Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Which comes first (and not the chicken OR the egg)

I had a great opportunity to co-write a blog post with the amazing Theta Mom. If you don't know Theta Mom, please get to know her. She is an awesome Mom, great writer, and all around fabulous woman. It was our first co-writing experience and we hope you like it. 
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Recently, we read an article about women and motherhood. One interesting comment included in the reader feedback was that once we become mothers, our children come first before everything else. 

As mothers, we had some interesting dialogue about this exact sentiment. Within our social circles are women who are mothers and women who are not. Amongst our “mom” circles, our friends and colleagues are not simply “stay at home moms” or “working moms.” We know we are all working moms.  We are either moms who work inside the home or moms who work inside and outside the home. 

If you have not stayed home all day with children planning meals, learning, playtime, exercise (for hopes of naptime) and teaching words, songs, states and manners, we can assure you it does not fit into a one hour shell and the rest of the time your kiddos do not take care of themselves while you blog on your computer in between Days of our Lives and your 30 Day Shred. And if you spend most of your daylight hours working outside the home, you come home and in the small space of time before bedtime, you need to incorporate as many of the above items in between checking your Blackberry and deciding who is making dinner. We know. We have both been moms who work at home and moms who work both inside and outside the home. 

And with all of the goals we create for ourselves as moms, where do our personal priorities fall once we add “Parent” to our resume? Should our children always come before ourselves? Do we stop dreaming just because we have children? Or do we dream but not act on those dreams? 

We admire women that chase after a dream such as starting their own business or establishing themselves as entrepreneurs all in the midst of raising a family. Would it be fair to judge these women who clearly have paved a path for themselves? Are women who climb the corporate ladder and really establish themselves in their career doing that in exchange of or in addition to being a ‘good’ mom?As long as these women are clearly present in their children’s lives and raise happy, healthy kids - why should it matter? 

Theta Mom shares this: A dear friend of mine is the principal of an elementary school. Her dream was to become an administrator and now she is living that dream while raising three kids. My sister-in law is another perfect example of a woman who established herself in her position while balancing the demands of raising a family. She has climbed the corporate ladder and worked extremely hard to get where she is. She’s earned it, she deserves it and if you ask her children they wouldn’t want it any other way. 

JennyMac shares this: While in college, my Mom opened her own business which grew into an incredibly successful company. Watching her in action provided several great lessons that are still part of my business acumen today.  And she still made the best chocolate chip cookies I have ever eaten. To me, it was proof that I could execute both roles, and do them well if that was what I chose. 

And every day, many high profile female lawyers, doctors, all well educated and trained women leave it all behind to raise their children. This is a conscious decision made by these women and the reasons for staying home clearly outweigh the reasons for pursuing their careers for them. It takes a lot of guts to leave a high paying job with fabulous opportunities behind as well as all of the hard work, time, money and education that went into achieving these positions. And we know women who are simply putting a hold on some of their pursuits while they stay home right now. Several friends have gone back to work and continued their career choices once their kids started school. It is all about making it work for you and your family. But how do you decide? 

Theta Mom shares this: I don’t care whether you work outside the home, are a WAHM or a SAHM, I don’t think anyone has it any easier. There are positives and negatives to each of these roles. I worked full-time beginning when my son was 11 months-old with a 3 hour commute and it was brutal getting out in the morning with my infant boy, commuting, working a full day and then trying to find a way to spend some quality family time as well as get everything done. For me, I was unable to keep up with this lifestyle. I’m truly blessed to have found a way to use my graduate degree and work from home, still pursuing my passion while raising my children. But that doesn’t mean women who choose to work outside the home should be looked upon as any less of a mom or as a mom that it too into herself or her career – some women HAVE to work in order to put food on the table and I am certainly one of them. 

JennyMac shares this: I took a year off when we had MiniMac.  I left a high profile attorney position with a Fortune 15 company. I dedicated that year off of the corporate treadmill to learning to be a Mom. And I loved it. But after one year, I wanted to reengage in the corporate sector. And I am glad I returned. For me, working is a great way to continue to hone my skills and pursue my interests. And my free time outside of work is focused on self growth, my family, and my dreams. And I do have dreams. What kind of example would I be if I didn’t? And they are not just gauzy dreams as I watch clouds float by. My dreams are things I am pursuing every day. But, I still put my son and his needs in the spotlight too. And he will say I make the best chocolate chip cookies he has ever tasted as well.

But we both know this: Being a mom is one of the hardest jobs on the planet. Period.  And we are just two examples that your road to success and happiness and being a great role model for your children are not separate forks. We think we should continue to dream big and do what works for us as individuals AND mothers – isn’t this the message we want to send to our children, especially our daughters? This is comprised of what we learned as children and what we continue to learn as women and parents.

But we know it is a full time balancing act. We want to raise smart, well defined, kind, ambitious young people and we are the first examples of this our children will see.  How do all of us find the balance between self and parent?  And how do we answer the question: Are we women or mothers first?

59 comments:

Jules said...

Dude, I could never stay home. But then again, I could never have kids. Kudos to ALL moms.

Well, no. I take that back. Kudos to all GOOD moms... whether they work or not. I have moms of kids in my class who work and are excellent moms and I have ones who work and suck at being moms. AND I have stay at home moms who are excellent moms AND I have stay at home moms who suck too. So, I think it just depends on if you have it in you to be a good mom or not.....

Some people don't. And it doesn't matter whether they work or not.

mbkatc230 said...

Great post JennyMac! I had to return to work after our daughter was born, and continue to work full time (and then some!) Our main concern was to provide a stable home environment. We never missed a school event, were tireless volunteers with her school organizations and yes, had dinner together as a family every evening. Stressful? At times yes. Exhausting? Absolutely. Would I do anything differently? No. We will be watching her graduate from college in 2 weeks, and I know that it would have been next to impossible if I had not worked outside the home. I think that this is a choice that women have to make for themselves. We have to do what is best for ourselves and our family. I get really tired of hearing women beat each other up over their lifestyle choices. As long as we can manage to raise strong, healthy, independent and productive children, does it matter how we get there? Kathy

Brian Miller said...

well i am not woman or mother..smiles. i think family first, self second. the key is that self is on the list...the martyrs woul argue otherwise, but that is ridiculous...if you cont take care of your self how do you expect to take care of others...

Theta Mom said...

Jenny Mac~ I am so proud of the way this article turned out. So many points to think about and perspectives to consider - all in an effort to begin a true dilalogue and I can't wait to see what our readers think...

Thank you for sharing this experience with me. You know how much I admire you.

Merri Ann said...

We are women first ... until we become moms. Then we are moms first ... for a short time.

I have just tried to put some thoughts together for this comment and I think I've erased more than I've written. This is such a complex subject and so different for everyone.

I would love to see a bunch of us bloggers each put together a post on this subject and link up. I am really interested in seeing what everyone has to say ... in depth.

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

Excellent post, Jenny!

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

No one would ever ask a man this question. That is what I find most interesting.

Good thought provoking post.

But if we still have to ask this does that mean there is so much guilt on this topic that it has to be explained and defended again?

Why must there be a distinction? I have written about this topic myself but I didn't get to be a mom so I come from a different place. And truth be told those of us without children tend to be poo-poo'd from the "moms". I see what this does to my friends and my sisters. The guilt, sometimes shame and always exhaustion. :-)

Bottom line for me is that I find it so sad that we 21st century women are still having to define, defend, and wonder where we fit just like our sisters did before us in the late 60's.

Again, good post!

TKW said...

I love this post. WHY do so many SAHM's beat up working moms and vice-versa? It sucks. We are all on the same team, here! No matter which path you choose, parenting is hard work, and everyone struggles to do their best by their children.

That said, I still want to beat up the woman who, when hearing that I was staying home with my daughters, said, "Don't you have 2 graduate degrees? Don't you feel like you are wasting all that education?"

Thank you--I really needed another person to make me feel like shit about my choice today.


Every mom, no matter what she does during the prime-time of the day, deserves respect. Because this parenting stuff? It's hard.

confused homemaker said...

Great post. I find that if I were not a woman I would not be a mother, separating the two doesn't work they are both part of who I am. Finding balance between them, well only if I let them compete but if I look at them as a continuum then it's different.

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

What a great post... it truly is the biggest juggling act possible. I decided to stay home with my kids - well, kid and then kid, since they're 10 years apart - but not having that income was impossible, so I started a business. These days I'm still working from home even now that my kids are almost 6 and 16, and I own 2 successful businesses and have 2 gorgeous, well adjusted (*twitch*) daughters. And the 2 groups I sing in. And the boards I sit on. My blog. And... well, you get the picture. I'm far from perfect, and I've had more Stewie moments ("Mom, mom, mom, mommy, mommy, MA, MAMA, MOMMMM, MOMMEEEEEE...")than I care to admit, but I am happy I made that choice.

I do think you have to put yourself first sometimes though. Can't be at your best and take care of your family properly unless you're taking care of yourself.

Thanks JM, I am feeling pretty good about myself just now :) *hugs*

Gigi said...

I posted my comments on this over at Theta Mom and am just coming over to check your site out...am following now. AS a recovering lawyer I feel the need to support the peeps!

Cee said...

Great post! I don't have kids yet but this is something I have always thought about. My mom was able to stay home with me and my siblings, mainly because my dad was in the army. I always hoped to be able to do the same thing but since I am starting grad school, taking on student loans etc...I just don't see that happening...and I'm ok with that. Like you said...it's all about making it work for you and your family!

Yummy Mummy said...

Great post! I think being a mom and a woman is interchangable. I'm not sure the two can be separated. The experiences that made me a good woman are helping me be a good mom. And the experiences that are making me a good mom are also making me a good woman. For ME, by being a working mom, I'm learning that being a SAHM or a WAHM is more suited to who I am. I just hope that one day soon we can afford for me to persue that.

Cara Smith said...

You hit it right on the head! I really hate the fact that it is so often portrayed that corporate working mothers are too focused on their careers and not enough on their children.

You have to do what works for you and your family. I am lucky enough to have a wornderful supporting husband that can help balance out when I have to work more hours than usual. And that I also know to take some time off and let my kids know how special they really are in my heart.

Erin said...

I guess it's "easy" for me because I don't have a career to return to. Sometimes I wish I did. But my career has become my kids---it's become serving on the boards of some organizations that are important to me. It's become juggling meals, play dates, laundry, exercise, learning time, etc. etc...

Some days I wish I was a mom who had a real job. The paradox is that my job IS REAL. I need to change my way of thinking. I suppose it's all centered in my self-worth. I need to value myself more.

Excellent post, JM. You and Theta Mom made a great team on this one. Going to share/tweet it now.

Jennifer said...

Oh Jenny, wow. You and ThetaMom have echoed so much of what I think and feel right now. I stayed at home for the last year with my 2nd baby, because I hated giving my 1st born to daycare when he was just 6 months old, but needed to work to put food on the table. So this time I took a whole year and have just returned to work. I am struggling every day to find the balance. And I have no corporate ladder to climb, I'm a teacher. But it seems like the mountain I climb each day just keeps getting taller and I keep getting tireder. Ugh. I am trying to find a way to go back to staying at home with my kids, because I feel it's the right thing for us. I don't feel any animosity or holier-than-thou-ness to anyone who chooses to work. I think being a good mom comes in many flavors. Parenting IS hard - for everyone. Though I do think most mothers bear the brunt of it. Even when a father is "involved", the partnership is seriously lopsided. I haven't, however, figured out how to handle that one.
I like the idea of linking blogs and having a round-robin discussion of these ideas. I like reading everyone's ideas here.
Thanks for writing this!

leigh said...

I don't define my identity by what I do with my time. I define myself based on internal structures within that have nothing to do with being a SAHM, wife, or woman. I feel neither beneath mothers who choose to work nor do I feel superior to them.

I base my happiness on the essence of my spirit. My spirit is loving, nurturing, and lends itself easily to motherhood. I am a spiritual being first and then motherhood falls into place.

It doesn't have to be a struggle. I can see why it could easily become one though. Society is set up to make woman feel guilty no matter what they choose. If I look inward for peace instead of out to the world to give me joy, my life is richer.

I say that motherhood is a gift and that all women who give time their children, rather it be all day or the hour before bedtime, shouldn't feel guilty for the choices we make.

Great topic Jenny Mac...I'd love to try one of those cookies!

The Empress said...

It's never easy for any way you do it.

I remember being in the park years ago, and lamenting how much more work I still had left to do at home, but here I was, in the park.

There was an older woman there, a grandmother, and she said, "It's only hard if you're doing it right."

I think of those words daily.

VERY NICE POST!!! Thank you.

Bossy Betty said...

I think one way society can make women weak is to pit us against one another and the working mom/stay-at-home mom debate does just that and to what end? M mom was a stay-at-home-mom and she would have been happier and WE would have been happier had she worked outside the home. it was clear that as in her personality. Some moms are are great STHM, of others it doesn't work out. Let's just support each other.

SmartBear said...

You are both women after my own heart. I left the mental health world with it's 12 hour days and huge client caseload to use my skills in a school setting. There are days when I am frustrated because I am over qualified for this job. But I make good money, great benefits and I get 3 months of vacation. Plus, my work schedule allows me more time with my tot. There are days when I am jealous of my former colleagues and I do the best I can to be progressive at my current position. You spoke about daughters, but for me...I want my son to see women as strong, independent and EQUAL financial contributors. I have many friends, some with graduate degrees who choose to stay home and my hats are off to them. Getting back on the "on ramp" when they are ready can be a challenge. I am lucky to find a job where balance is a little easier. I took 6 months off work when my son was born, and like you, I was ready to get back to my work. It was the hardest thing to do, but I was ready. I am constantly juggling to be the best mom I can be and be the best therapist I can be. I want my son to see my work, feel loved and special and witness a solid and loving marriage. It's a daily, multitasking challenge. Great post!

Johana Hill said...

This is an awesome post. I want to have kids. I know it'll be hard. I admire women who can juggle motherhood and career. I've decided that if ever I become a mother, I'll stay home for the first two years and then step back into the labor market.

Kristina P. said...

What a great post. I have seen so much judging among moms, sadly. I think women tend to judge each other harshly anyway, but it seems that moms, for some reason, judge each other and their choices.

Amy in Atlanta said...

Don't forget that all important CockTail Hour with Your Girlfriends!

Herding Cats said...

I agree with Jules' comment. It's not even really about working versus stay at home. It's just about being a GOOD mom and being present. I'm pretty sure I will not be a stay at home mom simply because I can't imagine being financially stable enough to do so. Also though, I love teaching, and I think that ultimately, teaching will help me immensely with being a mom.

Intense Guy said...

Happy Mother's Day! (a wee tad early but THIS is what it's about).

Dumblond said...

Hot button topic!
My husband and I discussed very early on what would happen once kids entered the picture. We both loved the idea of one of us staying at home if we could swing it financially. Whether it was him or me, it didn't matter. But when I became pregnant with our son, I had just left a job that was making me extremely unhappy and he had just started a job that would evolve into a good career. So I got to be the lucky one.
Now, with both of my kids in school all day, I still stay at home...but now more out of not knowing where to go! It's nice to be able to be around so i can easily pick them up from school if they are sick or chaperone field trips or get them to their practices on time. But it doesn't help that when I run into people I haven't seen in awhile, I get asked the same question "So now that your kids are in school, when are you going back to work?" When I answer truthfully, I get these very contemptuous looks.
*sigh* Like it's not hard enough not knowing what I want to do with my future, I got to deal with scorn and ridicule while I figure it out...

Mighty M said...

What a wonderful post for moms. Two questions I hear A LOT are "are you going to have more kids?", and "will you go back to work after the kids start school?".

I can't answer either question. I honestly don't know. The future will take care of itself, I mostly try to figure out what we are doing TODAY and even that is often debatable.

But I do have hopes and I do have dreams and if and/or when the urge strikes I plan to act on them, and if my children are still young I know we will figure it out.

I already make a mean CC cookie. :)

Happy Mother's Day to all us wonderful lucky moms!!

Heligirl said...

Wow Jenny, I'm so psyched to find your blog. I love ThetaMom and through her learned of you with this fabulous post. I aspire to have the time to write like you. Rarely do I find it, and that speaks to your post. Taking time for us as women on helps us be better at the mom job. Thanks again for the time you guys took to write this great post. I'm following the blog and on Twitter. I don't want to miss any more of your wit!

--Jen (http://www.heligirl.com)

Missy said...

I just commented over at Theta Mom, so I won't repeat myself here. :) I just want to say this is a great post on one of motherhood's toughest topics. Thanks for your words!

ellen abbott said...

I can only speak for myself. I basically started my studio and family at the same time. I have always worked in and outside the home, so to speak although my studio was there at home. But work issues were always second to child issues. No matter how busy or working to meet a deadline, the kids always came first.

Summer said...

I've never been a SAHM, but I can only imagine the limits patience are tested. lol. I agree, all of it's hard, because being a mom is (by far) the hardest position I've ever held. Happy Early Mother's Day!

Pricilla said...

You are women and mothers equally.

Jen said...

This has given me great food for thought.

Awesome post, thank you.

Amalie said...

thank you for this great post! I really enjoy seeing everyone's opinions on this subject. As for me, I have switched back and forth between being a working mom and a stay at home mom and still wonder every day if I'm a "good mom".

carma said...

you hit the nail on the head, as long as the kids are happy and healthy - I know some women who would be utterly miserable as SAHM's and a miserable mom does not benefit a child!!

With my cooking abilities I'm not sure I'll ever get the honor of having my son say that I make the best choc chip cookies, so I'd better get on it!!

Tiffany said...

Well said...all good Moms are doing their best whether that includes working in/out of the home. Great job!!

I'm Jane said...

I love that every woman has a very different unique story to bring to this conversation. It's truly an individual issue.

When I had my daughter, the law firm that I was working for only offered 6 weeks of leave. At the time, we couldn't afford to give up 1/2 of our meager income so that I could stay home, so after 6 weeks I went back to work. Soon I was making more than 1/2 the family income...then I was by far the primary breadwinner...then I was the only breadwinner...then I was a single mom.

I'm almost glad that I didn't have to make the choice. I think sometimes not having a choice makes the guilt - either way - less burdensome. Or it could be my own personal self-coping logic kicking into gear.

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

I think the answers to that question is as individual as the person answering it.

I think that SAHMs can be "good moms" or "bad moms". Same for WAHMs or WOHMs. The definition of "good" is very subjective as well, but really, there are some basics: are we patient? Do we listen to our kids? Do we keep our children out of harmful situations? Do we teach them skills that will help them grow to be productive adults? It doesn't take a person at home 24/7 to do this, nor does it take a person with a successful career. It takes a person with a true heart for her children. That's all. It sounds very simple, but really, it is. All the other stuff is just modern society getting its claws into us.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Great Post! I took the first year off to with my Little T. The best thing I ever did!
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Aging Mommy said...

After 22 years working and having a relatively high profile Directorship position I had my daughter. My company bent over backwards to make it easy for me to return to work, agreeing to me working three days a week for the first year back but when it came time I could not leave my daughter. So I stayed home. Maybe it was an easier decision for me as a) we could afford, just about, for me to do that and b) I was older and already had a good long career under my belt and c) I had seen and done much of what I set out to do in my career and life.

But I think we are all different, we all have different circumstances and we have to make the best decisions we can for us, our children and our family as a whole. What works for one Mom and family might not for another.

I do now increasingly feel in answer to your last question that over the past three years I have put being a Mom uppermost and foremost in my life and that this is not a healthy balance. For my own sake and that of my daughter I need to start putting myself first sometimes too - which is why I started blogging two months ago. But I need to do more and will be writing about that this week coincidentally.

So I love your joint post today and now I have to go and check out Theta Mom

Ed said...

I need to come up with a new term for working moms, but like MILF.

Cause when you says, "She's a MILF", people usually think hot SAHM.

Hmmmmmm....

Mommy Lisa said...

Okay - so Ed blew the mood for me.

I was all emotional because I am exhausted, even thought I got my "relaxation trip" to FL, the second I got off the plane I was in the thick...and hubby let the house go to H-E- double toothpicks.

ARGH> ;)

Joann Mannix said...

The balancing act will be a lifelong, tricky and precarious tightrope show for most women.

As a mom and a woman and a wife and a writer, (at one time newspaper employee, now freelance writer) it has been a struggle to define myself as all of these beings in one. To not neglect any part of me was a learning process with its highs and lows. But, what I have learned is that to do all of these things with passion and nobility and as much excellence as I can muster, I am leaving an indelible mark on womanhood and hopefully, my 3 girls.

I hope I have led by example and shown them that it is possible to create balance in the most vital parts of a life. And more importantly, I hope I have shown them that no matter what choices they make, their choices are important and they matter.

Every woman is glorious and we should uphold each other's rights to do what is right for our lives, our families and most importantly, ourselves.

DeNae said...

I haven't read the other comments, so someone may already have said this. Now, this is just one mom's opinion, so take it for what it's worth.

First, when you decide to have sex, you decide to be a mother. I know, I know, there are all sorts of "outs" available, but we should never forget that our responsibility begins at that moment.

Second, when you decide to be a mother, you decide that someone else's life is worth sacrificing some things for. The kid's lament "I didn't ASK to be born" is absolutely true, and that child deserves a fair chance at a happy life.

Third, it IS possible to be selfish on all sides of the equation. There is the potential for nobility in most parenting choices, but it's the way you do your job that is ennobling, not just the label attached to it. I've seen plenty of SAHMs whose kids would have been much better off mixing with others and having broader experiences. And I've known plenty of "working" moms whose kids were relegated to an afterthought as their mothers put "doing it all" before "doing it right".

Finally, as I have been both kinds of moms, or rather all three (as I now run a business out of my home) I have tried to keep the answer to the following question foremost in all my choices:

Which would I sacrifice in order to save the other? My kids, or my job?

When we are alone in the darkest, truest corners of our souls, we find that that question is not as easy to answer as we'd like to think.

But it is absolutely, unquestionably at the heart of the matter.

Helen McGinn said...

Love your post; I worked for years outside the home, took some time off and stayed at home which was wonderful but challenging and now I combine the best of it all and work within the home, selling, crafting etc. It's a great balance and everyone has their own....I love mums!! xx

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Balancing definitely gets harder when you have children. Some dreams get delayed but not forgotten.

Tracie said...

I think it's all hard work - at home, out of the home, part time, whatever. And I think women have to take care of themselves before they can take of others.

Emily said...

Wait a minute…I do fit all of that child-rearing into a one hour bubble and spend the rest of my time lounging around eating bon bons while the children fan me and bring me fruity drinks. Oh, wait, nevermind…that’s just in my daydream I had today when I collapsed in a moment of exhaustion! ;)

Totally great post, ladies. Personally, I think we’re women first. Some of the best parenting advice I’ve ever received is from John Rosemond, who makes it clear that my children shouldn’t be the center of my universe, but a part of it.

K A B L O O E Y said...

Great post. And it truly strikes home, as you knew it would. I also agree that there isn't this internal debate going on in too many male heads. The reasons why are also multitudinous and branching. Ah well, we've all got to figure out our own best way to do the mom thing....

Jaime said...

great post. it's something i struggle to find a balance with every day. some days, walking the tightrope is easier than others.

but in answer to the question, there is no answer. we are women, moms and workers. no one thing is first. but all simultaneously. it's just a question of which of those roles demands our attention must immediately or most urgently.

J.J. said...

My mom was a SAHM til I hit 8th grade. She worked for 12 years (and loved it!) before retiring. She was always home to make dinner and we were always busy with after school activities so it worked out well.

I know a woman who has a 2 1/2 y.o. son, a 10 month old daughter, she's a lawyer during the week, and the lead singer in an indie band on the weekends...I'm tired just typing that. lol! Oh! And she LOVES her life.

It's all about choices that are right for you as an individual.

mommygonemilf said...

I love that we have choices. We get to be multi-faceted and fabulous. We do the next right thing, we dream, we plan, we work hard, we juggle and we have eyes in the back of our heads! At times we must put ourselves first - at times it's not possible. All of our decisions and experiences become part of the vivid woven tapestry of our life, which does not exist on a lateral plane, but will depict the big picture in hindsight....and then there are cocktails and girlfriends!

shortmama said...

You girls are spot on. I have played both roles, the work outside and inside the home mom and now as a stay at home, still hard working mom with no pay. And honestly I dont know how working moms do it...it wasnt for me and Im thankful I dont have to work. Both jobs are equally as hard, and like you stated they both have pros and cons.

My mom was always a working mom, with a long commute and time in the evenings were limited. But it taught me independence and responsibility. She may not have been able to make chocolate chip cookies, but she made it to all my baseball games, volleyball games, awards ceremonies, etc...and those are the times I cherished then and now

af1blog said...

Oh, your final question is VERY simple to answer - women! Whether you remember that fact or not may often be another question.

YOU appear to also be aware of something else (although I wonder if you realise it consciously) that is of course a generalisation, but is nevertheless usually true - children are mostly the product of a relationship between two people who care about each other - not the other way round...

Great post!

AmyLK said...

There is no SET answer to your questions. They have to be answered individually for each family. I have never had the choice of staying home or working. I have always HAD to work. Single moms have to make it work however they can.

Eva Gallant said...

As moms, we do our best and let God do the rest!

secret agent woman said...

I waited until I had my doctoral degree in hand to have my first baby, knowing that grad school and being a mom would be a difficult mix. It sure motivated me to get through grad school quickly! But melding a career and family has been tough. I don't regret it, and I think it's a good thing for the kids to see, but it can be exhausting.

HalfAsstic.com said...

You know wars have been fought over less thought provoking subjects. It is a brave/foolish man, (It would have to be one, I suppose.) who attempts to answer that question.
Heh, I sure won't. ;-)

HalfAsstic.com said...

I'm glad you're feeling better!