Wednesday, May 26, 2010

My husband might be hiring

I get a feeling there will be a vacancy in our house because one of the jobs I believe I excel at is going to be vacant when JohnnyMac fires me and hires someone to take over where I have clearly fallen down on the job. What is that job? CNO. 

Chief Netflix Officer.

I will attest there are a limited number of "great" movies available. I believe we have a great movie drought. That being said, I like a wide variety of movies and have introduced some new titles at our house ranging from blockbuster to foreign to independent. JohnnyMac loves movies too. He did advise one of his favorite genres is the "movies that don't suck." Apparently, a few more than a few of my selections fall into this category.

To save you the pain and misery of what we have endured, and just in time for Memorial Weekend, I am going to share a list of recent movies and my four word reviews. Now, before we get started, some of these movies might in fact be great and perhaps I was not in the right frame of mind to appreciate them.

Down to the Bone (Vera Farmiga): Potential but slow/dodgy

Disgrace (John Malkovich): Couldn't even finish it. (PS: I think JM is one of the most brilliant gifted actors of our time. BUT this movie sucked.)

Coco before Chanel (Audrey Tatou): Long, quasi-interesting, but long.  (PS: I love Chanel and read her biography.)

The Informant! (Matt Damon): Are you kidding me?

Everybody's Fine (DeNiro): Refund of time, please.

Love Happens (Eckhart/Aniston): Mediocre but not great.

All about Steve (Sandra Bullock/Bradley Cooper): Sandras worst movie. Ever.

The Invention of Lying (Jennifer Garner): What was I thinking?

RockandRolla (Gerard Butler): What in the hell?

Role Models (Paul Rudd/Sean Williams Scott): Comical but really silly.

Sunshine Cleaning (Emily Blunt/Amy Adams): Some potential but ugh.

Brothers (Gyllenhaal/Maguire/Portman): Wanted to like it.  

The Bucket List (Freeman/Nicholson) Love them but frown.

Law Abiding Citizen (Jaime Foxx/Gerard Butler) Best of this list.

So you can see, my Hub wants to reject me from my seat. At one point, I believe he suggested that MiniMac pick the next three movies. Cars or ToyStory being a potentially great improvement to my docket. HOWEVER, I have partially redeemed myself with the following films:

The Blindside: Great story. MUST SEE. (OR: Sandra's best work. Ever.)

Precious: Heartbreaking but worth watching.

Funny People: A great Sandler Film.

The Great Buck Howard: Malkovich is awesome. Period.

The Stoning of Soraya M: True story. Chilling. Frightening.

Inglorious Basterds:  Interesting Tarantino film. Overhyped.

American Violet: Sad but beautiful movie.

An Education: Well told girl's struggle.

Food Inc: Meat break for months.

If the position in fact becomes available, any of you movie experts are free to apply. The position has minimal pay but great baked goods and great wine are part of the perks.

61 comments:

Jules said...

I'd fire you too.

Although Netflix mostly suggests documentaries about pedophiles, death, and politicians for me at this point.....

Green Monkey said...

thanks for the list! mr. cooked is our CNO I will forward him your research - I'm beginning to realize the job is not as easy as I thought.

SmartBear said...

I saw Love Happens in the theater...I thought it was one of the worst films ever. I was interested in Everybody's FIne...so thanks for the warning.
We watched Blindside recently and I was pleasantly surprised by how good it was.
Best,
Tina

Joshua said...

Sold! I'll take the job that requires watching movies and being paid in baked goods. I'll send the queue directly.

Deb said...

Agree with your list ;) Thanks for saving me some time---I was contemplating some of the ones on your bad list. I HATE renting bad movies...ugh. I really do think we are in a good movie drought.

Intense Guy said...

Hmmm...

I've never even heard of nearly all these movies. I'd be about as good as one of those exectuive decision making tools (a flipped quarter, heads - watch, tails - no watch).

So what positions are you exceding expectations in? CGCO?

(Cheif Goodies Creation Officer)

Stacey said...

Have you seen Julie/Julia yet? If not, as a blogger you must! I was hungry througout the movie so prepare many snack for the viewing.

Simply Suthern said...

I would have fired you for signing up with Netflix. It's like hiring McDonalds to cater. You have to pick from which sucks less.

They really aint turning out many good movies anymore but you'd never know it by the way they have an award show every other week.

Jeeepers I'm bitter this morn, Is it Monday??

AmyLK said...

Thanks for the list. Now I am off to modify my netflix list. I can't WAIT to see the Blind Side! Its SO backordered at netflix right now......

leigh said...

You are funny.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Four word reviews are great.
If they made better movies, we would ALL make better choices. Right? So, not your fault.

McVal said...

I saw a "couple" from your list. One that you might want to add is Gran Torino with Clint Eastwood. Seriously! A great movie!
I accidentally reworked the Netflix list and removed some movies that I didn't remember putting on it or thought, "What was I thinking??" when I obviously must have put it on the list and so removed it. Found out later my husband HAD put those on the list for himself and was upset that he didn't get to see them. Since then he bowed out of Netflix and the whole list became mine. I eventually kept a movie unwatched for 3 months and decided that I needed to cancel my account...

The Boob Nazi said...

I liked The Informant! (Hmm, now the question is do I add another exclamation point?!?!?)

MommaKiss said...

Why thank you - I just added a bunch to my Queue. (which - for the record - queue is a GREAT scrabble word. esp on triple word).

Kr√ęg said...

You should try selecting by director. I have much better luck that way.

Tiffany said...

Thanks for the list...I'm CNO over here and always love to see what others think!

Miss Yvonne said...

Ugh, The Informant. We saw this one in the theater on account of my love for all things Matt Damon. But...blech. Awful.

Salt said...

Some of those are good. The Blind Side is one of my fave movies EVER now (and I totally agree that it's Sandy at her best).

Thank you for saying that Inglorious Basterds was overhyped. I thought I was the only person that felt that way.

Oh and seriously RockandRolla? My hubs LOVED it. I would have rather spent that time sitting alone in the closet.

Jessica said...

You did the best you could with the choices you had! In the same boat here, everything just sucks right now!

IASoupMama said...

Hmmm... I haven't seen ANY of those turkeys, and I likely won't because, though I am not the NetFlix manager, my only condition is that I refuse to waste any of my precious time on bad movies. I think everything o your second list is in our cue, though :)

My poor hubby is relegated to watching his guilty pleasures (bad horror movies) to when I am not around.

foxy said...

You know, I've almost been fired from the CNO position too. Funny how that happens.

JenJen said...

oh I suck at this. I'm out.

Dumblond said...

Yeah, I'm gonna have to pass on this employment opportunity. Some would consider my taste in movies questionable. Role Models made me laugh like crazy. Inglorious Basterds was one of my favorite movies from last year.
I highly recommend streaming Netflix. If you don't have one of the gaming consoles, you can find DVRs that also offer streaming. We cut down our membership to only one disc at a time (from four). It's so fantastic! And you can also watch TV shows! I got my kids watching the old A-Team! Heck yeah!

Linda said...

Hey I have enough problems picking out movies for me much less you! LOL. No really there aren't many good one's out there right now, what is up with that? Oh well, read more books or watch great classics!

M-Cat said...

What a great job opening. However, since I am dubbed most likely to fall asleep once any movie starts, I could not do it justice.

Your lists though - totally agree with the Blindside but really? Frown on The Bucket List?

"never trust a fart" REALLY?

What's funny, is I am composing a post of Memorial Day appropriate movie viewing myself... : )

Andrea said...

thanks for the heads up on the movies that suck. I won't waste my time!! Loved The Blindside.

Jen said...

I loved "Law Abiding Citizen" too. I think my boyfriend and JohnnyMac are both hiring for this position! I've been known to watch movies just because "I think I should." And even I'll admit, deep down inside myself, that they are not in the least bit entertaining. But, I'll stick it out and suffer through. I'll pretend to have an "appreciation," and my boyfriend will always call me out on it. LOL

P.S. Did you know your Netflix queue maxes out at 500? Yup. I have 500 movies in my queue... and at least 50% of them are movies boyfriend will HATE.

Herding Cats said...

I use Netflix to watch HBO and Showtime shows. I suggest: Dexter, Six Feet Under, True Blood, The Tutors, Weeds, and Big Love!

From Tracie said...

Wow...that first set of movies was a really bad list. I think Toy Story might be an improvement over most of them!

Precious....heartbreaking and sadly so true for many girls in our country and around the world.

Brian Miller said...

precious and blind side were stallar...want to see the stoning...have heard great things...

Ashley @ KiwisandCocktails said...

I cried watching Blindside and Funny People!
I had to close my eyes for Inglorious bastards a few times.
AND, I let my husband pick a few "films" to add to the list.
And, This movie called Acid House showed up in the mailbox!
Seriously Disturbing. I was sick to my tummy.
Look it up, I dare you!

Writing Without Periods! said...

I love anything by Renee Zelwieger. She's the tops.
Mary

carma said...

Dang I've never done Netflix so I'll have to errr "misrepresent" on my resume

Vivienne said...

How do you find 2 un-interrupted hours to do anything but sleep....? The only way I get to see a movie is if I am sick.

Natalie said...

Good or not, any movie with Gerard Butler in it, I'll watch!

Lately though, if I sit down with the hubby to watch a movie, I fall asleep! I guess moving watching is getting put on hold until the kids get older....

Thanks for swinging by my blog!!

MommaAmma said...

My failed job interview:

I mainly pick chick flicks and tell my (lie to my) husband that there will be nudity so he'll watch it and he ALWAYS falls for it!

And I want to know if you sleep. I know you work, blog, bake, volunteer, spend time with your Mini and I assume you eat and shower and now know you watch movies so, do you sleep?

DeDe said...

I have bookmarked this post. I just logged in to our Neflix account a few days ago and tried to update our queue before the baby comes. Movie drought? I agree! I could barely find something worth putting on the list. I agree with Law Abiding Citizen.. one of the best on that list.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Oh no I will not be applying for that job!
<><

Pricilla said...

We goats don't watch movies. Or eat meat for that matter.

The publicist lost her netflix in the big budget overhaul. She was not happy.

Michele R said...

I'm not good at my Netflix job either. Sunshine Cleaning is coming in the mail today. Hmmm.
Here's one for you: Saint Ralph. We both really liked it.
Just saw In America. Cried.

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

True. TRUE! Great Movie Drought in effect. Is it the total absence of new, original thought? Certainly seems that way.

I don't want your job, and it'd take way too long to get down there for movie night anyway ;)

Thanks for the heads up on some of these!

Ellen said...

I am a movie FREAK and I agree with most of these except:

Role Models. Come on NOW. That shit is hilarious. "You can't BS a BS-er." I say that weekly, randomly, whether it makes sense or not!

Inglorious Basterds. LOVED IT. Loved.It. Shows that Brad Pitt is more than just a pretty face. And those accents—awesome!

http://www.firednfabulous.blogspot.com/

Idea #527 said...

I liked Brothers. And not just because my little cousin stars in it. Which on a side note, for her first movie, she did fantastic!! :)

I'm avoiding All About Steve since I heard how bad it sucked. I'll wait until it's on TBS 3 times in a row.

Matty said...

We have Netflix too. We've found the streaming options very disappointing. The better movies are the ones that you can only see on disc, that you get by mail.

Jennifer said...

Well there's a job I won't be getting. I know jack about movies. I emailed myself your recommendations though so I can check out what the library has available. I like the library - it's free. And then I don't get mad if it sucks... at least I didn't pay for it. I never bothered with Netflix because I can't even keep up with the few tv shows I watch. 2 small children + job + errands + chores = tired mommy who falls asleep on movies. :) Summer is coming though... I'll have a little more time, since I'm a teacher. Yay!

Aging Mommy said...

On your bad list, the ones I've watched are Love Happens and Invention of Lying and both were bad I agree. I would also put Inglorious Basterds on there too. On the good list I've seen Precious and An Education and loved both. As my husband was away I got out some girlie movies - Valentine's Day and It's Complicated and really liked both of them, also Julia and Julia was much better than I expected it to be. If you have not seen them, The Hangover, Taken and Public Enemies are all really good and the latter even more so because of course Mr Johnny Depp is in it...sigh.

A Year on the Grill said...

One word...

British TV Comedies

Try - Only Fools and Horses

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Thanks for the list of movies to avoid.

shortmama said...

I have seen some of the ones on your crap list and agree!

I need to see more on the good list though, still haven't seen The Blind Side.

I am trying to avoid watching Food Inc in order to go on in blissful ignorance.

mo.stoneskin said...

Sandra had a bad film? Good grief. Really?

Tracie said...

My husband and I have both been fired. My 10 yr old is now in charge. The queue is full of Scooby Doo, Survivor Man, and Dirty Jobs.

Emily said...

My hubs always hates my movie choices. I'm disappointed that the Informant wasn't good...I've been wanting to see it. Ever since Damon did the Bourne movies, I just can't get enough of him.

injaynesworld said...

Loved "An Education" and "Precious." A perk to being single -- I only have to please myself.

Helene said...

My husband wants to fire me too..he loathes my choices. He tried to go in and delete some of my choices...the nerve!!

I haven't seen some of the ones you mentioned which you liked, though, so I'm gonna check those out! Maybe I'll redeem myself!

The Empress said...

Yeah, I've been replaced, too. He got sick of my stuff...

Mighty M said...

I would apply but I don't feel like updating my resume, and I don't think your husband would like MY choices either. :)

Amalie said...

four word reviews? Totally genius

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

I loved your reviews! I have seen a few of those... The invention of Lying? THAT was very very stupid. I can't believe Jennifer Garner's agent let her do that one.

I LOVE me some Netflix. The best movie I've seen in a long while, hands down, I saw on Netflix streaming. It is called "Dear Zachary". It's kinda like a Dateline NBC piece, only sadder and really suspenseful. You should totally watch it or rent it on DVD!

Confessions Of The Unfaithful Widow said...

I'm limited to watching movies without dogs. My dogs watch TV with me and the first wagging tail that walks by causes a frenzy. So, no Marley and Me for this household. My favorite movie, I've watched four times on Comcast On Demand this week, It's Complicated. Oh how I love the scene with Meryl and Steve, smoking, drinking, dancing and making chocolate croissants. Meryl's comment, Fun Is Not Over Rated. Amen. Need a good man to share some movies with, one who must love dogs. Just found your site and love it. I'm an Atlanta gal too. I'm great at picking chic flicks, but not so good with the guy stuff.

Aunt Juicebox said...

My husband thinks I have the worst taste in movies EVAH. So I probably wouldn't be hired for this job. And after the Colin Ferrel movie I just watched this weekend, even I'm beginning to wonder if I should be allowed to choose what I watch.

Libby said...

So many movies, I think two of which I have seen. Man living over here really narrows your "new movie" intake. But I'd have to say I consider myself quite the movie buff. I'm trying to get through the IMDB Top 250.
Also your "Brothers" review has five words. :-D