily speechless which my brothers in particular thought as rare as seeing a unicorn. While the jestFest is taking place, I certainly reiterate they will get their due when they have children of their own. 

Last week, MiniMac was in our room while I dressed for work. Watching me put my bra on, he pats his own chest and says, " I know what those are called. "

We are all about teachable moments in this house (and using correct terminology) so I smiled at my son.  Then he said, "Those are called your NIBBLES."
"Nipples not nibbles, buddy," I reply. 

"NO, Mommy, those are called your NIBBLES. Daddy told me."

I am not certain who laughed louder (or longer) me or JohnnyMac. I almost asked JohnnyMac DID you tell him that? But of course he wouldn't tell him such things. The ears of 3 year olds are not quite acute. 

This conversation preceded this one several days later. One evening, drying off from the shower with MiniMac, he pointed to my ladybits and said, "Is that your penis?"

As I have explained already, I don't have a penis. I told him it was my vagina. He shouts with vigor, "I LOVE YOUR VAGINA." I hear my Hub laugh out loud from the other room. 

Later, at bedtime, he tells Daddy, "Mommy doesn't have a penis."  (Because apparently when you have a toddler, this is going to be a recurring dialogue.) Daddy said he knew.  

MiniMac then says, "But she has a vaGIANT!"
Because apparently vagina sounds like va-Giant. Again, TIME FOR A HEARING TEST!

Later that night he asked if he could see my vaGIANT. I am all for body awareness and being open, but NO, you can not see my vaGIANT. Nor did I feel it appropriate to tell him that if he keeps calling it a vaGIANT he will likely never, EVER get to see one in his adult life. 

101 comments:

mbkatc230 said...

Out of the mouths of babes :) This is too cute. When darling daughter was a toddler, she had a lovely yeast infection from antibiotics. She told me in all seriousness "mommy, my Virginia hurts". Kat

ajm said...

LOL!!! My niece called them "nibbles" forever, and now at 6-years-old and having seen the movie "Young Frankenstein," she opts for the term "knockers" instead. Oh man. But yes, that IS the hot topic with little ones, for a looooooooong time.

jinksy said...

Can't argue with the facts of life...

Maria said...

Sweet Jeebus! That is hysterical! And you are right, if he keeps calling it that, he might as well become a monk for the the vagiant he is going to get a chance to look at!

Thanks for the morning giggle!

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

I think my son was three when I began to make a conscious effort to cover up in front of him. He's too aware for my comfort!

Slamdunk said...

Funny. Our little ones have dabbled in those topics, but I am dreading the specifics talk...

Cara Smith said...

They suprise you sometimes!

My son used to run around the house with my bra yelling that he was wearing my boobies.

Will Burke said...

Yikes, I guess I'm in for some awkwardness...

Mommakin said...

A friend was teaching kindergarten when one of her little boys climbed into her lap for a story. Once comfy in her lap he snuggled in and said, "Miss Jane? Did you know boys have penises and girls have pajymas?" she nodded and did not correct his pronunciation. He added, "I like pajymas." Off the lap he went...

One more...

A friend was grocery shopping with her little girl who had just seen a little boy have his diaper changed which led to the viva la difference conversation. In line at the grocery store, her daughter started singing - loudly - a made up song (as kids are wont to do) "I want a PENIS! I want a penis right NOW!!!"

Good times.

Simply Suthern said...

Nibblies and Bits, Nibbles and Bits.

Men are dogs, Right?

BigSis said...

My son used to say nibbles too. Between that and commote (remote control) I thought he was so cute. Thankfully, we don't talk about my va-giant :)

Jules said...

Oh BOY! I CANNOT WAIT to hear what he said at the babysitter's!!!!! YES! When I taught preschool, I LOVED the day after "Anatomy" lessons at home! It provided us with a TON of fun at work!!

Nice job! Do some kegals!

MommaAmma said...

Vagiant?!? My response would be "that's your fault kid!" I love the things kids say! Thanks for sharing.

Getting ready for work I rushed in to get my son out of his crib when he was about 18 months and he stuck his finger (with great force) in my nipple and said "whaasat?" I never went in without my top on again! He is now 5 and knows all girls have "privates" but insists I and his baby sister have a penis. Why?!?

Jennifer said...

My son calls them my "milks" because he has grown up watching me nurse his younger sister. He also knows that he drank my milks when he was a baby. He even play nursed his baby frog stuffed animal before (wicked cute!). Well one day I took him to the pool with a friend. He pats his chest and says, "You have milks like my mommy, I don't have big milks." Oh that was a good one.
Then just recently we taught him about keeping his parts "private" because he would just pull down his pants anywhere when he had to use the potty. So we taught him all the correct names as well. Well, certain parts were harder to pronounce, like "texacles", so my husband broke it down for him. "Test" then "tickles". My son roared with laughter and has been walking around saying "test-tickles" for weeks on end. Oh, yes, he is a boy, and these things provide endless amounts of amusement. :) Thankfully, he could care less about my vagiant. :D

singedwingangel said...

Roflmbo.. see I would have had to throw in some reference to his birth to make it a vagiant lol...

jules said...

Seriously? Priceless! How did he manage to make both of those ironically hysterical?

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Bwahahaha! Love it.

Shana said...

Kids are the best thing in the world and provide the most blog-fodder.

Taylor-Made Wife said...

Thats awesome. I so can't wait to have a little one that makes me laugh :)

Melanie said...

What a funny morning read! It's amazing what 3yrs olds will say. Too cute!!!

Eva Gallant said...

How cute for a morning read! Love it!

Audreya said...

This is fantastic!!! Maybe funnier than my friend telling me about bathing her two little ones together (about 2 and 4 at the time). She'd also been having the boy parts vs. girl parts conversation a lot with the 4 year old (a boy) but it wasn't sinking in. During their bath, he said "Mom, why does Sissy have TWO butts?!?" Now we know it's not a front butt... it's a vaGIANT. :-) Thanks for the laugh!!

Kimi@SoManyKids said...

Oh my gosh. Dying here!!! I am praying for you that he doesn't tell someone at the grocery store. My kids love sharing random and generally embarrassing info with people at the market.

Just Add Walter said...

LOL that is hilarious - va-GIANT -- oh my I am never going to forget that one!

MommaKiss said...

well when my boys ask where my penis is, i just say i don't have one. no Vag talk yet. and my boobs? are 'bumps' - and they love my bumps.

Dumblond said...

VaGiant, huh?
You know, modern technology is a wonderful thing. You can now have a procedure done to address that particular problem...
;)

IASoupMama said...

Oh, I love the anatomy talks! My darling daughter (2.5) knows she has a 'gina because she's a girl and that boys have peee-nuuses, but dogs just have tails.

My son (almost 5) refers to his testicles as tentacles. Lord help the girl that marries him if he, in fact, does have tentacles...

Caty said...

hahaha...your son sounds like one fun character! this is hilarious...reminds me so much of my nephew :)

Lisa Anne said...

LMAO. I love little boys. My son was the same way. He still giggles when I tell him about a Period!

Sole Matters said...

oh my gah, thats hilarious!!! that is one reason i cant wait to have kids. hahaha!

Writing Without Periods! said...

You are so funny. However, my Hubby does call my lady parts the same thing...and I think he means it :-) uh, oh.

amommymous said...

Oh my gosh, for some reason I'm imagining the Jolly Green Giant's wife. I didn't even realize it until I started writing this comment. Anyway, thanks for sharing-- I needed a laugh!

Kristin @ Ellie-Town said...

Hysterical! My three year old calls nipples "nickels" because she asked what they were right around the time she learned how to distinguish coins. So we've been talking about our nickels for about a year now. Which came in pretty handy with nursing these last 9 months, it's like our own little code! :)

jessalyn said...

this is hilarious...i was at a friends house once and her nephew, who was like 6 maybe, announced that some girl they saw on the beach had a "huge chest, almost as big as jessie's" (jessie=me apparently).

apparently all males like to talk about how big our body parts are, no matter their age...

Erin said...

That is hilarious. I can't wait to have kids :)

Babes Mami said...

hahahahaha at vaGIANT! You got a big ole vaGIANT mom! hahaha

Kristina P. said...

What if you have a vaglittlepeople?

Eric said...

Haha, great. I remember my dad always used to tell me my parents were 'tickling' each other to avoid awkwardness.

I think I picked up more on my mom's uncomfortableness with the line of questioning than any actual factual information.

It seems like kids understand but they don't, just understand differently?

blueviolet said...

Fortunately, he has time before the correct terminology will be important!

Yankee Girl said...

I'm trying to type through the tears in my eyes from laughing so hard and it isn't working well.

Grand Pooba said...

Oh my god that is hilarious!!! I can't wait until he asks his teacher if he can see hers!

foxy said...

OMG - so freaking funny!

Cathi said...

Kids do say the funniest things....! xxoo :)

Intense Guy said...

Hmmm.... kids on the right track... wantin' to see the "good stuff" already...

shortmama said...

Vagiant and nibbles...classic

TKW said...

Nibbles AND a vaGiant? You are quite an extraordinary woman, obviously!

Jen said...

Wow you have a fantastic sense of humor! LOL... Man, oh man, I can't wait to have kids! Haha.

Brian Miller said...

vaGiant and nibbles...sure you did not get caught on vacation again? smiles.

Mercy said...

Too funny. I had to laugh silently as my kids are sleeping. My son has just started talking at 2 1/2 but I know that it won't be long before he starts saying all that kind of stuff.

Amalie said...

so funny! My son for a while thought my nipples were 'hippos' and all I could do was laugh and laugh everytime he made reference to it. I eventually corrected him and taught him there are some body parts you can't talk about in public!

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

This is just too darn funny! Reminds me of the time when my little one asked me if was true that little girls had holes down there!
<><

AmyLK said...

So cute! you have your hands full with him! :)

Mom in High Heels said...

I love kids for this reason. They are hilarious. Indy called them nibbles until he was about 6 or so. Weird.
Funny, I was just going to leave you a message about Mini Mac and you did a whole post on him. On my yahoo "Trending Now" box is 'Mac Mini.' When I first saw it, my first thought was why are people searching for JennyMac's kid? I had to look at it several times before I realized it read 'MAC Mini,' not 'MINI Mac.' :)

Ms. Salti said...

Oh my God, I'm cracking up over here! Kids crack me up! My best friend's kids have all at one point or another run around their house singing, "Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina!" Clarification is always good.

SmartBear said...

That is one for the books. On Easter, my 3 year old was singing "If you're happy and you know" it on the microphone. I should mention that his southern great grandmother and my in-laws were in attendance. Let's just say he invented a new way to demonstrate your happiness.
"If you're happy and you know, touch your nipples".
Maybe your 3 year old and my 3 year old should get together and compare notes? LOL
Best,
Tina

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Love it when little one's are learning! We were all about the real names for body parts also and sometimes the interpretation was quite amusing.

Pricilla said...

Gotta love the little ones.
Can't wait 'til he has this conversation in public....

gayle said...

Omg!! I have been reading blogs all morning and yours is the first one that has made me laugh out loud!!!! My grandson is asking some of the same questions.....like where is your penis (to his mommy). I can't wait to show her this!!!

Michele R said...

Mine are taught it is called a vulva. (cuz we know that the vagiant is just part of all the parts).

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

LMAO!!!! You will find, over the years, that the penis comes up often in conversation. It starts early ... thanks for the laugh.

Aging Mommy said...

As always thank you for making me laugh! At least he knows a penis is a penis even if he has got a bit to learn about ladybits but then he is only three :-)

Allyson & Jere said...

Laughing OUT LOUD! I don't always do that, so YOU WIN for making me do that now. Nibbles, so perfectly named! And the vagiant, to freaking funny. Thank you for sharing these awesome stories today.

Aunt Becky said...

I'm already a-scared of your vagiant.

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

My granddaughter couldn't get off the topic for over a year. "He has a penis, I have a vagina." I guess having a baby brother brings these things on and dealing with obvious penis-envy gets old pretty quick. When my son was 18 months old, he saw a friend change her daughter's diaper on our living room floor. He got down on his haunches and had a really good look. After that, he wouldn't let the babysitter near him and his special appendage for diaper changes forever. Funny what goes on in those developing minds. Rosemary

T!nK said...

HA HA!

Christiejolu said...

Vagiant...LMAO!!!! I am crying from laughing so hard....

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Nibbles and vaGiants. Doesn't get much better than hat.

Baloney said...

Just wait til he announces this at the grocery store!
I waited to give more detailed names until I knew they wouldn't be repeated everywhere. But that's just me.
I'm glad you didn't show him your vaGIANT.

bluzdude said...

You made me have to clamp my hand over my mouth at work today, to keep from busting out laughing in a quiet office.

Nibbles started it, Vagiant sealed the deal. If that wasn't a word before, it should be.

Joann Mannix said...

A vagiant! That is going to be so special when he starts telling people his mom has a vagiant.

My daughter when she was 4 opened the door without asking first and told the UPS man I would be out in a minute, that I was changing my tampon. Thank God she didn't tell him out of my vagiant.

J.J. said...

Haha! Reminds me of the time my 4 y.o. nephew saw his mom breast-feeding his sister. He turned to me and asked, "Who feeds off yourboobies?" I replied, "No one (and under my breath) yet." My brother, sitting next to me, burst out laughing because he knew I wasn't talking about any future children. ; )

ModernMom said...

Oh good grief:) Send this one into Greys Anatomy! lol

Myya said...

I am TOTALLY cracking up over here! Kids are hilarious & I just LOVE when they can talk & instead of trying to guess what is going on in thier head, they just out & tell ya. So Funny!!!

Just Us said...

thanks for sharing. It was comic relief shared by myself, my fiance, and my 11 year old daughter! I am sure we all found it funny for different reasons , but laughter in any form is GREAT!

Aunt Juicebox said...

LOL This is so my favorite stage in children - humorous mispronunciation. :D

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I want to make a wiseass comment but I'm wetting my pants here laughing at the idea of having a giant in YOUR pants. Between your nibbles and your colossal hoo-ha it's a wonder you got a date, let alone married! :)

Chez Zizi said...

You make me laugh so hard. Wait until he gets older and his friends teach him the terminology! OY!
Kids are definitely a rip.
Zizette

Maureen said...

OMG I'm spitting my soda out from laughing so hard! Too funny!

Josie said...

My dear, you are positively HYSTERICAL. I absolutely cracked up reading this. I'm a nanny this summer and it's true; kids hear the most interesting things!
Thank you so much for stopping by my blog and for your sweet comment! Yours is fab; I can't wait for more!
xo Josie
http://winksmilestyle.blogspot.com

Vodka Logic said...

He's a smart one, and if you have too many kids it will be a vaGiant..

Alicia said...

nibbles and vagiants! haa!! love it!! kids crack me up with their crazy interpretations! he's going to LOVE hearing this story when he gets older!

Mighty M said...

Oh, so funny! I am all about using correct terms too...but it took me a while to get used to doing it. I love your sons interpretations....luckily he has plenty of time to learn to say them properly. :)

The Random Blogette said...

I love it! I was at a friend's house this past weekend and her daughter called it her booblette! It was too cute! She is 4.

McVal said...

Oh boy... maybe time to start shutting the doors! LOL!
We did after I caught my little girl (around 1.5 years old) standing at the toilet, pinching the skin above her lady bits looking confused...

Grace said...

hilarious! It's a little scary how curious they are, isn't it... :) I have an almost 2 year old and I can already see the wheels in his head turning!

carma said...

he sure is an inquisitive little guy - I like how he doesn't hesitate to put his new vocabulary words into practice the first chance he gets :D

hotpants™ said...

Oh, vaGIANT has to be the best one I've heard. Ha!

DaisyGal said...

OMG, I AM LOL!!!!! this post was JUST what a I needed today!!!

maybe you're Vagina is a transformer or a superhero (OF COURSE IT IS) and it's GIANT...in a good way. :)

NIBBLES, that's the cutest/funniest thing ever.

Gio just asks for wear my bra....I don't see good things happening if I left him.
:)

Cranky Mommy said...

Oh my! They're nickels in our house.

HalfAsstic.com said...

Bwahahaha! "From the mouths of babes"! I don't care what anybody else says, children provide the best fodder for the retelling of funny stories!

Shop Girl* said...

Hahahahhahahahahah!!! Oh sweet mother, your son is hilarious. I love it.

sharonheg said...

I'm laughing at the comments almost as much as the original story.

FWIW, my husband STILL calls them "nibbles" when we're, ahem, alone. He'll be 38 in November...

Jaime said...

this is hysterical. the things i have to look forward to...

Mira said...

I've been wondering if I'm going to be able to handle the embarrassing questions without blushing. I need to either get a poker face or be less uncomfortable with myself. See I could never shower or be naked in front of my kids. I wonder who taught me to be that way? I hope I can find the humor and not be uncomfortable! thanks for the stories.

leigh said...

MiniMac is going to be a hilarious teenager if he keeps this up.

secret agent woman said...

For his sake, I hope he outgrows all that!

Jen said...

I could live forevermore without hearing my kids say 'penis' one more time :) Thankfully, having two sets of girls and boys close together who shared a tub, body parts aren't really a mystery to anyone. Growing up with two sisters, have to say that 5th grade 'health' class I'm sure we all had was disturbingly graphic, what with the diagrams...who knew boys had all that 'junk' down there?! Lol!

Badass Geek said...

To hear my wife say it, nibbles are the correct term. Unfortunately for me, she's a biter.

Emily said...

Oh I wish I could think of a witty comment, but I can't stop laughing long enough to get my thoughts together!

JennyMac said...

Listen, I would love to never hear
'vagiant' again, but will admit I thought it was hilarious.

Susan said...

BEYOND hilarious!!